Chapter 3
Three
Remi
The kitchen is warm, smelling of lemon chicken and the vanilla candle my mom has burning on the table. Standing in the doorway, my hands shoved in my pockets, it’s like I’m sixteen again and about to confess to something stupid.
My nerves are shot, and my heart hasn’t stopped pounding since I got here a half hour ago.
My mom’s having my sister and I over for dinner, and I figured now was as good a time as any to tell them about Lukas, considering I’m supposed to be meeting him and his grandma tomorrow night.
After I spoke with Gentry at the diner about it, Hollis called me, and I told him everything I told his dad, and just like Gentry, he thinks I could really help Lukas.
Even though I’ve already made a decision, I’m still nervous to tell my family. Nervous about how they’ll react. I don’t doubt that they will support me, but what if they think it’s foolish? What if they think I don’t have what it takes to be a good role model to this kid?
It’s such a huge decision, and I hate that I’m doubting myself.
“I met a kid a few months ago at a funeral,” I say. Mom turns down the stove, glancing over her shoulder at me, while my sister looks up from the table. “He’s thirteen. Lost his dad in that Triton fire.”
The words feel heavy in my mouth. Thirteen.
My mom turns around, and I can see it on her face. Understanding. “Thirteen?” she repeats.
I nod. “Same age I was.”
That does it. The air changes, and we all feel it.
My throat is tight as memories flash through my mind that I don’t like to remember.
Polished shoes that didn’t fit quite right, the weight of people’s hands on my shoulders, the way everyone kept saying be strong for your mom.
I hated being told that. I was thirteen…
I was just a kid. I didn’t need to be strong.
The house was so loud after the funeral, and I distinctly remember how quiet it felt after everyone left.
“He doesn’t have much family,” I explain. My voice shakes. “He was raised by a single dad, and after he died, the boy—Lukas—went to live with his grandma. But she’s moving to North Dakota soon.”
“That poor boy,” my mom murmurs.
“He came to see me at the firehouse this week. He looks exhausted, like he’s waiting for something else in his life to explode.” I drag a hand down my face, letting out a shaky breath.
Sadie and my mom watch me with wet eyes, and I know the flashbacks are hitting them too.
“I keep thinking about when I was thirteen and we lost Dad,” I say. “How angry I was. How I didn’t want anyone’s pity. How I just…needed someone to sit outside my door so I didn’t feel like the world had dropped out from under me.”
“You stopped talking for months,” my sister says. “You thought you had to be the man of the house overnight.”
I huff a humorless breath.
“What did he come see you for?” Mom asks, like she’s got a sixth sense and knows what’s coming before I even say it.
My heart catapults into my ribs. This is the part that makes it real, the part I’ve been the most nervous about. And no matter how many times I’ve run through this conversation in my head, none of the words sound right.
“Well, like I said, his grandma is moving to North Dakota soon, and Lukas doesn’t really want to uproot his life more than it already has been.” There’s a long, pregnant pause. Nausea swirls around in my gut. “I think I’ve decided to take him in... Give him a place to stay. Be his guardian.”
The words hit the tile and stay there. They surround us. My mom and Sadie share a look, but their expressions remain neutral. There’s no wince, no rearing back, no laughing.
“His…guardian,” Sadie says. “Is that something you can do? Like, legally?”
I nod. “I’ve looked into it a little this week, and I’ll know more once I meet with his grandma.
But yeah, it’s legally something I can do.
And I think I really want to. I’ve got the room at my house.
My schedule is steady. But all I’d really need to figure out is someone to watch him during my shifts.
” I swallow thickly. “Really, just somebody to stay with him overnight. I know it’s a huge decision, and I know it’s a big change to how I’m currently living…
Single and by myself, but I think I can really help him.
I couldn’t save his dad, and I know nothing can bring him back or lessen the ache Lukas feels in his heart.
But I can show up for him now. I can help him. ”
My mom studies me carefully, her hands wringing the apron around her waist. “Is this about guilt? Because you couldn’t save him?”
“No. It’s about memories.” Pressing my tongue to the inside of my cheek, I try to steady myself.
It’s like I’m thirteen all over again. Raw and full of emotions that I didn’t know what to do with.
“I remember sitting on my bed after Dad died. How empty I felt. How sad I felt. Not just a normal sad, but a pit-in-my-stomach, I’m-not-sure-if-I’ll-ever-recover kind of sad.
