Chapter 20
HAWK
"So wait a minute," Bam said between howls of laughter. "You're tellin' me you stood outside her apartment, dressed in only your underwear?" He slapped the top of the bar and shook as he laughed.
I gave him a half smile, half scowl. "Dude, it wasn't funny." It was cold and embarrassing. Not the semi-naked part, but the lurking in an apartment building corridor part. I had some dignity left and I wanted to keep it for a little bit longer.
"The hell it wasn't funny," Bam said. "The only not-funny part is how I wasn't there to see it. Oh man! For real, next time warn a bro so he can come and watch. I will turn up there, ready to point fingers and laugh at your ass."
"I'll remember that," I said, with no intention of following through. The whole incident was bad enough without having a witness. "I think you might be missing the point here."
"Naw, I totally get the point." Bam wiped tears from his cheeks and eyes. "Your stubborn ass walked out without your clothes."
"Because I was angry," I said. "Over an article she shouldn't have written." Just thinking about it, I wanted to grind my teeth.
Finally, Bam looked serious. "Which never got published."
"She intended it to be," I said. "I never should have trusted a journalist." Trusted? I fell ass over head for her. Between my heart and my dick, I wasn't thinking straight. That much was fucking obvious.
Now I was thinking straight, I felt empty.
This wasn't like when Kyla left. Then, I was disappointed, but I had to respect her choice.
I could have gone with her. I recognised now that I hadn't cared about her enough to follow her to California.
I loved her, sure, but I didn't see the rest of our lives laid out in front of us, like I did with Becca.
Like I had with Becca, I corrected myself. I had to forget that now, like she'd apparently forgotten my feelings when she wrote that stupid article.
The frustrating thing was that she was one hundred percent right. It was time I talked about my mom. Okay, past time. How many times had Vera said the same thing? Between Becca's boss and my cousin, Becca was stuck squarely in the corner.
None of that changed the fact she should have told me before she wrote the damn thing. I might have let her do it.
Okay, maybe not. Knowing her, she would have convinced me to at least think about it. Then when I did… Well, it didn't matter now.
"Women, man," Bam said. "This is what I'm sayin'. Can't live with 'em, can't get laid without them."
"Well…" Chase said from the other side of Bam.
Bam looked over his shoulder at him. "It's not as much fun if you have to do it yourself."
"Yeah, true." Chase seemed distracted. He kept glancing over at the other side of the room.
I followed his gaze. A cute blonde with dark roots and a low cut top that barely held in a generous amount of cleavage smiled in his direction.
"You could go and talk to her." I didn't need a big attendance at my pity party. Bam and I would do just fine. Although, Bam kept glancing at a cute brunette in a white t-shirt and huge silver earrings. So far, she didn't seem to have noticed the attention.
"You too," I said to Bam.
He clapped me on the shoulder. "What kind of friend would I be if I left you alone in your time of need?"
Chase, who was halfway out of his chair, stopped and looked guilty.
"Go on." I waved him away. "Bam can keep me company. I'm sure he's not finished laughing at the idea of me in my underwear."
Bam grinned. "I will never tire of laughing at that. Hey, you could reenact it. How about that?"
"How about no?" I said. "No one wants to see that. Besides, Brody would throw my ass out the door and ban me for life." I glanced around, but couldn't see Brody. No doubt he was around here somewhere.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Bam obviously noticed Brody's absence as well.
"Hallie will see." I nodded toward the young woman behind the bar. She had short hair and piercings in just about every place a piercing could go.
"Hey, Hallie, you wanna see Hawk in his underwear?" Bam called out.
Hallie paused in unpacking the glass washer and shook her head. "Hell no, but my boyfriend would. He'll be in later." She gave me a smile and wiggled her pierced brows.
"Is that the guy who's about eight feet tall and built like a tank?" I asked. "If so, I'll pass." He looked like he'd sooner punch me than ogle me.
"He's a gentle giant," Hallie said.
"I'll take your word for it," I said under my breath.
"See, you've still got it," Bam said with a grin.
I smirked. "I never doubted I had it." I just made some misjudgments with who I trusted and cared about, that was all.
Bam laughed. "I'm starting to think you were in your underwear on purpose. Woulda made a great headline."
"Hey," I said, my expression deadpan. "How about you do it? You'd be just as great a headline. Maybe better."
"Fuck nope," Bam said. "Not unless there's something at stake."
"You want to make a bet?" Because the last bet I made went so well. I'd won so well, I lost.
"Sure. I'll strip down to my underpants and run down the street." Bam actually looked excited at the idea. It might be the beer talking, and it might not. He got wild once in a while when sober.
"And if you do, what do you want?" He had as much money as I did, as far as I knew, so he didn't need to get semi-naked for more of it.
"If I do, you go to Becca and let her run that article," he said. "And if I don't do it, you don't have to."
