Thirty-seven
Levi wiped his hands on his jeans. He hadn’t felt this sweaty or nervous since… never. Absolutely never had he ever felt like there’d been more on the line. And then Jillian rounded the corner and it was like looking into a regular mirror after staring into a fun house one. Everything that was distorted came into focus. Only, instead of looking at himself, he was looking at her; his future. His heart revved like an engine and his pulse went haywire.
She looked at him, their gazes locking for one heated second before she saw where he was standing. He’d argued more than once with his dad when the finishing touches were happening. Steven wasn’t satisfied with just instructing—he’d wanted a physical hand in securing the pergola in place and, all in all, it’d turned out stunning.
His dad had called in a favor to get the concrete to anchor the footings securely the very night they came up with the plan. From there, his dad had the precut, pretreated wood shipped over early the next morning, and his guys had created the crisscross top quickly. Once the posts were secured and the top was attached, Levi and Gray had carefully strung hundreds of twinkle lights through, over, and around, with Ollie kindly pointing out when they’d missed a spot.
Jillian’s hands flew to her mouth with a gasp and she hurried forward, dropping her hands as she looked up and turned around. “What is this? How did this get here?”
Laughing softly, some of his nerves easing, he stepped closer. “We built it. For you.”
She whipped her head toward his with another sharp inhale. “What do you mean you built it for me?”
When he went to take her hands, he saw she still had the paper. He smiled, tried to take it. She wouldn’t let it go. Holding on to it with her, he asked, “What are you doing?”
She tugged it back. “You’re not taking the first and only note I’ve ever received from Levi Bright. It’s mine.”
His heart melted and then re-formed stronger than ever, with a new owner. It was Jillian’s. As long as he was, too, he was okay with that. He opted for one of her hands for now and held it tight, loving the feel of her skin against his in any way he could get it.
“I’ll write you notes every day if you want me to. If you’ll let me.”
Tears filled her gaze. “Levi,” she whispered.
“Just,” he said, surprised by the lump in his throat, the need in his veins, “let me get this out, okay?”
She nodded, her gaze soft, her lips pressed together. For the first time in almost a week, Levi felt like the life he wanted, the life he now imagined, was attainable. It was, literally, within his grasp.
“Actually, I need a minute. I really need to kiss you, Jilly. I feel like part of me is missing without you and I just—”
She leaned in, went up on her tiptoes, cutting off his words. He had a speech all worked out, but he needed this more than words or air. His arms closed around her waist as hers came around his neck, the paper crinkling in her grasp.
Their mouths came together and they both fell into a kiss that pushed away the last of his uncertainty. The way her lips moved against his, eager and sure, was proof that they were meant to be together. His hands moved up to cup her face, tilt it so he could kiss her deeper and longer. He could kiss her forever and it wouldn’t come close to quenching his desire for this woman.
When he pulled away, just a little, so he could see her face, she was breathing every bit as hard as he was. Her lips were red from his mouth, her cheeks painted with a soft blush that made him smile. Her eyes were hooded and sparkling with something so much more than like or lust.
“I didn’t break your face,” she whispered.
He laughed, hugged her tighter. “No.” When he leaned away, he ran a hand over his chin. “Not then and not now. Even if you had, it would have been worth it. You’re worth it, Jilly. You’re everything. I’m so in love with you, I can’t breathe without you. I know I said things that hurt you. I was shocked and crushed and I didn’t handle it well. You’re an amazing mother and a beautiful person inside and out. I need you, Jillian. In my life, by my side. I want to be a family; you and me and Ollie. Forever. When it’s easy, when it’s hard, no matter what.”
He caught her tears with his thumbs. “I think, in the most innocent of ways, you really were my first love,” he told her, the honesty coming so easily.
“I think you were mine, too,” she said softly.
His heart was a helium balloon with no string attached. “I want to be your last. At seventeen, I didn’t know what it meant to be in love. I do now. It isn’t always perfect and it’s definitely not always easy, but when you’re with the right person, that doesn’t matter as much, because no matter what happens, you know you can lean on them. Trust them. I want to be the person you trust, who you know won’t ever let you down. I won’t break your trust, Jilly. I won’t break your heart. I’ll cherish it. For as long as you’ll let me. For the rest of my life and then some. Please don’t let us be over.”
Jillian’s hands trailed along his hairline and he wondered if it was nervous movement. “I’m sorry I walked away. That I pushed you away and then stayed away. I was so overwhelmed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Andrew, that I didn’t talk to you. That I didn’t lean on you. That wasn’t fair. I was so scared by everything I felt for you and how all of the things in my life seemed to be changing.”
His precious, cautious Jillian. “Change can be good, honey. It brought me home, to you. It brought me here, to the lodge. It brought you here to the lodge. The good thing about coming together at this stage in our lives, we know ourselves better. I love you, Jillian. In a way that I’ve never loved anyone else. I know it’s hard for you to take a leap, but I promise you, I’ll always be here when you land. I’m happy to sign a legal document any time in the future, but, for now, it’s a promise. A promise to be honest and open with you. To work through hard times and enjoy the good. To walk by your side and hold your hand. To make you laugh and hold you when you cry. I love you so much it feels impossible to explain it, but then I look at you and I know you understand.”
She nodded, slowly, her eyes filling with new tears. “I do. I love you, too, Levi. I feel like, in some ways, I’ve loved you for half of my life. I want to spend the rest of it showing you how much.”
