Chapter 27
Sonny
Iwas washing up, elbow-deep in soapy suds, when Declan appeared in the kitchen doorway and asked, “What are you doing?”
I gave him the sassiest look I could. “I’m just waiting for this bus.”
He moved across to me, and stood behind me, sliding his arms around my waist.
“Don’t squeeze too hard, I’ll throw up. I might have had one too many helpings of your mum’s Christmas pudding.”
That stuff had been seriously alcoholic, as usual, and I could feel that I was less sober than I should be. I tried to take a deep breath, inhaling sobriety, because I was not a good drunk. As I had been reminded half-way through dinner when it suddenly dawned on me what had happened.
Declan had told his mum that he and Erik were together.
Erik had arranged for Declan to get a job round here, and he’d asked Declan to move in with him.
I was invited back for Easter.
“Sonny, you know we have a dishwasher, right? You don’t need to wash up.”
“I’m wet now anyway.”
Actually, I knew about the dishwasher. I’d already put a load in and turned it on, but there was too much for one load and I’d thought I’d make a start on the left-over crockery.
Really, I’d been hiding. Because I was not a good drunk.
Had I already thought that?
Normally, I tended to look on the bright side. This morning, I’d felt on top of the world, as though nothing could make me feel less then brilliantly joyful all day.
Only now I was slightly less sober and reality had come back a bit harder than I’d anticipated and-and-and I’d needed to hide for a while so I didn’t cry all over Declan.
He stroked a thumb over my belly, a soft, tender little movement that made me want to cry all over again.
“What is it, Sonny?”
I took a deep breath, blinking to clear my eyes.
“I probably shouldn’t have drunk so much. I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
Declan pulled away from me and I thought that was it, but he picked up the tea towel and held it out to me.
“Dry your hands. Leave the rest of it.”
I shook the suds from my hands and took the towel, drying my hands.
“Now,” he said. “Tell me what’s overwhelming you.”
I looked at the towel and my fingers flipped the end one way and then the other.
“I was excited for today and the rest of our lives but I forgot that we didn’t live in a fairytale, which by the way is annoying.”
“What’s not a fairytale about it?”
I was going to tell him everything, but at the very last second, I chickened out, just like I’d chickened out all those times before when I’d been on the brink of telling him I loved him.
“I’m going to have to go back to work, which sucks.”
“Yeah.”
I flipped that towel between my fingers again.
“It’s just going to be hard, being the secret one, that’s all. I thought if we got together, we’d be open about it.”
Declan frowned at me, tilting his head to one side slightly. “What do you mean ‘the secret one’?”
“Well,” I said, and then couldn’t think how to explain it. I gestured vaguely round, which I admit wasn’t helpful since we were standing alone in his parents’ kitchen and, I’ve already admitted I wasn’t a good drunk. Clearly this was something sober-me should have talked about.
“Sonny, I’m going to need a bit more than that.”
“It can’t be helped, it’s just that I’m not good at keeping secrets from Lilian and I’m going to miss you guys so much when I have to go back to the city.”
“Why would you need to keep it a secret from Mum? She’s bound to find out. Do you not want her to know?”
“No, I, um, thought…”
I trailed off. What had I thought?
“You said you and Erik were going out. You didn’t tell her you were going out with me. Are we going out? I assumed you and Erik were my boyfriends now but I guess you never said that.”
“Sonny, we’re going out. I love you. You’re my boyfriend, okay? And I’ll tell Mum. I-I thought I already had. No wonder she didn’t mention it, if she doesn’t actually know.”
“You don’t have to tell her. Do you think she’ll be upset that we’re in a poly relationship?”
Declan took a deep breath, and I recognised how brave he was being to talk about this. I wanted to sink to my knees and worship him, to let him know how magnificent I thought he was.
“Magnificent?” he asked.
Oops. Drunk-me was the worst. What a blabbermouth.
He smiled, and it was a genuine smile. I could see it in the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, the particular tilt of his lips when he was really happy about something.
He took my hand, which stopped me fiddling with the tea towel.
