44. Ash
Chapter 44
Ash
“Jackson,” I breathed, the name rolling off my lips like a sweet melody after all these years.
Jackson brought his fist to his mouth and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. When he opened them again, I could see the gray eyes of the boy who I had dreamed of so often but could never remember.
“You remember?” he whispered, his voice breaking.
I nodded. “We all used to share this room.” Wait. Will. My mind was still putting together all the pieces. “Where’s Will?” I asked.
Jackson bit his bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Gone was the mask of amusement he always wore, replaced with deep emotions that showed all over his face.
“He’s safe,” Jackson said.
“Wait…” I paused, thinking over everything that I had been through. “You were with Will. That night we met in the rain, you and Will followed us. You distracted Waylon and Rex so Will could get me out of the hunters’ house. You let me go that night on purpose.” My mind reeled with all the dots I connected.
He nodded. “Yes. I have been searching for you for years. I became who I am to find you .“ He peered at me with a line between his furrowed brows. “Will decided to start helping me search last year. When he found you…I couldn’t believe it. I had been to Cedar Hill before, and you were never there. He came and got me, and we returned together. I had given up hope, Ash. I was lost. I was about ready to turn myself in to the King. I thought we would never find you.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears that matched my own.
“But then, there you were, beautiful and angry as you walked across the Market to find Etan. I couldn’t believe it was you. After all this time, I had finally found you, and you weren’t the little girl I remembered. I had to speak to you just once. I had to feel you to make sure it was really you. Then, when I did, it was like my life was whole again–But you loved him. We followed you to make sure you were really safe. I couldn’t stand it when I saw you kissing him under the waterfall… I hadn’t expected to feel that way about you.”
“The arrow…” I whispered.
Jackson nodded. “Will told me to not interfere, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was so angry. We turned back to leave you that night, but I felt like something was wrong. We went to find you again, but we were too late. We ran into two men who were speaking about you.” A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“Luke and Ty?” I asked.
He scoffed and muttered curse words under his breath. “Yes.”
“Did you…kill them?”
“I wanted to, but the taller one with long hair, he seemed regretful of what he’d done. He even showed me where he last saw you, after some…persuasion. Then, I gave them the option of working for me or dying. They chose to work for me, so Will took them back to our associates in Sage Hen while I followed your tracks. As soon as the woman told me where they had taken you, I rushed back to Sage Hen, got Will and horses, and we hightailed it to Rollins to find you.”
“The bow. It was you. You put it in the arena with the cougar.”
He nodded slowly. “I found yours broken on the ground. I took it with us and made a replica because I knew it had to be important to you. I couldn’t let you die in that arena. I tried to take you in Three Forks so you’d never have to come here, but you bested me.” A sad smile pulled at his full lips.
Heavy tears slid down my face, and he continued.
“I knew if a bounty hunter had you, they would take you to the hunter’s house when you went to Rollins, but I couldn’t go inside to get you.” His hands balled into fists at his side. “I was supposed to be on an assignment from the King, and all the bounty hunters knew it. I wasn’t supposed to be there. It killed me, but I sent Will in instead. He had the ability to help you more than I did, anyway. So, I waited outside for him to tell me you weren’t dead, that I hadn’t failed you.” Jackson’s voice was so weighed down with sadness that it broke my heart.
“Can Will heal people?” I asked through sniffles.
He nodded. “Yes, we both have a heightened sense of touch, like our mother.” Jackson’s chest heaved with labored breaths. “When Will told me that Rex hit you, I couldn’t take it anymore. Then Etan finally showed up, though we didn’t know who he was at the time. ”
Jackson paused and stepped closer. He looked down at me, and the emotion that weaved its way through every crevice of his face made it hard to breathe. His fingers grazed mine, and I looked down to where they touched. I lifted my forefinger ever so slightly to tangle with his and felt the slight tremble in his hand. His very unsteady breaths matched my own.
