Chapter 23
JUDAH
Icouldn’t remember the last time I had held someone. Sure, I had thrown people over my shoulder. I had carried people like groceries. Like trash. Like something disposable. But holding someone gently was entirely foreign after the last few years. It felt like my humanity was returning.
Amelia had closed her eyes and tucked her head beneath my chin. I held her a little closer as the wind caressed her skin the way I wanted to.
I tilted my head down and kissed her. It was soft. Sweet. The antithesis of everything I had become.
Without even trying, Amelia had snaked beneath my armor like tree roots cracking through layers of asphalt.
She didn’t kiss me back, but she didn’t pull away. Amelia simply lingered there with her lips on mine. “I never understood why people liked kissing,” she whispered. “It just . . . seemed like a waste of time.” Her throat constricted as she swallowed. “I get it now.”
“You’re not too bad at it,” I teased as I skimmed the bridge of her nose with the tip of mine.
A smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth. “I’m a fast learner.”
I cupped her chin and pressed my thumb to her bottom lip. “Practice makes perfect.”
She moved first, turning between my bent knees. “Teach me.”
I chuckled as I stretched my legs out and settled her on my lap. “Slow down, Dr. Hawthorne.” I cupped her cheek. “You’re stressed. You need to think about whether this is something you truly want or if it’s just helping you get through another day.”
Part of me wanted her to decide that this was a line she didn’t want to cross again. That the kiss we had already shared was enough. That boundaries were necessary to keep things from getting even more complicated than they already were.
Amelia trailed her fingers down the front of my shirt.
Fuck . . .
“What if I just need a distraction?” she asked as the tips of her fingers touched my beard.
I swallowed as her honeyed scent wrapped around me in an invisible embrace. So fucking sweet.
I slanted my mouth over hers. “I don’t think you have any trouble letting off steam on your own. I’ve seen what’s inside your bedside table.”
Her cheeks turned pink like the sunrise. “So what? Just because I’ve never been with other people doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like.” The corner of her mouth lifted. “I have an active imagination.”
“Tell me what you like then.”
Amelia’s eyes turned comically wide, and she stammered.
I brushed her hair out of the way as I cocked my head and kissed up the side of her neck, then lingered behind her ear. Her skin tasted just as sweet as her words.
Her gasp was razor-sharp. “That.”
I swept my thumb across her collarbone and teased the goosebumps that peppered her skin. “Cold?”
“No,” she hissed as I nipped at her ear.
Amelia whimpered as I kissed down her throat to the dip in the neckline of her T-shirt. “Jude—”
“Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
“Is that a promise?”
Amelia knew I didn’t make empty promises. I liked that she believed I was a man of my word.
“Yes.”
“How much are you willing to give me?”
I pressed my forehead to hers. “You can have whatever you want of me. I’ve taken enough from you.”
“You’re always such a safe driver . . .” Her gaze lifted from my mouth to my eyes. “What if I want you to be a little reckless?”
I had been trained to read people. To know when they were bluffing. But as good a player as Amelia was, I could read her like a fucking book.
Dilated pupils.
Elevated heart rate.
The way her core was tensed but her extremities were relaxed.
The way she subtly arched toward me.
Everything I did was calculated. Every decision was carefully considered.
Except her.
She made me want to floor it.
Amelia shrieked, but it quickly turned to laughter as I hooked my leg around her and flipped her to the ground with one snap of my hips. Her back hit the dirt, but my hand was fast, cushioning the back of her head.
I shoved my knee between her legs and knocked them wide. “Tell me no,” I said as I slipped my hand under her T-shirt. “Say it.”
Amelia tipped her chin up. “Pedal to the metal.”
I slid my hand up farther as I skimmed her lips with mine. “Tell me no.”
“I’m starting to think you’re all bark and no bite.”
I tilted my head, sank my teeth into the tender skin beneath her jaw, and sucked. “Trust me. I can bite.”
“Prove it.”
I wedged my knee up against the apex of her thighs, giving her something to press against as I dotted wet kisses up her throat, making my way back to her lips.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Amelia muttered. “You know, for a bad guy, you sure are nice.”
I grabbed her hands, shackled them in one hand, and slammed them above her head, pinning them to the dirt.
She grinned. “That’s more like it.”
“You know, for a virgin, you sure are demanding,” I muttered between kisses.
Amelia nipped at my lower lip. “I made it through my undergrad, master’s, doctorate, and my first kidnapping without sex. I think I deserve a little reward.”
“I’m not fucking you in the dirt.” I slid my hand beneath the elastic of her sports bra and squeezed her breast.
The moan that left her lips as I rolled my thumb over her nipple was obscene.
“But it’d be my pleasure to give you a little treat.”
Amelia bit her lip. Still, she couldn’t hold back how much she truly wanted this. Wanted me.
“Go ahead,” I whispered. “Give me all those pretty sounds you only make when you’re alone and you’re touching yourself. There’s no one around to hear us.”
Her thighs tightened around my knee as she whimpered.
I fisted the hair at her nape as I toyed with her breasts. Each desperate sound that slipped out of her mouth made her taste twice as sweet.
