Chapter 2
While the cabin crew are busy doing the first trolley service of free drinks in economy, we stealthily make our way to the curtained-off area hiding the haves from the have-nots. There are two cabin crew busying themselves, restocking little bottles of Prosecco and bags of nuts.
‘Excuse me,’ says Big Sue. ‘I think I dropped my phone down here when I was boarding. Have you seen it?’
While they immediately help her search the floor for it, I nip behind the curtain into first class.
But as I start looking down each row, a sixth sense crawls up my spine, stopping me in my tracks.
He’s here. I can feel it. I slip into an empty seat and ask myself if this confrontation is really what I need right now.
What do I say to Luke? I can hardly ask him to get off the plane.
Perhaps ignoring him is actually the better course of action.
It might send a more confident signal that I am not interested in him.
I am en route to Las Vegas to fall into the forgiving arms of my new lover Matteo the Magnificent.
‘Excuse me, madam,’ says an irate cabin crew member towering over me. ‘You’re not allowed in here.’ He points to the curtain and watches while I do the walk of shame, head hanging, back down the aisle to economy.
When I reach my seat, Big Sue is quick to ascertain whether the mission was a success. ‘Mission status?’
‘Negative,’ I say glumly. ‘Well, and positive, I suppose.’
‘Did you have eyes on the target?’ Big Sue presses me. ‘Did you get burned?’
‘No,’ I say. ‘I didn’t touch anything hot.’
‘Were. You. Com. Pro. Mised?’ she explains slowly, while Liberty sniggers at my ignorance.
‘It was a huge flop, was it?’ asks Liberty. She hasn’t been fully on board with any of our covert operations to confirm the Luke situation.
‘Well, excuse me for not being a former FBI agent. How am I supposed to know the language?’
Fortunately, Big Sue, who works high up in social care, is patient. ‘Did you see him?’
‘Not really,’ I say.
‘Not really? What does that mean?’
‘It was more of a feeling,’ I say.
Big Sue lets out an exasperated groan. ‘You felt him? As in, you could feel his presence? Like a ghost?’
Liberty snorts with laughter. ‘Fucking useless, Connie. Absolutely fucking useless.’
She’s not entirely wrong. I had my chance, and I messed it up. I will spend the remainder of the flight brushing up on my army surveillance speak as punishment.
‘I’ll go,’ says Liberty, springing out of her seat. ‘What’s the point of having pretty privilege if you don’t use it? After all, you’re not the only one who has unfinished business with him.’
‘How long are you going to dine out on the one blooming dance you had with Luke? One sensual dance does not a relationship make,’ booms Big Mand.
Before any of us can stop her, Liberty barges past me and Big Sue, straight to first class as though she owns the place, and disappears behind the curtain. Ged is right. It’s all about confidence. You’ve got to admire that about her.
We sit down and wait. Surely she will be ejected as quickly as I was.
We wait.
And we wait.
‘She’s not coming back, is she?’ I say gloomily, leaning round to face Big Sue. She has lost interest and has fallen asleep. My eyes travel the row. All the Dollz are flat out. If only I didn’t have so much to worry about, I’d join them.
* * *
After watching the curtain for three hours, and with no sign of Liberty returning, I’ve suddenly lost all interest in an on-board confirmation of Luke.
Liberty is welcome to him, if it means he leaves me alone.
Besides, Ged and Liam have been bickering on and off about everyone and everything, including what exactly Kylie Minogue means when she sings ‘Padam Padam’.
Their fun, last-minute getaway to Las Vegas now seems rash, in light of the amount of emotional baggage all of their guests have brought with them.
‘And we’ll be bright bloody yellow in all of the photos. We’ll not be able to post any on our socials. Not one!’ Liam says forlornly. ‘What a waste of a trip.’
‘It was your idea to get the fake tan off TikTok,’ Ged reminds him. ‘You’re always clicking the “shop now” button. How many miracle foundation sticks does one person need? And it was your idea to rush into this trip in the first place.’
‘I’m impulsive. I’m spontaneous. I’m a risk-taker. That’s why this relationship works,’ Liam says, waving a hand around accusingly.
I feel Ged bristle in the seat next to me. ‘Meaning I’m the opposite?’
‘Yes,’ says Liam. ‘I’ve always been the fun one.’
It’s time to intervene. Liam and Ged have morphed into two full-on bridezillas and it is exhausting. I can’t take any more.
‘You’re both the fun ones. You’re both perfectly suited to one another because you’re so…
’ I loosen my seat belt and lean out of my seat to face them.
The three of us have lived together since the beginning of university.
Their relationship could be my Mastermind subject.
And luckily for me, I already have a speech prepared.
