Chapter 22
Erik
Sonny disappeared into the kitchen with the last of the dishes, having insisted that he do the washing up. The kitchen was so small that I’d had a choice of washing machine or dishwasher, and, well, I could live without a dishwasher.
I followed him in and asked, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, of course! It’s the least I can do after you made us dinner. Go and sit down and relax.”
He flapped his hands at me, shooing me back into the other room where Declan was sitting on the couch.
Declan’s shoulders were tense, as was his jaw, and I recognised the way he was holding his body tightly, as though he could hold everything together with willpower alone if he just tried hard enough.
Before Sonny had left him there, he’d given Declan a meaningful look which I’d pretended not to notice, but it didn’t take a genius to work out what he wanted Declan to do.
I’d heard Sonny twice now, telling Declan that he should admit he loves me.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I wanted it to be true so badly, but Declan hadn’t said that and I was afraid of getting my hopes up. Inside me, my octopus longed to reach out and wind ourself around him completely.
Letting Sonny chase me out of the kitchen, I went to sit beside Declan on the couch and couldn’t help but remember the last time we’d been alone on that couch. The kiss we’d had.
I took a breath, hoping to calm my heart rate.
Behind us, Sonny clattered round the kitchen, washing the dishes and stacking them to dry, obviously trying to make as much noise as he could so that he couldn’t overhear what we were saying in here.
It made me wonder whether he really wanted Declan to do this.
Declan must have been wondering the same because he glanced over his shoulder and chewed on his bottom lip.
I waited.
At last, he worked up the courage to speak.
“Erik, I—”
He cut himself off, as usual. I waited again, as patient as I needed to be with this man. I’d wait forever if I had to.
“I wanted you to know that I—”
I met his eyes, and the sheer panic in them surprised me. He knew I wanted him, surely? Especially after the last couple of days.
Maybe I needed to take the lead. Whatever Sonny’s plan was – and I wasn’t entirely sure he actually had a plan, rather than just good intentions – it involved the three of us and maybe it was unfair to put the burden of truth on Declan.
“Declan, I told you—”
“So what Christmas film are we watching tonight, then?”
His voice was too loud and he turned his head away to look at the TV, breaking our eye contact and cutting off my attempt at telling him.
The disappointment hit me harder than I’d expected. I’d really thought he would say he wanted me. So far, it had only been Sonny who insisted Declan felt anything for me at all, other than lust. I kind of needed to know that it was true. I needed Declan to say it.
He was talking, though, about Christmas films.
“It’s a Wonderful Life is a classic but it’s a bit depressing and it makes Sonny cry. I don’t think it’s a good idea to watch it because Jimmy Stewart’s brother falls through the ice. Why don’t we watch something more cheerful?”
“Yeah, sure.” My voice didn’t come out as calm as I’d like but Declan didn’t notice, thankfully.
“Sonny’s favourite is Arthur Christmas. Can you get that?”
“I’ll see,” I said, and turned on the TV to investigate.
By the time Sonny joined us, it was all set up and ready to watch. I had the blanket ready and a Terry’s chocolate orange already broken into pieces.
Sonny had taken way too long washing up. He’d definitely thought Declan and I would be having a heart to heart, or maybe some make-out time. He was not the only one disappointed.
I moved over so that there was room in the middle of the couch, between me and Declan. He stood awkwardly for a moment. “Do you want…?”
He gestured at Declan, and I patted the seat beside me.
He slid in and I pulled the blanket over all three of us.
I wasn’t trying to distance myself from Declan, I just didn’t want Sonny to feel he always had to be the other side of Declan from me.
Or that he was going to have to share Declan.
Because, at this rate, Declan was going to choose Sonny and Sonny alone.
“Ooh, Arthur Christmas,” he cried as he spotted the screen. “This is my favourite! Have you seen it?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You’re in for a treat,” he assured me, and pulled the blanket higher up his chest, snuggling down.
He reached over and picked up a piece of chocolate orange and popped it into his mouth before handing me one.
I took it and pressed play, and the three of us watched, squashed together on my too-small couch.
By the time we went to bed, I’d mostly got over the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach and I’d had to stay alert for the second half of the film, concentrating on controlling my limbs because my tentacles wanted to come out and wind around the two men beside me.
It meant I was actually pretty tired and I yawned, cracking my jaw.