“I’ll tell her, Sonny. She’ll be okay with it once she’s used to the idea. We can’t hide it. That’s not going to be good for any of us, and it’ll be pointless anyway. You’ve never been able to keep secrets from Mum. Remember the blackberries?”
I gasped, “She asked. I swear she already knew, I couldn’t lie.”
The woman was a Mum-shaped lie-detector.
My own mother was much more chill, and I’d been able to get away with anything – no homework, not eating my vegetables, staying out late, staying out all night even – and she never worried.
It had been Lilian who Mum-bossed me around all my childhood and adolescence.
No way could I lie to her. As the Blackberry Situation had proven.
The way Declan laughed made my breath catch in my throat. He gripped my hand tighter and raised it to his lips, dropping a gentle kiss on my knuckles.
“Okay, so you’re the worst liar ever where Mum is concerned. She’ll know tomorrow morning anyway when she sees that the bed in the spare room hasn’t been slept in.”
“I can go in and rumple it up,” I suggested. It’s not that I wanted to hide our relationship from Lilian, I just didn’t want Declan to feel overwhelmed and rushed. This whole thing had happened so fast.
Okay, in mine and Declan’s case, maybe not so fast. We were years overdue this sexy, romantic side of our relationship.
And Declan and Erik had been moving this way for months, so it wasn’t exactly fast.
Me and Erik, maybe that was fast. But hey, he was hot and kind and my rescuer, so my feelings had crashed over me pretty hard. And I was pretty sure that he liked me a lot. His tentacles liked me. Surely one day he’d love me, right?
“Sonny, I’m not hiding our relationship.”
“Do you think I’ll still be invited over for Easter once she knows?”
I’d never considered the possibility that I wouldn’t be invited for Easter. I was always invited for big family holidays, because I was family. But if Declan’s parents didn’t like our relationship, then—
“You’re definitely invited for Easter, Sonny. Mum already said so.”
I nodded, trying to calm my heart rate, which had noticeably sped up. I could feel my heartbeat and wasn’t sure if that was normal. Was I meant to feel my own heartbeat?
“That’s great,” I said. “I can’t wait. It’s going to be really lonely until then, though.”
That confused frown was back on Declan’s face. “Why would you be lonely until Easter?”
“Because it’s months away! I’m going to miss you both so much.”
“Sonny, we’ll see you before then.”
“Are you sure?”
He looked at me like I was mad. Was I the mad one? I really should have stayed sober for this.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m not having you live away from us for months at a time. You can come back and visit at the weekends. Erik and I can visit you, too.”
He tugged at my hand and I took a step nearer to him so we were almost chest to chest. I felt the brush of his shirt when he inhaled deeply and filled his lungs.
When he spoke, I felt his exhale on my lips. “I wish there was a way for us to be closer together all the time.”
“I’ll give up my job and get a new one here. And I can get a place to stay in town, if Erik doesn’t want us both crashing his lovely little cottage.”
Declan shook his head. “I didn’t think any of this through. I assumed we’d all— I don’t know, I assumed we’d all be together, out in the open. And we’d all live together. But you’re right, we can’t both just invite ourselves to stay in his cottage.”
As he said that, I noticed a movement above Declan’s head. Looking up, I saw mistletoe hanging there, directly over Declan. It was held up by a long, slender tentacle.
And, at the end of the tentacle, was Erik, his polo shirt rucked up from where his tentacle extended out of his side and a curious expression on his face.
I wondered how much of that he’d heard. That could be awkward.
The mistletoe dipped lower and Declan looked up, realised what was happening, and smiled. That same, beautiful, genuine smile again.
I leaned in and kissed Declan. He was just too beautiful not to kiss.
His lips moved against mine, languid and soft, his tongue slid into my mouth and I wanted to be consumed completely.
He pulled back. “You taste of peppermint. Have you been eating sweets again?”
“Hey, it’s Christmas! I’m allowed.”
It had been my emotional-support peppermint, okay?
Declan laughed and dipped his head to mine again, taking my mouth and owning me.