Chapter 21
Declan
Iemerged from the bathroom only slightly disappointed that Erik hadn’t come in to help me bathe, the way he had Sonny. Although that was probably for the best. I was feeling all kinds of confused about what was going on here.
The cottage was so tiny that the bathroom was next to the cupboard, which was next to the kitchen. There really wasn’t much room to hide.
The first thing I saw was Sonny, about to open the cupboard door. I opened my mouth but was too late. Sonny opened the door.
“Careful—”
The cardboard box fell out and hit Sonny on the nose.
“Ow!” His arms flailed and he fought the box away.
I used my crutch to help me hop over there but I couldn’t help. I hated that one hand was taken up with the crutch because it meant I didn’t have any spare hands to help Sonny. He sorted it, pushing the box away.
“Is this a burglar trap or something?”
“No, I think there’s just not a lot of room here to store things.”
Sonny gave a hum of agreement, but his face was serious and he took in the small cottage. I was desperate to know what he was thinking. I couldn’t work out how the ask, though.
I took too long to decide. Sonny put the box on the floor behind us and dived into the cupboard, fighting through the coats.
I ended up asking, rather lamely, “What are you doing?”
“I’m looking for a charger. You don’t think Erik will mind, do you?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Good. I’m going to see if I can get my phone working.”
I watched him rifle through a few crates on the top shelves and then turned away. “I’ll go and put these in the wash.”
I nodded at the bundle of my clothes that were under my free arm, the ones I’d had to roll into a ball so I could hold them without getting spunk all over me.
Damn, I hadn’t realised how hot it would be to have Sonny and Erik grinding against me like that.
And the way they’d worked my dick, together…
Turning quickly, I went into the kitchen so Sonny wouldn’t catch a glimpse of my face, which I was sure was heating up. I couldn’t get the sound of his muffled scream out of my head. I really, really wanted to hear that sound again, preferably not so muffled next time.
I threw my clothes into the machine and then studied the dials, turning them to a short wash and looking round for detergent. I was distracted by Sonny’s startled, “Oh!”
Leaving the washing, I hurried back to the cupboard, all of five steps.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. I just saw Erik’s skates, that’s all. I thought he was, um, never mind.”
I frowned, watching Sonny begin to blush.
“You thought he was naked?”
“Oh my god, I didn’t say that! I didn’t imagine him naked!”
A little laugh bubbled up my throat. “You didn’t imagine it, Sonny. Erik really was naked.”
“Oh, phew, I thought I was so out of it that I’d been hallucinating or something. Why was he naked?”
I shrugged. “I— No idea. I never got to the bottom of that.”
Sonny wiggled his eyebrows. “More important things to get to the bottom of?”
Okay, I was definitely blushing now. Sonny turned away suddenly and said, “Never mind. I didn’t mean to push. Hey, you must have been using a charger, right? Unless your phone is dead too.”
“I haven’t actually used it. There’s still some battery left in mine but I haven’t called anyone since I told Mum we got here. I’ve been ignoring it, actually.”
And I didn’t want to examine why that was. I knew I should probably ring my parents again or try to contact the outside world, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here, trapped in this cottage with Sonny and Erik. I felt as though I’d never get this chance again.
Although what I was meant to do with the chance, I didn’t know. It was all just getting more complicated. I’d still have to choose, sooner or later. And I didn’t know how I would.
Sonny clattered and rifled through boxes until he finally emerged from the cupboard, backing out and shaking his head.
“I can’t find one. I’ll have to ask Erik when he gets back.”
I started. “What do you mean gets back? Where did he go?”
“He went to put a sign up on the shelter and the bench by the lake, warning people that the ice is thin and there’s hole. He doesn’t want anyone skating on it.”
I looked out the window. The snow had stopped falling, which would explain why Erik had gone. He’d want to get there before any of the locals made the trip to play in the fresh snow.
Sonny walked over to the window at the front of the cottage, peering out over the lake. “He’ll be fine.”
“Of course,” I agreed, but I was starting to freak out. Erik had gone out alone. What if he slipped and fell? What if he accidentally wandered onto the icy lake instead of the path, and the ice cracked—
“He said he’d only be half an hour.”
“How long has it been?”
“Ten minutes. He wanted to wait until you were out of the bath, but he was worried about someone arriving at the lake without any warning being there. He knows his way around.”
I put the washing on as something to do, hoping that doing something productive would help to distract me, only it took less than two minutes and then I had nothing else to do but sit on the couch and wait.
Sonny sat next to me and I was half tempted to ask him to kiss me again, just to stop my brain from scrambling round and filling in all of the horrible things that could happen to Erik while he was out.
I didn’t though. I wanted to be alert in case Erik called or we heard a shout or something.
“Do you think we should go after him?” I asked.
“No, he said to stay here. Apparently it’s dangerous to walk along the path beside this part of the lake unless you’re used to it, because it’s not clear where the water begins. I never came round here as a kid because the east lake is so swampy. You don’t know it, do you?”
He sounded as though he was genuinely wondering, and I said, “We were practically attached at the hip when we were kids. How would I know it if you don’t?”
