Chapter 21 #10
“Ceann”, she called softly. She saw him stiffen, but he didn’t turn.
“Ella, we need to talk.”
Something in his voice made her shiver. It was cold and hard; different. “Talk about what? What is it Ceann, is something wrong?” She could hear her voice rise. He was worrying her.
He turned then, and she saw the hurt and the rage burning in his eyes. She sucked in a breath and took an involuntary step back.
“Tell me, Ella, why you are really here. Tell me what you are looking for! And then tell me how you could use me like you did to get what you wanted! I almost trusted you, damn it!” He closed in on her now, moving faster, drawing his arm back and throwing the brush hard against the wall, nostrils flaring.
In his stall, Fallon snorted in alarm and stomped a hoof.
“Have you found what you came here for? Tell me!” he roared.
Ella felt something uncomfortably close to fear rising in her chest. And her stomach turned when she saw the disgust on his face.
She could not lose him; she had to make him understand…
it was him all along… but how had he found out before she herself could tell him? Her hands suddenly felt like ice.
He continued his slow, predatory movement, backing her into the wall. “Did you lie to me? Do you have a man waiting for you at home? Will he be angry when he finds out you are no longer innocent?” He turned suddenly and threw his fist into the wood of a stall door, smashing it.
Ella’s eyes widened in panic. “Cean, stop! You’re frightening me!” Blood welled on his knuckles, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Tell me Ella,” he whispered darkly, “will he ever make you feel like I do?” Then he shouted, “Will he?”
“Stop!” She cried, truly panicking now. “There is no one else... I didn’t...”
He pulled her roughly into his arms then, and held her head between his hands as he punished her with his lips.
She struggled against him, but he ravaged her mouth with his until she tasted blood, until she could feel the full physical force of his fury and hurt.
Then he pushed her away from him. She landed hard against the wall.
“Take that, and leave me, Ella. Leave Tulloch. Go home”, he said coldly. “Where ever that may be. I don’t want to see you again. Not ever.”
Her trembling hand came up to wipe the blood from her mouth and she met his burning gaze with tears shimmering in her eyes. For a moment she was too stunned to speak.
He turned then and grabbing Fallon’s reins, left her without a backward glance.
She was too much in shock to do anything but stare after him, listening to the pounding hoofbeats disappear as he rode away.
A moment later her legs gave out and she slumped to the floor.
Go home, he had said. Well, she couldn’t go home, but she sure as hell wasn’t staying here either.
Her heart beat erratically, and she felt as if the very life had been ripped out of her.
Sobbing for breath, she tried hard to think.
What had happened? How could he treat her this way?
Why wouldn’t he listen to her? Standing up, she brushed the straw from her clothing and tilted her chin up, drawing in shaky breaths.
Whatever happened to her now, she would protect her child to her dying breath.
Only this gave her the courage she needed to leave the stable.
She considered going back for her things, but she couldn’t stand the thought of facing anyone in the castle just now.
No, the few things she had didn’t matter.
In a stunned trance, she walked out of the side gate and into the woods. She hadn’t gotten far when she heard footsteps behind her. She whirled, frightened and hopeful at the same time. But it was only Ethan, a look of shock and concern on his face.
“God, Ella, what happened?”
She fell, sobbing, into his arms. “He was so angry… he sent me away… he wouldn’t let me explain…”
“Shh, it’s alright. Everything will be alright. I’ll take care of you”. He looked down at her and wiped at the blood near her mouth uncertainly. “Did Ceann do this to you?”
“Aye, he was so angry…”
Ethan eyed her hesitantly. “Did he hit you lass?” Surely Ceann wouldn’t have…
“No, he kissed me.”
Ethan’s lips almost curled up in a smile, but he stopped it in time.
He could only find humor because he knew that eventually all would be well between Ceann and Ella.
But the idiot didn’t have to kiss her that hard.
