Chapter Nine
A dam stared out his office window, between the two skyscrapers across the street. He could barely make out the sun.
Normally he didn’t think about the weather when he was at work. He’d made Delmark a success with his ability to use tunnel vision to focus on the business and its clients. But nothing had felt the same since he’d walked into the building yesterday. An office that had seemed like home for so many years suddenly felt oppressive.
“…and finally, we have to…” Darius droned on, and as hard as Adam tried to follow the thread of what his friend was saying, he found it difficult.
His thoughts were back in Erie, with Lee and Jessie.
He wondered if it was a sunny day there, if they were out for a walk on the beach, or if they were sitting on the cottage porch.
Maybe Jessie was shredding paper, or…
He’d spoken to Lee before coming into the office this morning. She’d assured him that everything was fine. Jessie was thriving, her parents were helping and playing doting grandparents. “I think you should bring an extra suitcase with you. You’re going to need it to get all Jessie’s things back home. And you may need to purchase a separate carryall for the huge stuffed dolphin they bought her.”
She’d talked of Jessie’s activities, talked of her parents, but had said very little about herself. She hadn’t mentioned missing him.
He realized how much he wanted her to. It would put them on a semi-equal footing, because he was missing her like crazy.
“Earth calling Adam. Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Darius chuckled. “Oh, how far the mighty have fallen. Tell me about her.”
Adam had met Darius when he’d been invited into a local high school’s business class to speak. Darius had stayed after the class to talk. Adam had been impressed and had offered the boy a part-time job. He’d encouraged Darius to go to college and let him juggle his work schedule around his classes. Adam had been sitting next to Darius’s family at his college graduation.
At first, theirs had been a mentor-mentoree sort of relationship, but when Darius had come to work full-time at Delmark, it had gradually shifted. Darius wasn’t just an employee. Not just some boy Adam had mentored. He was a friend.
A friend who appeared to be enjoying a laugh at Adam’s expense.
“You know you want to tell me about her,” Darius teased, his dark eyes alight.
For a moment, Adam was reminded of the young joker he’d taken under his wing. “Her? Well, she’s a year and a half old, and has this wispy blond hair that makes me think of Einstein. She’s—”
“Funny, Adam. Not Jessie, though I imagine you’re thinking about her, too. The other her. ”
“I don’t know what other her you’re talking about. I’m just distracted, thinking about Jessie and who should raise her. Wondering if I’ve made the right decision for her.”
“Ha. You’re keeping her. I never doubted it. You like to pretend you’re a loner, but we both know that’s not the truth. You’ll call Jessie’s grandparents before you go back to Erie and invite them to have an active role in her life, but you’re keeping her. At first I’d have said you’d do it because you loved Paul and Cathie, but it’s not just that. You’ve fallen in love with Jessie. And the baby isn’t who’s on your mind right now.”
“So, you’ve been taking mind-reading classes since I left?” Adam tried to give Darius a stern, threatening sort of look, but his friend’s smile said he wasn’t buying it. “Well, if I’m not worrying about what to do with Jessie, what am I thinking about?”
“Lee.” Darius smiled. “She’s the one for you. And for the first time ever, you’re torn. You love Delmark, but you love her, too. She’s in Erie, Delmark’s here. You’re not sure how you’re going to work that out. Figuring out what to do with Jessie was much easier.”
Adam shook his head. “Don’t look so smug. Someday you’re going to fall, and when you do I’ll be the one laughing.”
“Nope. I’ve seen too many friends go through this. I’m just going to concentrate on business. You see, my boss just gave me a lot more responsibility, and I suspect there will be even more heading my way soon.”
“Keep it up, Darius. You’re just tempting fate. I thought I had my life all mapped out, and suddenly, here I am, a baby and a woman occupying my every waking thought. Your time’s coming.”
“Not very likely, old man. I’m only twenty-five. I have a lot of years left to play the field. But back to the question at hand, what are you going to do?”
That certainly was the question. Adam had been toying with it since he’d left Erie.
What was he going to do?
Lee and Jessie fell into a routine. They’d start their day with a quick breakfast, then a walk along the beach. Lee invested in a baby backpack, which made carrying the squirming toddler easier. They’d take their walk, then Lee would let her get down to play. Lee would work through Jessie’s nap.
