Chapter 7 #2
“Sure, Papa, no problem.” Eduardo came over and held his hand out to Jasper who handed off the sponge. As we started to walk away, I caught Eduardo giving Jasper's hand a reassuring squeeze. The simple gesture made my heart swell with pride.
Jasper followed me to the living room where Nicky and Noah were settling in to watch a movie.
It was how they often decompressed at the end of the day and I wasn't going to take that from them.
I clicked my tongue as I turned to face Jasper.
“Privacy is a little hard to come by around here. I think our options are the bathroom or my bedroom.”
Jasper laughed softly. “Do you mind if we go to your bedroom? I'm not really sure this is bathroom talk.”
“Sure. It's back here.” I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, even if having Jasper in my room felt very… chalant.
I led him down the hall and pointed the other rooms out along the way.
“Nicky and Noah are sharing the first room right now.
The second room acts as a guest room, but whoever needs it is welcome to it.
Depending on their schedules, Frankie and Yahir might use it.
The couch in the living room is a pullout, so there's another sleep option, as well.”
“Wow, it really is a full house, huh?” He asked as he followed me past the smaller bedrooms to the door of the primary room—my room.
“It can be. Nicky and Noah are the only ones living here full-time at the moment, but they all know my door is open for them and they are welcome anytime and for however long they need.
Sometimes, I'll go days or weeks without seeing some of them, and other times, every bed is occupied or even doubled up.”
I leaned against the door frame and found Jasper staring at me with misty eyes and a look of awe. “Wow.”
Not knowing how to respond, I simply shrugged and pushed my door open, inviting a man into my room for the first time since, well… since the primary room became mine. Long before that, really.
“I'm afraid I don't really have a good place to sit. I just have the one arm chair, or my bed, or we can sit on the floor.”
Jasper responded by walking into my room and sitting on the side of my bed.
The sight of him on my bed made my pulse accelerate.
I hesitated in the doorway, not really sure what to do with myself.
I’d had plenty of late-night talks with the kids, but I was at a loss at the moment.
At least until Jasper exhaled loudly and fell back on the bed, covering his face with his hands.
“Fuuuck!” He groaned beneath his hands.
Seeing him so distraught pulled me out of my frozen state, and I crossed the room to sit beside him. I lowered my voice and asked gently, “What happened?”
He kept his face covered as he said, “I fucked up. Like royally. The biggest fuck-up in the history of fuck-ups, and I don’t know what to do. And if I never see another scallop in my life it will be too soon.”
I fought a smile even as my heart tugged toward him, wishing I could comfort him. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so deeply offended by shellfish. Do you want to tell me what the scallop did? Or what you did to it, for that matter?”
At that, Jasper, peered between his fingers at me, before lowering his hands.
“They just sat there on the plate like little sea testicles and stared at me. I don’t mind being stared at by testicles, per se.
I’ve had many deep, meaningful connections with them, but not these little ocean blob bastards.
They stared at me and simply watched as my entire world fell apart. ”
“Bastards,” I replied flatly.
Jasper cracked a half-smile, a speckle of light shining through the darkness he had sunken into. But then the darkness returned and his expression fell. “I think I’m going to lose the studio.”
“What!” I couldn’t contain my shock at hearing the last thing I expected to hear. “What do you mean? I thought everything was on track. They’ve been making great progress.”
Jasper turned onto his side, facing me, and propped his head on his hand. “Yeah, it’s on track so far, but they’re not going to be able to finish the job.”
“Did they cancel on you? I don’t understand.”
He huffed out a breath and his voice shook when he spoke again. “I… put down the deposit, with the expectation that I would be able to get access to the funds to pay the remainder. But it seems I put the cart before the horse.”
Feeling weird about being at a different level than him, I laid back and matched his position, facing him. It felt more intimate, smaller. Only a foot away from him, I studied the bags under his eyes and the dimness in them, missing the spark I’d seen many times with his excitement for his work.
