Chapter 12
Declan
Iwas warm and content when I woke.
A murmuring beside me dragged me further into consciousness and I blinked in the unfamiliar surroundings. It was dark with barely any light filtering in through the window on the other side of the room, more a grey square against the blackness of the bedroom.
My memory filtered back to me slowly. We were in Erik’s cottage, weren’t we?
I turned my head and could just make out the shape of Sonny lying against me, his fair hair shining starkly against the greyness of the room.
He twitched and murmured.
That was when I felt him press against me. All down my body, Sonny was pressed as close as we could get. He was huddled into my side, my arm around him. My arm had gone numb, actually.
And someone else was there. Erik. He was an indistinct form behind Sonny, a mass of limbs and blankets.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that all three of us were safe. We were all alive and here, which is what mattered.
I felt safe, too, wrapped up tightly in blankets and arms. Sonny’s arms seemed to surround me completely, wrapping around my body and keeping me securely in bed, despite the three of us only just managing to squeeze in.
Those arms moved, a long, sinuous slide against my exposed arm and the little patch of skin above my trousers where my t-shirt had ridden up, soft and erotic. And they kept moving. Sonny’s arms were longer than I realised, and more flexible.
I blinked awake further and tensed.
Those weren’t arms. I could feel Sonny’s arms pressed against my chest, hard and still.
As I grabbed the blankets with my free hand, I felt the things slide over my thigh and my stomach and chest, retreating, and then when I managed to yank the blanket back and look down at my own form, I couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
That was my body. Those were my clothes. The only weird thing was that I’d fallen asleep with my prosthetic on, which I shouldn’t do.
And of course, the weirdness of Sonny being pressed naked against me. That was unusual.
He twitched again and whimpered, and I realised he was probably cold as I let the cool air in under the blanket, and I dropped it down again. I slid my hand underneath the blankets and gently rubbed Sonny’s arm.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You’re safe now. We’ve got you.”
Behind Sonny, Erik stirred. I felt bad for waking him.
“Sorry,” I said softly.
Erik faced me over Sonny’s shoulder, but I couldn’t make out his expression since the only dim light came from the window behind him, casting his face into shadow.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry about,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just thought I felt—” I broke off. I didn’t want to sound mad. “I was just dreaming.”
“A bad dream?”
“No. Just a dream.”
“Do you want something? I can get you a drink.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to make a fuss.
Erik read my answer in that hesitation. In one fluid movement, he slipped out of the bed, barely disturbing the mattress and leaving the blankets over me and Sonny. The light behind him lit up his form as he circled the bed.
“What would you like?”
“Could I have a glass of water, please?”
“Of course.”
Erik left the bedroom for a minute and came back with two bottles of water.
“I thought they were less likely to spill.” He put one down on the bedside table and said, “For Sonny, when he wakes up.”
His voice was so soft and smooth, I wanted to drink it in. Or float in the sound waves. I wanted Erik to wrap me in his surprisingly strong arms and hold me, because I suddenly felt like I was floundering, bobbing at sea with no anchor.
As I managed to drink some of the water, Erik studied me. He was standing on my side of the bed, which meant the grey light from the window managed to reach his face. It was indistinct but I could feel his eyes on me. I was sure, somehow, that he saw me perfectly clearly.
“Would you like some help taking off your prosthetic?”
I swallowed. I’d never asked him to do that before. He’d never had to touch me there.
His voice, so gentle, said, “I want you to be comfortable. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to do it.”
“Yes please.”
Erik did it with such sure movements that I knew he’d removed prosthetics before. Still, it had been a first time for us and I felt hot and weird by the time he was finished.
“Are you comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Sonny not squashing you?”
“No.”
“Would you like me to sleep on the couch? Now there’s no need to share my body heat with Sonny.”
“No. He might— he might still need you.”
I didn’t want to tell Erik that, actually, I still needed him. I didn’t want to be left alone. I needed his calm, reassuring presence and, besides, Sonny’s back might get cold, right?
The soft smile I caught on Erik’s face as he turned to walk round the bed again made me feel as though he were onto me. But at least he got into bed and snuggled up behind Sonny again.
I felt his fingers trace a quick trail across my stomach, making goosebumps rise in their wake.
“This okay?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
I had to swallow and breathe steadily in and out to try and breathe away the sudden arousal I’d felt. That was entirely inappropriate, and I didn’t need the embarrassment of either of them knowing about it.
When I woke again, the room didn’t seem much brighter. The window was grey but the light filtering in was blurred. I turned my head to check on Sonny and he was pressed against me, his breath fanning over my neck rhythmically.
Erik was gone.
I made a small noise in my throat, a sudden panic. I struggled to ease my arm out from under Sonny so I could sit up and… and find Erik?
The bedroom door opened and Erik came in, taking a long stride over the threshold. “Are you okay?”
I nodded.
Erik came closer to me and helped to ease Sonny off me without waking him.
“You want to get up?” he asked.
I nodded again. “I have to.”
My bladder was about to burst, not that I wanted to mention it to Erik.
As I pushed myself into an upright position on the edge of the bed, I asked, “What time is it?”
“It’s nearly eight o’clock in the morning.”
“I can’t believe we slept all night.”
“Shock,” said Erik.
“Must be.”
Before I could even think about it and realise that I had a problem, Erik was already holding a crutch out to me.
“It’s an old spare I had in the cupboard. I’ve tried to estimate how high you’ll need it but we can change it once you’ve tried it.”