He sighed. “That stubborn, ill-tempered, son of a… Are you alright?” he asked as he looked her over. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”
“No.” She shook her head as her breath hitched on the word. “Ethan, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t tell him who I am; I made a vow. I was sent… I came here for… certain reasons… but I never wanted to hurt Ceann. I never would…”
“It’s alright Ella.” He reached up to smooth her hair. “I know. I know everything. You’ve done well; you’ve done everything that was expected of you, and much more.”
Her eyes flew to his face. “You know what?”
“I know who you are, and I know why you’re here.” He sighed. “Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to help matters along, but that swine-headed lout…”
“You know who I am, really?” A spark of hope burned in her chest. But her mind was still too numbed to wonder how he knew. Tears began to flow again down her cheeks.
“Aye, walk with me Ella. My mother’s cottage is not far. You can rest there until things are worked out. I promise I will keep you safe and cared for, for as long as needs be.”
***
Ceann rode out on Fallon and stayed away for several days, wanting only to be alone, taking to the forest and the moors to nurse his anguish and rage.
It felt like his goddamn heart had been ripped from his chest. This was pain worse than any he had ever felt in battle, it went to his very soul, if he even had a soul left to him.
How could he have trusted her? Och! Damn it all to hell!
He had been such a fool to believe in happiness, to think they had any kind of future together.
Happiness was not for him. Ella was not for him.
He was destined to be alone, and he had been mad to think for even a moment it could be any other way.
She would never love him. Why, then, did he want so badly to go after her?
Why did he want nothing but to take her in his arms and beg her to stay with him, despite all his faults, and despite the fact she had apparently played him for a fool, just as he had feared all along?
Being with her had felt so right. She was so absolutely perfect, or so he had thought.
And when he made love to her… he had never felt anything so powerful and all-consuming before, and knew for certain he never would again.
But he had his pride, and his honor, and duty to his people, all of which he must hold above desire; above his apparent weakness for one woman.
He had been blind, he had taken a chance, and he was paying for his recklessness now.
She was gone. She was probably back where ever she had come from by now.
She surely had a man waiting for her there; a woman as beautiful as she would never be alone for long…
he stopped short and threw his fist into a hapless oak.
His barely healed knuckles split open and bled again.
The thought of Ella with another man… he wanted to kill the bastard!
He hit the tree twice more with the other fist for good measure, before he was able to gather his wits about him enough to start home, cursing and sucking on his bloodied knuckles, leading his nervously prancing horse by the reins.
He was barely inside the castle walls when he was intercepted by Gregor. “Milaird! Where have you been? I’ve important news!”
“Not now, Gregor, I’m busy”, Ceann growled. He didn’t want to see anyone. Didn’t want to talk to anyone. Mostly, he just wanted to curl up somewhere and die.
Gregor persisted despite his foul mood, lengthening his strides to keep up. “But it’s important; it’s about the messenger that was here a few days past. The one with the message for Lady Ella.”
Ceann stopped short and turned to glare at Gregor, who was looking at him strangely. He realized he must look like hell, but he didn’t care. “What about him?” he growled.
“When he ran off, I followed him, at a distance. At first he went north, but after a while he turned to the east and doubled back. Straight to Rossmoor.”
“Rossmoor?” Ceann stared at him, his grief-dulled mind trying to grasp the significance, if any. “Why would the messenger go to Rossmoor?” He pulled his hands through his hair impatiently; he didn’t want to have to think.
Gregor looked at him as if he were daft. “Because your uncle was the one who sent the message, of course! He knew you would intercept it. He’s obviously trying to turn you against the lass.”
Ceann felt his knees weaken a little. But no, that didn’t make any sense, why would his uncle care anything about Ella? He’d already told him she was nothing to him. Nothing.
“I’ll think on it later”, he mumbled, turning to climb the stairs.
Ceann walked reluctantly through the castle doors.
If anything, things were worse now than ever before.
He had had a taste of how sweet life could be, and now the memory of it would haunt him forever.
But he had been strong, and had done what was right for everyone; he would have only that to hold onto.
He would throw himself back into his duties as Laird.
Maybe he would even take a lemen… but that thought only disgusted him, he didn’t want any other woman but Ella.
Damn! She had ruined him, body and soul.