Chapter 30
MATTHEW
Freefall.
I pushed forward, moving slowly but with purpose, with intention, with determination, while everything inside me screamed with the thrill of falling for him, no longer restricted by the boundaries of my overthinking.
I was unfettered by worry about my sexuality and my grief.
In this moment, there was just me and him and his body welcoming me home.
When my pelvis made contact with his body, my cock fully seated inside him, I held there, marveling at the beauty of the man below me.
Never in my life had I imagined that I’d ever be attracted to a man, that I’d sink myself into another man’s body in this way, but fuck, was I thankful it was Louis who’d shown me the way.
“You good?” I asked as I was overtaken by the unbearable urge to move.
Louis nodded and wrapped his legs around me, drawing me impossibly closer. We shared a moan at the change in angle, and then I drew back, pulling nearly all the way out before sliding forward again. Louis brought both hands up to either side of my face, holding my gaze as I moved my hips faster.
“So good, Matty. Keep going.”
Needing no additional words of encouragement, I picked up the pace, my thrusts becoming more erratic as the urge to come built inside me like a volcano about to erupt.
“You’re so tight, Lou. Jesus, I’ve never felt anything like it.”
“Harder,” he demanded. “I want to feel you next week.”
I braced my elbows on either side of his head, trapping his dick between our bodies, and punched my hips forward, changing the angle one more time. Louis let out a strangled moan, gritted his teeth, and tilted his head back.
“That’s it. Fuck. That’s it, right there. Don’t you dare fucking stop.”
Impossible. A tornado could have blown the roof off the place and I’d still be pummeling his ass, over and over and over again. There was only one way this ended and that was with mutual orgasms.
I kept going, my pace relentless. Sweat ran down my face, clinging to my beard. He whined. I moaned. He gripped my ass. And still, I kept my eyes trained on his face, wanting to commit every expression to memory.
“Oh, god, Matty. Oh, shit. I’m . . . I’m gonna come.
I’m gonna . . .” He slammed his eyes shut as liquid heat spread between our bodies.
He let out another whine, this one long and unhinged, as I continued to pump into him.
My orgasm was close, literally right there, as I straddled the fine edge between torture and exquisite bliss.
And then Louis opened his eyes, wide and beautiful and full of emotion. I surged forward, burying myself deep inside him, and finally—finally—tipped over the edge.
Freefall.
Hours later, I found myself once again watching snow swirl around outside the window while Louis slept in my arms. I wasn’t sure if this was new snow or this morning’s batch of powder being swept up in the wind.
It didn’t matter. I knew going forward, I’d never be able to watch snow fall outside without remembering what it felt like to hold Louis in my arms.
Which was a problem, because snow was part of the wintertime experience in this part of the country.
Stay.
Twenty-four hours later and the word still haunted me. Tapped on my shoulder. Nudged me. Insistently demanded to be spoken aloud. To be proclaimed, shouted, and if that didn’t work, begged.
My heart ached with longing. I missed him.
He was lying right here in my arms, and I missed him before he’d even gone.
I wanted his chatter. I wanted his sass.
I wanted his hugs and his kisses. I wanted those eyes that saw way too much to stare me down and call me out on my bullshit.
Louis pushed me, challenged me, made me want to try engaging with the world again rather than merely existing in it.
A rolling mew sounded moments before Ernie landed on the edge of the bed next to me.
Earlier, Lou and I had emerged from the bedroom long enough to clean ourselves up, scrounge up some dinner, and feed Ernie before returning to the bedroom.
We’d lain in bed for hours, cuddling and talking about everything and nothing until, eventually, Louis had fallen asleep, leaving me wide awake to wallow in my thoughts while snow swirled in the wind outside.
Ernie headbutted my shoulder, a low rumbling purr just barely audible, then turned in a circle three times before settling down against my side. And so, with Louis on one side and Ernie on the other, I finally succumbed to sleep.