I shook my head and shrugged one shoulder. "That's a crap bet," I said. "I'd rather give you money, or buy you a burger."
"You could do that too," he said with a grin.
"Get it yourself." I sipped my beer. I'd curled my hand around it for so long, it was slightly warm.
"At least talk to the woman," Bam said. "I know you, you'll mope around with your chin on the ground for the next year. It'll give us all the shits."
"I'm sorry if my love life is such a hassle for you," I said, half sour, half joking.
"I forgive you." He patted my shoulder. "Save the angst for the field."
"You want me to cry in the middle of a game?" I asked.
He rubbed his chin as though seriously considering it. "That's an interesting tactic. I wonder if it would work?"
"It would be a great way of getting a new nickname," I said dryly. "Howling Hawk."
"Crybaby Conrad," Bam said helpfully.
"I think I'll stick to playing the game like usual," I said. "I'll save my angst for the bottom of a bottle of beer. Or two."
"This is why falling in love is for suckers," Bam said. "Falling is easy. Getting out is hard."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I think I'll swear off women. It seems to work for you."
"Not Chase though." Bam nodded toward him. The blonde now sat on his lap, feeding him chips while he grinned.
"Why do I think we'll be picking his heart up off the floor before too long?" Bam asked.
"Mmmm," I agreed. Chase looked smitten already. Who could blame him? Hot woman feeding him chips, what more could a guy want?
I sighed into my beer. Becca wasn't the 'feed me chips in public' kinda gal. At least, I didn't think she was. She was definitely the 'swat my hand away when I tried to steal one' kind. She was probably the 'I don't feel like dessert, but then I'll eat half of yours' kind too. I'd never know.
"You've got it real bad, don't you?" Bam said sympathetically.
"I wouldn't stand in a corridor in my underpants for just anyone," I said.
Why had I waited? There were worse things than being seen in my boxers, headline or no headline. Like the expression on her face when she opened the door and shoved my clothes at me.
She wasn't crying, but her eyes were glassy, like she was about to. She looked regretful, and something else. Maybe a bit hopeful, like she thought I might have calmed down after a few minutes.
Grabbing my clothes and turning away was the single hardest thing I'd done since I held my mom's hand and watched her take her last breath.
I hated myself. I hated the situation. I couldn't bring myself to hate Becca.
Fuck knows it would be easier if I did. I wouldn't have to ache for her.
Her scent, her touch, her laugh, those adorable freckles…
Instead, I could let loathing sit in my belly until it grew into an unhealthy ball of— Okay, that wasn't a good way to deal with it either.
"Would you stand in a corridor in your underpants for me, Hawk?" Bam teased.
I sighed gustily. "I'm starting to wish I hadn't told you that," I said. "You're never gonna let me forget it, are you?"
"Nope," he said. "What the fuck are friends for, if not that?"
"No idea," I said. "Moral support? To always have my back?"
"Hey, I always gotcha there," he said. "Do you want me to hate her for you? 'Cause I will." He bared his teeth and pretended to look angry, only to ruin it by smiling.
"Thanks, but I don't want anyone to hate her." Even after everything, I wanted everyone to adore her as much as I did. Well, almost as much. I didn't want her to get together with any of the guys. The idea made me burn with totally irrational rage and jealousy.
If she was around the team, interviewing me, or going to press conferences, there was a chance she'd date one of them. Who would it be if she did? It didn't matter, I wanted to punch them in the face. If they hurt her, I'd break their nose.
I grimaced at myself for being angry toward some hypothetical guy. I had no right to tell her who she could and couldn't see, after I broke up with her. She didn't owe me anything.
I'd still hate the fucker though.
"You know, Hawk," Bam said slowly. "You should think about this a bit more. I mean, you obviously care about her."
I shook my head. "It's done. I can't be with a woman I can't trust. Besides, she's probably forgotten about me by now, if she doesn't hate my guts."
My score for tearing her heart out was two for two. If I was her, I wouldn't talk to me again. I'd probably knee me in the groin. I pressed my thighs together and grimaced.
"If you say so." Bam's phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his back pocket. He stared at the screen. "Shit."
"What?" My phone pinged and I pulled it out and checked the message. "Shit."
The message was on a group chat for the team. It simply read, 'Lori Franks is gone.'
"Oh, man," Bam said softly. "That sucks. Poor Coach."
"Yeah." The message tore a fresh hole in my chest. I saw my mother's face, tired and pale. I heard her take a shuddering breath. Then she was gone. So still.
So damned still.
"Oh, my holy crap!" Brody appeared from the back of the bar, eyes wide. "Hallie, you're in charge. I have to go. To leave. To— To—"
"Brody, are you okay?" I asked, my grief put aside for a moment. I got to my feet and started toward him.
He waved me away. "I'm fine. It's fine. Vera is having the baby!"