Chapter 24
AMELIA
Jude was a drug.
I was thoroughly convinced that being wrapped up in his arms was more potent than any sedative. The last few nights at the cabin had been fraught with insomnia.
It was too dark.
Too quiet.
Too musty.
Too lonely. I had grown accustomed to living with my brother. Maybe it was the twin thing, but ever since Jude had drugged me and thrown me over his shoulder to fake a very real kidnapping, it felt like part of me had been ripped out of my chest.
I hoped Joel was okay. I hoped he wasn’t in as much emotional agony as I was. I hoped he wasn’t lonely. I hoped . . . I hoped he had learned his fucking lesson.
It didn’t help that Jude couldn’t sleep either. He was constantly up at all hours of the night, doing his rounds to make sure everything was secure. I appreciated it, but I also had the distinct feeling that it wasn’t normal protocol. It seemed like an anxious habit he used to cope.
But cope with what?
Valentine coming after him? Kidnapping me? The fact that neither of us knew how to get out of this mess?
Jude’s arms tightened around my middle, pulling me closer to his chest as he shifted in his sleep.
Dawn broke an hour or so ago, but Jude was still asleep.
He never slept this long without waking to make his rounds.
That wasn’t lost on me.
A soft breath escaped his nose as he burrowed his forehead into the back of my neck. His fingers flexed around my arms as he held me tighter and tighter.
God, when was the last time he slept like this? Usually, when I slept, I slept like the dead. It took at least seven alarms to get me to rouse.
But Jude? He rarely slept, which made the depth of his sleep all the more bizarre.
Even though it was likely to get quite muggy today, the night had been cool, and the fire that Jude had stoked before we went to sleep was long gone.
Still, I was snug as a bug.
I shouldn’t have been.
I should have gouged his eyes out. I should have choked him. I should have snuck out. I should have kneed him in the balls and made a run for it.
Instead, I snuggled closer, closed my eyes, and exhaled as the length of his beard tickled my temple.
I had just drifted back to sleep when the wide expanse of his hand slid up my hip and rested on my breast.
Oh my god.
I clenched my thighs as sparks of delight danced up my legs and simmered in my core.
My mind went back to yesterday, when he flipped me and pinned me to the ground.
About the way his chest pressed against mine.
The ferocity in his eyes. The way he worked and manipulated my body until I was begging for him.
Maybe he was right. Maybe I was just looking for something to take the edge off. But was that so wrong?
Jude’s hand tightened around my breast. Not uncomfortably so. Just enough to—oh god. His thumb smoothed over my nipple. I bit my lip, but the whimper still escaped. I couldn’t squeeze my legs tight enough. It did nothing to ease the instant ache he had lit inside of me.
His thumb moved again, mindlessly teasing my nipple as he slept peacefully.
Oh my god. He’s going to kill me. But in a very different way.
I sucked in a deep breath as his fingers tightened and he pinched my nipple. I arched my back, pressing my ass into his hardened cock.
I was in nothing but an oversized T-shirt and a pair of sensible panties. Jude was shirtless but wore mesh gym shorts. Still, they did absolutely nothing to hold back his monster cock.
Jude grunted in his sleep as I rocked against his dick, needing more from him than an unconscious tease.
Every part of me ached for him. I wasn’t unfamiliar with being turned on. I had no problem turning myself on or knowing exactly how I liked to be touched. But being turned on by someone else? That was new.
It was an intense craving that I couldn’t suppress.
Frankly, it was annoying. Life was so much simpler when I knew I could satisfy my own needs. The intrinsic desire for him to be the one to satisfy them was utterly terrifying.
I bit down on my lip as he teased my breast through the loose cotton.
I hated this fucking T-shirt. I wanted his hands on my bare skin.
“Jude,” I whispered as I arched into him again. My heart raced as his body tightened around mine. Surely, he could feel it. Surely, he knew how much I needed this.
But what if he really was asleep? What if his subconscious had taken over and was the only reason he was giving in to his desires? What if he woke up and went back to denying what he wanted? What I wanted.
My racing thoughts silenced as his hand left my breast and slid lower, flattening against my stomach.
“A little lower.” I hadn’t realized I whispered the thought that was supposed to stay safely tucked away in my mind.
His hand tensed as he woke.
“Jude,” I rasped as I made the split-second decision between pretending like it never happened and telling him to finish the fucking job.
