Chapter 30 #2
“Then don’t blame her. Or yourself. Just accept.
That’s what I’m trying to do. I get caught up in talking about my family and pack and then suddenly I realize they’re gone…
That’s the hard part. One moment they’re still alive—in my head, that is—and then suddenly they’re not.
It’s a shock every time, and that’s when I remember there’s nothing I can do to change the past. I have to accept the loss, but remember those I’ve lost, too.
” I pound a fist against my chest. “And keep them safe in here.”
He hugs me tighter. “I really do want to hear more about your pack, what you did for Christmas… everything.”
“Christmas was fun, but a lot of work. Our alpha restricted how many and who went into town, to limit exposure. You know how easily humans freak out when they realize someone’s a shifter.
I could blend more than most, not draw attention to us.
But despite how much I enjoyed my job, the responsibility of buying presents from a list was always a little nerve-wracking.
If I couldn’t find what a shifter wanted, I’d have to use my judgment when buying their gift, so they’d have something to give their loved one.
I didn’t want to make a mistake, you know, disappoint anyone. ”
I turn the empty mug in my hands, looking at the bright black and white checkerboard patterned porcelain, how nice a gift it would have made for someone in my pack.
“I can’t believe I used to worry about mere objects.
Replaceable things.” I set the mug down on the ground.
“Nothing will ever be the same again, will it?”
“Nope.” Garrett tips the beer bottle back and takes a long draw.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You keep on talking about your family and pack, darlin’. And if we’re lucky, some of your courage will rub off on me.” When he swallows several large gulps, and I know he’s thinking about her.
“It’s how a shifter lives that matters. Not how she dies, Garrett.”
He takes another swig of the beer. “Maybe this was a mistake.”
“Us?” I ask, my voice shaking. I pushed him too far today. The woods, then coming here...
He faces me with the most confused expression. “Why would you think that?” Teal eyes widen suddenly and he holds up the bottle. “I meant the beer, darlin’. It numbs me too easily. That’s why I rarely drink. Contrary to popular belief, not all wolves handle alcohol well.”
“I’ve never known a shifter to get drunk.”
“My wolf’s a lightweight. Asshole.”
“Okay, well, I don’t think it’s his choice.”
“It certainly is. He likes when I’m drunk. Makes it easier for him to take control.”
“Then stop. Unless you want to lose control for a little.”
“Nope. Bad things happen when I lose control.”
“Keep drinking,” Damien orders. Though maybe it’s not an order. I’m not sure at this point. Everything he says sounds like an order to me. “Trust me on this, cousin, you don’t want to be sober tonight.”
The din of conversations around us quiets the moment Sadie Lynn faces the crowd.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming this evening. The kids have worked really hard this year, more than the performers up here on stage. I want all the kids on the support team to stand up.” Twenty kids, twelve and older, stand up.
“These are the teens who worked tirelessly on costumes, set design, and choreography. Tonight’s performance wouldn’t be possible without them. ” Let’s give them a hand.”
The audience claps hard, with a few enthusiastic howls added in.
“To kick off our annual Christmas celebration, we have Santa’s Reindeers singing an age-old classic.” She steps off stage and cues the kids to begin.
Twelve little reindeer with silver bells hanging from their antlers sing Jingle Bells, hopping in place each time they say jingle bells. The bells jingle with every hop, but not in sync with their singing. The kids don’t seem to notice, and they’re so adorable. Even Garrett’s smiling.
When the song ends, the teens perform a short skit with two songs mixed in. “They wrote it themselves,” I tell Garrett.
“We have some imaginative kids here.”
“They’re all so smart and curious. Eager to learn and please. Your pack definitely needs shifters who can teach, really teach and inspire them.”
“You can return to teaching anytime, Angel. You have more than enough skills to handle the teens learning to shift, and even those who are more advanced. And I can continue training you as time allows, if you want.”
“I’m… I’m not sure I’m a good fit for teaching.”
“Sure you are. But if you don’t want it, I heard Langdon’s eager for your help. He’s getting older. You’d be a big asset to him.”
I stay silent.
Garrett’s eyebrows purse. “If you want to return to the kids, then do it. I don’t think Damien will hold what happened against you.”
I lean forward and peer over at Damien who’s cradling Tess between his legs, his hand on her belly.
Pregnant, I’m guessing, even though she’s not showing.