“That was when we were kids. You’ve been back here for a few months without me.”
“But without a leg as well. I can’t walk around this part of the lake easily.”
Sonny shrugged. “Not alone maybe, but with Erik you could. I thought maybe Erik had brought you here before.”
He gestured at the cottage around us.
He wasn’t meeting my eyes. I took a deep breath and said, “Sonny, Erik and I weren’t dating.”
“Except the date Mr Parker saw you on.”
“That was— that was an accidental date. I-I mean it wasn’t a real date.”
“You don’t have to deny it, Declan. I know you love him.”
“He— Erik doesn’t know.”
“You should tell him.”
Sonny was looking round, and he got up and walked to the window again to look out. He pressed his face right up against the glass and I saw it mist up with his breath. He gave an annoyed huff and wiped it, peering into the whiteness outside.
“Any sign of him?”
“No. I can’t see anything.”
“Sonny,” I said, and had to wait several long seconds before he turned round and met my eyes. “I love you.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I thought I was dying.”
Sonny flinched, and I realised that he’d thought I was dying, too, all those times he’d whispered those words to me in the hospital ward.
The only thing I could say was, “I’m sorry.”
I meant sorry for everything. For getting injured. For not telling him I loved him back. For falling for Erik as well and making Sonny feel like he wasn’t enough. Just… for everything.
Sonny came back over to the couch and sat beside me.
“I’m sorry, too. It was only when I thought you were being snatched away from me that I realised you might die without knowing how I felt, and then I wished and wished I’d told you sooner.
But then you got better and I was so glad to have you back that I didn’t want to risk losing you again.
What if I said I love you and you didn’t feel the same way? Then you wouldn’t want me around.”
“I always want you around.”
He gave me a weak smile.
“I was going to tell you this Christmas. I’ve been talking myself into it for weeks.”
I managed to smile back at him as I heard those words. Sonny was brave enough to do it.
“You did tell me.”
“Yeah.”
I was about to lean in and take Sonny’s lips, to kiss him the way I’d wanted to for so long.
His kiss this morning had been slow and languid, so different from Erik’s scorching hot kiss.
But then, Erik and I had been building our pleasure, chasing orgasm and desperate for each other, whereas Sonny and I had both been sated and satisfied this morning, our come cooling on our skin and our pleasure spent.
Sonny leapt off the couch and walked to the front door, opening it and sticking his head out. A swirl of frigid air slipped in and made me shiver.
“Close the door.”
He slammed it shut and said, “Nothing. I can’t see him. You need to tell Erik too.”
“That you can’t see him?”
“That you love him. He deserves to know. We both know now how bad it is to wonder.”
“But I want you, Sonny.”
He shrugged. “You want him, too, right?”
I opened my mouth. My denial froze on my tongue, chilled like my skin in that cool air.
Sonny gave me a triumphant look. “So tell him.”
Struggling up, I grabbed for my borrowed crutch and hobbled across the small room as quickly as I could. “I can’t lose you.”
I wrapped my free arm around Sonny, as though I could keep him beside me just like that, and Sonny leaned into me, fitting his body so perfectly against mine.
“You won’t lose me, Declan. I told you, we’re going to work this out.”
“How?”
“I don’t know that yet, but we will. Other people manage fine. That’s what I wanted my phone for. I was going to look up advice on polyamorous relationships.”
“You-you think we could do that?”
I had no idea how it would work but, for the first time, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe it could work.
We were holding each other tightly, each wrapped up in each other’s arms and our own thoughts, when the door opened beside us. We were engulfed in chilly air and I instinctively went to step back, but mis-stepped.
With Sonny’s arms around me, I hadn’t needed my crutch for balance and I’d raised both my arms. It meant my crutch wasn’t ready when I stumbled and I had nothing there to support me.
I felt myself falling backwards, toppling over.
And then, out of nowhere, Erik was beside me. His strong arms were around me, and he hauled me upright and held me there until I had my leg and my crutch under me.
“Wow,” breathed Sonny. “You have fast reflexes.”
“Yes, I do. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Erik looked like he might leave again, or go and retreat to the bathroom again, but Sonny slammed the door and began tugging at Erik’s coat.
“You’re freezing, get this off and get that fire on.”
I took Erik’s coat and went to the cupboard to hang it up, dodged the cardboard box and closed the door on it quickly. Sonny had wrapped the colourful crocheted blanket around Erik and was rubbing his arms.
Erik stared into Sonny’s eyes for a moment and, in that moment, I saw something flicker across his face. Something sweet and tender, like longing.
He cleared his throat. “Is this your way of getting me to put the fire on so you can toast marshmallows?”
Sonny gasped, “There are marshmallows? Get that fire on!”
They smiled together, Erik kneeling down in front of the fireplace and starting to get the fire kindled, and Sonny adjusting the blanket around Erik’s shoulders.
My heart squeezed in my chest. They looked so good together. This was either going to end very badly, with all three of us hurt and licking our wounds, or – I crossed my fingers that by some miracle it would be this option – it was going to work out, just like Sonny had said.