Thirty-six
There was no time to dwell on how spectacularly she’d screwed things up. That’s what Jillian told herself, but the truth was, she purposely threw herself into every single second of work so that she didn’t have to think, breathe, or feel. Because every one of those things led her straight back to Levi. To the anger in Ollie’s gaze and the disappointment in her mom’s. To the ache in Levi’s. Energy hummed in the air at the lodge, like it knew it was opening for business in one day.
The restless feeling coursing through her made her feel like she was trying to hold her balance on the ropes course. She’d braced herself for the impact of seeing Levi today, but so far it hadn’t happened. She’d managed to avoid him even though she knew he was working, at least one of the days, in the kitchen. Heat washed over her skin when she remembered the things she’d said to him. How she’d behaved. How would she fix that? Did she want to? Her fears weren’t gone but she missed him so much it felt like a wound that wouldn’t close. At least Ollie had started talking to her again, even coming to work with her today. Though, she’d kept herself busy as Gray’s sidekick instead of hanging with Jilly. And still, no Levi. She found herself listening to see if she could hear his voice, but the lodge was loud with other sounds today, making it hard to concentrate. Gray was doing some construction on the outbuilding next to the lodge, making it more useful, he’d said.
Emmy, who would be with them for the summer, tapped the computer and lifted her hands with a flourish. “There! I did it. It’s booked.”
Jillian tried to smile at the teen’s enthusiasm. She’d been walking her through the reservation booking system and other front desk duties for most of the morning. Emmy’s dark hair hung over one shoulder in a long, thick braid. It nearly took Jillian out when Emmy swung her head toward Jill with excitement.
“That’s so fun.”
Jill could only nod. “The online system does a cross-check with our calendar, but sometimes there are glitches so I try to check it at least once a day.”
“Okay. What if a guest has special instructions, like they need a room on the ground floor?”
Jilly leaned around Emmy and pressed another button. “It’ll come through here on the screen and we transfer it into the notebook as well and onto the calendar.”
“Okay. What’s next?” Emmy clapped her hands together and Jillian envied the teen’s optimism and excitement.
“We have a messaging system set up so if a guest needs something and we’re not at the front desk, they can text,” Jill said, pulling her phone from her pocket.
She held out her phone to show Emmy. “If I get a text and you’re not at the front desk, I’ll text you. Just make sure you have your ringer on when you leave the desk.”
Walking Emmy through a few more things, Jilly was confident that the young woman would be a helpful addition to their summer team. “You can help Mateo with stocking up all bathrooms and making sure each room has two extra pillows and a spare blanket. He’ll show you where the laundry is and explain how we reset the room. Our first guests will be here at noon for check-in tomorrow. By midweek, the lodge and cabins will be full.”
“Okay. I’ll go find him. Thanks, Ms. Keller.”
Now she just felt old. This week had aged her. “Jilly is fine.”
When the girl walked away, toward the kitchen, Jilly felt like a high schooler, wanting to ask her to see if Levi was working in the kitchen. Pass her a note that says “Is Levi here? ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’” Jilly cringed at her own thoughts. She really needed to pull on her big girl pants and talk to him. He deserved that and so much more.
Ollie came through the door with Grayson just as Jilly was rounding the counter, working up her nerve to act like an adult.
“Hey, Mom.” Her tone was back to normal, though her smile wasn’t quite as bright as usual.
Jillian probably overexaggerated her own in response. “Hi, sweetie.”
Ollie looked up at Grayson, who gave a very subtle nod. What were these two up to?
Before she could ask, Ollie pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket and handed it to Jilly.
“What’s this?”
“Open it,” Ollie said.
Jilly’s hands shook as she unfolded the long, thin piece of paper she recognized as lodge stationery. On it, handwritten, was a message:
Jilly,
I have to tell you something. Can you please meet me at the side of the lodge where the forest leads to the ropes course? I’ll be waiting.
Levi
She looked at her daughter, who was holding her brother’s hand. Both of them had strange smiles on their faces.
“What’s this?”
Grayson tutted teasingly. “Come on, Jilly. Are you so old you don’t remember passing notes?”
“It’s a note from Levi, Mom. You have to go.”
Her daughter’s gaze was filled with so much hope and happiness, it infused Jillian with bravery. She inhaled shakily, let it out. Teenaged Jilly burst to life inside of her. A note from Levi Bright. Her fully adult self realized that this moment mattered. She needed to apologize to the man she loved and take ownership of what she’d done. It’s what she would want her daughter to do. One of the things that kept eating at her this week was Levi’s comment about what she was teaching Ollie. There was no way to protect anyone from hurt. It was part of life. But she could teach her to be accountable, to try her best, and not let go of something wonderful just because she was scared.
Jillian crouched down to meet Ollie’s gaze with a startling realization. Ollie taught her that last one. Now, she was giving her the go-ahead and the courage to grab on to something special.
“I love you,” she said.
Ollie wrapped her arms around Jilly’s neck. “I love you, too.”
When she stood up, she pressed a hand to her stomach like that could steady her nerves. The paper crinkled in her grasp.
“You deserve happiness, Jilly,” Grayson said quietly.
“So do you,” she whispered as she passed him.
Walking through the lobby, out the door, and down the stairs, her steps slowed. What if Levi wanted to tell her that he needed to leave? That he couldn’t be here anymore? That she’d made her choice and it wasn’t him, so he wouldn’t stay?
She stopped herself before rounding the corner of the lodge. Standing still, she pulled in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and held it for a few seconds. The sounds of birds in the distance and her heavy heartbeat were all she could hear. Exhaling, she opened her eyes and took a step toward the unknown, believing that no matter what happened, wherever this took her, loving Levi Bright was worth the journey. And the risk. Now, if she could just get him to forgive her and take her back.