Behind me, Jude stirred as realization dawned on him. He swore under his breath and went to pull his hand away. But the moment I felt him flinch, I grabbed his wrist and held his hand to my stomach.
“You took everything,” I said between desperate breaths. “Give me this.”
“That’s not giving, little fox.” The morning gravel in his voice was low and menacing as he dotted the peak of my ear with a featherlight kiss. “That’s me taking one more thing from you.”
I tightened my grip on his wrist. “No. You’re not in charge here. I am. I’m calling the shots, and I’m telling you that I want this. I—” I took a deep breath. “I need it.”
Jude rested his forehead on the back of my head. “I can’t take your virginity, sweetheart. After everything . . .” He sighed. “I shouldn’t. You deserve better. Something special.”
“I didn’t wait to have sex for some sentimental reason,” I whispered.
“I waited because I’ve never wanted it before.
I didn’t think it was possible for me to want something this badly.
” I twined my fingers with his, holding them against my body as our synchronized breathing grew more ragged.
“I’ve seen your hands covered in blood, but I think they’re better suited for pleasure than pain.
” I tilted my head and nipped at the side of his neck. “I can feel how much it turns you on.”
Jude’s hand tightened against my stomach. “I . . . There’s no condoms here.”
I smiled to myself. “And here I thought you were prepared for everything.”
“I wasn’t prepared for you,” he admitted, and I knew exactly what he meant.
“I have an IUD.”
“I know. I’ve been through your medical records.”
I grumbled curses under my breath as he chuckled.
“I got tested a few weeks ago,” Jude offered. “I haven’t been with anyone since. Even then, I never go without one.”
I turned, rolling in his arms to face him. Jude shifted to his back. I took the invitation and straddled him, drawing the T-shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor.
He let out a slow, reverent breath as he skated his hands up and down my hips and waist. “You’re more beautiful than I imagined.”
I smiled. “Then you didn’t do a good enough job searching my apartment.”
Jude’s brows knitted in confusion.
I leaned down, pressing my breasts to his tattooed chest as I tilted my mouth to his ear and whispered, “You didn’t find my pictures?”
Jude snapped his hips into mine. “What pictures?”
“The boudoir pictures I did after I finished my doctorate.” I smiled against his neck. “Me and my fantastic tits and ass and that very expensive piece of paper.”
Some people spent their twenties getting married, having kids, and buying houses. I spent mine breaking myself over and over for academic success. Since PhD showers aren’t exactly a thing, I spent a little money, posed completely naked with my degrees, and celebrated my damn self.
Jude swallowed. “I’m going to need to see those pictures.”
“Why look at pictures when you can look at me?” I said as I leaned back, giving him the full view.
Jude scrubbed his palms down his face and let out a slow breath. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”
I smirked. “What a fucking way to go.”
He fisted the sheets, as if the fabric could keep his hands off me.
Jude’s restraint was honorable. It truly was. But I didn’t want his restraint. I wanted his recklessness.
Somewhere, deep inside of me, I knew I was in good hands.
I curled my fingers in the waistband of his shorts. “May I?”
Jude swore under his breath but nodded.
Curiously, I eased down the waistband as his cock—thick, swollen, and ready for me—sprang free. I hesitated a beat, then wrapped my hand around it. Jude tipped his head back and let out a sharp breath.
“Do you like that?”
To my surprise, he laughed. “Do I like that?” Jude asked, as if it was the most ridiculous question. “Sweetheart, you make me want to come just by looking at me. There’s nothing you can do that I won’t like.”
I chewed on my lip. “Okay, but I need details. I need a rubric. It’s unhelpful to work without parameters.”
“You and that fucking brain of yours,” Jude muttered good-naturedly as he lifted his hips, eased his shorts and boxers even further down, then widened his thighs to work them off his legs as I straddled his hips.
Every inch of him, save for his cock and a small area around it, was tattooed.
“Wrap your hand around and stroke it. Up and down.”
Okay. I could do that. I slid my hand up and down for a moment before his hand wrapped around mine. “Tighter.” He swallowed. “Feels better that way.”
I tightened my grip just a bit, eyes widening as his dick throbbed in my palm.
“There you go,” he soothed. “Just like that. Just like—” His words cut off the moment I trailed my fingers across his balls, just to see what they felt like. “Fuck, Amelia—”
“Do you like that?”
“Yeah. I like that, sweetheart.” His grin was such an antithesis to what he looked like on the outside, but it was exactly who he was inside.
I pumped his cock in my hand, studying the creases around his eyes as I did.