43. Kane
Chapter 43
Kane
16 Years Earlier
William and Ash were playing in our room together, and I went to find my mother, whom Ash liked to call Aunt Izzie. It made me laugh; we weren’t actually related. I was young when Ash was born, but I still remembered her blonde mother getting thrown in here with us when she was heavily pregnant. My mom did all she could to help April, but there was nothing she could do after Ash was born. The blood loss was too great. April died a few hours after Ash was born, and just like that, there was a new little girl in my life that Mom said I had to look after.
Ash was four now, and William was two, and I loved them both more than anything. I took care of them when my mom couldn’t. It wasn’t so bad. There wasn’t much else for a ten-year-old boy to do in this stupid building. I had been born here, and I was afraid I would die here, too.
Ash’s father, Liam, stirred feelings of hatred inside of me. He hid her here with us instead of taking her somewhere better to live with him. But then, if he did, she wouldn’t be here with me either. She was part of our family now, and ripping her away from us would be hard, but it’d be worth it if she got a better life. He could take her away from this awful place and give her that life, but the only thing he did was show up now and then to visit, usually under the cover of darkness and only for a few moments. But I guess our life was better than most blondes; we were better than the others for some stupid reason. The rest of them had to go to the Pit and work their fingers to the bone for the King.
I walked down to the kitchen where my mom worked feeding everyone who lived in the building. I couldn’t be gone too long—two young kids left unsupervised were a mess in the making.
I strode into the kitchen, but no one was in there. Water dripped from a cloth thrown on the counter like it had been left not long ago. Where was everybody? A sense of unease washed over me. I ran up the steps to get back to Ash and William, only to find my mother about to walk into their room.
“Mom!” I shouted from down the hall.
She looked at me, her short curly hair sticking in all directions and her body too thin. “Jackson, where did you go?”
“I came to find you; Ash was asking to go outside again,” I answered.
She opened the door and ushered me inside. “Inside, quickly. Something is happening,” she said.
“What’s going on, Mom?”
Loud footfalls came from outside the door, pounding down the hall. The door flew open, and Liam stood before us, breathing hard, with a cloak over his head. He looked at my mother with wild eyes.
“It’s happening Iz. I set it in motion, but they are after me. My father knows about Ash. I don’t know how, but he found out. I have to take her away.”
What? No! No way I would let him take Ash away from me. She was mine to watch out for and protect. Her and William. Ash’s eyes went wide, and she ran over and jumped into my arms.
“I don’t want to leave Jackson and baby William, Daddy.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
“I’m sorry baby girl, but we must go.” He turned and looked at my mother. “Her hair, Iz,” he whispered.
My mother started frantically searching, then turned and left the room for an instant before she came back with scissors in her hand.
“What are you doing, Mom?” I asked.
“Her hair. It’s not safe for her out there.”
She moved toward me, and I could tell Ash didn’t understand. I didn’t even understand, but if it was safer for Ash, then her hair needed to go. I sat down on the bed with her arms still around my neck. “Blondie, Aunt Izzie is going to have to cut off your hair, so you’ll be safer, okay?”
“No,” she cried. “I don’t want to.”
“It’ll be okay,” Liam chimed in, trying to soothe Ash.
“Ash, I promise it’s for the best, okay?” I said.
She tucked her face further into my neck but nodded, and Izzie began cutting as I felt the warmth of tears sliding out of Ash’s eyes and onto my neck. I don’t think I’d ever felt quite as much heartbreak as I did watching my mother tear herself apart for having to do this to Ash and watching the little girl lose her curly blonde locks.
When she was finished, Ash didn’t look like herself at all, and my heart sank.
“Thank you Iz. Take your boys and go south if you can. I tried to clear the guards. If I don’t get caught, I will meet you in Mayworth, when I can,” Liam said.
Liam tugged my mother into a hug and then rushed over to me and reached for Ash, but she clung tighter to my neck. Liam murmured apologies as he grabbed Ash to pull her away from me.
“You can’t do this!” I shouted at him. Ash wailed, still in my arms, tears streaming down her face.
“I don’t want to leave them!” she cried.
I rushed toward the door and away from him to protect Ash, but my mother stopped me, and I knew I had no choice.
“Blondie, I’m sorry, but you have to go with your dad,” I murmured, my eyes watering.
Tears streamed down her face and soaked my shirt.