Juliet had been thrilled to take on the extra hours. So happy in fact, Lee wondered if she should consider making it permanent. Juliet loved working in the store. For Lee, it was a chore. She’d have to work up the numbers and see if she could afford more time off.
But for right now, she just concentrated on having a wonderful time with the baby.
Okay, since she was mobile, maybe Lee should use the term toddler . Because Jessie wasn’t just mobile, she was fast.
She had single-handedly unwound every toilet-paper roll, and shredded every tissue and napkin in the cottage, then she’d found a ream of computer printer paper and had gone to town. Lee tried to be strict, but truly, Jessie had so much fun, she barely managed a good scold.
The highlight of each of the last three days was talking to Adam. He’d call in the morning, and again in the evening to ask about every detail of Jessie’s day. Of Lee’s day. And Lee would ask about his.
Pearly had been right—his work was his passion every bit as much as her art was. But even knowing that, she couldn’t quite shake her old resentments, though she tried to put them aside.
“Do you miss me?” he asked unexpectedly on Tuesday night.
“Do you want me to?” she countered, taken aback by the bluntness of his question and not quite sure how he wanted her to answer—how she wanted to answer.
He paused a moment. “Yes, I believe I do, mainly because I miss you.” The admission was soft and unexpected.
“I miss you, too.”
“You don’t sound happy about it. Listen, I’m not sure what exactly you want to call what we have between us—”
“Truth is, I’d rather not give it a name just yet, if that’s okay.” Lee was afraid to give it a name. Names had power and the feelings she had for Adam were powerful enough on their own.
“This thing that shall remain nameless is hitting me fast and it’s strong,” Adam admitted.
“For now, let’s just talk about Jessie.”
Adam allowed the conversation to shift, much to Lee’s relief. “So, are you getting any work done? I know how…um, active, Jess can be.”
Lee laughed. “That’s a very kind word. And yes, I am getting more work done than I imagined I could. I’ve just gotten creative at finding the time. I work when she naps, and after she’s in bed. I’m finding that because I know I’m on a limited schedule, I work a bit harder.”
“Good.”
“To be honest, it’s a relief.”
“Relief?”
“I’ve worried that if I ever have a baby, I’d put my work first, like my parents did. But Jessie’s first, work’s second. I’ll confess, cleaning’s coming dead last. Thankfully, having a small cottage means there’s not much that needs to be done.”
“I’ll be home tomorrow and can help, if you want.”
“So soon?” she asked.
“Hey, don’t sound so excited.”
“It’s just…” She paused then slowly added, “When you’re back, we’ll have to talk about us. And truth be told, I’ll miss Jessie. A lot. I’ve enjoyed having her to myself.”
“I’ll share her. How about when I get back tomorrow night the three of us spend time together?”
“That would be nice.”
“Then we’ll talk about what’s happening between us.”
To be honest, that didn’t sound so nice. Whenever someone talked about talking in that particular tone, it simply didn’t bode well.
Adam couldn’t believe how nervous he was. He’d left earlier than he’d planned simply because he couldn’t wait to get home to Jessie and Lee.
Lee obviously had heard his SUV because as he pulled up at the cottages, she was immediately outside with Jessie. She set the toddler on the ground and Jess did a toddly version of a run to Adam, crying, “Da, da, da, da,” the whole time.
His heart melted as he brought her to him and hugged her tight. He couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her. He realized she’d become a part of his life, and he knew his decision about her upbringing was the right one.
Just as he knew when he looked up and found Lee smiling one of her dazzling smiles at him that some choices weren’t ours to make. They were simply presented to us as a done deal.
Lee was a done deal, as far as his emotions were concerned.
“Welcome home,” she said.
“It’s good to be back. I missed you both.” He paused and added, “A lot.”
“We missed you as well. So, how was the trip?”
“Seven hours is a long drive.”
“We didn’t expect you until much later.”
“I know. I didn’t plan to leave so early, but I…” He was going to tell her. He was going to say the words and put his feelings out on the table.
He wasn’t sure what her reaction would be.
He knew what he hoped it would be, but the thing about Lee was she kept him guessing.
“You?” she prompted.
