Chapter 11 #2
“Oh, Professor…your pussy cat has you hooked.” He fought his laughter for all he was. God, he was glad Toby had been home. “Right through the cajones.”
Toby laughed. “Says the man who is giving her everything she wants hand over fist. She’s got her pokey little claws in you too.”
“Are you kidding? She had me on my knees earlier, the little queen.” She’d lost her mouse under the sofa.
“Whoa.” Toby feigned shock. “That presumptuous minx! How dare she! Also, how dare you not tell me you’re now capable of kneeling.”
“You didn’t ask.” He winked over, feeling a little daring. “Guess what, Professor. I totally got down on the floor today.”
“Excellent. You make me proud, boy.” Toby snorted. “For the record, I’m not going to tell you how you should feel. I do want to know what you’re feeling though, and how that is impacting you, your recovery, your relationship with your brother. All of that.”
“Right now, we don’t have one. I mean, I don’t feel like I can call yet.”
“Hm. I’m sorry. That must be hard. Can I help?”
Roper took a deep breath. “Thank you. I don’t know. I’m sure you can, but I don’t know how.”
“We’ll think about it. In the meantime, he’s not my concern; you are. Are you feeling like you want to go back on the road?”
“Is it weird to say no? I will. I mean, I should, and I’m being lazy and selfish if I don’t, but…” His shoulders started creeping up toward his ears.
“To be fair, I have a little skin in the game, and I would rather you stay, so I’m possibly not the best person to ask. That said, why would it be selfish of you not to go?”
“Well… I mean, I want to stay, but I don’t have a job, I don’t have a purpose, so that’s nothing but selfish, right?”
Toby glanced over. “You could leave your purpose up to me. If you wanted to.”
“We’d have to negotiate terms and make sure we were both into this. It’s hard, because no one wants to be turned away or to have to turn me away.” And it had happened.
Sorry, Ro, you just aren’t giving me what I need.
You’re too much of a pain, man.
You can’t get where you need to go, Roper.
“Okay.” Toby shrugged. “What are your terms?”
“Uh—” He blinked, surprised. “Honesty, first.”
There. That was a good start, and it gave him time to think.
“I agree. Truth is absolutely necessary. I promise to tell the truth. What’s next?”
“Isn’t it your turn next?” He thought that “I want you to like me” was whiny and weird. He was neither whiny nor weird.
“If you like. I require the use of safe words. I can’t relax if I’m worried you won’t use them when you should.”
“That’s fair.” He pondered his next volley as they walked. “I’ve never been able to find my subspace. I don’t know if I can. You should know that upfront, if we’re going to be serious.”
“It can be elusive. Also, it’s different for everyone. We’ll make it a goal, but I understand.” Toby nodded. “We don’t have to move heaven and earth for it to be satisfying.”
“Okay, speaking of moving heaven and earth—are we putting sex on the table?” He got it, if not, but he was hoping for it to be an option.
“Wow. You really know how to hit on a guy. That was so hot.” Toby laughed.
He let his eyes go wide. “No no, Professor. I didn’t ask if you wanted to have sex on the table.”
“Damn it.” Toby sighed heavily, then chuckled. “Sex is on the table. I hope it’s less of a business transaction than this conversation, however.”
“Yeah, me too. I’m trying to be all adult and shit, but I’m interested in you in that jack off in the shower way.” Which, he had to be honest, was a challenge balancing on one leg.
“I was attracted to you the second you flared your nostrils and shouted at your brother, thinking I was a shrink.”
“I was into you from the first time you whispered in my ear,” he admitted. “You’re hot.”
“So is that the extent of your terms?” Toby grinned. “Be honest and please fuck me?”
“I like to push boundaries. See what happens. It’s not personal.”
“I can handle that. I might even have a few ideas for you. I do like obedience, but it doesn’t have to be blind. Or perfect.”
“Good, because I’m not. Blind or perfect.” He glanced at Toby. “Would you like a drink? I’m thirsty, and I’m buying.”
“Sounds good.” Toby pointed up the street. “There’s a neat little bar up here.”
“Cool. Cool.” He couldn’t believe he’d just had this conversation on the street like it was nothing, but he guessed it needed to be had, and the Professor didn’t seem unhappy. “I could sit a second. Cool off.”
