Chapter 10 Autumn
One Week Later . . .
I hurried inside the office because I was running behind. Chris was late picking up Taylor, which disrupted my routine, and he also complained about having to drive to Farmington when he lived in Taylor, Michigan.
We had been doing this for six months. I’d think he’d be used to this, but he wouldn’t be him if he didn’t complicate shit occasionally.
As soon as I walked inside, my eyes went to the fine piece of man meat sitting in the lobby.
He was reading a magazine, with one ankle crossed over his knee, relaxed.
I had only seen him twice after the block party, for his sessions.
We hadn’t been on a date yet, because he’d been busy, looking for properties to open his bookstore and getting dragged around for Kenzi’s upcoming nuptials.
But over the past week, I always received a ‘good morning, gorgeous’ text, followed by different exotic flowers on my desk at work when I arrived.
Of course, Kenzi and Willow questioned where they’d come from, but I didn’t kiss and tell. I also wasn’t ready for Kenzi to know what was going on between us yet.
I wouldn’t say I wasn’t looking forward to getting to know Ghana outside of the office, but it was nice to be thought of in that way.
A light smile graced my face when he looked up at me. His eyes smoldered as he licked those dark lips and stared at me.
“Good morning, Mr. Abara,” I greeted him.
“Ms. Blake.” He acknowledged with a curt nod.
“My apologies for the late arrival.”
“I ain’t trippin’ off three minutes, Ros.”
I couldn’t stop the blush that formed every time he called me that. To know the definition behind it made me feel good that I could bring light into someone’s life, someone who had been walking in the dark for a long time.
“Follow me,” I said, heading toward my office. “Good morning, Janelle.” I greeted my assistant.
She smiled. “Good morning, Ms. Blake.” Her eyes scanned Ghana, and I watched her secretly fan herself. I opened my office door to let him inside and looked back at Janelle.
“He is fiiine,” she mouthed.
I shook my head and chuckled. “Get to work,” I told her, then proceeded inside, closing the door behind me. I put my bag on the desk and hung up my blazer. Today, my bouquet of flowers was yellow daffodils.
“In a minute, I won’t have any space to put all these flowers,” I said, smiling.
“You could always take ’em to your crib.”
“I think I’ll do that. Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.”
I noticed he took the couch this time, so I took the chair across from him.
“How has your morning been going so far?” I asked, getting comfortable.
“Straight.”
“Want to explain a little bit?”
He chuckled lightly. “I woke up, gave the Big Homie thanks, and asked for guidance, a sound mind, and clarity. Ate a little something, worked out a little, went to meet up with a few club members to discuss a few business ventures, and went online to try to find me a spot to settle in.”
“Wow. All of this before ten a.m.?”
“The grind don’t stop. Been up since five.”
I nodded. “Good. I love that for you.”
“’Preciate it.”
“At our last visit, you were going to tell me about your last episode—what incited it and what you wanted to do differently.”
He sat up and cleared his throat. His eyes scanned my office as he cracked his knuckles. I could tell he was uncomfortable speaking about it, but I hoped he pushed through so we could try to find a solution to the problem.
“My last relationship lasted two years. I loved her and wanted the best for us both. I overcompensated on a lot of shit because I wanted to fill in the spaces where I may have lacked. When she told me she was pregnant . . .” He paused and rubbed a palm down his waves.
“When she told me she was pregnant, I immediately told her to get an abortion.”
“Why is that?”
He smirked lightly. “You know why, Ros.”
“I only read body language, remember?” I smiled at him.
I had to admit I was a little disappointed that he had a brand-new baby, simply because that meant the mother would still be in the picture.
I was almost positive that Ghana blew her damn mind, and she was still in love with him.
There was no way I was competing with her.
She already had one up on me, so just knowing that alone, I would bow out gracefully.
“Right.” He nodded. “Because of my mental condition. There was no way I could have another me running around here being judged, treated differently, or put on medications. I’d rather she told me she adopted a puppy than to tell me my seed was growing inside her womb.”
“Do you feel as if you can’t be a good father? Knowing how life was for you, do you believe you can’t steer your baby in the right direction?”
“I don’t know . . . I guess I’d find that out when we have our first kid.”
That threw me off as I stared at him. “Mr. Abara. We had a deal, sir.”
His palms opened and went midway into the air. “I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?” He smirked.
“Are you not going to try with the baby you have now?”
“I don’t have any kids, Ros.”
I frowned slightly. “Care to explain?”
“My last episode, I found out the baby wasn’t mine.
The episode before that, I did what I did to Ashanti to Nichelle.
Of course, I regretted it because, as I said, I really have no idea what I do until it’s over.
I came out of it and noticed she was on the floor, holding her face.
I tried to apologize, but she ran off and didn’t come home until the next day. ”
“What triggered that episode?”
“I was overwhelmed with everything that was happening. My sister got kidnapped by a rival biker gang, shit went left, and I had to flee. So, I went to her in Memphis. Having to uproot my life became too much, and my thoughts and emotions got the best of me. She said something that wasn’t even wrong, and I went off.
The night she came home, we had sex, and I knew she had cheated on me.
“I didn't want to believe it, because Nichelle was the only other person outside of my sister and Ru that I felt genuinely loved and understood me. But as it stands, I was wrong about her, and once she had the baby, I didn’t even want to know if it was true.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I was really trying to get my shit together for her and the baby. My heart and my mind played tug-of-war for nine fucking months, only to find out I had been going through those motions for nothing.” He sat up in his seat, placing his elbows on his knees.
It was something I noticed he did when he was about to tell me something deep.
“I like kids, Ros. I would never harm a child, a newborn baby at that. My heart and my brain ain’t on one accord when I get angry.
My heart tells me to be chill, but my brain tells me to crash out.
