Chapter 5
Sonny
By the time I actually got to Declan’s house, I was ready to burst into a million glittery pieces. I hugged Lilian as she opened the door and then couldn’t wait any longer to see Declan and so I charged through the familiar house to the living room and flung myself at him.
It was a good job he was sitting on the sofa because otherwise I would have completely crushed him.
As it was, he manoeuvred me down to sit beside him and I wiggled like an excited puppy.
Declan had once been tall and broad-shouldered and, until recently, had done weight training that made his biceps huge and his chest all muscly and… muscly.
I wanted to sigh like a schoolgirl. My man was so hot.
Except he wasn’t my man and he had lost so much weight recently that he looked practically as slim as me.
He hadn’t got lines around his face but there was something in his expression, in the paleness of his skin and the bags under his eyes, that made him look like he was tired and aged.
I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and smother him with kisses until he got better.
The happy light inside me dimmed a bit. Declan didn’t want my kisses. Or anything from me except friendship.
I was okay with that, really I was. I’d take whatever part of himself Declan wanted to give me and I’d treasure it all my life. Friendship? I’d be the absolute best friend that ever friended.
“What are you grinning at?” he asked.
I realised belatedly that I’d let my smile out with the sheer joy of seeing him again.
“Just happy to be here. I’ve missed you.”
Declan looked away, fidgeting with his phone, flipping it over and over in his fingers.
It was Lilian who said, “He’s missed you, too. The weather’s been awful and he’s been moping around the house. Now you’re here, you can cheer him up.”
“I can do that!”
Lilian smiled. “I know you can.”
Now I looked at her, I realised that she had the same tightness around her eyes and mouth that Declan had. The tiredness, and the lines in her pretty face had become deeper over the last few months. She’d been just as worried about Declan as I had.
Declan interrupted my chain of thought.
“I’m sorry to go out straight away but I’ve got a physiotherapy appointment.”
“Oh.”
Lilian suggested, “Why don’t you settle into your room while Declan is out?”
I stood. “Nah, I’ll dump my bags upstairs and then go with you. That alright?”
I looked at Declan to see what his reaction would be. Not to be paranoid or anything but I’d been hearing a lot about Erik for the past two months, all about how Erik thought this and Erik said that and Erik was making his mobility so much better and…
Okay, I loved that Declan’s mobility was improving, along with his confidence in his own movements.
And I wasn’t going to complain that Declan had other friends, either.
But it sounded to me like Erik was becoming important to Declan in a way that made me feel all weird inside and I didn’t like it. I’d always been the most important person in Declan’s life and, selfishly, I didn’t want that to change.
Declan shrugged. “You can’t come into the therapy room, it’s too small. You’ll be bored, sitting in the waiting room.”
Did he not want me to meet Erik?
I hesitated for just a second. I didn’t want to stop Declan being happy. Maybe he’d chosen Erik and I should let them fall in love and live happily ever after.
Then my mouth opened all by itself and I blurted out, “I don’t mind. I’ll get to spend time with you in the car. How about I drive you over?”
Whaaaat? I just wanted to spend time with my best friend and this way, maybe I’d catch a glimpse of Erik, too.
Luckily, Lilian was on my side. She said, “I’ve got the guest room ready for you, Sonny. Declan doesn’t have to leave for another few minutes so you have time to freshen up.”
I grinned, bouncing off the sofa and rushing back towards the door to grab my bags.
“Thanks Lilian, you’re the best.”
As I went upstairs and dumped my bags in the guest room, I tried not to be disappointed that I was in there.
It was a nice room. The wallpaper was tastefully neutral, neither too feminine nor too masculine.
It was actually a beautiful room. Only my heart sank to be in there because a little part of me had thought that maybe Declan would want me in his room.
It had been a stupid dream, considering I hadn’t stayed in Declan’s bedroom since we’d been kids having sleepovers, but still… I’d thought about it.
Okay, okay, maybe I’d been letting my imagination run wild and maybe I’d been reading too many romances but here we were, spending Christmas together, I’d been in love with Declan since I’d first understood what love was and probably even before then, and at the very least I’d expected there to be only one bed.
The fact that there was a whole house for me to sleep in and I knew it as well as I knew my own childhood home and I’d known for sure there was a spare room waiting for me was irrelevant.
Still, I wasn’t going to let that get me down. I was here, with Declan, and I got to spend Christmas with him and soak up some of that familiarity I’d been missing so much for the past few months.
Declan was waiting by the car by the time I got outside.
“Am I holding you up?” I asked.
“No.”
Sliding into the driver’s seat, I asked, “Are you sure?”
Declan was silent for a moment and I held my breath. He could be funny about things sometimes. He didn’t open up to people as easily as I did.
Eventually, he said, “It can take a while, to get outside. I thought I’d make a head start.”
“Oh, okay.”
I glanced at him and smiled. For the first time in weeks I could smell Declan. His scent had been almost permanently in my car and my flat before his accident, since we’d been around each other so often. But not recently. It was heaven to have it back.
“What are you grinning at?”
I tried to straighten my face, failed, and burst out laughing. “Nothing! I’m just happy to be here. I really have missed you.”