The guy’s not going to let me return to a position where I’m responsible for the safety of his pack’s children despite how many skills Garrett teaches me.
If he knew what I was thinking, he’d give up on me. “I really need to finish my training with you before I decide.”
His arm slides around my waist. “Not a problem. We work on your skills, your confidence, and then you and Sadie Lynn discuss what works for both of you. Talk to Langdon too, if you want options. Or another job, if there’s something else you’d like to try.”
My mind wanders to the day I first met Garrett.
I practically begged him to leave the woods where I lured shifters into the WSSO’s trap.
Schneider and Crane ordered me to get rid of Garrett and his team.
Their guns had been trained on me and Garrett the entire time.
If I’d failed to do as ordered, Garrett, Frank, Callen, or Hayden—maybe all four—would have been killed.
I’d already ruined too many lives…
“I don’t like being responsible for others.”
Garrett pulls me in against him. “You’ve plenty of time to decide your future. How about after the show, we take a long walk along the lake and discuss all the possibilities?”
“That sounds nice.” Really nice, except all I can see in my mind’s eye are the shifters I lured for the WSSO.
Had Garrett been alone that day, he would have been my next victim.
But Schneider and Crane had orders to avoid groups of shifters.
Unless they had a way of surrounding them, making them easy to kill.
Like my pack.
“I’m sorry, Garrett.”
He playfully tugs my hair. “For what?”
“For what’s about to happen.”
“What do you mean—”
“Weren’t they great, everyone?” Sadie Lynn asks the crowd, which cheers and applauds.
“Don’t hate me, Garrett.”
He takes my face in his hands and I can see the question there. He’s wondering what I’ve done.
“And now we have a special surprise for everyone,” Sadie Lynn continues. “A duo which hasn’t performed for several years. Everyone send up a howl and clap your hands for the Howling Howliday Cousins… Damien and Garrett Black!”
“What the fuck,” Garrett says.
“Sorry,” I repeat, over the crowd cheering for Damien and Garrett to take the stage.
Damien stands up and takes a deep breath. “What I don’t do for my mate.” He turns to Garrett. “Tell me you drank the beer.”
“Half.”
“That’ll do.”
“You knew about this?”
“Sworn to secret. I love you, Gare, but you’re not the one I answer to.” Damien grabs Garrett by his shoulder. “There’s no avoiding this.”
Garrett shakes his head. “You can’t be serious.”
“Not my idea, but it’s done. Let’s go.”
“Whose idea?”
Damien turns to me, then back at Garrett. “You should have had the entire beer.”
“You’re behind this?’ Garrett asks me.
“Sorry,” I repeat with a half-smile, worried that I’ve taken too many liberties when it comes to him.
As Damien and Garrett take to the stage, Tess slides over to me. “Damien wasn’t happy when I told him about this. He and Garrett haven’t done their routine since before Damien became alpha.”
“I think Garrett needs this. A reminder of how to have fun, to let loose. To enjoy his pack again.”
“Damien too.”
Two of the older teens carry a large plastic bin onto the stage and set it by Sadie Lynn.
“Thank you, Harris and Oliver.” Sadie clears her throat and addresses the crowd.
“The rules, for those of you who haven’t seen the Howling Howliday Cousins perform, are simple.
Damien and Garrett have to howl the tune to a song the emcee picks.
If they stop singing, they lose. Sounds easy, right? ”
The kids in the front rows yell back, “Yes!”
“Ah, but they’re allowed to sabotage one another. Do anything to distract the other, except hurt him.” Damien starts stretching his arms and legs. Garrett stands there glaring at him and not preparing. I’m tense inside, hoping he’s not too mad.
“If neither shifter stops singing, you the audience, will vote on the winner.”
“Rules also state the winner of the last competition gets to choose the emcee,” Garrett says. “That’s me.”
“Hey, now wait a minute—” Damien begins to object.
“He’s right! I forgot about that. Garrett, who do you pick?”
“Hayden.”
“No,” Damien objects.
“You don’t get to choose.” Garrett grins.
Hayden saunters onto the stage, green eyes sparkling with a fair amount of devilishness. I sit up straighter. I’ve never seen the shifter look so eager for anything.
“I’m starting to smell a conspiracy here,” Tess says. “You didn’t tell Garrett about this, did you?”
“Hell, no. But I’m very curious to see this now.”
