34. Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Four
Griffin's Beach Lex
Z ane will never forgive me. There is nothing I can ever do to make him love me, and I sealed my fate the moment I agreed to this whole mess.
Taking a deep breath, Lex braces herself on the sink in the kitchen. It took longer than she wanted to get alone after giving Zane the letter from Lane because everyone needed to stop and give her their condolences. Which is nice, but she struggles to breathe. The weight of the past two months threatens to crush her, and she needs a moment to herself.
As soon as she thinks the thoughts, she feels him. Colt. "Baby?"
"Hey."
His arms wrap around her waist, his strong body pressed firmly against her back, and he's the only one she feels safe with these days. To just fall apart, and he simply holds her as she keeps her head down and cries.
"It’s okay," Colt whispers, his hold on her never loosening. "Let it out, Lex."
"I should have told Lane to make Lily do this. Besides the fact she's a lawyer, she's just as strong as I am. She can stand up to Zane."
"He'd still find a reason to hate you," he says. "He'd come to you to talk to Lily, and when she wouldn't budge, he'd blame you. There is no way you could have done anything different and get a different outcome."
The words hit her. It's the truth. It's most definitely the truth, but it doesn't make it easier to swallow. "I know."
"What can I do?"
Sighing, she turns in his arms and hugs him, inhaling his scent. Soap, the same musky cologne he's worn since he was sixteen, and Colt. "If it were any other day, I'd beg you to take me to the apartment and distract me the way you're best at. Today, though, I'll definitely be missed. Plus, I should be around for Margaret.
His fingers run through her hair and massages her scalp, making her moan. "I'll distract you all night long. How does that sound?"
"Like heaven," she says. "Your fingers are magic on every part of my body."
"I love your sounds," he murmurs. "I do have a distraction that keeps us clothed. Still bothered and wanting to get primordial but distracted nonetheless."
Giggling, she opens her eyes. "What's that?"
"I had a thought. An idea, if you will."
"Uh-oh."
He smirks and kisses her nose. "Now, you can shoot this idea down, and it won't be brought up again."
Lex pulls back and leans against the counter. She knows this is serious. "What's going on in that head of yours? The big one, not the... There's really no way to save myself from the hole I just dug here."
"I'll show you a big head," he growls with a wink. "Later. What I wanted to bring up is adopting Hailey and Lucas."
Her eyes narrow. This is up there on the list of last things she expected Colt Nichols to say. "What?"
"I talked to Lily to see what our options are, and she said that since we're already their guardians makes it easier. As long as Lucas's mom doesn't object, it shouldn't be difficult. But I made the decision to bring them into the house without talking to you first, so if this is too much, I understand."
"You want to adopt them?"
"I think they were brought to us to help with this whole shit show of a situation we ended up in. And it's up to us to show them what a loving household looks like. I haven't talked to either of them to know if this is even something they want or not, so I may be jumping the gun. Whether we adopt them or not, I think we're proving that a house filled with love is normal, not the house of horrors they ran away from."
"Yes."
Eyes wide, he gapes. "Yes?"
She shrugs. "As long as they want us to legally be their parents, I think adopting them just makes it official. Hailey's already eighteen and will be leaving for college soon, and she's jaded more than I ever was, so she may not want to. Lucas, though, I think will."
"Aunt Lex?"
Looking around Colt, she sees Margaret standing in the doorway. "Hey, sweetheart."
"I... I miss my mom."
Colt nods as she hurries to hug her niece. "I have something for you. How about we go and find somewhere comfortable to look at it?"
Wiping her eyes, she nods. "Okay."
A strong hand reaches out to squeeze her shoulder, and Lex is grateful for Colt. He knows she needs comfort, but he also knows she needs to be here for Margaret. He's helped pick up the slack when she's let things fall, and he's proven to be such a good partner. A few years ago, this may not have been how he handled the situation, and she still can't believe how far he's come. Yet another reason she knows he earned that President patch.
Margaret takes her hand, and Lex leads her into the corner of the clubhouse where Gavin and Hailey sit on the couch holding hands. "Hey, guys, can we steal the couch?"
"Of course," Gavin says and stands, pulling Hailey up with him. "Do you need anything? Either of you?"