I went to say his name but realized something. “I don’t know what to call you anymore,” I admitted. “It’s like there’s two versions of you in my head that I’m trying to put together. The boy I knew as Jackson and this grown version of you who I thought I hated—until now.”
He smiled softly. “You can call me Kane; I’ve gotten used to it. It feels like Jackson is a distant memory now, and I never really did like that name. Besides, I think Kane has a better ring to it, don’t you think?” He winked.
I laughed, and his thumb brushed over my hand. “Where’d you get Kane from, anyway?”
He huffed a small laugh, and his mouth lifted into a half smile. “When Will and I were younger, our mom told us a story out of a religious book about two brothers: Cain and Abel. One was always up to mischief, and the other was basically perfect.” He chuckled. “I always thought that I related more to the first one, always up to mischief, and Will…you’ve met him—he’s about as close to perfect as one could get.”
I nodded and smiled.
“That was until she told us what happened at the end of the story.” His eyes got wide.
“What?”
“Well, Cain got jealous and killed his brother. ”
“And you named yourself after him?” My mouth fell open in disbelief.
He laughed and blessed me with another brilliant smile. “Well, my mother didn’t tell us the end of the story until a few years after I had already chosen my alias. She thought it was too vile for our young brains .”
My laugh echoed through the room.
“Will and I had a good laugh about it when we found out, but in the end, it’s only a name. Just letters in order—it means nothing unless you want it to.”
He gazed down at me, and his hand moved from his side. His fingers tentatively reached toward my face until his thumb barely brushed over my chin. “After Rollins, we were going to take you back with us. We were going to tell you the truth,” he whispered.
“How come you didn’t?”
“Because of me,” someone said from the doorway. I jerked my head to see Liam leaned on the doorframe, looking the same as he had when I’d seen him before. Outside of the doorway, Jerek leaned on the wall with a smug smile on his face. My mind reeled when Kane didn’t react to either of their presences, here—together. His head remained dipped low next to mine–his eyes still on me. I pulled my hand away and wiped the tears from my face with my forearm, trying to collect myself. Kane pursed his lips and stared at the ground
“I told them if they found you, to leave you alone if you were safe and happy. I didn’t want to drag you into a war that wasn’t yours. You had been through too much already. We had no idea that Captain Etan followed Henry. We didn’t know that Diesel was actually Gabriel Etan. Kane had never seen him before to know, and Maximus is very good at keeping his secrets guarded. The only people that knew who he was and who you were, were the King, his four guards, and Peters. We thought you had fallen in love with a man from town, and you could live your life, happy and safe. I didn’t want this for you Ash; I didn’t want to put you in the middle of it.” This was only the second time meeting my father but I couldn’t deny the grief on his face.
“Did you tell Pop not to tell me, either?” My eyes watered.
He glanced warily at Kane, whose face had turned dark.
“Yes, I told him to keep it from you.”
“Son of a bitch,” Kane snarled and lunged toward him. “You said you did everything you could to ensure we’d find her again.” Kane had moved right up into Liam’s face and towered over my father. “If Henry had told her, she would have come looking for us. We could have found her years ago. We would have never been put in this position, to choose if she was better off in Cedar Hill or with the rebellion. Or should I say for you to choose.“ Violence laced Kane’s tone.
I stepped in front of him, putting my hand on his chest, and Jerek straightened tensely.
“Wait,” I said, and Kane softened under my touch. “I want to pummel him just as much as you do, but we need to hear him out first.”
Kane’s chest rose and fell under my palm, until he finally stepped back and turned away. I leveled my father with an icy stare. His face was full of regret and pain.
“Ash, I love you more than anything else in my life. I tried to hide you from my father for four years, and it only caused me and you more heartache in the end. You need to know that I would have done anything to ensure your safety and happiness, and I knew it wasn’t with me. It wasn’t a life on the run—it wasn’t in the possibility of getting captured again so my father could do God knows what to you. Henry was a good man. I knew he was never able to have children, and I knew he had a good wife at home waiting for him. The life you lived with them would have been better than anything I ever could have given you. I told him to withhold the truth from you until you turned twenty years old, then maybe you could decide what you wanted for yourself.”
