Chapter 19
C harles hit the end-call button on his desk phone with a sigh. He was happy to be sitting on this nonprofit board; he had the time and the energy, but it required patience and tact, and he was just about out of that for the day.
He reached for his tea, surprised when he didn’t find the mug on its warmer on his desk. Ryder usually snuck in with a mug for him when he was on the phone.
He chuckled at himself. He was so spoiled.
At least he knew as much. No tea on his desk was far from the end of the world. He picked up his cell and texted Ryder.
Charles
Could you please bring me a cup of tea when you have a moment?
He looked at that, finger hovering over the send button, then deleted it. He was capable of getting his own tea. He got up and headed for the kitchen.
“Leave me the fuck alone today, guys. My fucking head hurts, and I don’t feel like talking in circles. Later?”
“But, Ry?—”
“I said, not today, kiddo. Y’all live in Momma’s house, so you live by her rules. And before you ask, no. No, you can’t live here.”
The twins, he assumed.
He snuck in and opened a cabinet to get a mug, then opened the tea drawer.
“I. Said. No.” There was a sharp crack, and then a soft sigh. “Fuck.”
He looked up, closed the drawer, and went to Ryder. He didn’t want to interrupt so he just gently slid a hand over his cowboy’s shoulders to let Ryder know he was there.
Ryder sighed, soft and low. “Hey. Do you need anything? I was… I had to deal with some sh-stuff.”
“I heard. Family first, remember?” Charles kissed Ryder’s temple. “I just came in for some tea.”
“Oh, I’ll get you some, no problem.” Ryder stood up, foot tangling in the chair, and he went stumbling.
“Whoa.” He caught Ryder easily. “Let me. Would you like some?”
“Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m so clumsy. How was your meeting? Do you want cookies?”
Nothing rattled Ryder the way his family could. They were good people, but somehow Ryder’s siblings couldn’t seem to make any decisions without him. “I don’t need cookies, thank you.” He made his way back to the tea drawer and pulled out a box.
He thought something calming, without caffeine. Something to soothe Ryder’s nerves. “The meeting was fine, though I wish some people would get to the point faster.”
He grabbed a second mug and used the InstaHot to fill them. Supposedly that was cheating, but it was much faster than waiting for water to boil. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on at home?”
“Just the boys. They’re chomping at the bit to get out of the house, get to rodeoing.” Ryder shook his head and sighed. “It’s a mess.”
“Hm.” He pulled Ryder into his arms. “You don’t have to hold the family together. They have the same mother you did, and you turned out okay.”
“I know. I’m trying to make them understand, but they just don’t.”
“Would you have at their age? I’m no parent, but it seems to me that teenagers are all made of the same thing. Impatience.”
“We were riding full-time on our eighteenth birthday. They still have nine months, and they have to finish high school.” Ryder shook his head. “I wish—” He stopped and shrugged. “What a day.”
“Tell me your wish.” He pushed a mug of tea over to Ryder and the honey pot too.
“Thank you.” Ryder sweetened his tea with a liberal splash of honey.
“You’re welcome.” But Ryder hadn’t answered him. “Are you ignoring me or did you not hear the question?”
“I feel bad about telling. I feel like a shitty person.”
He slid his fingers over Ryder’s white hair. “The beautiful thing about an intimate relationship is you can say anything you want without judgment.”
“I just wish they’d call Roper. Or that someone else would do it for a little while so I can focus on us.”
He understood why Ryder felt that thought made him a bad person.
“That’s okay, you know. Old habits are hard to break.
You’re redefining yourself, and they’re not ready for it.
Have you tried not answering the phone? Because that is an option.
If you don’t answer, maybe then they will actually call Roper. ”
“Maybe…” Ryder jumped as his phone rang again, and the hot tea spilled, landing in Ryder’s lap. “Mother fucker !”
“ Boy .” The word just came out of his mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world, and he didn’t question it. He took the mug and put it on the counter. “Sit. Don’t answer it.”
Ryder blinked at him.
Then he sat.
“Give me your phone.” He held his hand out for it expectantly and didn’t intend to have an argument.
Ryder’s hand was shaking, but he handed it over, no question.
“Thank you. Now, please go upstairs and change into something dry, something softer—sweatpants perhaps—and wait for me in the bedroom. I’m going to clean up here, and then I’ll join you.
” He wanted to give Ryder a moment without eyes on him, but only a moment, not long enough for him to spiral again.
“I’m sorry for spilling the tea. I can clean it…”
“I don’t care about the tea. I care about you.” He took a step closer and caught Ryder’s chin in his fingers. “I care about you.”