"No, thank you," Margaret says and blushes as she adverts her eyes from Gavin.
Hailey and Lex share a look, and Lex tries her best not to laugh. Her niece has a crush on Gavin. Who would have expected that?
"I'm good, Gavin, thank you," Lex says. "Come on, sweetheart. Your mom wanted me to give you this today."
Pulling the letter from her purse, she hands it to Margaret. She stares at her mother’s handwriting for a few moments before looking up at Lex, her hands shaking. "What does it say?"
"I don't know, but I can tell you that I have two stacks of letters to give you at different times in your life. She's always with you, babe. In spirit and in your heart, but she wanted you to have something to physically touch for those times she can't be here with you."
She slowly opens the letter and reads it to herself. As much as Lex wants to know what's written down, she wants to respect Margaret's privacy. These are sacred words between mother and daughter, and she just holds Margaret in her arms as she silently cries reading it.
Turning around, Margaret wraps her arms around Lex's neck. "I miss her, Lex. I miss my mom so much."
"I know you do, baby," Lex says and wraps her up tightly. "I wish there was something I could say or do to take away your pain. I really do."
"Daddy's mad."
If only she knew the extent of her father's anger. It's one of the few consistencies in his life. "I want you to listen to me, okay?" She pulls back, and Lex wipes the tears that have fallen down the young girl's cheeks. "No matter how angry your dad is with me, I am always here for you. I'll never abandon you, and you just need to call me."
"He told Grandpa he was dead to him."
Sounds like Zane. "He's just really sad right now. And you'll learn as you get older that boys are stupid. They don't know how to express feelings, so it comes out all wrong. Or maybe that's just the boys around here."
"Is Uncle Colt like that?"
"Oh God, yes," Lex says and laughs. "He's gotten a lot better, though."
Sniffling, Margaret puts the letter back in the envelope and holds it to her chest. "I should go and find my dad."
Nodding, she winks at her niece as she hurries to find her father. Please don't be drunk and passed out somewhere. Or with a club bunny. That would be Lane's worst nightmare.
"Hey," Felicity says as she walks over to the couch.
Lex looks up at the brunette she once considered one of her best friends and shakes her head. "I do not have the energy to fight with you. Not today, Felicity. Please."
"I don't want to fight. I come in peace. Can I just... sit?"
Nodding, she waves her hand over the spot Margaret vacated. "Sure."
"Here." Felicity hands her a small, hardcover notebook. "I have the page and part you need to read marked."
"What is this?" she asks, opening to the marked page. " I have to admit that I'm glad Lex is in Arizona because I know Ky won't be able to stop himself from telling her. And she would kick my fucking ass. She's the only person besides my mother that I'm terrified of. I'll hide it every time, but if it came down to it, Lex could kill me. Her brother has made her so hard that she'd take out a grown man two feet taller than her before she'd ever admit defeat. And her love of my sister is the only one that rivals mine. And Zane's. How Zane hasn't completely hardened Lex, I'll never know, but I'm glad she's a fierce protector of Felicity. I've seen it, and she doesn't tell people. God, I hate that I admire that curly bitch. Another Little Miss Perfect.
I don't think I have to worry about Lex telling Felicity. Just like Ky and me, Lex would never want to hurt her. She's the only real friend Felicity's ever had, and I wish I had a Lex in my life. "
"That's from Vicky's diary. This is how I found out about her and Ky. Mom sent them to me. Thought you could use a smile. My sister was scared of you."
Lex giggles and nods. "It seems she knew I was your friend, but you didn't."
"I knew. I was just... mad."
"Look, I’m sorry for outing your secrets like I did. I never planned to do it, but I lost my temper. You caught me on another day of Zane berating me, and I just couldn't go another round. It's not a good excuse, and it wasn't right. I'm sorry, Felicity."
"Hey, you warned me, and I pushed. And I'm the one who should be apologizing. If you'd told me about Ky and Vicky, I think I would have hated you for telling me. And I hated you for not telling me. I basically just hated you, and I have no good reason for it. Nothing I did was fair to anyone, and I realized it's because there's something in me that's not quite right. But I'm working on it."