He spoke quietly. “I know. I’ve missed you too, Sonny.”
Whereas I was nearly bursting with joy, Declan looked exhausted and depressed.
It was different for us, I knew. I hadn’t been the one injured.
I hadn’t been in the collision. My life had changed only because Declan wasn’t in it as much, which sucked, but it was nothing compared to what he was going through.
My heart squeezed painfully inside my chest. I wanted so badly to make everything right for him, but I just didn’t know how to do it.
I’d known him long enough to know when he needed a bit of space, though, so I drove quietly along the deserted streets out of the village and towards the town situated a few miles away.
When I’d been little, I’d thought the town was huge, a bustling metropolis.
Of course, now I lived in an actual city, the town was laughably small.
Still, I was glad there was such a good physiotherapy team near enough for Declan to get to.
“You’re quiet,” he said suddenly. “Are you tired?”
“Nah, not really.”
I glanced at him, and caught his sceptical look. It made me laugh again.
“Alright, yes, I am a bit. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was too excited to come and see you.”
Did that make me sound a bit desperate?
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said, and I hugged those words to me as I drove.
I didn’t expect him to say anything else. Declan wasn’t an over-sharer. Which meant he surprised me when he murmured, “I’ve missed you, Sonny. More than I miss my leg.”
Swallowing, I fought back tears. The last thing I wanted was to be driving with blurred vision, especially given that the person who’d crashed their four-by-four into Declan’s little car had been drunk and hadn’t been able to see straight.
We both knew better than to be less than vigilant on the road.
To break the heavy atmosphere, I pointed at the glove compartment. “I’ve got sweets, if you want some. Christmas sweets.”
He gave a faint chuckle and said, “You and your sweets,” and then rummaged around for them.
I heard the wrapper crinkle as he unwrapped it and held out the peppermint sweet.
I took it and popped it into my mouth, letting the Christmas flavour permeate my mouth and hoping that I could swallow that happiness completely.
Once I’d parked the car, I went round to the passenger side and waited until Declan was stable. Then I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight, wishing I had more arms so I could hold him tighter.
“What’s all this for?”
I had my face pressed into his collar bone, not quite brave enough to press my lips to his neck like I wanted. Also, you know, he hadn’t consented to that. If he wanted me to kiss his neck, he probably would have mentioned it by now.
It meant my words came out muffled by his coat.
“I’m just so glad to be here with you.”
One of Declan’s hands came up and brushed over my head. It was almost a caress. Then he gave me a manly pat on the back and I took the hint and pulled back, breaking us apart.
We walked into the building together and I pretended not to notice when Declan tried to shake me off before he got to Erik’s treatment room. I gave a bland smile and said, “I’ll walk you to the door.”
I was desperate to see what Erik looked like.
Declan gave an efficient rap at the door and it opened, revealing an alarmingly attractive man. Instantly, I hated him.
He was probably only a couple of years older than us, but something in the way he held himself made me feel like he was in control. They probably took lessons in looking all official and in-charge at Physiotherapy School or whatever.
And he was slim, shorter than me, but I could see the way his body filled out his polo shirt with the company logo on it. He might be slender but he was strong. His arms and chest were well-defined and I didn’t want to see what was under than shirt, not at all.
Erik took me in, his black eyes scanning me with what might have been professional interest or might have been bitch I will fight you for this man.
I smiled, showing too many teeth.
“Hi, I’m Sonny. I’m staying with Declan for Christmas.”
He held out his hand and I didn’t debate for a second whether to refuse to shake it, honest. I wasn’t that petty, even when pretty professional Touchers were making moves to take my man away from me.
“Erik,” he said. “I’m pleased to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I don’t know whether it was his words or his touch that made the breath catch in my throat. His fingers gripped mine and my whole hand tingled. When he dropped it, I could still feel the ghostly impression of his hand on mine.
It threw me.
Somehow, I didn’t quite keep up with the conversation until I found myself being walked back to the waiting room by Erik.
As we walked past the receptionist, a pretty brunette woman who looked so pregnant she was about to pop, Erik smiled at her.
“Let me get you some peppermint tea.” Then he looked at me. “Would you like one?”
I shook my head.
He quickly poured boiling water into a mug and swirled the tea bag around. I could just about smell the faint aroma, and I hated that it smelled good, like Christmas was in the air.
The receptionist beamed at Erik as he handed over the mug and I regretted refusing one.
Before he left, Erik gestured at the coffee machine on the back wall and said, “Help yourself to a drink while you wait.”
I thought I was being dismissed. But Erik’s hand settled on my shoulder, a surprisingly heavy weight through my coat.
“I’m glad you’re here. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”
He left to go back to his treatment room where, presumably, he would get to run his hands all over Declan’s body for the next fifty minutes and, worse, I got to sit here and imagine it.
Doubly worse?
The way I pictured it was kind of hot. The idea of Erik’s compact, strong body moving Declan’s bigger body around and taking charge to bring him pleasure?
I sat down with a bump, causing the chair to scrape back an inch with a screech. I cleared my throat and pulled at the front of my coat, making sure it covered my lap. Because this semi was entirely inappropriate. And very confusing.