Was he wrong, or were there tears in Ryder’s eyes? “I care about you too.”
He didn’t let himself go too deep into what the tears meant yet. He wanted to be comfortable; he wanted to hold Ryder in his arms and listen. “I know. And I love you for that. Go upstairs and change. I’ll be right there. I promise.” He stepped back so Ryder could get up.
“Yes, Sir.” Ryder headed upstairs, rubbing the back of his neck on the way.
He sighed and looked at Ryder’s phone, then set it on silent and placed it on the kitchen counter, leaving his own right beside it. It took him all of five minutes to put the mugs in the dishwasher and clean up the spilled tea, and then he was on his way up the stairs to Ryder.
To his…boy. Lover. Cowboy.
To the man who needed him right now.
That thought had him taking the final few steps two at a time. He stepped through the partially closed bedroom door and glanced around for Ryder.
Ryder had on a pair of sweatpants, a huge sweatshirt, and he had been staring out the window until he heard Charles, then he stood.
He kicked off his shoes and went right to Ryder, arms open. “Come here.”
“Yes, Sir.” Ryder burrowed into his embrace, arms wrapping around him.
“I’ve got you. Just let the noise go. It’s just you and me now.” He held Ryder tight, nose pressed against the top of Ryder’s head. “You can say anything you like, ask for anything you need. It won’t leave this room.”
“I needed a hug. I have the worst headache.”
He held on, absorbing Ryder’s anxiety and returning all the calm strength he could muster. “Can I get you something? Tylenol? I was thinking we could lie down. Talk.”
“I’d like to lie down with you. Please. If you’re not too busy.”
“I am never too busy for you. You’re the most important person in my life.
My phone is with yours downstairs, and it’s going to stay there so we’re not interrupted by anyone.
” He let Ryder go long enough to remove his dress pants and his jacket and pull on a pair of sweatpants so they’d both be comfortable.
“My so-formal man.” Ryder beamed at him. “Don’t forget your socks. Your feet get cold.”
He snorted because that made him feel a thousand years old. “I think they’ll be warm enough with you in my arms.”
“I hope so. I hope you’re always warm enough with me.” Sweet cowboy poet.
“Let’s put it to the test.” He pulled Ryder to the bed and climbed on, reaching for the cozy blanket at the foot and pulling that up.
Ryder snuggled in, almost clinging to him. “I’m sorry. It’s been a shit day.”
“If all we had were good days, we wouldn’t appreciate them. And I can’t think of a single thing you’ve done for which you owe me, or anyone, an apology.” He rubbed Ryder’s back and took slow, deep breaths, hoping to encourage his cowboy to do the same.
Ryder kissed his jaw. “I want to be nothing but good, even though that’s not reasonable.”
“It’s not reasonable; you’re correct. You can’t hold yourself to an impossible standard, or you’ll be disappointed. Often. I certainly don’t expect perfection, though I understand the desire.” He smiled at Ryder’s kisses and let himself just enjoy them.
“Yeah, I like being one of the good things in your life.”
“You are. Even when you’re having a bad day. Maybe especially then, because I get to remind you how wonderful you are.” Charles ducked as Ryder lifted his head to kiss his chin. He caught Ryder’s lips instead, taking a kiss of his own.
Ryder opened to him, loving him and letting him in.
“Mm. See? Wonderful.”
“It is. You are.” Ryder snuggled in closer, wrapping around him.
“How would you feel if I kept your phone for a little while?” Maybe that wasn’t reasonable, but Ryder needed to break the habit of letting his family interrupt whenever they pleased. For his own sanity.
“How would you call me? How would I access your calendar? You need me to have access, lover.”
“Well, I could buy you a laptop…” He tilted his head. “Or a private phone. Just one for you and me. Something that’s only ours.” He could feel Ryder tense up a little. “Certainly not forever. Just now and again when you need a break so they learn to function without you once in a while.”
Ryder sighed softly. “I could… I could really think about it. I just need some breathing room.”
“Let’s try it. I’ll add another line to my plan tomorrow. Uh—to our plan.”
“Our plan.” Ryder sighed and stroked his back. “What do you do for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Do you celebrate?”
He’d known they would be having this conversation soon. It was fall, the holidays were coming, and Ryder had family. “Tad hated Christmas. And most holidays. So…” They’d gone to parties in the city, but they’d never celebrated at home.
“Oh. What…what about you, though?” Ryder’s hands stroked his belly, slow and sweet.
He shrugged, answering that question with a question because if wasn’t sure what the answer was. “You’re the one with family. What do you do?”