“But I’m twenty now. My birthday was yesterday. Were you ever going to come back to Cedar Hill to tell me the truth?” Liam’s eyes fell and I turned to look at Kane who wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“You were never going to tell me, were you?” I asked.
Kane clenched his fists at his side, and my father’s eyes turned down. Jerek excused himself out in the hall to avoid the conversation. I’d deal with him later.
“Neither of you were going to tell me.” I stepped back from Kane. “You knew I didn’t know the truth when we first met in Cedar Hill. You touched me that night, you felt everything, and you knew that I didn’t know—that Pop never told me the truth.”
“Ash…” Kane’s throat bobbed.
“It’s not his fault, it’s mine,” Liam cut in. “He wanted to tell you. He wanted to give you a choice, but when I heard what you had been through, I told him to leave you be. You were happy with the man you loved.” He shook his head. “If only we would have known who that man was.”
“I was coming to tell you,” Kane said, and my father’s eyes snapped to him. “Ash, you always deserved a choice. You always deserved the truth. You should never accept less than that. That’s why I was there the day that Peters came to get you and Etan, but I was too late. I was as shocked as you were that day.”
Liam glared at Kane .
“Don’t look at me like that, old man. You had your own secrets and intentions, too. We would’ve had her back long before this if you would’ve cared about your daughter’s well-being a little more,” Kane growled.
“That is all I cared about. I love her so much I knew I had to let her go. I have only brought death to people I have loved because of who I am, because of who my father is!” Liam said with a raised voice, and I got the feeling that Kane and Liam had never gotten along very well.
Kane strode over to Liam once more. “No, if you loved her, you would have given her a choice. You would have died to give her that choice.”
Liam’s brows furrowed as they glowered at each other. Kane glanced at me, his eyes softening. “I’ll wait in the hall if you need me,” he said softly before slamming into Liam’s shoulder on the way out the door.
I watched him go, his dark clothes disguising the man who hid beneath the mask. He had become who he was to find me. Even after so long, I still remembered how I never wanted him to leave. He was always my comfort in a sea of confusion—my protector—the boy who always fought for me. Except now, he was the man that was still fighting for me. I understood now all Kane had done to protect me. Fighting to protect his people while still giving me a choice. He was worried about me spilling all these secrets to Gabe. That’s why he had taken so long to tell me. I thought back to all the things he’d said to me. He was always trying to tell me without actually telling me. Trying to get me to figure it out on my own, while still protecting the blondes. He knew that I still loved Gabe. He could feel it, but like me he didn’t know where Gabe’s allegiance really was .
“You must believe me when I say I love you. I did all of this to make a better world for you, my daughter. It’s what I promised your mother I would do, but I couldn’t stomach having a child by my side while I was on the run.” My attention was drawn back to Liam, away from Kane.
“What about Will and Kane? They were with you?” I asked.
“Those boys have been through more than anyone should ever have to endure, especially Kane.” He used his real name to my surprise. “He has been the sole source of strength for Izzy and Will. They depend on him, and he protects them without question. The world is on his shoulders, but he doesn’t let it show. Hiding and running all these years has come at a cost to his soul. I didn’t want that for you.”
“I understand.” But that didn’t make it hurt any less. All along, my family had been on the run together, while I had been hunkering down in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Even though my heart was broken into a million little pieces, I couldn’t imagine a life without Nan and Pop in it.
“So, where do we go from here?” I asked.
“I want you to come with me. We need to get away from here.”
I shook my head. “I already told you. I’m not doing that. I’m staying right here, and I am fighting. I will kill Maximus if it’s the last thing I do.
“You are just like your mother.”
