Chapter 4
Erik
Ireally shouldn’t have offered to walk with Declan around the lake. However, the words were out there and we’d agreed a time, and I couldn’t back out now.
The biggest problem was that I wanted to go for a romantic walk with Declan. Showing him round the lake after he’d been away for years seemed like a dream.
I had fallen in love with this place the moment I’d set eyes on it whereas he spoke of it with a sense of acceptance that he was stuck here now.
I felt I could re-introduce him to a wonderful world he’d forgotten.
I wanted to open his eyes to the beauty just outside his window.
Wanted to be there as he took his first tentative steps into his new life, whichever direction that might be.
Wanted to wait for him to come home to me every night, a warm cottage and scorching kisses.
As I stepped out of my cottage, I chastised myself for being so ridiculous in getting emotionally attached to a client, and one who so very clearly wasn’t interested in me.
The cold bite of the air on my cheeks was like a slap, waking me up from the silly daydreams I’d been having all afternoon about Declan holding my hand as we walked around the lake and coming back to my cottage with me.
My animal stirred inside me, unfurling its limbs and seeming to stretch inside me as though stretching out its tentacles for Declan.
It was always difficult to keep my hands to myself around Declan because I wanted to run my hands over his body to test its strength and soothe him and hold him, and my octopus wanted to wrap its tentacles around him, holding him tightly to us and claiming him as our own.
It had been a mistake to even consider that Declan might come back to my cottage with me because my octopus had grown alert, liking that idea. And, now it was out there, I couldn’t un-think it.
I slammed the front door behind me, hoping to cut off any silliness.
I never locked my front door, despite everyone warning me that it was a risk.
I didn’t have much to steal and getting to the cottage was awkward, down a narrow path leading right up to the lake’s edge.
People didn’t stumble upon it by accident, which was exactly why I’d rented it in the first place.
It was perfectly situated, right at the edge of the lake, with the water practically lapping at the back garden and inviting me to slip outside naked and slide into the waters to transform.
Every time I left, I told myself I was going to walk straight up the path and between the trees because it was too cold to stand there and look out across the lake but, every time, I stopped for just a few moments to do exactly that.
It was so beautiful.
The lake disappeared into the distance, the edges hazy in the dusk, the flat surface reflecting the rising moon on the white ice. It had frozen over a couple of weeks ago and it looked like it would stay that way until the new year.
I was only a tiny bit disappointed. Yes, I liked to get into the water and let my animal out, to feel my tentacles uncurl and splay in the cool water but, even for me, icy-cold was too cold. I’d wait until spring before I went into the lake again.
Sighing, I turned away and went on my way. I didn’t want to be late to pick up Declan.
As I drove to his parents’ house, I convinced myself that I was just physically attracted to him because he was incredibly handsome and that was it, there was nothing else to it, and this was absolutely not the start of a horrible crush that would plague me.
The second I saw Declan standing outside his parents’ front door, the lecture I’d just given myself went out of the window.
He was wrapped up warm with his hat pulled low and his scarf pulled high, but already the chill air had turned his cheeks a rosy pink. He looked incredible. Not just that, but I felt the longing deep in my core to reach out to him to wrap my tentacles around him…
Yeah, this crush was going to be a killer.
Because Declan had made it incredibly clear that he was in love with his best friend.
In fact, I was here specifically so he could practice for his date with his best friend. I was not the date.
That didn’t stop me from being pathetically eager, and I was out of the car and over at Declan’s side in a moment.
“Hey,” he said. “I wasn’t sure you’d—”
He cut himself off and I raised my eyebrows at him.
“What? You didn’t think I’d come?”
“Well, I mean, I’m glad you did.”
His words lit a warm fire in me, glowing like a brazier. I had to take a deep breath before I could speak and then I pointed to the crutches which were propped against the doorframe.
“Are we taking those?”
“Um, if you wouldn’t mind. I know you’ve been trying to get me to walk without them but—”
“No problem,” I said.
I didn’t want him to feel awkward about it. Being around people with disabilities was so commonplace for me that I hardly noticed it any more. People were just people and some of them needed different adjustments than others. Declan was clearly still getting used to stating his needs, though.
Grabbing the crutches in one hand, I offered Declan my arm to walk to the car.
I wasn’t sure whether he blushed or whether the cold wind was making his cheeks redder. Either way, it was cute as hell. God, I wanted to eat him all up.
“I can make it to the car,” he muttered.
“Hey, true or false? Your mum is guaranteed to be watching through the net curtains to see that we set off okay and she’ll feel better knowing you’re going to be safe.”
He sighed. “True.”
I smiled, and felt the warmth of his hand as he slipped it through the crook of my arm and leaned on me just a little with each slow step.
“Besides,” I added, “I want to impress her. I don’t want anyone thinking that I don’t treat my men well when I’m taking them out for the evening.”
Declan gave a low chuckle and I felt as though I could bathe in it, floating on that sound the way my octopus twirled in water.
Once we were both in the car, with his crutches safely stowed on the back seat, I set off for the lake again. The other side of the lake. The populated side.
Maybe I wanted to torture myself with hearing all about the man Declan was in love with, the man he was going to take on a date, but I said, “So tell me about Sonny, then. You grew up together round here?”
“We always liked skating. Sonny’s much better at it than I am.
He’s slender and graceful and he moves like he’s dancing on the ice.
I can only skate in— I mean, I could only skate in straight lines.
Once I got going, I was faster but Sonny can change direction quicker and he can literally skate circles round me. ”
Something in Declan’s tone softened as he spoke.