“We might be apart for a little while, but you are strong, brave, and smart, and William and I will find you again someday. Just remember, I’ll always be with you, in here.” I pointed to her heart, and she clutched at her chest. Liam pulled Ash out of my arms, and my mother came up from behind me, holding me back so I couldn’t rush after them as Liam raced out the door. Just like that, Ash was gone. The girl who I’d practically raised—who I read stories to everyday to distract her from her want to go outside. She was gone, and I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. It felt like a piece of my soul disappeared with her. My eyes watered, but I knew I had to be strong—for my mother, for Ash.
“Come on, boys. Quickly,” my mother said .
She grabbed what little clothes we had and shoved them into a bag before picking William up and ushering me out the door. We ran toward the building’s exit, and when we opened the door to the outside, the warm summer breeze touched my face. The soldiers that usually guarded the exterior fence were all gone. I didn’t know what Liam had done, but it must have been something big—the guards were always by the fence.
There was only one entrance in and out through the front gate, and we rushed toward it. William began to fuss in my mother’s arms at the urgency in her movements. We heard shouts from beyond the tree line as we rounded the gate. My mother grabbed my hand. “We must run!” she said, before sprinting off into the trees and away from the voices, pulling me along behind her.
A single soldier rushed up from out of nowhere as we ran through the forest.
“Stop!” he shouted, racing after us.
My mother stopped abruptly, pushing William into my arms. “Take William,” she cried. “Run, Go! And don’t look back!”
“Mom, No,” I sobbed.
“Go!” Her eyes watered with tears, and she grabbed my face, putting her forehead to mine. “Protect William. I love you Jackson.” She shoved me forward, and I ran with tears in my eyes, but I couldn’t help but look back.
The soldier had tackled my mom to the ground and reigned blows to her as she fought back with all she had. I couldn’t handle it. William cried in my arms, and I placed him behind a tree and ran back toward my mother. Her gut-wrenching sobs filled the sunny forest. I’d never fought a soldier before, but I had to try to help. I snuck up behind the soldier, not knowing how I could possibly help. When I saw the gun holstered at his side, I knew what I had to do. I crept up beside him, the noise of my footfalls silenced by my mother’s screams. In quick succession, I pulled the gun out of the holster and pointed it at the man. He finally noticed my presence and turned to look at me, with a cruel smile on his face.
“Come on now, boy. You’re not going to shoot me,” he sneered, with a wicked glint in his eyes.
I had watched the soldiers enough from the windows to know how a gun worked—to know that when I flipped a lever the gun would fire, and it was capable of ending a life. I flipped the lever, and the soldier raised his arms, still on top of my mother.
“Don’t Jackson,” my mother sobbed, blood running down her chin from where the soldier had hit her.
“Give me the gun, boy,” the soldier demanded.
My arms shook. “Get off my mom.” My voice didn’t sound like my own.
“Give me the gun and I will,” he replied carefully.
Silence filled the forest. The only sound was William’s cries from where I had left him behind the tree. The man’s eyes glinted right before he lunged toward me. I aimed and pulled the trigger before he even got off my mother.
A deafening crack split through the air, and my ears began to ring. I stood, looking on in horror as the blood spattered on the ground in front of me—on my clothes, my hands, my mom’s face that was suddenly in front of me.
Her tears mixed with the soldier’s blood, who lay in a heap before us. He was dead. I had killed a man. I dropped the gun to my side, still clutching the black metal in my fist.
My mother put her hands on either side of my head. “My brave, brave boy.” She wept. “You should have left, but that was incredibly fearless. ”
I couldn’t speak. The horror at what I had done was too much.
“Don’t let this define who you are, Jackson.”
William’s cries sounded again through the ringing in my head.
“Come, we must go,” my mother said, grabbing hold of my hand.
The gun slipped out of my fingers and thudded on the ground next to the soldier. I took one last look, and we raced off into the forest, never looking back at the only home we had ever known.
Two Months Later
We were camped outside of Mayworth, far away from Hope, where lush vegetation covered the ground. The climate was much warmer than it ever had been in Hope. We still couldn’t be seen. Soldiers and bounty hunters roamed every town, looking for any escaped blondes. Our hair was impossible to hide. My mother did what she could, but our diet consisted mostly of berries and scavenged food from the forests. We were waiting for Liam, but I had given up optimism that he would come. He had probably been captured for helping us. My stomach sank at the thought of what might have happened to Ash. I thought of her every day; I missed her giggles and our games of hide and seek. William missed her, too. He constantly said her name like an unanswered prayer.