“I—”
“Yoo-hoo,” Mrs. Singer hollered as she rounded Lee’s cottage corner and came into view, Mr. Singer on her heels. “I saw the vehicle and wanted to come over and welcome you home. Lee and Jessie missed you.”
“That’s good because I missed them.”
“And I know that Lee’s been chasing after Jessie all day and trying to get her work, so was thinking that I’d make dinner tonight.”
Mrs. Singer looked so pleased that Adam forced himself to swallow his disappointment. “That is kind of you,” he said.
“But we were going to do something together. Just the three of us,” Lee finished.
Lee’s mother’s happy expression disappeared. “Oh, well, of course you would. I don’t know what I was thinking. You go and have a good time.”
She smiled at them both, but Adam could see that Mrs. Singer was trying to put on a brave face.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I mean—”
“What Lee means is,” Adam broke in, “there’s not a place in Erie we’d rather be, so get cooking.”
Mrs. Singer grinned. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“Lee?” her mother asked.
Lee smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’m sure, Mom. That is kind of you.”
“Not kind. Just motherly. We’ll get everything ready. Show up at six.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Adam’s phone rang. He checked the caller ID. “I have to take this,” he said apologetically.
“Sure,” Lee said as she turned back to her mother and discussions about tonight’s dinner.
Adam had seen a flicker of something in her expression. Disappointment? Annoyance? He wasn’t sure and didn’t have time to ask. He flipped the phone open. “Yes?”
“I’ve set up those talks,” Darius started.
His friend continued on about the meeting, but Adam’s thoughts kept drifting to Lee.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that she hated it when he got business calls. And as much as he might try to minimize them, the nature of what he did meant there would always be business calls.
Could he really reconcile her wants and the business’s needs?
Lee could hardly keep her eyes off Adam. Jessie had dozed off while he was holding her. Lee had offered to go lay her down, but Adam had shaken his head. “She’s so busy that this is about the only time she’s still enough to hold.”
Watching him talk with her parents while holding Jessie melted her heart. He’d changed during his time in Erie. She’d noticed his cell phone hadn’t rung once during dinner and he seemed more relaxed than when he’d arrived.
“Hey,” he said.
“Sorry. I was drifting.”
“Lee’s always been a daydreamer.” Her mother was busy gathering plates.
“I think it’s one of her more charming traits,” Adam assured her.
Lee shot him a smile of gratitude.
Her mother replied. “It just so happens that I do as well. Dessert everyone?”
“Let me help you, Mom.” Lee took some of the empty dishes and followed her mother into the motor home’s small kitchenette. “It’s in the refrigerator, dear. That peanut-butter-and-chocolate-pudding dish.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I know you like it. Despite Adam’s kind words, I know I’m not a great cook, but since it doesn’t require cooking, I’m generally safe serving it.”
“No, I meant thank you for outside. For saying you didn’t mind my drifting. And while I’m at it, let me thank you for all the help with Jessie the last couple of days.”
“You’re welcome. It was our pleasure. She’s a delight. As well as a reminder of how much we missed with you.”
“Mom, don’t.”
“I won’t. I realize I can’t go back, but I appreciate you giving me another chance.”
“There was never a question. You’re my mother. I love you.”
Her mom pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you, too. Now before we get any more emotional, let’s get back out there.”
Her mother served the dessert and, as they all settled in, Adam spoke, “I have an announcement. I’ve made my decision about Jessie’s future. I talked to her grandparents while I was in New York and she’s staying with me. But rather than hiring a nanny, her grandparents are going to watch her on days I work. If she proves to be too much for them to handle, I’ll look into finding a sitter a couple days a week. I think it will be the best scenario for Jessie. She’ll be surrounded by people who love her.”
Lee hugged him. “I’m so happy for both of you.”
“I just couldn’t let her go. I love her.”
“I know.”
Lee’s parents were offering congratulations.
“This calls for a picture,” Lee’s mother said excitedly. She started rummaging through her bag.
“Mom, I’m not so much the picture person.”
Lee’s father shook his head. “There’s no getting out of it, so you might as well get used to it. I’ve got pictures of me on pretty much every square inch of the RV.”
“Now, first Adam and Jessie.” Before Lee’s eyes, her mother turned into a virtual Steven Spielberg, directing her shots. “Now, Lee, let’s get all three of you.”
