Chapter 19
Roper woke up sore in the best possible way. The bed was empty, so he hopped in the shower, letting the heat warm him up.
He was about halfway through with washing his hair before he realized that he wasn’t sure what day of the week it was and whether the Professor was home…
One answer came right on the heels of the question as Toby strode into the bathroom and started writing in the fog on the mirror.
Sweatpants only.
Come find me.
SILENCE.
Toby left as quickly as he’d come in.
“Huh.” Did whistling count as silence?
How about underarm farts?
Blowing kisses?
Oh, he was going to have to discover his boundaries.
Like if he got his phone to say it?
Text to speech for the win.
Or interpretive tap?
He patted his curious cock. He was going to have to get out. He didn’t need the Professor planning things. He worked way better when he kept Toby on his toes.
When he found Toby in the dining room though, it was clear that planning had been going on. Toby pulled out a chair. “Sit.”
He sat. He knew he wasn’t in real trouble because he hadn’t been evil. This was for pushing, maybe for holding back, but that was all.
Toby sat a piece of paper and a pencil down in front of him. Across the top was written, “I am sorry for leaving a mark on my Master.”
“Twenty-five times. Because no one writes anything by hand anymore and a hundred times would be torture, not punishment.” He thought he heard a hint of amusement in his Professor’s voice.
Before his coffee?
Oh, he was going to bite Toby.
Hard.
He wrote the sentence ten times. Then Lamento haberle dejado un moreton a mi profesor eight times. Next he went for Peco desculpas por ter deixado un hematoma na minho professor seven times.
Then he handed over his paper with his scrawl and went for coffee.
Caffeine was necessary for life.
Toby followed him into the kitchen. “Add one for getting up without my permission, and two for changing languages on me without permission. Add it to yesterday’s count, which I didn’t get to administer because you insisted on falling in love with me.”
Toby stuck the paper up on the refrigerator door with a magnet.
“Poor old guy…” he teased. He had zero idea how many he had yesterday. Some, for sure.
“Another one for breaking silence.” Toby sat a second empty coffee cup on the counter next to his.
He clasped his hands over his heart, gave Toby his most devastated face, and then poured them both a cup of coffee.
“Thank you.” Toby covered his hand before he could pick up his cup and kissed him gently. “Good morning.”
“Mmhmm…” He wrapped one hand around Toby’s arm, his lover an addiction.
“Look what you did.” Toby pulled down the collar of his T-shirt and showed him the bruise on his collarbone.
Oh, hell yes.
He grinned wide and reached out, licking his lips as he pushed just a little bit.
The Professor actually let him, standing there patiently as he touched and explored his mark.
“I’m yours, Roper. And you are mine.” Toby poked at the mark on his chest.
“You know it, Professor. All yours.” He believed it, all the way to the bone.
Toby grinned at him and winked. “But no more marks, boy.”
“No? You don’t like it?” He’d been so careful to keep it where no one would see.
He got an eye roll in response. “You pick the weirdest times to decide you’re going to follow my rules.”
Oh. OH! He got it. “I asked if you liked it, Professor. I didn’t agree to never do it again.”
“Better. Drink your coffee.” Toby didn’t answer his question.
He knew what that meant, though. His Professor had gotten off on it too.
Fucking A.
He finished his coffee, eyes still on the spot where that bruise lived.
He was going to make sure it never faded.
“Are you hungry? I’m sure you worked up an appetite last night.”
“Starving. You want to go get breakfast somewhere? My treat.”
“Hm. Do I want to share you with the world yet? I don’t know.”
His cheeks heated, and his belly went tight. Every so often Toby said something that liked to set him on fire.
“Maybe lunch. I want to stay close this morning. Think about last night, maybe talk a little where it’s private. Just us.”
He nodded, because even if it was intense, it had to be done. They had to debrief—if not for him, for his Professor. A lot of shit had happened—a metric fuckton—and Toby would need to process it, process him and his headspace. “So, that leaves us Pop-Tarts, toast, or cereal for breakfast.”
He was never going to figure out eggs.
Ever.
“Or, I can teach you to make eggs. I might even have bacon.”
“Oh, Professor—I’ve been practicing. I suck at eggs. They hate me.” He just couldn’t get it. They stuck or they broke or they ended up on the floor. “Did you know that Whiskey loves eggs?”
Toby blinked at him. “I didn’t. But now I know why she’s gained weight. Add one to your count, and make us some Cheerios. Cut up a banana on mine. I assume you can handle that?”