“How so?”
“I have a trust fund. It’s not something I usually talk about, because I know how it sounds, but I was hoping this would be the last thing I would need from it. That once I got my business going, I would be able to rely on myself and my own money.”
A trust fund? It was an incomprehensible concept to me, but then I’d inherited the fruit of someone else’s labor, too, so what was the difference?
I mean… money versus farm, but still. Several questions fluttered around in my head, but I stayed quiet, keeping them to myself, letting Jasper work through the thoughts I could see him wrestling with.
“I thought if I could show them how hard I was working and that I had a thorough plan, they would understand.”
“Who?” I asked carefully.
Jasper scooted close enough to rest his head against me. Instinctually, I slid my arm over his waist and held him to me. A long moment passed before he said in a hushed tone, “My parents.”
“Ah… parents.” I knew a thing or two about rough relationships with parents; my own and those of the kids who had found their way to me.
“They're refusing to sign off on the funds I need to finish paying for the construction. They think I'm wasting my time on this hobby.”
I pulled Jasper closer, until his head was nestled under my chin and I squeezed my arms tighter around him.
“I've seen the way you light up when you talk about your work.
It's important to you, and you are wonderfully passionate about it.
Pursuing your passion is never a waste. I'm sorry they don't see it that way.”
Jasper rubbed his cheek against my chest as he sniffled. “Thank you for saying that.”
I began rubbing circles on his back to comfort him, an action I found more pleasing than I should, given the gravity of the situation.
“What do you need right now, Jasper? Do you want advice, action, or affection?” It was a question I'd learned to ask over time.
The protector in me wanted to jump into immediate action when someone I cared about was hurting, but reacting wasn't always what was best for the one who was hurt.
Each person and each scenario required a different response.
Jasper lifted his head to look at me and offered a sad but grateful smile. “Would I love it if you burned down the seafood restaurant so I never have to look at their scallops again? Yes. But, right now… this is pretty nice. Can you just keep holding me?”
My chest tightened and I felt a lump crawl up my throat. “Absolutely. For as long as you need.”
My feet still hung over the side of the bed as I lay on my back with Jasper's head on my chest. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Not with the way his arm draped over me, or the way he felt in my arms, or the citrusy scent of his hair.
He was quiet for a while; the only sound was us breathing, and the distant voices from the TV in the living room. Eventually, Jasper pushed away from me and sat up.
“I was so close. I really thought it was going to happen,” he muttered as he shook his head.
Sitting up and shifting to bring one leg up on the bed and tuck it under me, I said, “It can still happen, Jasper.”
“Sure. Only, it will take years instead of a couple of months. By then, who knows? My parents will probably get their way and force me into the family business. I'll have the means, but not the time or the soul to do it, because it will eat my soul, one board meeting at a time.”
The devastation on his face hit me in the gut. I hated to think of him so unbearably miserable working for his family. Jasper shone too bright to be forced into a role that would smother his light.
“We won't let that happen.” The statement came out with more of a bite than I intended. Not the kind of response of the nonreactive, supportive person I was trying to be.
“Thanks, that's nice of you to say.” Jasper met my gaze before looking away. “I wish I wasn't so fucking dependent on them and their control of my trust. It's pathetic and I should have been working harder to tuck money away, so I could just say fuck it all.”
“Would you? Walk away from the money, I mean?”
Jasper yanked the elastic headband that had been holding his hair back, and he twisted it around, tying his hair into a bun on the top of his head.
I watched with fascination at his ease in doing so.
I tried to do Nicky's hair a few times when she was feeling low, and we both decided that wasn't one of my gifts.
Jasper's wavy hair wasn't all contained in the bun, with strands hanging down in the back.
He looked great with it up or down. It surprised me how strong of an urge there was to play in the loose locks.
Not that this was, at all, an appropriate time to be thinking such inappropriate thoughts.