Chapter 25
“I’m so happy at their progress. They’re gaining weight remarkably well, keep doing what you’re doing mama. You’re milk seems to have everything they need,” Dr. Graham, the pediatrician, triumphantly smiled.
Lincoln squeezed my hand before kissing my temple. We had become a team in regard to feeding the twins. We made sure to feed them every two hours like clockwork. Sometimes we had to wake them, especially Andy—he loved his sleep—but it seemed to be working.
I grinned. “I can’t take all the credit. Drake put us on a schedule. And manages my milk supply like it’s a part time job.”
I leaned over to brush a kiss against his cheek.
I was able to sit between Drake and Lincoln in the larger exam room.
Remy was on Andy duty, while Troy had Addison.
Noah was reviewing the information the doctor had just inputted in his tablet.
Jaxson was rummaging in the diaper bag for a fresh diaper for Addison.
Of all the things he ever showed a fixation on it was ensuring the changing tables were fully stocked at all times and the diaper bag had everything we could possibly need—and some things we didn’t.
“And—” Jaxson impatiently prompted.
Dr. Graham began to remove Addison’s medical leads. “And I think the incubators aren’t necessary anymore. They’ve been maintaining their temperatures. They eat well. And they’ve been breathing on their own just fine.” She looked over at me and Noah. “I’m sure mom and dad had a hand in that.”
It had been almost a month since the twins had been born.
Admittedly, Noah and I healed them on a daily basis.
We would send tiny trendles into them for small periods of time to help with the typical issues preemies had—lungs, ears, eyes, etc.
We didn’t want to overdo it but wanted to give them a fighting chance not to have any long-term issues due to being born prematurely.
“Why waste the gift God gave us,” Noah joked.
Troy finished putting Addison in her little sleeper and grinned widely. “Seriously?”
She was still crying from having to be nearly naked to do her examination. I nearly laughed at how distressed it had made Remy and Lincoln. It was evident that they hated to hear their babies cry over anything. At this rate the twins, Addison in particular, would be spoiled.
Drake’s watch had gone off indicating that it was feeding time.
I unbuttoned my top before placing the cover over me, then I guided her to my breast. I smiled at the news as she latched on.
The guys and I had come up with a schedule that we all agreed upon.
The babies only got bottles if both of them were hungry at the same time or at night so I could get my sleep.
Once some of my anxiety ebbed, and I finally got some sleep, I wasn’t struggling with postpartum depression as much.
Don’t get me wrong I was still hormonal at times, but sleep had been the main cure of many of my issues.
I had leaned on Jace for a few weeks and allowed him to cradle me at night to push calming feelings onto me.
Dr. Graham nodded. “Just continue keeping an eye on them. Noah you’ve had enough time in the maternity ward to recognize anything that may be concerning. My suggestion is to use the breathing monitors at night while you sleep.”
Lincoln and Jace seemed to have the same anxiety over them not breathing at night while we slept, despite the incubators. They had already purchased the top-of-the-line equipment they could find. We had already planned to use them once they were out of the incubators full time.
Jace admitted just as much. “We got them and plan to use them.”
“I’m not surprised,” Dr. Graham said. “I want to see you guys again a month from now, but if you have any concerns or questions feel free to reach out to me at any time.”
The guy’s peppered Dr. Graham with a few more questions while I finished feeding Addison.
I pulled her away and smiled when I noticed she was wide awake.
Her little cheeks had filled out even though she wasn’t even as big as most normal newborns were.
Her dark brown hair was almost black and showed signs of being curly.
Her nose and hair were all me, but the rest of the features definitely favored the Bells.
Her eyes weren’t grey or blue but a cross between Jace and Jaxson’s.
Andy on the other hand strongly resembled me in looks, including his green eyes. The only thing he seemed to have gotten from his father was his nearly jet-black hair and eyebrow line. It became apparent as he filled out that he was probably Troy’s.
“Thanks, Kelly.” Noah stated as the rest of us said our goodbyes.
“Should we get lunch before we head back to the room?” Drake asked before he began to gently attempt to coax a burp from Addison. “We have time.”