“This is Adam and Jessie’s celebration. I’m not in it.”
“Still, I want group shots of everyone.” Her father had been right. There was no getting out of it, so Lee joined Adam and Jessie, posing with the lake as their backdrop.
“Now, Aston, go get Jessie. I want one of just Lee and Adam.”
They stood close, but not quite touching. “Come on, you two. Neither of you is contagious. Adam, put your arm around her.”
He did and, without meaning to, Lee found herself leaning into the slightly staged connection.
Her mother clicked off several shots.
“Now, Adam, maybe you’d get one of Lee and us?” “I’d be happy to, Mrs. Singer.”
Lee found herself sandwiched between her parents. She didn’t think they’d ever taken a family picture before.
As Adam snapped the shot, Jessie, seeing her window of opportunity, made a mad dash for the water.
Lee left the shot and went after the toddler, Adam on their heels after he’d handed the camera to her mother.
Neither of them managed to catch Jessie before she hit the water. She was happily splashing, and Adam put an arm around Lee’s shoulder. “She does love the water,” he said as he left Lee’s side to retrieve his niece.
“Yoo-hoo, you two,” Lee’s mom hollered. They turned and her shutter popped open and closed in rapid succession. “Now, that’s going to be a keeper.”
They went back to the picnic table, and Adam got dry clothes out of the diaper bag and started changing Jessie. “You’re a mess,” he said, laughing.
“I’m so glad you’re keeping her,” Lee said.
“Jessie’s lucky to have you,” her normally quiet father said. “That’s what we tried to do for Lee, see to it she was always cared for by someone who loved her as much as we did.”
Lee knew that’s exactly what her parents had done. When they worked she was with her grandmother. When they didn’t, she was with them. It might not have been everything she wished for, but her parents had done their best, just as Adam was trying to do his best for Jessie.
Years of feeling neglected faded and Lee realized how lucky she was to have spent her life surrounded by those who loved her. She got up and hugged her father.
At first he seemed a bit surprised, but then his arms wrapped around her and he hugged her in return.
“I love you, Dad,” she whispered in his ear.
“Me, too.”
Her mother got up and headed into the RV. “Mom, where are you going?”
“I have a bottle of wine in the kitchen. We’re going to toast Adam’s new family.”
Adam had tucked Jessie in bed before joining Lee on the porch. They sat on the bench, close, and he wondered where to start. Despite the fact that Mrs. Singer had made a delicious meal, his stomach was tied in knots.
“I thought about you a lot while I was away.” It was the best opening he could come up with.
“I did, too,” Lee said. “I’ll miss you when you leave next week.”
“I need to talk to you about that. I can’t stay the final week. Things are moving faster than Darius and I anticipated. Taking Delmark down a new avenue is going to take more work than I realized—and I realized a lot of work. My taking time off now wasn’t best timed, but I knew that things would only get busier until we have the new division set up. I’ve made my decision about Jessie, and simply can’t justify being away from work any longer. And—”
“You don’t owe me an explanation,” Lee blurted.
He closed the small gap that separated them so that they sat thigh to thigh. “Maybe I don’t owe you, but I want to explain.”
He took her hand and, feeling less than confident about her response, said, “I need you to know how it is before I ask you to…come with us. Come to New York with Jessie and me. I know there’s something growing between us, and I thought we’d have more time to see what it was, but—”
“But you have to get back to work. And with things getting busier there, and adding a baby to your household, just where would I fit in?” Lee asked.
“I don’t know. I haven’t sorted it all out. All I know is I don’t want whatever we have between us to end here.”
She took her hand out of his and shook her head. “Adam, I can’t.”
“You don’t have to move in with me. That’s not what I meant. Your own place. I talked to Darius and he’s found somewhere you could sublet. The rent’s about as good as you’re going to get in the city, and it’s close to me.”
“You planned this? Asking me?”
The few days he’d been gone had felt like years. He’d missed Jessie and Lee. It hadn’t taken long for him to decide to at least ask her to come with him. If he didn’t, he’d spend the rest of his life wondering…regretting.
“I know it’s fast—”
“Fast?” she repeated. “It’s warp speed. I knew my ex all through college, and look what happened with us. You and I have only known each other a few weeks. What chance would we have?”