Something had to change. We needed some meat—some real food. That night, while my mother and William slept by the fire on the hard ground, I snuck away toward the town. I crept through the trees, sticking to the shadows until I found what I was looking for. A weapon to hunt food.
There. In the very outskirts of town lay a man in the darkest shadow of a building, hidden even from the moonlight—he was hiding like me. He had some sort of canvas covering draped over him. Suddenly, he stirred, rolling over to face away from me—he was asleep.
From my position behind the tree, I could see a knife laying on the ground beneath where his hand had just been. My heart rate spiked, and the thought of the gun dropping from my hand after I killed the soldier flashed through my mind. If only I’d been smart enough to take it with us, I wouldn’t be here contemplating stealing another man’s knife.
It was dangerous—a risky move that I wouldn’t make if we weren’t so desperate. What I really needed was survival knowledge to take care of my family. My mother’s and William’s faces floated through my mind. It was worth it to get them something to eat.
I edged forward to the tree closest to the building, but there was still a stretch of bare ground I would have to traverse to get to the knife. I steeled my nerves and stepped out from the shadows and into the moonlight. Nothing happened—the world remained still and quiet except for the crickets and the breeze rustling the leaves.
Easing forward, I tiptoed through the grass, avoiding anything that might stir under my feet. The knife was a mere step away when the man snored loudly, causing my heart to nearly jump out of my chest. He settled again, and at least now, I knew for sure he was asleep. My eyes stayed glued to his form as I bent forward and tucked the smooth hilt of the knife into my hand .
I stood back up and slipped back into the shadows of the trees, and, as soon as I couldn’t see the building anymore, I ran. The wind whipped across my skin as I dodged the trees, with a giant smile on my face. It was the first time I’d felt excitement since we left Hope, and I couldn’t help but savor the adrenaline that surged through my veins.
The creek that ran not far from where my mother and William still slept halted my running, and a flash of silver caught my eyes. I bent down close to the water to inspect it further and saw the silver scales of several fish glinting in the moonlight. The excitement that would cover William’s face if I brought fish for breakfast had me plotting a way to catch them. I had a knife now, but I needed to find a way to corral them so they would be easier targets.
I pulled my shoes off and rolled up my pants. I’d never done anything like this. My entire life had been in Hope, locked in an apartment building, but it couldn’t be that hard…right?
I snapped sticks off the nearby trees and sank them down in the mud, close enough together that the fish couldn’t fit between them. When the sticks formed a semicircle with a small opening, the trap was ready. I crawled out of the crisp water and waited until the fish came out from under the bank where they hid. Once their glittering backs shone through the water, I sprang into action, jumping in the water and herding them into my trap. It was placed downstream; the water acting as a natural funnel in which there was no way to go but into my trap or back toward me.
My lips pulled into a grin as the fish swam into my trap, and I closed the last side with my legs. I pulled the knife out of the back of my pants and tried to stab at the slippery monsters with no luck. This wouldn’t work .
I stuck the knife in my teeth and reached with my hands, keeping them still until a fish swam close. My hand darted out in a quick, precise movement and captured the fish on the tail. I knew I couldn’t hold it for long before it wiggled out of my grip, so I tossed it out of the water and onto the bank, where it flopped, gasping for air. Then, I pounced on it, sliding the knife through its body until it stopped wiggling.
I’d done it!
“Clever.” A man’s voice reverberated from somewhere to my side, and I clambered to stand, pointing the knife in his direction. He stood with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. He looked me over from my blonde head to my bare feet, and my hand trembled slightly.
“That’s a nice knife, son. I hope you’ve treated it well,” he said.
It was then I noticed the light washing into the day on the horizon. Sunshine trickled onto his hat and coat that were the same as the man who I’d stolen the knife from wore. Something was familiar about his face—I’d seen this man before in Hope. He moved his hands, and I raised the knife higher until he placed his palms toward me.
“Calm down, Jackson. I’m no threat to you,” he said.
How’d he know my name? He reached up and tugged his hat off, revealing a shaved head. “Easier to hide it this way,” he mused.
Two things I knew for sure: I’d seen him before, and he was blonde.
“How do you know me?” I asked.
“I used to live with you in the apartments a few years ago before I got transferred to the mines.”
“How’d you get out? ”
He smiled. “A story for another time, perhaps. Where’s your mother?”
