Chapter 19
‘Mandeep, I’ll help you carry Libs to her room,’ Big Sue commands.
‘Cherry, you can stay with her. This is no situation for a pregnant lady. Matteo and Connie, you’d better warn Luke what’s happening, and see about getting that video evidence back.
Did anyone see the photographer’s name badge?
Ged and Liam, we’ll use your room as headquarters. ’
‘Roger that,’ says Big Mand dutifully.
‘Roger that,’ says Ged. At least all this talk of being jailed for murder has snapped him out of his sulk with me. ‘Although we need to make sure Franz isn’t there.’
‘You have a naked butler in your room even when you’re not there?’ asks Big Sue.
‘He likes to write poetry between shifts. He’s a jobbing actor-slash-model. He’s very sensitive. I’d hate to subject him to this horror show.’
‘I’ll give Luke a call,’ I say, realising for the first time that I’m still holding my bouquet. ‘If I can remember where I put my phone.’
‘It’s in the room,’ says Matteo. ‘You gave it to me before we got…’ He leaves the sentence hanging. He obviously can’t bring himself to say the M word.
‘Right.’ My hands are shaking, and my head feels heavy.
I can’t tell what he’s thinking, only that he has a disappointed air about him.
Is that for me or this situation? I can feel everyone watching our stilted interaction.
‘I’ll head there now and ring him from our room,’ I say quickly.
I need to get out of here before it stifles me.
I can’t bear to see that look in Matteo’s eyes a moment longer. ‘I need to change anyway.’
‘No time,’ barks Big Sue. ‘Sorry, Connie, pet. Time is of the essence here. Luke’s life could depend on your finding him before Hank Junior does.’
I gulp.
Ged and Liam form plans for a search party with Big Sue and Big Mand. I listen in a sort of daze as they agree to split up and do a sweep of the casino, the reception and bars between them.
‘I’ll meet you in Ged and Liam’s room,’ I say. I can hear the break in my voice. I need to keep it together. I take a deep breath in and force a smile. ‘I’ll WhatsApp you how I get on.’
‘No.’ Cherry puts a hand up. ‘WhatsApp is compromised. It’s like giving a running report straight to the police. You might as well sling yourself in jail now and throw away the key.’
Cherry is being very dramatic, and it is not helping.
‘Okay. What do you suggest?’ I say sharply. ‘Telepathy?’
She raises an eyebrow.
‘Right. Sorry. I’m a bit… all over.’ I’ve made a right tit of myself.
I just can’t believe I’m into my first hour of married life and this is what’s happening.
I should be having my garter twanged and a champagne toast, not trying to find a bloody killer and prevent a murder.
I can’t even make eye contact with any of them.
Deep down, this whole Luke mess is all my fault.
‘Wait,’ says Matteo, striding over to me. ‘I’m coming with you.’
‘No. It’s fine. I’ll manage.’
He reaches out to gently take my arm. ‘Look, I know this is all’ – he blows out his cheeks – ‘completely insane, but at least let me come with you, in case Hank Junior shows up for Luke.’
That’s a good point, but his words about needing some space echo in my mind.
‘Thought you needed space?’
‘Do you need space?’ he asks.
‘I’m not the one who’s furious about being married.’
‘Who said anything about being furious?’
‘Your face did.’
‘My face told you I was furious? My face had a conversation with you without me knowing about it?’
He’s being facetious and this is absolutely not the time. My nerves are in shreds as it is.
‘Well maybe I do need some space, if you’re going to be like that about it.’
‘Like what?’ Matteo shrugs his shoulders.
We’re having a marital spat. An actual marital spat. Less than ten minutes in.
‘Surely you can get it annulled if you both hate the idea so much, babes,’ says Cherry. ‘Didn’t Britney Spears do something similar with a few of her husbands?’
‘Is that what you want?’ I ask Matteo, my voice paper-thin.
‘Is that what you want?’ Matteo says, glaring at me.
‘For God’s sake. We’ll all go up to the room together and sort the MO out from there,’ barks Big Sue, heaving Liberty up from the ground. ‘Mandeep, could you grab her legs, please?’
‘Here, let me help,’ Matteo says, taking Liberty from them and flipping her easily over his shoulder before marching towards the lifts.
As we walk solemnly along, I notice Matteo is keeping his distance, deep in thought.
We all scamper after him, tourists parting like a biblical sea to let us through.
Once we’re in the lift, we have the delight of the mirrored wall casting a giant well-lit reflection.
Big Mand and Big Sue are still in their Barbie outfits and wigs.
I’ve only just noticed that Cherry is wearing silk pyjamas with cherries printed all over them.
Matteo has Liberty slung over his shoulder like a passed-out drunk, her arms and hair hanging down.
