Chapter Three
Melissa
December 11, 2024, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
“Hello, Dante. Hello, Dani. I’m so happy to see you both.”
I smiled at Dani. I encouraged both men to talk about basic emotions in front of Dani. Happy, sad, angry, etc. Naming them and even expressing them. Dani hadn’t learned how to express these emotions yet, and while experiencing them was natural, it would be more confusing for her to still not understand them at her age.
“Danny isn’t joining us today?”
“No, there was an emergency, and he had to go to New York.”
“How long will he be gone?” I asked. While I was disappointed Danny wasn’t here, especially after assuring me nothing was more important than his daughter, this might give me the opportunity to talk with Dante about his own past.
“I’m not sure.”
“Alright, let’s get started.”
“How is Dani adjusting to Danny being gone?”
“She cried all morning,” Dante said with a frown. He still hadn’t set her down in the office, and I wondered if maybe Dante might be having as hard a time, if not harder with Danny gone.
“Would you like to walk her to the play area and let her choose? Then we can talk about what you are going through.”
“I’d like to stay with her.”
“Dante, I’d like to talk to you. It would be best if Dani was given the option to play alone.”
He looked down at his daughter, who looked longingly at the toys about the room. With a sigh, he set her down, and she looked up at him. When he nodded, she slowly made her way to the kitchen.
“I know this is hard, but that right there was a huge milestone.”
“How?” he asked, confused.
“Let’s sit.”
We walked together over to the couch and sat down.
Dante never took his eyes off his daughter.
“Dani has made so much progress it is incredible. Her connection to Danny is remarkable, and the fact that she has accepted you to take up his role in her security, when he was called away, is a great response on her part. Children are resilient, but what she has been through, or better yet not been through, has shaped her in a way most people don’t experience until they are much older. It makes it harder for them to even form attachments much less learn to love and trust. It is clear that Dani trusts you very much. And for a child in her situation, trust is much more powerful than love. Love is easy for children. They tend to love anyone that is nice to them. Not truly understanding the difference between love and like. But trust is hard. For two years, Dani has only been able to trust that she would be fed and changed. Without having any answers to what her life was like for the first two years, it is hard to know if she had a schedule for her feedings or changings. We don’t know if she cried in hunger or fear. All we know is that she was given the bare minimum of care to keep her alive.”
The tears rolled down Dante’s cheeks, and my heart broke. This was so hard. Not just for the three of them. It was hard for me too. I felt everything my patients felt. Sometimes it was difficult keeping my own emotions in check. I stood from my chair, setting down the tablet I kept notes on. Taking the box of tissues with me, I sat on the couch next to Dante.
Handing him the tissues, I gently reminded him, “This wasn’t your fault. Your natural inclination is to blame yourself. But I want to remind you that you are not to blame. You had no way of knowing you were a father. And once you did, you immediately stepped up not only to rescue your daughter but to be her father. There are many people out there that would have walked away without a care.”
“Like my own parents,” he said quietly.
“Tell me about them,” I gently urged.
“I don’t know anything about them. Don’t know who they are, if they’re alive. If they ever cared anything about me. Maybe my father doesn’t know anything about me like I didn’t know about Dani. But my mother did. She would have to. She walked away.”
“Tell me about your childhood. Who raised you?”
Dante took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Have you ever heard of the Trick Pony, Doc?”
Dante didn’t look at me. He was still watching his daughter, and I was thankful. If he had, he would have seen my reaction. I had heard of the Trick Pony. I knew it was a club in Miami, Florida. Rumors said it was more than that. The rumors of what happened to men, women, and children there were enough to give you nightmares. And they were only the rumors.
I was afraid Dante was about to confirm those rumors.
“I have.”
It was all I could say. I waited for him to continue. By the time he was done telling me about how he had been born there, how he had been taken out of there by four boys and a girl. All in their teens. All raised in the Trick Pony. My own childhood trauma paled in comparison.
I knew it wasn’t a competition. All trauma shaped us into who we were today. But after hearing Dante’s story, I was in awe that he was as well-rounded as he appeared.
“Is it possible one of the young men who pulled you from there could be your father?”
“No. I checked. When I was thirteen, I did one of those at home paternity tests. I knew none of us were related by blood.”
“What about the girl?”
“I’ve never met her. I only know what Silas has told me about her. I was a baby when we left, so I don’t have any memories of that time.”
The way he said that time sparked a question I was afraid to ask. But one I would need the answer to in order to help Dante process his trauma.