Even when he hesitated and cut himself off, realising that he’d been talking in the present tense, there was still something in his tone I had never heard before.
It was a kind of wonder at the sheer beauty he’d been privileged enough to witness, almost the same way I felt about the cool depths of the lake when I shifted and felt the waters lapping at my skin.
I really tried not to get jealous but it was impossible not to. I wanted Declan to talk about me in that way, even though I knew he never would.
That didn’t mean I had to make him uncomfortable by knowing my desires, though.
I did my absolute best to keep my tone neutral and friendly when I asked some more follow-up questions, trying not to touch on something that would make Declan retreat into himself.
Somehow, I managed it because when we pulled into the car park, he was still telling me about his favourite book series as a child, describing how he and Sonny had read them all together, swapping books back and forth, raiding the library and having sleepovers so they could stay up late and read by torchlight.
“Where do you want to start?” I asked.
“Sonny wants to go skating, even though he says he doesn’t. Can we start on the west side?”
“Sure,” I said, and noted that, even though it was painful for Declan to confront his limitations, he didn’t want Sonny to miss out.
We walked towards the lake, passing families on their way back from skating, and a few couples. Declan gave a nod and an, “Evening, Mr Parker,” to an older man who was corralling three children, presumably his grandchildren, back towards the carpark.
I wasn’t in any rush, and we took it slowly. After walking around the curve of the west side of the lake, I asked, “Do you want to go up the hill a little and look down on it?”
In the increasingly dim light, Declan looked dark and ethereal, a blend of shadows and light playing over his skin from the grotto lights on the edge of the lake.
My octopus eyesight was designed for deep water, though, and I shifted ever so slightly, letting my senses become sharper without letting any of my extra limbs out.
Declan looked dubious.
“We can try it now so you know for sure whether you want to give it a go tomorrow or to stay on the flat.”
“Yeah, that sounds sensible. Thanks.”
We wound our way up the path which meandered up a gentle slope, the hill overlooking the lake.
It was beautiful up there, even from a short way up, and I liked to go there and take in the whole lake.
Also, I liked to double-check that nobody could see my cottage or me slipping naked into the water beyond the trees.
Our arms brushed against each other as we walked, and I wished I could feel his skin instead of our thick coats. I probably should have moved further away from him, but I didn’t want to. I wanted that contact.
After a while, Declan said, “You know, it’s really kind of you to do this. You didn’t have to.”
“It’s a pleasure. I’m enjoying our evening.”
Perhaps he might have responded to that, perhaps saying so much was a bad idea, but at that moment Declan’s shoe slipped on a slick patch on the path. It happened so suddenly and only the fact that I had been pressed almost against him and I had incredibly quick reflexes helped me to catch him.
Luckily, though, I did catch him. He wobbled and froze in place, afraid to move, and I made sure he was stable before adjusting my hold on him.
“It’s okay now, I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”
We were standing pressed together. My arms were around his waist and holding his arm, so close that we were almost embracing. If I adjusted my position just a little, I’d be holding him. Our faces would be close together, our lips nearly brushing together…
Declan cleared his throat.
“Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“Oh?”
I realised I’d been pressing closer than was necessary and moved my head back to give him a bit of room.
“I clearly can’t do this, not alone.”
“You won’t be alone, though, will you? You’ll be with Sonny.”
“That’s not—”
I waited, but he didn’t elaborate, and I had to say, “You cut yourself off from speaking a lot. Do you know you do that?”
“No, I—”
He cut himself off and we looked at each other for a long moment. The air around us became warm, charged with some energy that flowed through me like a warm stream. Declan licked his lips, which were red from the cold, making them shine.
Then he said, “I didn’t realise I did that.”
“You do. But you don’t have to do it with me.”
He stared into my eyes for a long time. I felt him in my arms, longed to pull him closer to me, wrap myself around him more securely, slide my tentacles and my hands inside his thick coat and touch his skin, taste those lips that were so close and tempting.
But I didn’t. I was his friend and he needed me as a friend right then.
He needed to tell me what he was afraid of.
“I’m afraid I’ll fall.”
“And you’re worried that a cute twink like Sonny couldn’t support you.”
“How do you know Sonny is a cute twink?”
“You described him to me.” I smiled, trying not to show how much I longed for him to describe me with the same wonder in his tone that I’d heard there for Sonny.
Maybe that was why I made my second mistake of the day, made the second offer I really, really shouldn’t have.
“You know, if you want me to, I can be here with you when you bring Sonny to the lake. I don’t have to come round with you, I can just be nearby in case you need me. ”
“You’d do that?”
“It would make you feel more secure.”
“If you don’t mind me saying so, you’re as cute a twink as Sonny is.”
The warmth inside burned hotter, so hot that I felt I could melt the snow around me with the sheer joy of Declan’s words.
His eyes went wide with alarm and he stuttered, “I-I-I meant that you’re about the same size as he is.
Actually, you’re smaller. So I don’t know how you’d be able to lift me up if I fell if someone Sonny’s size couldn’t.
Not that I don’t think you can because you’re pretty strong and I’ve felt your muscles. Not like that! I meant—”
With a soft laugh, I interrupted his increasingly desperate explanation.
“I know what you meant.”
Actually, though, if I were being honest? I wasn’t sure I did know. Because it seemed to me that Declan thought I was cute.
Annoyingly, that warm fire inside me stayed burning, refusing to be put out. There was a very small chance that Declan might want me as more than a friend, and that was going to make it hard to let him go when Sonny turned up and swept him off his feet.
My arm stayed around his waist and I had to fight back the instinct to slide my tentacles around him. Once my animal wrapped him in our arms, we’d never let him go.