“Hey! Don’t be evil. I am trying to learn about damn eggs. Your cat is not gaining weight. And be nicer or I’ll carve you a banana into little cocks.”
“Promise?” Toby grinned like that sounded like a great idea. “And I’m no more evil than you are, boy.”
He got out the bowls and the cereal, along with a couple of bananas and some blueberries, fighting his grin for all he was worth. “I am a goddamn angel, thank you.”
Toby crossed his arms over his chest. “A damned angel is exactly what you are.”
“Yep. Just a joy and a pleasure.” He fixed their bowls—banana for Toby, blueberries for him.
“You are a joy, Roper.”
Simple words, said softly.
He glanced up at his Professor, his fingers shaking for a second, then he made himself relax and pass over the bowl. “Thank you, Professor. I like you too.”
Toby smiled and took his breakfast, eyes fastened on him. “Thank you.”
He put another few berries on his breakfast. Whiskey loved blueberries, especially in milk.
“But I didn’t mean that I like you. Not just that anyway. I meant that you make me happy.”
“Good. I want this to be right for both of us. It’s important to me.” In fact, it was huge. He wasn’t easy, and he didn’t want things easy either.
“I’m looking forward to the day you can make a decent breakfast but, otherwise, it’s definitely right for me.” Toby grinned and took a bite of his cereal.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just start buying them pre-boiled. No worries.” They sat on the sofa, and Whiskey came running to sit between them and yowled.
“She wants your blueberries.” Toby stroked her from head to tail.
“She does.” He pulled one out of the milk, put it in his palm, and let her have it, licking it clean.
They ate and drank their coffee with easy conversation, nothing deep or difficult. But when Toby finished eating, he put down his cereal bowl and cleared his throat. “So, now that it’s the light of day and you’ve…cleared out your cobwebs, how do you feel?”
Hell, he had no way to answer that, did he?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
“I feel like yesterday was a wild ride.” Possibly a ninety-five pointer, even.
“It was definitely that.” Toby took a breath. “Okay, let’s talk about the easy part first then. 168 on your GRE. Where are you applying? Do you need financial aid? Loans?”
“I want… I was thinking NanoBioNYC, but I don’t know. There’s lots of parts.” And he wasn’t sure he could juggle all of it.
“You realize that academia is pretty much my bailiwick, so do not get overwhelmed. Ask me for help.”
“I don’t know…maybe it’s just trying too hard, you know? Maybe it’s just too much for me to figure out.” But he wanted it.
He wanted it pretty bad.
“It’s not too much to figure out. You’re not trying too hard; you aced the exam, and you’re qualified. Have you looked at the application process?”
“Yeah. I have all the info written down in my book.” He’d sent away for his transcript. He’d filled out his application; he’d written his applicant statement. He was just scared.
“I’m not sure why you’re not more confident, boy, but it’s a recurring theme with you. You aced the exam, you know what you need to do, you know you’re going to get in, so…why are you so worried?”
“Because I’m a fucking rodeo cowboy from nowhere thinking about competing with real scientists.” That was easy.
“Roper. Academia at the grad level isn’t a competition. It’s a collaboration. Nobody wins. Everyone just looks for answers together. You’re not getting bucked out the window if you don’t find an answer first.”
“You don’t know, man. It could happen to me.” He didn’t know how to explain the truth to Toby without sounding stupid, so he didn’t bother to try.
Toby watched him for a second, sipped his coffee, then sighed. “You do know that this fear that just about everything could go wrong is irrational, right?”
He shrugged and stood, taking the bowls to the dishwasher. He knew, but he didn’t know how to make it stop, and sometimes it wasn’t wrong. Sometimes it was right.
Besides, he’d told Ry once he wanted to go back to school, and it had damn near killed his brother.
“I thought this was going to be the easier topic.” Toby got up and followed him. “Yes or no answers only. Ready? Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” Of course he did.
Toby nodded, moving in closer. “Do you love me?”
“Yes! God, yes.” With all his heart.
“Then why are there still things you won’t tell me?” Toby’s hands rested on his hips.
“Because I’m ashamed of myself.” Okay, that was probably too much truth.
“What?” Toby’s face fell into a deep frown. “Why?”
“I—it’s old business. Nothing at all to do with you. In fact, I didn’t even know about you at all.”
“Great. Then let’s get it out in the open and put it to bed. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
He chewed on his bottom lip. “You don’t understand. I do. I have a secret. I did something really terrible, and no one knows.”
Toby helped him with the dishes, staying close and in contact somehow, as if he was just everywhere. “How would you rather tell me? As my sub or my lover?”