I slipped my arm into place and gripped the handle, which had been wound round with padding to keep it from hurting.
“Bathroom’s next door,” he said and stepped back.
I went next door and relieved myself. He’d left a clean hand towel and face cloth on the side of the bath for me, which I used. By the time I emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, I felt better.
Erik was moving around further in the cottage and I followed the sound of his padding footsteps into a small, bright kitchen. It was painted yellow and looked like a burst of sunshine in the greyness of the winter morning.
“Tea?” he asked.
“Yes, please.”
He put some bread in the toaster and put the kettle on to boil while I leaned against the doorway. I didn’t feel in the way there, while Erik was busy.
When the toast popped up, Erik put it on a plate and gestured at it. “That’s for you. You must be starving by now.”
I moved forward, careful to make sure I had my balance.
The kitchen was so small that I probably could have managed just fine without the crutch, if I’d been allowed to hop and use the counters for support and balance.
I leaned my hip against the counter and propped my crutch up against it while I buttered my toast. Real butter, yum.
“I’m afraid I don’t have a table. I tend to eat breakfast standing here but we can go sit on the couch if you like.”
“Nah,” I said. “I’m fine here if you don’t mind.”
I knew that my leg would get tired if I stayed there too long, but I didn’t want to move.
I liked this cramped, sunny little kitchen and I was standing close to Erik.
He smiled at me, those ripe red lips parting in a fluid motion.
I might have stared at them for a second too long before realising that was weird and looking down at my plate.
He leaned against the counter next to me, so close I could feel the heat of his skin even though we weren’t touching.
We stood there together in companionable silence while I ate a slice of toast and then, when I started my second, Erik said, “I called the local doctor.”
I looked at him sharply. “Are you okay? Did you cut yourself on the ice? Shit, I didn’t even ask you!”
Erik put a hand on my shoulder and took my plate from my suddenly shaking hand, placing it on the counter behind me.
He ran his palms up and down my arms and murmured, “It’s okay, I’m fine.
You didn’t ask if I was cut because you didn’t see any blood and you probably assumed I would mention it if I’d been injured.
You had no reason to ask. For the record, I definitely would have mentioned it. ”
My deep inhale was shaky but made me feel better. I held it in for a second before releasing it. His hands slid off my shoulders and I missed their warmth.
“I called the doctor to check whether we should take Sonny to the hospital today.”
“And you,” I reminded him. “You went in the water, too.”
There was a slight hesitation before he conceded, “Yes, and me. But I went in deliberately and was expecting it, whereas Sonny wasn’t. And my immune system is really good.”
That seemed like a strange thing to add but I let it go, just relieved it was the case.
Instead, I asked, “And what did the doctor say?”
“She said that there was no need to take him in unless he was injured, which he wasn’t. One of us would have seen any cuts when we undressed him last night. Other than that, she said to keep an eye on him and call back if we weren’t sure of anything.”
“That’s very good of her.”
He gave a rueful shrug. “I know her partner, actually. I might have got a bit of extra time for that. Anyway, I’m glad we don’t need to get Sonny to the hospital because I don’t fancy driving all those country lanes to the town in this snow.”
“Huh?”
I looked out the small kitchen window at the greyness beyond and, now I looked carefully, I could see that it was getting lighter outside as the sun rose, but big fluffy flakes of snow were spiralling down and blocking out the sky.
“How long has it been snowing?”
“I think it started late last night.”
Slowly, I moved towards the window, leaning on the counter. Erik stayed where he was, watching me.
Outside, the world was white with barely-there strips of green which came from the trees surrounding the lake. I couldn’t tell where the garden path ended and the lake began, which would make it dangerous to try and walk without Erik beside me.
“If you want to go home, I’ll drive you. My car can cope with it and it’s not too far to the village.”
Normally, getting from my parents’ house to the lake would take about ten or fifteen minutes. In this, though? Maybe an hour. And I absolutely did not believe that it was safe to be driving in. Visibility was low and the tyres would slip and slide all over the roads without proper snow chains.
Was it me or was it hot in here? I was sweating.
Erik was by my side suddenly, an arm around my waist. “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you want to leave?”
“No. No, don’t go out in this.”
My voice was raw, and had the edge of desperation to it that would have embarrassed me if I hadn’t been so worried about Erik driving out there. I’d learned how easy it was for someone to lose control of a car. The damage it could do.
And, out there on those country lanes, it would take hours for an ambulance to find us if something happened.
“Please.” I wasn’t above begging.
Erik nodded. “I won’t leave, okay? I won’t leave you.”
“Don’t drive in the snow.”
“I won’t.”
“Are you sure?”
If he was annoyed that I was questioning him, he didn’t give me any sign of it. Instead, he looked up at me with such sincerity and said, “I promise.”
Nodding, I relaxed slightly.
Erik said, “Come and sit in the other room. I’ll bring our tea in. And don’t worry, I’ve got enough food to last a few days so we won’t starve.”
For the first time, I realised that I’d basically dumped me and Sonny on him. “Sorry. I’m taking up your time and eating your food.”
“Not at all. I’d be stuck here anyway. This way, I have you to keep me company.”
He held out my borrowed crutch to me and I took it, then he picked up my plate and carefully lifted both mugs of tea and went into the living room.
I followed him, and something about it made me feel…
confident. He had turned his back on me and trusted me to follow behind.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d moved around my mum’s house without her eyes on me, waiting for me to fall.
I loved her, and she was worried about me, so I’d never questioned it.
But the fact that Erik was letting me do my own thing felt liberating.