And I remember thinking if someone would just come in and tell me I didn’t have to be okay yet, I didn’t have to be strong, then maybe I could breathe. Maybe I’d make it through this.”
A tear spills over, rolling down my mom’s cheek. She wipes it away, clearing her throat. “Honey, I’m—I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that.”
“No, Mom.” I shake my head, meeting her gaze.
“I’m not mad at you for that. You were grieving, just like I was.
Just like Sadie was. We all were. I don’t think any of us were in a place to comfort anyone.
But that’s the thing… I can be that comfort for him.
I can help him navigate what he’s feeling. ”
Walking over to me, she reaches for my hand, squeezing it the way she did the night my world turned upside down. “This won’t be easy,” she says softly. Not with doubt in me, but care. “Grief at thirteen is…sharp.”
Remembering Gentry’s words the other day, I say, “I know, but who better to help him weed through it all than someone who’s been there already?”
Silence settles between us. It’s not heavy or uncomfortable, just full. My mom pulls me in for a hug, and again, it’s like I’m transported back to thirteen again, except this time I’m steady on my feet. I’m stronger. Sadie wraps her arms around us next, resting her cheek on my shoulder.
“If you want to do this,” Mom whispers. “You have my support.”
“Mine too,” Sadie adds, her voice thick with emotion. “You won’t have to do this alone.”
“We’ll be there for you, and for Lukas, in any way you need us to be, honey.”
Pulling back, Sadie swipes her hand over her cheek. “You need a sitter, I got you.”
“Really?” Pressure builds behind my eyes. It’s what I was hoping she’d say, but hearing it makes it more real. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.” She smiles. “If Lukas is going to be your family, then he’s ours too.”
A weight lifts off my shoulders at hearing her say that. “Thank you,” I say. “Both of you.”
For the first time since I met that boy with the sad eyes and clenched jaw, the tightness in my chest loosens.
I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me, and I know my life is about to change exponentially, in more ways than I probably even realize, but knowing I have their support—and hearing Gentry and Hollis tell me they believes in me—makes me think I can really do this.
Like I can really make a difference in Lukas’s life.
I couldn’t save his dad.
But maybe I can sit outside his door.
I’m parked outside Misty’s Diner, my heart in my throat, as I work up the courage to walk inside and meet Lukas and his grandma.
I’ve been sitting on this decision for a couple of days now, and even though my head is still screaming at me that I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a teenager, my heart, overwhelmingly, wants to do this.
Lukas needs somebody, and for whatever reason, he thinks that someone is me.
And so does Gentry, which took me by surprise.
So, here I am… About to change my entire life, anxious as all hell, and my stomach a tight, twisty, uncomfortable knot, but I’m doing it.
I don’t know if they’re already here yet, because I don’t know what his grandma drives…nor do I know what she looks like, or even what her name is.
This is so bizarre. Never in a million years did I think I’d be walking into a diner, knowing I’m going to walk back out with a kid I’m now responsible for who I met three months ago.
Stepping inside, I scan the restaurant, my heart pounding hard against my ribs.
It takes a minute, but I spot Lukas. He waves me over to a table in the far back corner.
Next to him is a woman who looks like she’s seen better days.
Her silver hair is tied in a knot on the top of her head, and her eyes are tired, with dark bags underneath that I have a feeling are from more than just lack of sleep.
She meets my gaze as I approach, and my stomach dips. Her smile is barely there, but it seems genuine as I extend my hand across the table. “Hi, ma’am. You must be Lukas’s grandma,” I say. “I’m Remi. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Please, call me Wynona.” Her voice is hoarse, and if I had to guess, between that and the slight orange stain on some of her fingers, I’d say she’s a pretty heavy smoker. “Handsome fella, aren’t ya.”
“Grandma,” Lukas hisses as I chuckle and sit in the chair across from them.
“What? I’m just bein’ honest, Grandson. Look at him.” Wynona gestures toward me. “The blue eyes and dimples? Bet he’s quite the ladies’ man.”
Lukas shakes his head, his cheeks flooding a deep shade of red. “I’m so sorry about her,” he murmurs. “Apparently, the older you get, the less of a filter you need to have.”
I chuckle. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.”
He chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I’m… I’m surprised to see you.”
My chest aches, but I flash him a warm smile. “Well, who am I to turn down such a fine dinner invitation?”
Lukas huffs a breath and nods.