“I—I sent Kenz to the hospital to find out, but I just had to see it for myself. I wanted that shit to be a hoax and for her to be, indeed, my daughter. But when I got there, the real daddy was coming out of the hospital. When I got up there, I overheard my sister cussin’ her out, and—I lost it.
The sad part about it is, I knew what would happen if she wasn’t mine, and I took my ass up there anyway. ”
“Hmm. It’s normal to feel the sting of betrayal, Ghana.
You did a lot for her, and to find out the baby didn’t belong to you hurts.
But your actions could have been different.
Not exactly sure what went on in the hospital, but because of your history of blackouts, I’m sure it wasn’t anything on a verbal level. ”
“I tossed her across the room and kicked the bassinet with the baby inside.”
I sat with my face stoic and body still.
I didn’t want to let on that that was, indeed, overboard, even for someone who didn’t have his condition.
His level of crashing out resulted in violent behavior that could potentially harm those around him.
Now I knew why he was afraid to bring life into this world, but in most cases, impulsive bipolar behaviors didn’t always extend to the child.
It could typically skip a generation, so there was a 50 percent chance the baby would inherit his behavior.
I couldn’t lie; my thoughts immediately went to Taylor and to what I could be introducing her to if I agreed to let Ghana in on an intimate level.
His voice cut through the thick silence. “You pinky swore, Ros.”
His voice was small, defeated with a hint of sadness. I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and released it slowly.
“Let’s close the professional door for a minute.”
“Because now you’re judging me from a personal point-of-view?”
I shook my head. “I would never judge you, Ghana. I’ve treated patients worse than you, but I have to be honest with you because, outside of being your therapist, you are pursuing me as a love interest. I happen to like you and wouldn’t mind seeing where this goes, but after what you just told me, I need to be sure I can invite you into my world.
” I picked up my phone from the table beside me, went to my gallery, pulled up a photo of Taylor, and handed it to him.
“That’s Taylor Armore Irving, my baby girl.” He stared at the photo for a minute before handing my phone back to me.
“She’s beautiful. Looks just like you.”
“Thank you. But I’m her mother, and I have to protect her. If we go on this journey, I want to be sure that you are stable enough to be around her.”
“I would never hurt you, nor will I hurt your daughter.”
“Can you truly guarantee that? You have blackouts, love. That is the only thing that concerns me. Your level of anger exceeds the average, and you can’t turn it off until the fog clears.
Please don’t be offended, but I have to be at least ninety-eight percent sure that you wouldn’t bring any harm our way. ”
He stared at me intensely before he stood, came around the table that sat between us, and sat down on it in front of me. He was so close I could smell the light, minty flavor of his breath. He took my hands in his large, calloused ones, keeping his eyes focused on mine.
“I want you to look into my eyes when I say this, Ros. I would never bring harm or let anyone harm you or baby girl. I know my condition. I know I can take it too far, but with you—this feeling I feel with you is like a dope fiend getting that first hit of heroin in their veins after going so long without it. Euphoric. Orgasmic.”
I tucked my lips, trying not to smile at that. That wasn’t something to blush at, but when he said it, it made my heart flutter.
Get your life, Autumn. This man just confessed to being addicted to you, and you ain’t even given him shit but a peck on the lips.
This was unbelievable.
“Your energy is addictive, mama. I ain’t trying to scare you off, because as I said before, you make me feel better.
You’re the medicine that’s going to cure me, baby.
I can feel that shit. I just need you to believe in me.
Believe in us. I ain’t trying to rush you since it’s only been a week, but I want you to know that I’m interested, and I ain’t gon’ do shit to fuck this up. ”
I placed my palm on his face and smoothed his left eyebrow.
I then leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
Immediately, he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked.
I didn’t have time to think before his thick, pink tongue entered my mouth, and we engaged in a heated kiss.
His tongue explored every crevice of my mouth, and I sucked on it while my fingers raked the back of his head.
My nipples grew painfully erect, and my pussy pulsed as if she was trying to jump out of my panties and onto his dick.
His big palms slid up my skirt until I felt his fingers trailing my panty line.
When I felt his middle and pointer finger enter me, my body tensed, and a moan filtered from my lips.
“Shit.”
“Mm-hmm. I can’t wait to get in this shit. I’ma turn your pretty ass out.”
My breath hitched as I said his name. “Ghana.”
“I know she pretty as fuck. Pretty and pink.” He growled in my ear as he worked those thick fingers between my legs. “You fucked up now, Ros. I gotta taste your other lips now.”
I shook my head frantically while trying to keep myself from crying out. “N-no, we can’t. Not here. And I—I need to see your paperwork first.”
“Tonight. I’ma give you everything you want and need.”
I was so wet I could hear my juices resounding around the room.
“Ahhh, shit!” I hissed lowly through my teeth before I felt myself become undone. My head fell back as I rode the wave until I panted, trying to catch my breath. The alarm on my phone went off, signaling the end of our session.
Just in time.
I felt shame in allowing him to finger-fuck me in my office.
But, gosh, did I need that.
Our eyes finally connected once he pulled his fingers out of me. The hunger lingering in his eyes made me subconsciously bite my lip.
I wanted him.
Bad now.
But I had to wait. As much as I wanted to feel his other tool, I had to be aware that I didn’t know him, know him, and I needed to make sure we were safe.
Still, with his hungry eyes stapling me, he slid his fingers into his mouth and sucked my juices from them. His eyes closed, and he nodded, letting me know he enjoyed the taste.
Thank God for yoni steaming.
“Tonight. Eight o’clock. I’ll text you the location.” He stood abruptly and walked out the door, closing it behind him.
I sat there, pussy pulsating, with my mouth still feeling his tongue and vagina still feeling his fingers inside of me.
Talk about a lasting impression.
Shit! I was in big trouble.