Chapter 10
PHAEDRA
When I wake on the couch the next morning, I smile. Gatlin’s obsessed with taking care of me and making sure I get enough sleep. It’s nice. Nobody has done that for me since I was a child, and right now, I need to know someone cares and I’m not alone in all this.
“Good morning.”
I shoot into a sitting position and see Hawthorne fiddling with the pomegranate on the floor beside the couch.
“Good morning,” I rasp, watching him use his magic to grow the pomegranate into a tree. “Impressive.”
His power slides over me like a warm caress, and the kinks in my neck disappear in an instant. How did he know? Or was it my own body absorbing his magic?
“Not really,” he says in a dissatisfied tone. “Hera’s a goddess. She’s not going to be impressed by a tree.”
“Depends on the tree,” I say as I rise and make my way over to sit in front of him. “Thank you for doing this. It means a lot that you would still help me. And I know it doesn’t mean anything personal. Or fix things between us.”
His sea green eyes study me closely. “I…” He stops, then begins again.
“It took a long time for me to feel settled in this world. I was used to being surrounded by family and friends. Here, loneliness ate at me, devouring any contentment. It wasn’t until Jamison, Mathias, and Gatlin came along that the burden of it eased.
But a piece of me felt empty. It wasn’t until you came along that I began to feel complete. Like I could be happy in this world.”
A tear rolls down my face at the hurt in his eyes, and he reaches over with his thumb and swipes it away.
“I endured so much because of what you did in the past, but that’s not what hurts the most. I let down my walls.
Opened up to you. Shared my darkest days.
I could see the loneliness in your eyes.
Hear it in your voice. It make me feel connected to you. ”
He rubs a hand down his face. “I’ve never fallen for someone like I fell for you. Yet the whole time, you were hiding who you were, keeping a part of yourself distant from us. I felt blindsided. How do I believe anything you say is real?”
Pain rips through me at his words, and a few more tears slip down my face. This time, he doesn’t wipe them away. “You’re right. For three thousand years, I kept myself hidden, separate from everyone, including the men I dated. The only thing that kept me going was finding my sister.”
I swallow hard. “Then you four came along, and I suddenly found myself yearning for something I didn’t know was possible.
A future.” Unable to help myself, I reach over and pick up his hand.
“I’m truly sorry I didn’t share my past. What started as habit became this mountain of fear and denial.
The longer I kept it from all of you, the worse it became.
I knew when you found out, it would be the end.
So, I tried to protect my heart.” He slides his hand from mine, and I reluctantly let it go.
“But in the end, I failed. I didn’t even know how much I cared until all of you were gone. ”
He says nothing. For several long minutes, we stare at each other in the bright morning sun until I can’t stand it. Why should he believe me? Discouraged, I drag a hand through my hair and rise.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
On the way out the door, I run into Gatlin, whose sharp eyes trace the tear tracks on my cheeks.
His hand reaches for mine, but I step to the side and continue out the door.
If he holds me, I’ll fall apart. I take the stairs two at a time until I reach my bedroom.
Not wanting them to hear me cry, I quickly strip and step into the shower.
There, I let the tears flow. Sometimes all that is left is a good cry.
Exhausted, I fall asleep after my shower. A soft knock on the door wakes me, but it takes a minute to pry my gritty, swollen eyes open. I roll over and glance at the clock on the nightstand. Lunch time. With a groan, I slide from the bed, open the door, and find Jamison standing on the other side.
His steel-blue eyes coolly assess my face, but he doesn’t comment on the obvious. “Lunch will be ready in five.” One of his hands rises as if to touch me, but it never makes contact. Instead, he stares at me for a minute before turning on his heel and leaving.
I’m so tempted to skip lunch, but I know if I don’t show, Gatlin will come up, drag me downstairs, and force-feed every bite to me. I close the door and turn toward the bathroom, hoping my hair doesn’t look too crazy from falling asleep with it wet.
It’s worse. Three sexy men in my house, and I look like a train wreck. Turning on the tap, I quickly wet my hair until it’s falling straight down my back, then twist it into a knot. That will have to do. I splash cold water on my puffy face, hoping it will miraculously deflate before I see them.
Downstairs, the murmur of voices stops the second I get close to the kitchen. All three of them are standing together, their eyes trained on the door.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, slipping past them to get a glass of water.