“All yours, Hayden,” Sadie Lynn says as she leaves the stage. “Have fun.”
“Oh, I will.” Hayden’s grin widens as he looks at Damien and Garrett.
“Keep it clean… enough. I’ll only remind you once, leaving the stage counts as an automatic loss.
On three, you’ll start howling Jingle Bells, and do exactly what I say, when I say it.
In between, you can use anything in the box to distract your opponent and keep him from howling. ”
“Remember where your loyalty lies, Hayden,” Damien warns.
“My mate. Now, start!”
Damien and Garrett start howling to the tune of Jingle Bells, as they dash for the box.
I lean in to Tess. “I don’t see the purpose of the box.”
“You will.”
Damien reaches the box first, withdraws a paintball gun and starts shooting Garrett. Garrett ignores the paint pellets hitting him and keeps on howling while digging in the box. He emerges with a string of flashing Christmas lights. He attempts to tackle Damien, but the alpha’s too fast.
“Shift, Damien!” Hayden orders.
In those few seconds it takes him to shift, Garrett begins wrapping him in the lights. Damien’s wolf, still howling to keep from being disqualified, fights against the tangle of light. When he can’t escape them, he does the next best thing. He tackles Garrett.
For a moment, the stage is silent, both males forgetting their place.
“I better hear those howls from both of you,” Hayden calls out.
The howling resumes and Damien’s wolf pins Garrett. Somehow, Garrett throws Damien, and dives for the box.
“Both of you shift!”
The roles now reverse, Damien’s back in human form, more tangled than ever, and twice as mad, given the intensity of his howls. He upends the bin of props, spilling stuff everywhere, and cages Garrett’s wolf with the bin.
The audience is howling, though not in synch with the males on stage. The kids are shouting at each shifter, telling them what to do next. I can’t help myself, I’m laughing at the antics. And I’m smiling because Garret’s smiling, or he was before shifting and getting caged inside that bin.
Whoops… claws slice down the sides of the bin… and he’s out… leaping on Damien just as he was untangling himself.
“Damien, shift!” Hayden orders. Now we have wolf on wolf, with no end to the howling, though in wolf form neither carries the tune. The wolves circle each other, Christmas lights hanging from Damien, and paint dripping from Garrett.
“Remember, if you spill blood, you lose.”
“I’ll be right back. Gotta pee,” Tess says.
“I’ll fill you in.”
She leaves just as Damien and Garrett clamp their jaws down on each other’s neck. They’re looking equally matched.
“Shift!”
Both males return to human form, Damien a tad faster than Garrett. He dives for a bag on the stage, rips it opens and dumps a handful of tinsel over Garrett’s head which is sticking to the paint. My Garrett is drowning in tinsel, but he doesn’t stop howling to Jingle Bells.
“Go, Garrett, go!” I cheer on.
“I hear that’s what you said to him in the woods,” a male’s voice whispers behind me. “Convinced him to leave all those shifters behind. Get you far away from the humans despite the cost.”
I freeze up. Despite all the training Garrett’s been giving me, I can’t even make myself turn around to see who it is. But I know that voice.
“You weren’t there, Tiberius.”
“If I had been, he wouldn’t have sacrificed those shifters. I would’ve pulled him from whatever siren’s spell you cast on him.”
“You’re talking nonsense. I’m shifter, the same as you.”
“Not the same. I don’t lure others to their death.”
My entire body goes cold. The sounds around me fade, leaving only Tiberius’s haunting voice. It’s like I’m back in my cage, with Schneider looking down on me.
“You warped his mind, kept him from rescuing the others. What makes you so important? You’re nothing. A poor substitute for Marla, but Garrett’s too grief stricken to see it. If he gets hurt or killed on this next op, it’s because of you.”
“He’ll be fine. He’s smart.”
“Sure he is, but he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you here, including make decisions that could get him killed.
” He leans in close, his breath heating my ear and neck.
“He’s planning to raid a WSSO facility that’s twice as fortified as any he’s hit before.
He’s going in despite the odds. For you.
To rescue those shifters you lured. Whatever happens will be your fault. ”
My breathing speeds up and I can’t think straight. “Why are you saying this?”
“Because it has to be said. No one wants you here. Except Garrett… and that won’t last long. Eventually he’ll realize that you’re not half the shifter Marla was.”