Sonny stripped and jumped into the bed under the blankets. “It’s chilly out there!”
Declan sat down on the edge of the bed and I helped him remove his prosthetic, the same as yesterday, and then he was about to slide under the blankets when Sonny said, “Take your clothes off.”
Declan was sitting up in the bed, his legs already half-hidden beneath the blankets. I’d noticed that he tried to hide his limb difference from Sonny, as though if he couldn’t see it, Sonny wouldn’t notice.
“It’s nicer sleeping skin-to-skin. Besides, what if we wake up the same way we did yesterday? We can’t keep ruining all of Erik’s clothes.”
Sonny wiggled under the blankets and I tried not to get hot at the way he moved, longing to see all that creamy skin and mark it with the suckers on my tentacles.
Declan still hesitated. “My body has changed since you last saw it.”
Sonny gave him an unimpressed, “No shit, Sherlock.”
“No, not just that. I mean I’ve—”
Sonny was as used to Declan cutting himself off as I was because he waited for Declan to finish his sentence.
“I’ve lost a lot of muscle,” he said at last.
This time, the unimpressed look which Sonny gave him was outstanding.
“This might surprise you to know but I do actually like you for more than your muscles.”
Declan gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah, I know. Sorry.”
Sonny wiggled again. “It’s fine, you don’t have to be naked if you don’t want to. Lay down and cuddle me.”
Declan sighed and began to strip off his t-shirt and shorts. I let him do it himself, because reaching to take his boxers off would have put my face too near his groin and I didn’t want my body to behave any more erratically than it already was.
He flung his clothes over the side of the bed and slid under the blankets beside Sonny, who looked over at me, his big eyes sincere.
“You’re not going to be the only one dressed, are you?”
I appreciated him including me in the nakedness, especially as I wasn’t sure what was going on with our relationship here. Was I really part of something or was I an extra?
I undressed quickly and slid into bed before either of them could see the semi I’d been sporting as they’d undressed.
Instinctively, it seemed, Declan lay on his back and held his arms out, and Sonny and I both rolled into him, our heads resting on his shoulders. It meant we stared at each other across Declan’s chest and Sonny gave me a smile before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.
I woke to Sonny’s loud gasp and the jolt of Declan waking up at the same time as me.
It happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to react.
My brain wasn’t fast enough to wake up and the first I realised that I had released my tentacles in the night was when I felt the cool air hit them as Sonny threw back the blankets and looked down at his body which was long and lean and pale in the moonlight, wound around with my indigo tentacles curling up his thigh and over his chest.
I withdrew them as quickly as I could, pulling my octopus back inside me and squashing it down.
But it was too late. They had seen.
“What—?” asked Declan, still blinking awake, confused.
If it had only been Declan, I might have managed to persuade him that he was dreaming, that there hadn’t been anything slithering over him.
Not Sonny, though. His eyes were clear and wide with shock. I could see at a glance there was no way I’d be able to pretend nothing had happened. He knew.
Before he could speak, I jumped out of the bed and rushed to the door. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I needed to get away. I really, really needed to get away, to sink down into cool water and the silence to think and hide.
“Wait!”
Sonny was up and coming after me. I heard his footsteps as I grabbed the doorhandle and yanked. The door opened but a body hit me from behind, propelling me forward with his body weight and the door slammed shut again.
“Wait, where are you going? You can’t leave!”
Sonny pulled away just far enough for me to turn round. Declan was still scrambling out of bed, shoving the blankets back so he could swing his legs round and reach for his crutch.
I met Sonny’s eyes. He still looked shocked. But not… not repulsed.
That was what made me pause, trapped in that bedroom with these two humans who I cared about and wanted to accept me.
My animal was hunkered down inside me, afraid and wary, but I managed to throw my shoulders back and stand tall.
I’d never wished to be taller but both Sonny and Declan had half a foot on me, and it made me feel even more surrounded when Declan finally made his way over to us at the foot of the bed, by the door.
“What was that?” he asked.
I swallowed, trying to work out what I could say. Could I explain it to them?
“Were those—?”
He couldn’t even say it.
I lost the courage to tell him and slipped seamlessly into denial, the way I always had done when a human had glimpsed something they shouldn’t have.
“I don’t know what—”
Sonny cut me off. “Show me.”