Her words settled his pulse and his breath came easier. “Tell me again. It doesn’t feel real,” he whispered, pulling her closer.
The twinkle lights seemed brighter in the shadows of the trees. “It’s so real. I love you, Levi. So much more than I ever imagined possible. And trust me, I imagined it a lot.”
“You’re my home, Jilly. My heart. You and Ollie. I don’t need anything else.” He pulled back, dug in his pocket for her gift, and pulled it out, passing her the bag with a smile. “Unless, you know, you want to give Ollie brothers and sisters.”
Her mouth formed a little O.
“Uncle Gray says sisters are bossy,” Ollie called from the side of the house.
Levi and Jilly both looked over to where Ollie was peering around the side of the house. Grayson gave a sheepish shrug. “Sorry. She wanted to make sure you guys were okay.”
Levi laughed as he held out his hand. “Come here, Ollie.”
Grayson looked at him with a smile that seemed like approval and then left the three of them alone. Ollie stopped in front of him, her mother standing beside her. He crouched down, the other little bag in his hand. “I love your mom, Ollie. Is that okay with you?”
Ollie’s grin, missing teeth and all, filled him with a unique kind of happiness. “Gramma says you can’t help who you love.”
Jillian laughed. “No. You can’t, but when you make a promise to them, you can do everything in your power to keep it. Even when you’re scared. I love Levi, too, Ollie, but that won’t ever change how much I love you.”
Ollie looked up at her mom, her nose scrunching. “I know. Why would you do that? I love Levi, too, and now we can all be together.”
God, his heart might burst apart in his chest. He gave Ollie the gift, stood up so both of his girls could open them.
Their dual gasps were so cute. They both ran their fingers over the beads. Ollie’s were purple and lime green because Lainey said those were her favorite colors.
“It’s such a unique pattern,” Jilly said even as Ollie asked, “Did Lainey make them?”
Levi nodded, meeting Jillian’s gaze. He might never stop looking at her. “She made them. And the pattern is actually Morse code. It says ‘I love you.’”
More tears filled Jillian’s gaze but he cleared his throat and continued. “I wanted you both to have something that reminded you that I do. No matter what.”
“It’s so cool. Thanks, Levi,” Ollie said, hugging him.
He leaned down, hugged her back. “Thank you, Ollie. For making me step up and be brave.”
She patted his cheek. “Uncle Becks said being brave is hard but it’s usually worth it.”
His laughter merged with Jillian’s. “He’s right about that.”
Grayson came around the corner again and Levi moved closer to Jilly, putting his arm around her shoulder.
“All good here?” he asked, staring at his sister.
“Yeah. We’re good.” She leaned into Levi, her arm slipping around his waist.
“Look, Uncle Gray. It means ‘I love you,’” Ollie said, holding up her wrist.
Gray took her hand and looked at it. “That’s beautiful. Lots of people love you and your mom.” He looked at Jillian again, like he was reminding her.
“We’re very lucky,” she said.
“Speaking of which, I’m going to take Ollie home. We’ve got guests arriving at noon tomorrow. Staff shows up at ten. That should give you two enough time to reset room six before anyone is here.”
Before Ollie could ask a question, Gray picked her up, tickling her and making her laugh. “Let’s go, peanut. We’ll stop and get ice cream on the way home.”
“Yay! Bye, Mom. Bye, Levi.” She waved over Grayson’s shoulder where he’d hoisted her.
“Bye, honey.”
Levi grinned as they walked away. “See you tomorrow, Ollie.”
When they were out of sight, Levi turned back to Jillian. “I had a lot of hope going into tonight. I honestly wasn’t sure if it would work out how I wanted, but on the chance that it did, I may have pulled some favors and had the best room in the lodge put aside for us for tonight. If you want.”
Lifting her gaze from her bracelet, which she’d slipped on immediately, she smiled. “I want. Very much. I hope Grayson gave you the friends-and-family rate.”
Curling her fingers into his shirt, she pulled him close, kissed him in a way that imprinted everything about her into his heart and soul. Grayson and Ollie were the last to leave, other than them, so he didn’t worry about privacy when he scooped her up into his arms. She laughed, arms going around his neck.
“What are you doing?” Her pitch went high like Ollie’s but her eyes danced with laughter.
“Carrying you romantically up to the room.”
She pressed her lips together on the ride to the front porch. He made it all the way into the lodge then stopped at the base of the stairs. He could sense her fighting back laughter.
“What’s wrong, Casanova? Too many stairs?”
He turned his head to look at her. “Think you’re funny? I thought teenaged Jilly would want this. I want to make all of her teenage fantasies and your adult ones come true.” He sighed deeply, mustering his strength. He really needed to get back into working out, or at least add more cardio to his routine. “I love you, sweetheart.”
Jillian kissed his cheek as he took the first step, then shifted in his hold.
He stopped. “What are you doing?” He set her down one stair up so she was a little taller than him.
“You’ve already made me happier than you could ever imagine, Levi. You see me, you love me. You love Ollie. You fought for me, you built me a pergola with twinkle lights. You make me laugh and you’re an amazing cook. I love you. So much. And I really want to enjoy room six. It has a soaker tub and a fireplace. I’d like you to not put your back out on the way up there. You are a couple years older than me.” With that, she laughed, turned, and hurried up the stairs with him on her heels, chasing her, making her laugh harder.
They might not know the future, but he knew what was about to happen, and he knew he was the luckiest man on earth. Definitely, in all of Smile.