“Was there another time at the Trick Pony you have memories from?”
He nodded silently as he focused on Dani.
I looked over at her. And asked another question I knew the answer to but needed to hear from him.
“Was Dani a product of the Trick Pony?”
He nodded again.
“Dante, when I was in college I took a trip to New York. I sat in a lecture under Dr. Gideon Scott. He spoke a little about the rumors surrounding the Trick Pony and how the experiences that people had there could shape their lives. Consensual and nonconsensual experiences.”
Dante stiffened when I mentioned Dr. Scott.
“The lecture he gave impacted my life in a way that I never expected. It was why I chose a career working with children of sexual assault. Would you share with me your experience at the Trick Pony? There is no judgment here, Dante.”
“As I said, I was a baby when we left,” he began. His voice devoid of all emotion. Like he was reciting a passage by rote. “Nightmares don’t begin to describe what I’d heard of the place. Knowing I was born there only made me curious. I should have left it alone. They say curiosity killed the cat. It almost killed me. I had just finished my undergraduate program at Texas A&M and transferred to MIT to take part in a new program when it happened. I was so happy to be accepted into the study, I celebrated and partied like any young man with no care in the world. Thanks to my brother and the others, I lived a charmed life. I had everything I wanted. All the advantages life could afford. I didn’t realize how blessed I was until I woke up after a night of drinking to find myself in that horrible place.”
Dante stood and walked over to where Dani played quietly. He didn’t pick her up, he just sat by her. Like he needed her close by while he told me what happened.
“I wasn’t there very long, but long enough to realize the world I once lived in was just a mirage of reality because the truth was, the world is a fucking horrible place.”
I sat quietly while Dante spoke. I didn’t interrupt with questions. I didn’t want to stem the flow of release he needed. His hands trembled, and I suspected that was why he didn’t reach out for his daughter.
Suddenly, he looked over at me. “Doc, the things I am about to tell you. They’re bad.” He walked back over to where I sat, and I waited for him to decide how much to share.
“You can share as much or as little as you feel you need to. There is no judgment here.”
And there wasn’t. Whatever had happened to Dante only happened three years ago. The pain and guilt and shame were still fresh.
It haunted him.
The war of indecision danced across his features. He wanted to tell me, but I knew Danny hadn’t wanted him to share, and he was torn between his devotion to the man he loved and the desire to work through what he had experienced.
“There was a woman there. She was in her fifties. She used pain to make me comply. The more I fought her, the more pain she inflicted. She knew I was gay, and she used that to her advantage...”
Dante told me his story. The things this woman did to him and the things she made him do. It wasn’t until he told me about Dani’s mother that I wept. It wasn’t professional, but I was human. I couldn’t listen to what this man had been forced to do without feeling it deep inside me.
Fuck professionalism.
I reached out and pulled Dante into my arms. I cried with him as he tried to let go of the guilt and shame he faced every day since his time in that awful place.
“I am so sorry, Dante. What you endured...” I didn’t know how to put into words what I was feeling for him. My heart broke for him. My soul felt like it had been torn in half.
I wasn’t trained to handle something like this.
But I wouldn’t turn my back on him.
“You know Dr. Scott, don’t you?” I asked hesitantly.
“He was one of the boys who pulled me from that place as a baby.”
“Does he know? About what happened to you?”
“I don’t think so. The others do. They got me out again.”
Dante shook in my arms. I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around him. He continued his story, telling me about how his family had found him and what his brother Silas had done to get him back.
“Dante, I have a friend who is a therapist. She works with adult sexual assault survivors. I think you would greatly benefit from speaking with her.”
“You’re a doctor,” he reminded me.
“I am, but my training specializes in working with children. I will do what I can to help you work through your experience, but I am limited in my training. Just think about it. She does online therapy so you could meet with her while still living here.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Today has been a lot. I want you to know that nothing you have shared with me will ever be shared anywhere or with anyone. I take my oath seriously.”
“Thank you. Danny didn’t want me to share. He was worried about prosecution, because Dani’s mom was so young.”
“I am only mandated to report a crime you tell me you are going to commit in the future, or an ongoing crime that puts someone in danger. What happened to you was a crime. And I wish with everything in me that I could report that woman on your behalf. But what you did… Despite the pain that girl went through, you went through pain as well. Tomorrow, I would like to talk about how you found Dani. I want you to be prepared because it will be another emotional day.”
“Thank you, Dr. Jefferson.”