Ged and Liam are in a state of panic, clutching at each other.
And there’s me. My beautiful make-up running down my upset face.
My hair dishevelled while my wedding dress remains pristine and gorgeous in stark contrast. I catch sight of my locket hanging round my neck.
What would my mother make of all of this?
Good job she’s inside the locket and can’t see my eyes full of tears and my lip wobbling. What a wedding party.
The lift stops several times, and each time people hesitate when they get an eyeful of us and say they’ll wait for the next one.
My gaze is drawn to my husband. My husband. Matteo has not taken his eyes off his shoes, the panel of buttons, the ceiling, since we got in the lift. It’s as though he is searching for a way to fix this mess. Honestly, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
‘Nice dress, Connie,’ says Cherry, quietly. ‘Really pretty.’
‘Yeah, babes,’ says Big Mand. ‘You look lovely.’
‘You make a gorgeous bride, babe,’ adds Big Sue. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll get all of this sorted, Big Guy.’
Matteo blinks slowly. His face softens as he tilts his head, waiting to see how I’ll react.
Big Guy. I’m going to be saddled with that unflattering moniker forever.
I don’t know what it is, but it causes me to snort. I remain staring at the group through the mirror. We look a right clip. Big Sue catches my eye, causing me to smile, then I snort again.
Big Mand starts laughing. ‘You couldn’t make this shit up, could you?’
‘At least we got to see you get married,’ says Ged, calmly. ‘Even if it wasn’t the full Disney princess wedding we were after.’ He squeezes Liam’s hand and raises a smile.
I feel an instant sense of relief.
‘No. No. This is exactly how I pictured my dream wedding,’ I say to the mirror.
‘My husband carrying another woman over his shoulder. My friends in tears, my work colleague having lost a million dollars and no doubt blaming me, and a possible prison sentence hanging over us. All we need now is for the lift to break down, or for Hank Junior to be standing outside when the doors open.’
Matteo’s mouth curves slightly as he looks me dead in the eye. ‘Well, you wanted a bonkers story to tell the grandkids.’
I take a beat to stare back at him.
He’s letting me know we can get past this. In our very short time together, I have tested his boundaries on multiple occasions and each time he has come through for me.
I reach out to squeeze his hand. Besides, he’s too handsome to stay mad at. ‘Best strap in then,’ I say, exhaling loudly. ‘Because I doubt we’ll have a shortage of those to tell.’
‘And in her defence, she…’ says Ged, looking at me through the mirror.
I wait for him to say something encouraging to Matteo.
Something to give him hope that a life with me won’t be one long, fruitless string of fraught and embarrassing situations.
His smile slips. ‘No, sorry. I took off there without a place to land.’
Matteo rolls his eyes and, within seconds, we’re all howling with crazed laughter. And then it comes to me.
The mother of all ideas.
‘I’ve got it.’ It seems easier to keep talking to the group through the mirror. ‘The murder hasn’t happened yet. If we keep Luke close to us, then Hank Junior can’t get to him.’
‘But that means spending more time with him.’ Matteo doesn’t sound thrilled. ‘Isn’t that the opposite of what we wanted to happen?’
‘Only until Hank Junior can be found and this misunderstanding cleared up,’ I argue. ‘We keep Luke alive and no crime will be committed. And no crime means we don’t go to jail.’
‘Makes sense,’ says Big Sue.
‘Yeah. It does,’ agrees Cherry.
‘Roger that,’ confirms Big Mand.
‘Thank God,’ gushes Liam. ‘I’d rather have a married best friend than one on death row.’
‘Let’s finish this mission, make sure everyone is safe, and then we can get our pre-moon back on track,’ Ged says forcefully, rolling up his frilly sleeves. ‘Now, who’s for a medicinal cocktail? I make a great Skanky Lady with a twist.’
Liam is gazing adoringly at Ged as he bosses us all about.
Big Sue is beaming at them like a proud parent.
‘And can someone track down Sister Kevin? It’s killing me not knowing how old he is,’ says Big Mand as the lift pings, and we all shuffle out towards Cherry and Liberty’s room.
* * *
Once Liberty is laid on the bed, I go in search of ice for her ankle while Matteo runs to our room to get my phone, leaving the group to bicker about who should ‘babysit’ Luke.
I wander back through.
‘He’s not staying with us,’ says Ged, eyeing Liam. ‘We’ve got Franz to consider.’
‘And he can’t stay with us,’ says Big Mand. ‘Because…’
‘Because you’re both lesbians now?’ says Cherry.
‘Because we only have one bed,’ says Big Sue. ‘And because we don’t like him.’
‘Well, he’s not staying here. He fancies me too much,’ claims Liberty.