“Who was she? What happened to her?” I whispered.
“Her name was April Miller, a blonde, like you. I met her in Brocket—that’s where she was from. Her parents owned a bookstore there. She and her mother dyed their hair and stayed tucked in the back of the bookstore while her father ran things. I had the extraordinary chance of meeting her while I was looking for a book one day. It’s where Henry and I used to meet, at her bookstore. We devised plans for a new government, and Henry wrote them all down in the book you possess. It took a long time for me and Henry to begin discussing politics and government. He never told me what he was up to, but I suspected. He was leading a blonde rebellion of his own. Those names—they are safehouses and vital members of the rebellion. If Maximus gets a hold of that, it could be the end of the rebellion.”
I nodded. “I will guard it with my life.”
“I loved your mother from the first time I laid eyes on her. Even when she showed me her blonde hair for the first time, it didn’t change anything; it only made me want to fight for them even more, but it gave me more of a reason to fight. The King found out that April and her parents were distributing information about the rebellion from their bookstore. I assume Henry had been helping. The soldiers raided it and when they found out they were blonde, they killed April’s parents and dragged her off to Hope. They burned the bookstore, and the only thing I had left of it was a book of poems April had given me. The only reason they didn’t kill your mother was because she was heavily pregnant at the time of the raid.”
“Did my mom have any brothers or sisters?” I yearned to know everything about this woman.
“A brother, I believe, but I never met him and your mother could barely remember him. He was much older and her parents, your grandparents, said he was mentally unstable and left one day and never returned. They had no idea what happened to him. I assume he is probably gone too.”
I nodded slowly, trying to soak up everything about my past .
“My father had no idea April’s child was mine. To him, she was just another blonde, and he put her in the apartments until he found out all her abilities, like all the others, and specifically the more powerful blondes. I tried to get her out, but there was only so much that I could do without my father knowing my true motives. At the time, I was still playing the part of his doting son.”
Tears ran down his face, and his voice trembled as he continued to speak. “Then you were born, and I missed it, and I wasn’t there when she took her last breath in Izzy’s arms. I hid you there with Iz until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t get your mother out, but I would be damned if I let the same happen to you. I opened the gates, armed, and let the blondes out to attack the King’s estate that day while I rushed you off to Henry. I had no idea Miles was following me and then you.”
His story made all the puzzle pieces fit together.
“What about Beth? Did you mean to kill her?” I whispered.
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I never loved Beth, but no.” He paused, a wave of sadness washing over his face. “I only heard of her death after the raid. I don’t know what happened—they weren’t supposed to kill her. I thought after I left, she would return to the North to her family, and it would be no loss to her.”
I believed him.
“What were my mother’s abilities?” I asked. I’d been curious for quite some time, since Jones said abilities were inherited from parents.
“Izzy told me after she died that she was a seer. She had extraordinary vision and could see into the future, and I didn’t know. The worst part was, I think she knew the moment she met me what was to come. She knew she was going to die, giving birth to you, and she did it anyway. She knew her parents were going to die and what was to come, and she loved me anyway. It’s something I have thought of every day since her death. She let all of these things happen, and I believe it was so you could be here.”
A tear streamed down my cheek, and I brushed it off with my sleeve.
“I will never understand for one moment what she saw and why she did what she did, but you are special, Ash, and you are here for a reason. Everything that happened was for a reason.”
“Then let’s make my life count. I was always part of this, and I will end it. I will see that blondes are free to live the life they please. I will end Maximus’s reign and make sure my mother did not die in vain,” I said.
Liam searched my eyes. “The night we met. You saw Jerek coming. Can you see the future like your mother? Can you see my father’s downfall?” He leaned toward me with wide eyes.
“No,” I said and his face fell. “I can’t see his downfall. I can see only moments into the future, enough to save myself when necessary, but I can’t see anything more.”
“It’s true then. Your mother’s gift was dulled with me as your father.”