“I want to feed Andy and time for what?” I inquired before leaning over to see Andy was still sound asleep.
He barely stirred through his examination. His desire to sleep a majority of the time had concerned us at first. Dr. Kelly Graham had reassured us that just as long as he ate and produced a sufficient number of wet diapers she wasn’t concerned. He just loved to sleep was all.
The guys exchanged glances before Lincoln answered. “We didn’t get any newborn pictures with the twins, so I hired a photographer.”
“Anna dropped off a dress for you and ordered us coordinating outfits.” Troy added. “We can always go to Jace’s office so you can feed Andy while Megan, Rachel, Dawn, and Miranda finish getting our apartment ready.”
“The hair stylist and makeup artist should be here in about an hour.” Jace informed me.
I paused and immediately felt the tears burning my eyes.
I really didn’t know what I did to deserve my men at times.
They knew how much it bothered me that a lot of my plans regarding my labor and immediate post-partum plans had been ruined.
Yet, they were trying to remedy the things they could.
At times I was still disappointed by some things, but overall, I was trying to become more optimistic and realized I was blessed.
I needed to stop ruminating on things I couldn’t change and just be more thankful for where we were at now.
Yes, my labor had been traumatic, and it hit me hard knowing how close to death my son had come.
I had to focus on the fact he was thriving now and all in all I had two healthy babies no matter how small they were.
Of course, I didn’t come up with all these conclusions on my own.
I was taking my mental health more seriously since the twins were born. After my first crash out, I hadn’t resisted the men and Miranda’s suggestions to go see Dr. Wong. I recognized that an unhealthy me couldn’t be the best possible mother I could be and I wanted that more than anything.
“Is it too much?” Jaxson worriedly inquired. “We can cancel everything if you need to.”
Admittedly, I didn’t feel “beautiful” most days. I still had to be urged to take a shower when I could. I had lost a lot of my baby weight and was able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Yet, I mourned my tight toned body and wasn’t thrilled at the softness around my belly area.
Even with my body image issues, though the idea of family pictures sounded amazing to me. I wanted to have all these moments captured. I knew time was fleeting and wanted to have pictures of my family at this stage in our lives. If it wasn’t perfect that would be okay because life wasn’t perfect.
I wiped under my eyes and vigorously shook my head. “No, I love the idea and I’m glad that the twins’ first official professional photo’s will be without all their tubing and stuff.”
Troy draped an arm over my shoulder before kissing my forehead. “Great. Let’s get Andy fed and go down to lunch.”
“Sounds good.” I smiled.
This was the first time I had left the apartment since we brought the twin’s home.
We had a few visitors come to see us, but my socializing outside of our family and close friends was limited.
I was ready to get out more, even if it was in the bunker.
Honestly, I was starting to get stir crazy.
The only good thing to come out of my forced confinement was the fact I was officially done high school with credits toward my college degree when and if I wanted to attend.
We went to Jace’s office, and I quickly fed Andy before we headed to the DEFAC.
After feeding him I had put Andy in a sling, so we didn’t need to haul around their car seats.
Lincoln had Addison in a baby carrier attached to his chest. We had allowed others to hold them but wanted to control who did and when.
Afterall, their little immune systems were a lot weaker than most babies.
The moment Gavin and Sierra saw us they came over to us.
Sierra was so close to her due date and honestly, I couldn’t wait to meet their little girl.
A part of me envied her for being able to know that more than likely she would have a normal birth plan and be able to see it through.
I wished I could have soaked in days and weeks before my due date.
On the other hand, I didn’t miss how unwieldy I had felt in the last days of my pregnancy.
Honestly, I couldn't imagine how I would have felt had I carried to full term.
My body wasn’t perfect and I knew it was going to take work to get back to how it was, but at least it was my own again.
The doctor had cleared me to start working out again.
She suggested light work out to begin with and made me promise to listen to my body.
Noah and Jace had sufficiently scared me enough to realize the wisdom of those words.
Yes, I hated the loose skin around my belly, but it wasn’t enough to hurt myself in the pursuit of getting back into shape.
“If I wash my hands, can I get my little girl?” Gavin asked peering into the carrier Lincoln had affixed to his chest.