“More than a few weeks.” He took her hand again. “Lee, we’ve known each other since we were kids. Back when I was Matty, the bane of your existence. And you were Mary Eileen, a girl who dreamed.”
Dreams.
Lee fingered the necklace she still kept in her pocket. She’d been carrying it like some kind of talisman since Adam had moved into her cottage. Her first piece of jewelry, long forgotten among her old mementos, had suddenly become important.
What she was sure of was that this insane idea of Adam’s wouldn’t work. Couldn’t.
“Adam, I’m flattered,” she started.
“That sounds as ominous as when a woman says, You’re a nice guy but. ”
“You are a nice guy, but I can’t come to New York. My life is here.” She’d worked hard to rebuild her life after her marriage had failed. After she’d lost her baby. She’d found a measure of peace. Found a new life. How could she just walk away from that?
How could Adam ask her to?
“You could build a new life with me and Jessie,” Adam said. “You could sell your jewelry as easily in New York as in Erie. Hell, Juliet can run the shop here, and you can open another in New York. She can ship you beach glass. I’ll help you figure out a way to do whatever it takes. I just want to have a chance.”
She felt a wave of anger. He expected her to give up everything to follow him? “Let’s turn this around. You stay here. Let your friend Darius run the company. Give up your job, your home, the life you know, and stay here with me. No more ten-plus-hour workdays. No more phone calls day and night. No more working weekends. You can find something else here in Erie. Something nine to five. You can take over management of Singer’s Treasures, if you like. Or maybe start a small computer business here.”
“I can’t. It’s not just me.” He dropped her hand and slid to the edge of the bench. “Listen, I built the company from the ground up. Darius can’t do it alone. At least, not yet. He’s handled these few weeks fine, and I do plan to hand over more responsibility to him, but this next phase is delicate. I need to be at the helm. We have employees who count on us. There are contracts and—”
She gently placed a hand on his lips, silencing him. “Adam, I knew you couldn’t, just as I think you knew what my answer would be. This brief summer thing’s been magic, but it’s over. I’d like to stay friends. Really, I don’t want to lose that.”
She tried to think of alternatives. She’d known he was leaving but really hadn’t thought about what would happen in the aftermath. “Maybe you and Jessie could vacation here each year? I’d like a chance to see her grow up. My mother and father would love a chance to play grandparents regularly.”
“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?”
She shook her head. “I’m afraid not. These last few weeks I’ve come to terms with some old resentments about my childhood, and I think I’m closer to my parents than I’ve ever been. But while I understand them better, it doesn’t mean I can go along with it—I tried that with my marriage. It didn’t work. As much as I care for you, I don’t want to play second fiddle to Delmark. Dealing with the interruptions, the constant calls, the late nights. Eventually, I’d resent it too much. I don’t want things to end on a bitter note for us. I’d rather say goodbye now and have a lot of fond memories of our time together.”
“Then this is it.” His voice was flat, devoid of any emotion.
Lee hated the distance that was now suddenly between them. “Yes. This is it. We both knew it was coming.”
He didn’t say anything, and when the silence grew too heavy, she whispered, “I’ll miss you.”
He blew out a long breath and stood. “Ditto. I don’t want to draw this out. No long goodbye. I’m just going to finish packing tonight, then leave first thing in the morning.”
“But I’ll see you before you go?” She stood as well, just inches away from him physically, but so much farther away in reality.
Even when he leaned over and kissed her, she could feel the difference, the space that separated them. “Yes, you’ll see us both.”
“Then, I’d better let you get to it.” She pulled away and started down the stairs.
“Lee?”
She stopped and turned.
“I wish you’d reconsider. We could come to Erie frequently. Vacation here. You’d come regularly and check on the store. We could make it work.”
“Work is what it comes down to. You’re devoted to your business, and now you’ve added a baby to the mix. I just don’t see where we could fit in.”
That wasn’t exactly fair, and she knew it even as she said the words. She believed Adam would try to juggle it all, but she was afraid that in the end, his job would win.
She wanted him to say he’d stay. That he’d forget about the business, and stay with her, even though she knew he couldn’t. Was it fair of her to ask?
“I’m sorry. I’ll be over first thing in the morning to say goodbye,” she said and rushed home.