I nodded and Liam got a faraway look in his eyes. “We have to kill him,” Liam breathed.
“Are you ready to do that to your own father?”
“We have been building up rebellion forces for years. You are the final key, and the time has come that we must overthrow him, or all will be lost.”
“But are you prepared to kill him?” I asked again.
“We will spare him if we can. I don’t think the answer to killing is more killing. ”
My father was a coward. It was why he hadn’t done anything all these years. Why he had pawned me off on Pop rather than fighting for me. He was afraid to kill his own father, even after everything he had done.
“What about Gabe?” I asked.
“What about the Etan boy? You are closer to him than anyone. Whose side is he on? We can use him.”
I cast my eyes down. “He won’t help.”
“You are engaged to him. Does he love you?”
“Yes, but he loves power more. When it really comes down to it, I don’t think he would choose me. He wants the blondes to stay caged. They killed his mom, and, until he lets that go, he won’t ever be on our side. The only way to ensure change is to never let Gabe see the throne.“ Unless I could change his mind?
“Do you and the rebels have a plan?” I asked, my tears now dry on my face.
Jerek and Kane stepped back in the door, and Kane crossed his arms over his chest. It was clear he’d been listening the whole time. He raised his eyebrows at Liam and gave him a pointed look.
“We weren’t prepared for this…not yet, but we will adapt,” Liam said.
“What is it exactly that you are doing, then?” I asked. How many years could he spend preparing and letting people suffer until he acted?
“We have the manpower, but we don’t have the weapons. We can’t take down the King without guns. We will get slaughtered. We were waiting to take Croydon before we attacked,” Liam admitted.
“We need to free the blondes. How do we get them out?” I asked, directing my question at Kane .
“Maybe if I can speak to my father,” Liam said.
“No,” Kane, Jerek, and I said in unison.
“If he finds you—if I help him find you—then he wins. Then Gabe wins. This whole thing is a scheme for Gabe to prove himself to Maximus. If they find you, then he wins. I can’t let that happen. Now I know that…Nan is gone, then he has nothing to hold against me,“ I said, my hands balling into fists.
“We can’t attack them with brute force—we’ll lose,” Kane murmured thoughtfully. “The Pit is heavily guarded, and the only people the King lets in are vetted soldiers and doctors. After the last incident, the King has cracked down on anyone he doesn’t trust. He fortified the walls around the Pit, electrified them.”
“But you can go in, right?” I asked Kane.
He nodded. “What are you thinking, Blondie?”
I mulled it over, trying to think of everything to get them out. “The fence around the pit, you said it’s powered by electricity right?” I directed my question at Jerek.
He nodded.
“How does that work? The electricity? Can we just turn it off somehow and then Kane could get some of them out?” I asked.
“In theory that would work. Some of my men on the inside have been working on recon on the fence, searching for weak spots and watching the guards’ shift changes,” Kane said.
“What if we could pull some guards away from the fence, left it with bare bones and no power?” I rubbed the back of my neck, weighing all the options.
“That would help significantly,” Kane said.
“Where does the power come from?” I asked. It still didn’t make sense .
“There is a substation housed underneath the King’s estate.” Jerek piped up and I gave him a quizzical look. What on earth was he talking about? He took in my face and explained further. “The windmills that you saw on the ride in. They generate the power from the wind and for a lack of better words they pipe that power in under the ground and into the substation that collects the power and stores it for later use. The substation is in the tunnels, but it’s heavily guarded.”
I quirked my lips to the side, thinking over all the new information.
“How many men do you have in the city, Liam?”
“Around a hundred,” he answered.
A slow smile spread over my face. “I know how to release the blondes and take down the King, but first I need to know who is on our side.”
Kane peered at me. “Obviously, him.” He nodded at Jerek.
“I knew it,” I said.
“Bastard. You can’t keep your mouth shut, can you?” Kane shook his head, and Jerek grinned.
