Chapter 25 #2
No wonder he was so mysterious this whole time, stringing me along so I wouldn’t catch him out on social media. I step out of the bathroom in my robe, and with shaking hands video-call Liam and Ged to let them know the sad news.
‘Connie! What’s wrong?’ Liam says, loosening his spiked dog collar with a saddened expression. I’m interrupting their PVC night. Although to be fair, they’ve started early. The last Friday of every month, while I’m at the gym, they spend the evening in bun-less chaps, spanking each other.
‘It’s Matteo. It’s all… it’s all off,’ I choke. I see the pair of them have no idea what to do with this new information. I give them a moment to process.
‘You literally called us a few hours ago ready to Say Yes to the Dress to him and now you’re calling it off?’ says Ged. ‘But you’re both cosmically entwined. You said you were the yin to his yang. Two lost souls?—’
‘You said you held the key to his lock,’ Liam butts in.
I do wish they weren’t such good listeners at times.
‘He’s supposed to be marrying someone else this weekend and conveniently forgot to tell me,’ I say, wringing out yet more fresh tears.
They gasp.
‘The cave was no magical coincidence. It was cleverly orchestrated. He must have known Nacho had invited me! They’re brothers for eff’s sake and he never told me.’
They gasp again.
‘And the bar in Benidorm. He knew I was in Zara. All he had to do was hang around outside, easily hidden in the crowd, and then he could follow me to Tiki Beach.’
‘It’s like an episode of Vera , isn’t it?’ says Ged.
‘Yes, but involving a hot Spanish love throuple,’ Liam says, waving his multi-pronged leather whip around. ‘Surely there’s been some mistake. There must have been a reason why he didn’t tell you. Has he called?’
I shake my head.
‘He will, darling. He will. I’m sure of it.’
‘You don’t just give someone a new passion for life and what you modestly described as the most soulful and incredible sexual awakening any human has ever experienced, and not follow it up. He’ll call, babes. He’ll call,’ Ged agrees.
But they’re both looking at me forlornly.
‘How did it all feel so natural and so unplanned? And how come he seemed like my absolute perfect soulmate? How could that be the case when I didn’t even know him at all?
What kind of idiot would fall for someone so quickly?
And the magical lip hover! All fake!’ I wail, bashing my palm against my head. ‘We obviously weren’t meant to be.’
‘Have you been daytime drinking, babes?’ Ged asks.
‘Here, Connie, here it is! Give me your phone,’ yells Cherry as I approach the kitchen.
She whips it out of my hands and plugs it into hers.
‘It’s your journey for tonight. It’s got everything on it.
You falling in love, you being badly let down, you finding out that Matteo is a liar and a cheat who couldn’t handle you, you being completely devastated, you falling out of love, you getting back up on your feet because you are an incredibly strong, sexually empowered and bootylicious woman, and to finish’ – Cherry looks around at the group with a huge grin – ‘we’re all going on stage to sing “I Am What I Am”. What do you think?’
Fuck , is what I think.
Matteo is going to think I’m a complete nutter who is obsessed with him. Before I can protest, Big Mand has some advice.
‘Yes, hold your head up high, love. Who cares if he thinks you’re easy meat?’
‘Too right. Connie, there’s no need to be ashamed of who you are,’ says Liberty.
‘I didn’t realise I was,’ I say apprehensively.
‘Women can be a steaming hot slutty mess and still be sexy,’ says Cherry. ‘Am I right?’
I’m not at all sure the Dollz have a proper handle on what exactly is going on inside me right now. I wonder if I’ve given the wrong impression with all the weeping and wailing.
‘But it’s more about the deceitful way he’s carried on though,’ I say gingerly. ‘Not telling me about their relationship. Cheating on his fiancée? Not the slut-shaming part.’
‘If I was going to marry Alex, I’d definitely cheat on her,’ says Liberty, screwing up her nose. ‘Just saying.’
‘But that doesn’t mean Matteo should be cheating on Connie with his own fiancée, does it?’ Cherry says. ‘I mean, I’m awful to Tony but if I ever caught him cheating…’ She makes a scissors motion down below.
‘Possibly not, but I think what we’re forgetting here is the more important fact that Matteo doesn’t find Connie’s kind of sexy…
well, sexy,’ says Big Mand. ‘He should be more open-minded. Lots of fellas are into manic-depressive types. Look at whatshisname from Twilight and whatsherface. She never cracked a smile and yet he still went with her.’
‘I bet he fell for Connie’s vulnerability. Men like a project. A fixer-upper,’ says Liberty softly. ‘That’s what draws so many fellas to me.’
‘I absolutely don’t think it is,’ argues Cherry. ‘What draws the fellas to you is your distinct inability to keep your?—’
‘Yeah, show him what he’s missing,’ says Tash, throwing a hankie at me. ‘Wear that. He’ll die. I promise you.’
I clasp the scrap of material in my hands. Cherry hands me my phone just as it starts to ring.
‘Who’s Mr Window Seat?’
My jaw drops.
They all look at me knowingly.
‘Decline!’ they yell at Cherry. ‘Decline!’
She swipes the call away, and it springs to life again.
I desperately want to hear Matteo deny it all and tell me there has been some huge mistake.
I see her press ‘accept’. A feeling of relief floods through me.
It’s time to woman-up and take control of the situation.
It’s better to hear the truth from the horse’s mouth.
I reach out to take it. But Cherry puts it to her lips.
‘I don’t think so, Mr Window Seat! You are clearly not ready for this jelly! You had your chance and you’ve blown it!’ she yells into my phone before clicking off.
‘We’ve all been here before. Trust us, it’s for the best,’ says Liberty.
Crap. I’ll never get to the truth or hear what he has to say.