Toby opened the door. “After you.” The place was small and crowded, with lots of wooden decor and seating. The bar had a couple of open stools, and Toby led him over. “This work for you?”
“Perfect. Yessir.” He sat with a sigh. He was getting stronger, but it was time to take a minute.
Toby sat next to him and looked him over. “I found an orthopedist for you, if you’re interested.”
“Yeah? Cool. I’ll have him check me out. I want out of the boot.” He knew he could just take it off—and at some point, that was what he was going to do, one way or the other, but that was neither here nor there. He wanted to make sure it was knitting together all right.
“How do you like to do this? Are you a 24/7 sub? That’s how I prefer to do it, if you’re willing.”
“No one’s ever wanted that much of me.” And he didn’t want Toby to be frustrated with him, but he would try.
Toby took his hand suddenly and held it, resting their tangled fingers on his thigh. “Why do you do that? Assume you’re too much? Assume there is something wrong with you?”
“I don’t know that it’s something wrong with me, just that… I’m a lot.” He didn’t have the wild temper of his twin, but he did like a little bit more trouble.
“So, this whole week that you’ve been staying with me, you’ve been…suppressing that? Not being yourself? I don’t want you to do that anymore. Relax and be you. All of you. I want…a lot.” Toby held his hand, eyes focused on him.
“I… I want you to like me.” God, that sounded so fucking high school. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that and go with something less desperate?”
“You’re the one who chose honesty as your first term. You’re doing great. So now I want you to be truthful with me. You can test me if you want to and see how it goes.” Toby leaned a little closer. “Maybe not right here, though, kitten.”
Roper’s belly went tight, but he didn’t acknowledge it. “No. We’re here to share a drink. What’s your poison?”
“Coffee. Just coffee for me, please.” Toby let his hand go and reached for a basket of bar pretzels.
“How about you, man?” the bartender asked.
“I’d like a big glass of water and a Coke, please.” He hadn’t eaten enough to have a beer yet.
Toby nodded beside him but didn’t say why.
“New rule. I don’t want to hear any more pessimistic remarks about how you’re too hard to handle or nobody has ever—fill in the blank—clear? This path only goes forward.”
“You mean I can’t say nobody has ever dared call me kitten before, Professor?” He dropped Toby a wink.
“Oh-ho! Dared, hm? Is the big scary kitten going to scratch me?” Toby laughed. “That’s one for the day.”
Roper snorted at the Professor. If they were keeping a running total, he’d never sit down again. Ever.
“Manners. No snorting at me. That’s two.” Toby picked up his coffee. “This is fun. You make it so easy.”
He stuck his tongue out at his new…more-than-friend. “Maybe I was snorting at a funny joke I’d heard once, Professor. It could totally happen.”
Then he dove into his water. Oh, cold and good.
“It could, in which case you should share the joke, boy.”
He grinned. Oh, this he was good at. “Once upon a time, there was this dude who was about a zillion smacks behind, and he was going to have to get one of them Brazilian Butt Fat Enhancers, just to make it to Monday…”
“Ah! Who is that naughty kitten for five hundred, Alex?” Toby sipped his coffee. “And no, your ass does not need enhancing. It’s only going to look that much better with a couple of handprints.”
His cheeks went hot—both sets. “You’re into that, are you?”
Because he sure as fuck was—erotic punishment, teasing, warming. He was in.
Toby was going to have to figure all that out on his own.
“I’m into a lot of things. You have a safe word, so if you’re not, you’ll use it. But I’m guessing by the color in your cheeks, this is one thing we share.”
“It’s awful warm outside.” But yeah. Totally.
“Oh, of course. Very warm for spring.” Toby didn’t seem fooled. “We have so much to explore together.”
He nodded. “I’m excited.”
Roper decided Toby deserved to hear that, to know that he wasn’t a reluctant sub.
Not at all.
That got him a smile that lit up Toby’s eyes. “Good. That’s wonderful. I am too.” Toby set his coffee down. “Why don’t we make our way home?”
He finished half of his Coke, then left the rest. The water tasted better. “Sounds like a plan, Professor.”
They left the bar, and Toby rested a hand on his nape as they walked. It felt…possessive.
It felt wildly public.
It felt as if he might set afire.