“Hawthorne found the elf we saw with Mercer,” Jamison informs me. “He’s Osian, the Elven councilmember’s, youngest son.” He pauses for a second. “We’re not sure if he spotted him or its sheer coincidence, but he requested a meeting with Hawthorne for the day after tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “Do we need to pack weapons, or is this a friendly meeting?”
All three of them share a look.
“Hawthorne and I are going to meet with Caron. You and Gatlin are going to continue with Hera’s quest and hit the first two temples,” Jamison explains.
“This war is accelerating, and we need to split up and tackle the two things at once. The sooner we find out who’s behind this and secure the panels, the better I like our odds. ”
I look at Gatlin. “I can go alone if you want to join them. Everything is ready.”
He narrows his eyes. “Do you want to go alone?”
I open my mouth to tell him that it’s fine, but I can’t get the words out. I want him there. And not just because I’m terrified of Hera. I trust him to have my back. Damn. This transparency thing sucks.
“No, I want you to go with me.”
A look of satisfaction makes his golden eyes gleam. “Not that you had a chance in hell of going alone, but it’s good to know I’m growing on you.” He motions to the dining room. “Everyone, go sit down. Lunch is ready.”
Gatlin sets down sandwiches and soup in front of each of us.
Having missed breakfast, I don’t wait for the rest of them.
The first bite explodes in my mouth, and I hum in pleasure.
Grilled cheese sandwiches but like nothing I’ve ever tasted.
There must be three different cheeses in there and some kind of jam.
Strawberry? No. A hint of spice hits my tongue, and I realize what it is.
When I glance at Gatlin, he’s watching me.
“Jalapeno pepper jelly?” I ask, licking my lips.
He chuckles, and Jamison and Hawthorne immediately swing their heads toward him in disbelief. “Gives it a little kick. I take it you like it?”
“Best grilled cheese I’ve ever had,” I assure him with a smile. “In fact…one day, when this is all over, I’m going to open that fancy bottle of wine in my cellar and drink it with these sandwiches. They’ll pair beautifully with each other.”
Jamison raises an eyebrow and looks at Gatlin with a question in his eyes.
The corners of Gatlin’s mouth tilt upward the slightest bit. “A 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild with my grilled cheese sandwiches.” He whistles. “That’s a date.”
The use of the word date makes me pause, but I can’t tell if it’s just a casual use of the phrase or if he means it. I’d like a date with Gatlin. More than a date, if I’m being open and honest, which apparently I am these days.
Jamison shakes his head at the two of us, but wariness still lingers in his eyes.
“Are you coming back here after you meet with Caron?” The words spring out of my mouth before I have a chance to examine them.
Jamison’s spoon halts in mid-air, and he tilts his head. “Do you want us to?”
I hesitantly glance at Hawthorne. Everything was simpler when they weren’t here. Gatlin and I had found a rhythm that didn’t include a side of tears. Or a helping of hurt. But this morning showed me that they need to hear me say I’m sorry. To tell them how I feel about them.
“I do, but if you don’t wish to be around me, I completely understand.”
“We’ll be back,” Jamison states firmly.
Relieved, I grab my empty bowl and plate and leave the table, unable to sit there any longer.
In the kitchen, I set them in the sink, then stand there looking out at the land around my home.
It’s bittersweet having them here, because it gives me a glimpse of what could be.
But when this is over, my sanctuary will be shattered if it doesn’t.
How do I go back to living alone in this big house again?
Seeing them in every corner. Maybe I’ll find another place for the next few hundred years.
If I’m still around, of course. Who knows what the gods are planning?
Someone steps up behind me. Tension creeps into my shoulders, but the smell of juniper and him instantly calms me.
Gatlin. His large arms wrap around me as he sets his chin on my head.
It’s like being sheltered by the strongest of oak trees.
With a sigh, I burrow into his chest as if I’ve done it a thousand times, wrapping his warmth around me like a blanket.
“What are you thinking about?” His low voice is gruff with concern.
“Living here. Alone,” I admit. “After all this is done, it’s going to suck.”
He tightens his arms. “The future isn’t written. Keep being honest with us and yourself. If you feel something, tell us. We need reassurance, too. But the most important thing right now is to concentrate on the present. The last thing I want is for you to be distracted before we meet with Hera.”
We. Such a simple word that holds so much power.
“I’m glad you’re going with me.” Although I worry Hera won’t see it that way. She doesn’t like surprises.