It was meant to be for the first night in Vegas, when I plan to dedicate a special song to them while I’m on stage, but now seems like a good moment to do some of it.
‘You’re both so passionate and adventurous.
You love music and creativity in all its forms. When one of you walks into a room, the other lights up.
You share a blissful, harmonious and hopeful life together, always wanting the best for each other.
I have never seen a couple more in love or more deserving of one another. ’
While Liam bursts into noisy tears, the nearby cabin crew rush to comfort him. ‘What seems to be the problem, sir?’ one of them asks, bending down to his level.
‘I just love my… my… my fiancé so much!’ he wails. ‘And I’m just so… so… so happy.’ He flings his arms around Ged.
The glamorous flight attendant straightens up. He has a sympathetic smile on his face. ‘Is this your pre-moon?’
Both Liam and Ged nod vigorously. ‘Yes. Yes, it is our pre-moon. And yet some people are finding that term hard to get around. In fact, it’s been borderline divisive. No one has an issue with babymoon or minimoon.’
A bit unnecessary, I think.
The attendant acknowledges this complaint with pursed lips.
‘I had exactly the same problem for mine. Could I get them to stop calling it a stag do? No, I couldn’t.
’ He winks at them both. ‘I’ll be right back.
’ He turns to me. ‘Great speech, honey. Love is all about hope. Hoping for the best for each other.’
‘In fact, it is probably time we did a little toast to get this pre-moon off to a good start.’ I peer through the crack in the seats behind to see that the Dollz are still asleep.
Sister Kevin is engrossed in watching The Meg 2, much to Tash’s displeasure.
She had wanted to binge-watch Married at First Sight Australia with him.
When he refused, she immediately went to sleep in a huff.
‘I’ll order some Prosecco,’ I say quietly.
As chief bridesmaid-slash-best woman, it’s the least I can do.
I’m also hoping the Prosecco still counts as our first free drink.
My poor credit card can’t take much more of a battering after buying my Sinfonia costumes, booking the numerous trips in Vegas and the overweight luggage.
‘Good idea,’ says Liam. ‘I’d love some Prosecco.’
It’s as though the word ‘Prosecco’ starts off a chain reaction.
‘Three!’ bellows Tash from behind, suddenly awake and upright. ‘I’ll have three. And Kev will have…’
‘I’ll have a beer, thanks, Connie,’ says Sister Kevin politely. ‘Just one beer. Because I’m only one person.’
He is met with silence.
‘What?’ we hear him say to Tash. ‘What have I done? Why are you looking at me like that?’
Oh. My. God. My heart is in my mouth. Ged, Liam and I exchange a fearful look. Tash will go apeshit at that comment. We have learned from experience that her reaction to drink-shaming can be somewhat violent. The best thing we can do is not turn around and draw attention to it.
The frosty silence continues.
‘Who’s ordering Prosecco?’ Cherry sits up straight. ‘You know I can’t have any.’ She has awoken looking furious. And like she needs to take it out on someone. She brushes her flaming-red hair from her tear-stained face.
Where do I go with this?
‘Does this mean she’s expecting us to have a non-alcoholic pre-moon?’ hisses Ged.
‘We’ll get our own,’ says Big Mand. She and Big Sue are still clearly annoyed with Ged and Liam over the accidental outing. ‘No offence, Cherry, babes, but we need a drink. Especially after what’s happened.’
Ged twists in his seat to peer through the gap. ‘For the love of God. Will this blame game never end?’
Even I gasp in surprise. This is very out of character for Ged. He has clearly snapped. But before we get to hear the rest of what he has to say, we are interrupted by the jolly flight attendant from before.
He smiles down at Ged and Liam. ‘We have two complimentary seats available in first class for you.’
Liam squeals in delight. ‘Oh! Thank you, you glorious man.’
The attendant blows him a flirty air kiss. This is great. It means they can drink cocktails galore and be as openly joyful as they please, without the risk of upsetting Cherry.
‘Watch out,’ booms Big Mand. ‘Or he’ll out you to all the passengers.’
Ged is like lightning, spinning around. ‘For the last time. We did not out you and Big Sue on purpose. We’d never do that.’
The smile on the flight attendant’s face drops immediately as he gasps in horror. ‘You outed them? As in out out?’
‘Yes,’ interjects Big Sue in a low voice. ‘And now my own family is barely speaking to me. They think I’ve hidden it from them on purpose. We’re all very hurt.’
‘Ooh. I can imagine.’ He drops down to speak to Big Sue and Big Mand. He makes namaste hands. ‘I see you. I hear you. Same thing happened to me. It’s awful, isn’t it?’
Big Mand and Big Sue nod glumly.