“And Sam,” Kane said.
“Sam? Are you sure?” I had a hard time believing it because of his father, but Sam had always watched out for me.
Kane nodded and leaned back against the wall. “Trust me, he hates his father more than anyone.”
“Were they my guards on purpose?” I asked.
Kane raised his brows. “Everything is intentional when it comes to you.” Our eyes locked, and it was like no one else was in the room but us .
Liam cleared his throat loudly before he spoke, breaking our eye contact. “Can Sam find out what his father is planning with the Dark Rise?”
Liam’s eyes whipped to me and Jerek glared in my direction.
“How do you know about the Dark Rise?” Kane asked.
Jerek shook his head slightly and Kane turned toward him, looking between us. “You better tell me that is not where you were all night?” Kane bit out, his words directed at Jerek.
Jerek’s face showed nothing but guilt and Kane swore. “Of all the idiotic, hair-brained things that you do…”
“I didn’t let her go in,” Jerek cut him off.
“Well…actually if we are being honest, I did go in,” I mused.
All three men looked at me again. “Look, it doesn’t matter, okay. I heard everything and we are all here now. So can Sam find out what his father is planning?”
Kane took a calming breath. “It’ll be challenging, but he can probably manage it.”
“What is this idea of yours then, Ash?” my father asked.
“We blow up the substation, taking power from the fence, and set off another bomb in the city the night of the winter solstice—cause chaos. Soldiers will leave their position at the Pit to come help in the city. Kane can get the blondes out, and you, father, can kidnap the King while he’s in Hope and away from his heavily guarded estate. Where would he go if there is an explosion at the estate and in Hope?”
“The bunker,” Liam said, squeezing his fingers to his forehead.
All our heads snapped toward him.
“There is a bunker on the north side of the city, hidden in the mountain. That’s where he’ll go.”
“Then you can wait there for him with your men,” I suggested .
“What will you be doing?” Kane asked, gazing at me under his long lashes.
“I’ll lead some soldiers, Gabe, and the Queen away from the King. Maybe if the King is under our command, I can sway Gabe to our side.”
Jerek’s and Kane’s faces both turned dark at the mention of Gabe.
“Ash,” Kane warned. “There is a reason we didn’t tell you all of this from the beginning. You cannot tell Etan any of this.” He spit his name out like it was the most vile word that he’d ever said. “If he doesn’t take your side, all of this will be for nothing. Everything will be in jeopardy.”
“I understand,” I nodded, “but I have to try.” Could there be redemption for Gabe?
Kane searched my face for a moment before giving me a sincere nod. “I trust you.”
“If he doesn’t take our side, I’ll do what I have to,” I said hardeningmy features. I’d hoped it would never come to that but I had to prepare myself in case it did.
“Ash, I didn’t just get you back to lose you again,” Liam cut in.
“This is not your decision, Liam. This is hers. She has never gotten a choice. She gets one now. If Ash wants to do this, then we let her.” My eyes collided with Kane’s, expressing my gratitude for how well he seemed to know what cut me the deepest.
My father’s blue eyes met mine. “Okay,” he relented.
“Jerek, do you think you can take out the substation?” Kane asked.
A wide smile spread over Jerek’s face. “Absolutely. I’ve been waiting for years to burn this place to the ground.”
We all nodded in understanding.
“We better get back, Blondie,” Kane said. “They’ll be wondering where we are, and Jerek can only lie so well.”
“Hey,” Jerek said and clutched at his chest like Kane wounded him. They smiled at each other, and I saw the comradery between them.
I nodded and turned back toward Liam. “I’ll be in contact. The winter solstice is still a few weeks away.”
Liam pulled me into a hug. “This is never what I wanted for you,” he murmured close to my ear.
“You don’t always get a choice, Father. Protecting people doesn’t mean locking them in a box, because if you do that you might as well bury them six feet down as well.”
With that, I turned and left.