Amelia grabbed my shirt, clawing at my chest as she hesitantly slid her tongue across my lips.
“Atta girl,” I soothed. “Just try it. See what you like.”
I pushed her shirt up and pulled the spandex bra down, exposing her breast for a split second before covering it with my mouth and pulling her nipple between my teeth.
The sound that came from her mouth was wholly indecent.
She writhed beneath me as I kneaded her breast. The soft swell filled my palm just enough.
She was delicate and soft damn near everywhere.
I wanted to pull those shorts down and see if her pussy tasted just as sweet as her lips.
She would taste so fucking good. I bet I could make her come with just a few swipes of my tongue.
Amelia strained and pushed her wrists against my grip, but she wasn’t fighting me. She just had too much pent-up energy.
A good fuck was exactly what she needed.
But I couldn’t do that. Not here. Not like this.
“Jude,” she whimpered as she rocked and pushed her pussy harder against my knee.
I pinched her nipple, making her squeal against my lips. I grinned as I pushed my tongue into her mouth, kissing her as deeply as humanly possible. “Has anyone ever touched you like this?”
“No,” she choked out as she slid her hands beneath my shirt and traced every dip and line of my abdomen.
I licked around the shell of her ear. “You like it?”
“I’d like it better if you stopped holding back.” She tipped her head and returned the favor, nibbling on my ear. “I didn’t wait for sex for this long just for it to suck.”
I reared back and arched an eyebrow, slightly offended. “I do not suck at sex.”
She tipped her chin up and smiled against my lips. “Prove it.”
“You’re forgetting that you’re supposed to hate me.”
She was forgetting that I needed her to hate me.
Her eyes lowered to my mouth, but I didn’t kiss her. I held her wrists against the dirt as the two of us caught our breath, chests pressing against each other in perfect time.
“I could have run,” Amelia said. “I could have hidden from you. I could have killed you in your sleep.”
“You could have tried,” I said, countering her last statement.
“But I didn’t.”
Three words I already knew to be true seemingly changed everything.
“Why?”
The moment the word was out, I knew I shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t because I didn’t know what her answer would be.
It was because I did.
It’s exactly why she scared me.
“Because I trust you.”
I released her wrists. “You shouldn’t. I’m dangerous. You know that.”
Amelia swallowed as she brought her hands down. But instead of covering her breasts or pushing me away, she raked her fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “You’re dangerous, but you’re good.”
Moonlight leaked through the curtains as we reached the witching hour.
I had fallen asleep. I had woken up. I had checked the locks and windows. I had fallen back asleep. And I had done the whole damn routine four times since Amelia and I went to bed.
After our tryst in the woods, the two of us had returned to our separate corners. Amelia took advantage of the playing cards I bought and tested her ability to maintain a running count while I sat on my side of the cabin with a notebook and pen in hand.
After dinner, we took turns rinsing off in the matchbox shower. I had hoped that the water would wash away my demons, but I was a fool.
I slept for approximately forty minutes before my body woke up like clockwork, anxiety urging me to make my rounds, to make sure she was as safe as possible.
Cole and I really should have put cameras out here . . .
But cameras were also a liability. Any electronic system—even a highly encrypted one—could be hacked or traced.
Living off the grid was better, even if it was less convenient.
I stared at the ceiling, trying to will myself to go back to sleep, when Amelia’s sharp gasp startled me out of the twilight zone.
“No,” she whimpered in her sleep. “No—no!” She kicked at the covers, thrashing as if she was fighting an invisible assailant. “Please!”
Her words were barely coherent, slurred by the nightmare. But the pain on her face—that was all too real.
I eased off the couch and crept toward the bed. “Amelia,” I said softly. “Wake up.”
She swung and rolled, battling her own kind of demons.
“Amelia,” I said a little louder as I laid my hand on her hip. “Wake up. You’re dreaming.”
“Please don’t hurt him,” she cried. “Please—I’ll—”
I caught her right hand as she swung her arm. Her palm landed in mine, but her left fist landed a punch straight to the middle of my chest.
“Amelia, wake up,” I barked. I wasn’t the least bit bothered that she had punched me. Why wasn’t she waking up?
I grabbed her hand, isolated her thumb, and used my fingernail to press against her nail bed. It wasn’t a pleasant sensation, but it was effective.
She gasped in pain as she came to. “What—” Watery eyes lifted to mine.
“You were dreaming.”
“You’re here,” she rasped. I couldn’t tell if it was shock or fear. Then she reached for me as tears rolled down her face.
I moved without thinking, climbing into bed with her.
“What was your dream?”
Amelia stammered, then shook her head.
“Say it out loud,” I said gently as I smoothed my hand up and down her back. “It helps it not come back.”
“V-Valentine,” she croaked. “He h-had me and Joel. I kept screaming for you and you weren’t there.”
I kissed the back of her head and wrapped her up in my arms. “I’m right here. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”
Her lashes were speckled with glittering tears. “Promise?”
I sank into the mattress, holding her tight against my chest. “Promise.” I kissed her temple. “You’re safe with me.”