Chapter 45
Zosia
I barely slept last night. My body should burn with pain and fatigue, but it doesn’t. I also don’t despise my physical form as much as I have in the past. Kodi had difficulty understanding my annoyance because he couldn’t remember having a body, but it only provided pain and frustration. My guardians have taught me that my body can also give me pleasure, and my sphinx’s magic lessens the ache of my old injuries.
I can live like this.
The thought surprises me because I typically don’t think about the future. When I did, they weren’t happy or hopeful thoughts. This has all changed.
I look at my men and briefly forget everything we still have to do. They are all different and the same in unique ways. Each one is beautiful, powerful, and blessed with a distinct personality.
“What are you thinking about, princess?” Kodi’s voice is sly. I doubt he’ll ever grow up, but it’s okay. Avery’s and Garrett’s more serious natures temper my best friend’s immaturity.
I manage not to blush this time when each of my gorgeous mates turns their attention toward me. This time, my control isn’t due to my sphinx form. I’ve finally accepted that they accept me as I am. My insecurities and doubts become lighter after every trial we endure together.
“I was thinking that I am happy you all are who you are,” I tell them. “I know that might not make sense, but ….”
“I understand and agree,” Garrett interjects when I struggle for words. “That other woman wasn’t you, no matter how much she looked like you. I’ll never be grateful that you were injured, but we work together better because you are who you are.”
“Exactly.” I sigh with relief that he understands. The emotions of the others indicate they feel similarly. I absorb this truth for a few seconds before turning my gaze toward the abandoned tome of military history.
“Unfortunately, this horribly long day isn’t over yet. How are you feeling, Bren? Do you think you can cast mage fire or are you all magicked out?”
Kodi mutters about imaginary words while Bren’s lips twitch. “I am not magicked out. I actually feel balanced for the first time in memory. Mage fire won’t be an issue …. But are you still inclined to save Agustin’s soul?”
“Is it still trapped?” I can’t tell for certain, and I’m worried that Addington’s touch and portal magic might have negative effects on my grandmother’s captive mate.
Kodi nods, but Avery explains. “The book no longer feels malevolent, and the magic spells are spent. Addington probably retained it because he wanted the soul as a hostage because it seems useless otherwise.”
“Sounds like him,” Garrett grunts. His powerful body is relaxed as he leans against the wall of the landing, but I see his griffin every time I look at him. The awe I experienced while in his beast’s presence is something I doubt I’ll ever be able to explain. I’d also never felt more in tune with my animal side; his shifted form coaxed it forward.
“I might be able to hold onto the spirit,” Kodi murmurs slowly and quietly, which is out of character for him. He shrugs sheepishly when our surprised gazes turn to him. “I’ve been around the book since I found it. I’m familiar with the shape of Agustin’s soul now.”
“Souls have shapes?” I ask curiously.
“Well, not really,” Kodi amends. “It’s more like I can separate his soul from the book. Like Bren said earlier, he’s nearly faded. He might only be holding onto the slim chance that he’ll be reunited with his mate. At least, that’s how I’d feel if I were him.” Kodi’s intense gaze rests on me, and they flicker with color as he regains solidity for a few more seconds. The switch from monotone gray to turquoise makes his eyes appear brighter. “When the Timekeeper refused to answer any more questions about her employer, I asked about spirits.”
“Perhaps you’re not so useless after all.” The appreciation in Garrett’s tone softens the sting in his words. I don’t approve of the way they speak to each other, but both were raised by men who suffered from extreme cases of toxic masculinity. I’ll ignore their verbal sparring until feelings start getting hurt or resentment builds. We could use an in-house therapist, but that’s a concern for another day.
“And you’re not always just a muscle-bound idiot,” Kodi rejoins.
“What did she say? The Timekeeper?” I ask in an attempt to make them refocus. My instincts tell me that delivering this soul is important.
“She isn’t human, I think,” Kodi replies with a frown. “I don’t know how she gets her information or if she has any opinions that might affect that knowledge.”
I nod. “I agree. I have so many questions regarding her existence, but let’s focus on the soul and spirits.”
“Right. She actually confirmed reincarnation, saying that souls are recycled endlessly. Souls don’t just hang around and turn into spirits. The unfinished business is mostly bullshit. If a soul has unfinished business, it supposedly handles it in its next life. This is why my existence confused her so much. After a little more prying, she said that she thinks the libraries’ caretakers are a little different. The libraries might hold onto the souls that watch over them.”
“But what does this have to do with you? You weren’t a guardian before you died.” I prod when Kodi trails into thought. The idea of the library retaining souls makes sense. Atanea and the other sphinxes wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t true, and Grandmother had implied that her other guardians’ souls were with her.
“She thought I might have been,” Kodi replies with another shrug. “Sure, there was no contract and neither of us had any idea who you were or what the library was, but the intention might have been there. That intention didn’t let me slip away after I died. If I can find the intention between Atanea and Agustin, I might be able to hold onto it.”
Kodi hovers back to the book, incorporeal again. “Souls are like books,” he theorizes. “Every incarnation begins a new chapter, but the same characters and themes can appear throughout the book. What the characters do in the early chapters influences the events in later chapters. Souls submitted to the library are different, though. They – we, I guess – are like the contracts in the contract book. We might have originated in other books, but once we’ve been bound into the library’s book, we remain there.”
My chest swells with pride, and I want to retract every statement I ever made about Kodi being unintelligent. Garrett appears flabbergasted, but Kodi’s explanation helps him understand.
“Brilliant,” Bren breathes. His eyes are bright with a million thoughts as his brain connects all of the dots. “This might also be how the book existed here, if it did, for a while before it was discovered. As a soul, Agustin has always belonged here so it didn’t feel out of place.”
I nod. “It’s a good theory, and I feel more confident about saving Agustin if this is the case. Let’s do it.”
Without direction, we form a circle around the book. I stand next to Kodi as he enters the strange state of unconsciousness that I awoke to find him in before Bren’s magical assistance. Agitation floods through me when he nearly flickers out of sight, however. Avery is at my side the second my distress begins. His voice in my mind is as gentle as his light touch on the back of my neck.
“There’s no need to fear, mon trésor. Kodi’s energy is still as strong as ever. He simply has the ability to detach himself from our visual senses. His soul is traveling closer to Agustin’s. The guardian is lost and scared, and Kodi will have to coax him free of the binding.”
I’ve imagined my life as a novel, but I’ve always considered the author a sick person with a sick sense of humor. I now realize that our lives aren’t pre-written tales. Our actions contribute as much as the author’s thoughts. Just like the contracts in the library’s book, the words appear as the events take place.
One thing is certain regarding the book that represents my life. My soul is inextricably entwined with my guardians’ souls. When we bonded, we merged into a single tome instead of several volumes in a set. Nothing can separate us as long as we stand united to protect the libraries.
This is clarified when I watch Agustin’s tattered soul reunite with my grandmother’s. His essence, as ephemeral as Kodi’s at his lowest energy level, gains strength and substance once it connects with hers. For a brief moment, the five of them become whole spirits hovering over us. Their loving gratitude brings tears to my eyes.
Sage’s sigh of relief vibrates through my entire body once the spirits fade and rejoin her. Will this be us? Seventy or one hundred years from now? Will we fade and become one to join the library’s essence? Until that happens, I’ll live my best life and encourage my mates to do the same. We write our own stories, and ours will have a happy ending.