‘Well, he can’t stay with us,’ I say. ‘We’re newly-weds.’ My face flames at the thought of our first night of wedded bliss.
There’s a knock at the door, causing us to jump a mile.
‘I’ll get it,’ I say when everyone but me runs to hide in the bathroom, leaving Liberty furious and exposed on the bed. ‘It’ll be Matteo.’
I gingerly open the door. It’s Tash and Sister Kevin. They pile in just as Matteo arrives with my phone. I take it shyly from him.
Gah! I wish we could get a few minutes alone. Away from this insanity.
‘Just in time,’ I say to Tash. ‘We need you both to keep an eye on Luke for us.’
Tash’s eyes flash. ‘No. Not possible.’
‘But you literally said you thought the hitman stuff was nonsense.’ Cherry puts her hands on her bony hips.
‘I have an idea,’ says Sister Kevin.
Oh no. I squash down a wave of despair, inwardly groaning as I make eye contact with Matteo. His lips are twitching.
‘We do drop-off points.’ He strides over to the bureau at the side of the room and picks up a large printed sheet of the hotel and casino layout. ‘We take turns throughout the night. We do two hours each and then swap. That way we keep him on the move and outfox the killer.’
‘Blinking hell, Sister Kev. That’s not actually a bad idea,’ says Big Mand.
Tash inspects the map, handing it to me with a quizzical look. ‘How are we even supposed to find our own suites on this?’ she sighs.
I take it and quickly study it. The map is simply a whole jumble of lines, directions and advertisements. The Venetian is a very complex hotel with many floors and thousands of rooms.
Sister Kevin whips it from my hand. ‘Allow me.’ Within seconds he has located the spot we’re in and pointed us in the direction we need to go for each of our rooms. ‘I haven’t been navigating enemy terrain for this many years without learning how to read a map,’ he says, beaming at Tash.
Thank God. He’s military. No wonder he was so tight-lipped about it all. He’ll be off duty or some such. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Big Sue gives him a look of admiration. ‘Now all we need is eyes on the target.’
‘Roger that,’ confirms Sister Kevin with a quick salute.
I’m just about to ask which regiment he’s with when Tash answers for him.
She hangs off his beefy arm. ‘He’s a professional gamer,’ she boasts. We take a beat. Is there such a role? ‘In his spare time. Tuesday nights, mostly.’
Once again, my heart sinks. ‘I’ll ring Luke.’
We listen to Luke’s phone go straight to voicemail.
‘He’s either blocked your number, is refusing to pick up or he’s dead already,’ says Big Mand.
I race over to the phone on the cabinet beside Liberty and ring reception.
‘They might ring his room for us,’ I explain. I replace the handset when, after five minutes, the number rings out.
‘We’re wasting time,’ warns Big Sue. ‘We need to split up. Connie and Matteo, you go down to reception to find Luke. Ged and Liam, you come with us to find Hank Junior.’
I see my best friends turn pale yellow and feel a stab of guilt in my stomach.
Matteo walks over to them. ‘It’ll be okay, guys. We’ll find Luke and make sure everything is sorted out. If you see Hank, do not approach him. Ring me, and I’ll come to where you are.’ They are looking at him in awe. ‘Do you understand? None of you approach him. It’s too dangerous.’
My heart is swelling to five times its size.
* * *
Matteo and I hurry down to reception to beg, beg, beg the staff to help me.
‘Wait in line, ma’am,’ I’m told.
Gah!
The clock is ticking. I’m scanning the passing hordes frantically, while the never-ending queue of guests checking in seems to get longer, not shorter. I have rung Luke’s number fourteen times. Still no answer.
By the time we get to the front, I’m a gibbering wreck. ‘Can you tell me which room Luke, erm, Luke…’ Oh, God. What’s his surname?
The receptionist raises an eyebrow. ‘I have a long line of people to check in, ma’am.’
‘Try Count Nikolai of the House of Glucksburg!’
She taps the keyboard, shaking her head as though I’ve asked her to type in Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.
‘Try Nick, Nic. Nicholas. Nicky! For Christ’s sake, he’s a famous opera singer! He’s always on TikTok showing off!’ I end up yelling at her.
She gives me a pitiful shrug.
It is clear that Luke has checked in under a pseudonym.
‘Perhaps if you tell me what the urgency is?’ she asks, taking in my wedding dress.
‘He’s disappeared! Now will you help me find him?’
She smiles serenely. ‘Yes, ma’am. Lord knows people never “disappear” in this town, especially husbands. Especially new ones. When they’ve accidentally married the wrong bride.’ She gives me a pointed look. ‘I’ll call the police for you now.’
Such unnecessary sarcasm.
‘No police! No need. I’ll find him myself.’
FFS.