Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
BECKETT
"Twice in one week? I was kidding when I said I thought you forgot about this place." Ranger rapped his knuckles on the bar as I took a seat inside The Pit.
"It's been a shit week, and this place is better than sitting at my house alone."
"Wanna talk about it? I hear bartenders make excellent therapists."
I raised my brow at him. "You a good listener?"
Ranger was quick to shake his head. "Nah. I tend to tune people out. I have gotten better at knowing when to insert the appropriate head nod or a grunt here and there, but that's it. Secrets are safe with me because I don't actually listen."
"I'll keep that in mind for the next time I need to get stuff off my chest."
"You do that. Now what can I getcha?"
"The usual. Grab Callahan's as well. He should be here shortly."
"I'm here now." Callahan slid onto the stool next to me. "And day drinking? Really? Who are you? And what have you done with my old partner?"
I chuckled. I missed spending every day with my old friend. Sylvia was cool, but no one would ever replace Callahan.
"Apparently it's been a shit week, which calls for day drinking," Ranger answered as he slid two pints of beer across the bar.
"Sounds about right." Callahan took a swig before turning to face me. "Why's it a shit week?"
There was no one around but Ranger. It was barely past noon, and most people wouldn't start trickling in for a few hours yet, so we had the place to ourselves to talk freely.
"The deputy director took the Dunkin case from me. Supposedly he's going to work it himself."
Callahan's brows shot up to his receding hairline. "Himself? In all my years, I've never heard of that happening. Guys like him don't work cases. They use political gain to climb the ranking ladder."
I feared he would say that. I had figured as much, but actually hearing it put things in perspective. "That's what I thought. I have no clue why he would have taken interest in my case."
"Has anything changed lately?"
"You mean other than Lex was murdered and Mason got out of prison on a technicality?" I took a swig of my own beer. "Nope, I would say that's about it."
Callahan whistled. "No wonder you've taken up day drinking. That is a shit week."
"Oh and I forgot one more thing. I walked out of the bathroom this morning to find Anita and one of her teammates in my bedroom. Apparently breaking into my home is becoming a pattern of hers."
"What did she want this time?"
"Sylvia's getting a little too close to figuring out who Anita is, and she's not happy about it. Advised me it was best if I told my partner to back off."
"Is that what you're going to do?"
The million-dollar question. Before today, I would've told Sylvia to stop. I knew what Anita was capable of. I’d experienced firsthand the punishment Anita dished out. And there was no doubt in my mind her promise that nothing good would come from digging too deep would come true.
But the more time I spent with Anita, the more I wanted to know. And now after watching her come and seeing the look in her eyes when she exploded? Yeah, I definitely wanted more of that.
Her scent lingered on my fingers, and I was tempted to take a whiff. I wanted to be surrounded by it. To soak it into my skin so I had it with me always. One hit was all it took to become addicted.
"Yeah, I think so. I don't need Sylvia messed up in that. I was an idiot for telling her in the first place, knowing what Anita is capable of."
"It sounds like you are in awe of Anita. When did that happen?"
I stared down into my pint like it might have the answers I seek.
"I fucked up today." I watched as the condensation trailed down the glass. The cold beer sweating from sitting out in the room-temperature bar.
"How so?"
I met my old partner's gaze. "Do you remember when we first met Anita?"
Callahan nodded his head. "One of the first things you said was how gorgeous she was despite her pissed-off facial expression. It wasn't until she spoke that you changed your mind."
"It wasn't so much that I changed my mind. I just assumed she hated me, and she said as much when Mason took off."
"Okay? And how does that relate to today's fuckup?"
"I crossed a line I never should've crossed." I didn't add that I liked it and would probably cross it again if given the chance.
Callahan rubbed his chin. "Well, that's not where I thought this conversation was going." He took a large swig. "You do realize she works in the gray area of the law, right? I mean we don't have any evidence to prove she breaks some laws, but I think it's pretty damn obvious."
"I know. I think it's safe to say all logic went out the window once my dick got involved."
"Let me ask you something. Is it just your dick involved or something else?"
The old man was a hell of a lot calmer than I expected him to be. I thought for sure he would've been reading me the riot act. Or maybe that was what I hoped would happen. I needed someone to tell me I was acting stupid and putting my career on the line.
"Not just my dick," I admitted quietly.
Callahan clapped me on the shoulder. "I'm going to tell you something, and I know you're not going to like it, but I want you to hear me out."
I glanced up at him.
"You were never meant for the FBI."
I was startled by his abrupt admission. Joining the FBI was all I ever wanted. Knowing I was helping people on a national level made me feel good. "I don't understand what you're saying."
"Tell me. Why did you join the FBI?"
"To get justice for victims. To get assholes off the streets before they hurt more people."
Callahan nodded. "Right. It's not about closing cases or climbing the ladder for you.
Politics don't even play a part in your mind, and yet that's what the FBI is all about.
It's statistics. The more cases you close, the better your chances are of a promotion.
The bigger the criminal, the more accolades you earn.
But that stuff doesn't mean shit to you. "
"It doesn't mean shit to a lot of agents, not just me. So why was I never meant for the FBI?"
"Because I think if given half the chance, you would step into the gray area if it meant protecting the innocent and getting a scumbag off the streets permanently."
I was taken aback by his statement. "No, I believe in the law."
"Do you? Or do you believe in getting justice? Because those are two completely different things."
Did I only care about justice? I thought about my feelings when I’d learned Lex was dead.
I wasn't sad. No one in my position would be.
He was just another criminal who got what he deserved.
But there was a side of me who wanted to high-five whoever killed him.
Thank them for taking care of the piece of shit when no one else would.
Did that mean I was okay with people living in the gray area?
"I'm not saying you have to answer me now, but just think about it."
"What brought this on?"
Callahan would always be my mentor even if he no longer worked with me. I valued his input more than anyone else in my life.
"I saw the way you looked at Anita all those years ago."
"And how's that?"
"The same way I look at my sweet Maggie. Like the world revolves around her."
"There's nothing sweet about Anita." Well, except her sweet cunt, but I wasn't about to share that.
"Maybe not but that doesn't change the fact that she could be your other half. Your soulmate."
How the hell did we get to this point in the conversation? I came here to talk about the shitty week at work, and somehow Callahan was giving me advice about soulmates.
"I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself."
"Am I? I saw it seven years ago, and I'm guessing if I saw the two of you together now, it would look eerily similar."
I wasn't so sure about that.
Did I find Anita attractive? Hell yes.
Did I like the way she lit up when I touched her? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Did I think we were marriage and forever material? Uhhhh I couldn't say I pictured that before now. But now that Callahan said something, several things were running through my mind at once.
"You're thinking about it, aren't you?"
"Only because you said something, and it doesn't matter anyway. Today was a one-off. She hates me, and our careers make us incompatible." Well, I assumed they did anyway. I didn't know exactly what job Anita had, but something told me it didn't align with the FBI.
"There's a very thin line between love and hate. Besides, your career is only a problem if you stay with the FBI. Who knows. Maybe you'll find something that aligns better with what she does."
Leave the FBI? I never even considered that. Then again, I was never called into a meeting with the brass before, so who knew what my future held? I might be switching career paths whether I liked it or not.