I contemplated how much of a threat he was before deciding to take him to our camp. My hand dropped to my side, and I picked up my fish, it’s slimy body coating my hand with a fishy smell.
“I’m keeping this.” I gestured to the knife. “Follow me.”
He laughed. “It’s all yours.”
I led the way back to our camp, and when I stepped into the clearing, my mother was up, pacing by the fire while William still slept. The moment she saw me, she rushed in my direction, throwing her arms around my shoulders.
“Where have you—“ Her words fell short as she caught sight of the man behind me. Her body froze around me.
“Hawke?” my mother’s voice stumbled out.
“Iz.” Hawke pulled off his hat once more and wrung it with his hands. My mother released her grip on me and tentatively moved toward him.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” my mother whispered, and then they were wrapped in each other’s arms, hugging as my mother sobbed.
William started to cry by the fire as he had woken up alone, and I strode over and picked him up. When I gazed back toward the pair, Hawke’s eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape as he peered at William.
“Iz, is he— Is that…” Hawke seemed at a loss for words, and my mother nodded. Hawke looked between my mother and William, his eyes clouding with tears. I finally understood. Hawke looked like William. I remembered the few times I’d seen him with my mother before William was born. She seemed almost…happy. I knew who my father was, and I cursed his wretched name every day, but I never knew who William’s father was until now.
Hawke moved away from my mother and toward me, awe covering his features.
“Can I?” he asked, gesturing to William.
I nodded.
My mom stepped up next to us. “William, this is your father.” Happy tears streamed down her cheeks.
William looked at Hawke but ducked his head and hid his face in the crook of my neck.
“Hey, buddy,” I said, and he peered up at me. “Do you want to go say hi for a minute, and then you can come back to me?”
William got a quizzical look on his chubby face, but he didn’t shy away when I handed him over to Hawke.
Hawke looked at his son in amazement. “Hi, William. I’m your dad.” His voice cracked, and a joyful tear streamed down to his chin.
William stared at him before turning back to me. “Jackson,” he demanded, reaching out to me. I pulled him back into my arms, and Hawke laughed, wiping tears from his eyes.
“I guess it’ll take a while for him to warm up to me.” He turned back toward my mom. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“How could you? They took you away,” mom said, and Hawke reached for her again. It was odd seeing my mother with someone when she had always been alone, but I was happy for her.
“I got out the same day you did. Liam told me to meet here.”
Footsteps echoed through the forest, and my mother tried to gather us behind her, but I stepped in front with my knife to protect them. Liam walked through the thicket, but there was no little blonde girl with him .
“Liam,” my mother cried, running to him and throwing her arms around his neck.
“Iz, it’s so good to see you,” Liam murmured.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“Hiding, fighting, running. Trying to make sure no one followed me here.
“Where’s Ash?” I asked. It was really the only thing I wanted to know.
He shook his head. “She’s safe.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know. I gave her to my friend, but I don’t know where he was from.”
I ran straight up to him and shoved him. “How could you not know?” I shouted. “She needs to be with us!”
“It’s safer for her to be with them. They will protect her. I didn’t ask where he was from because if I was captured, I didn’t want to know so I couldn’t tell them.”
“Why didn’t you let her come with us?” I cried.
“Because…” He paused, choosing his words carefully.
“Jackson,” my mother said, “you don’t understand.”
I swallowed hard. “Then how are we supposed to find her again?”
“We will find our way back to each other some day,” Liam answered.
I wanted to hit him. How could he do this to his own daughter?
“Jackson,” my mother soothed. “It is safer for her there. We have nowhere to go, and it’s a miracle that Liam is here. It’s a miracle that we even made it out.”
No, not a miracle. It was because of me; it was because I had killed a man to get us here. It was because I had been willing to do what was necessary to protect the people I loved, and I would keep doing it. I shook my head and backed away from them. “I will find her, if it’s the last thing I do,” I snarled.
“Ash,” William babbled, reaching up to grab my finger with his tiny hand. I picked him up and hugged him close. “Yeah, buddy. Ash. We will find her again.”
Liam reached over and shook Hawke’s hand, shooting him a sincere look. “Glad you made it,” he said.
“Where do we go now?” my mother asked.
Liam shrugged. “We find a new place. A place of refuge for blondes where we can protect them from my father.”
“Which direction do we go?”
“The ocean,” I said. “Ash always wanted to go to the beach.”
“Then let’s go build a refuge on the beach for her,” Liam said, and a tear trickled down his face.