Smiling, Lex hands the diary back to her. "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive him?"
"I needed him to forgive me. We made up. Colt and Lex style."
She laughs and leans back. "There's really no better way to make up with your husband. In my opinion. I think I could find at least a few gals in here who would agree, too."
"I need to know what you need from me, Lex. To forgive me, too. I don't think what I did for Ky will work for you, although I don't think either of our husbands would consider it cheating as long as they got to watch. And maybe participate."
Snorting, Lex bends over as she laughs, her hands gripping her sides. "Probably not. But I tried that once in college, and it's just not for me. Nothing personal."
"You did?" Felicity gapes at her, which only makes Lex laugh harder.
"It was college. You have to try everything at least once. I did say no to meth, though. That just seemed like a bad idea."
Felicity chuckles. "Probably a good call. Now, I'm not as experienced as you are, apparently, but I do owe you."
"We're square."
"No, we're not. I was horrible. You're not a shitty friend; I am. I had no idea Lane was even sick, and I should have. My world got so busy and my own drama took over. I thought Ky was just trying to get me to talk to him when he told me I needed to be here for the wedding, and I felt like it was still a ploy until I saw her. And you."
"I just want my friend back. The old lady who squares up to stomp club bunnies with me and teach them lessons. Someone who has my back as much as I have theirs, and I’m sorry if I made you believe I didn't have yours because I always did."
Taking her hand, Felicity fights her tears. "I know you did. I was being stubborn, and I want my friend back, too. Especially now that we're old ladies to the highest officers."
"How the hell did that even happen? It feels like a new era. I mean, I've never known the club without Jennings as President. It's weird, but I'm so proud of them."
"You're staying here, then?"
"We're staying. I might make a trip to Summerville to bring the bunnies here to show these bitches how to fucking act. I loved those girls."
"Seriously?"
Lex laughs and fills her in on the respectful girls in Summerville. The brunette looks as though she's being read a fairy tale.
"I don't believe it."
"Come with me. I'll show you. It's amazing," Lex says. "So... did you read all of Vicky's diaries?"
Smirking, Felicity nods. "I did."
"Any other dirt in there?"
"Oh, yeah. First, Rocco fucking sucks. So does Autumn, but let's just say Ky isn't the only guy in here my sister's fucked."
Eyebrow raised, Lex tilts her head. "Wasn't she a bunny for a while?"
"Okay, the only guy who wasn't a Drifter at the time."
"Rocco?"
"She was pissed at Autumn for saying shit about me, so she slept with Rocco. Apparently, he's terrible. And small."
Her jaw drops. "That's amazing. Please let me read about it. I will pay you to let me read it."
She laughs. "Oh, and she didn't fully sleep with Brock, but she did teach him some stuff."
"Brock?"
"He had his eyes on Summer, and Vicky taught him how to go down on women. She pretended he wasn't very good to keep him coming back, but she said he had the strongest tongue of anyone she's ever been with. Besides her ex-boyfriend, Jeremy. She convinced Brock to try mutual oral, and she gagged on him. Younger guys weren't her thing, but she said she considered abandoning that and make Summer fight for her spot with him."
Her hand flies to her mouth. "Oh my God."
"Yeah, I can't look at him today. But I do want to pat Summer on the back. She got a good one."
They laugh, and it feels normal again. Hailey catches Lex's eye, and she turns to Felicity. "I do need one thing from you."
"Name it."
"Hailey. You need to apologize to her. She and Gavin are dating, and she's part of my family."
She blows out a long breath. "Are they having sex?"
"As far as I know. Hailey talked to me before anything happened, so I assume it has. She's jaded, but she has good reason to be. Her life has been tougher than most, and she has to figure a few things out, but she's safe. Considering Gracie's situation, I'm pretty sure Gavin's making sure they're covered. No pun intended."
"I suppose she's important to him, so I should give her a chance."
"You ever go for her again like you did before, and I will put you in the hospital. I mean it when I say she's family. All bets are off, and I won't apologize for it."
Standing, Felicity nods. "Vicky had a good reason to fear you."
"Fucking right she did."
"I can't promise I'll love her, but I'll give her a chance. For you and for Gavin."
"That's all I can ask."