Chapter 36
I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. Just as I let down my guard, it was inevitable that all hell would break loose.
The second I get to the condo, I ransack the whole place, yelling out Pa’s name. I check every bedroom, the bathroom, under the couch. “Pa?” I keep calling out, my voice sounding more and more hoarse. “Pa?”
My sister keeps telling me to calm down, but there’s no time to calm down! As soon as she told me Pa was gone, I dropped everything and started running back home. My sister chased after me and insisted that I get in her car.
What if Pa turned invisible again? What if he’s here somewhere, trying to call us, but we can’t hear him?
I try lifting my heavy mattress and my sister is being zero percent helpful. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Ignoring her, I squat and use the momentum from my legs. This is what they say in those workout videos that also end up on my feed when I scroll through late at night.
“Pa isn’t there,” she tells me, which is getting very annoying.
“How do you know?”
Then Achi says, “He told me.”
My chest constricts when I remember she and Pa spent the whole day together.
I drop the mattress. “What happened?”
“Did you even eat dinner?”
This has become my family’s tactic. If we distract Nika with food, then maybe she’ll forget about all the things we’ve been hiding from her!
“What happened?” I press harder.
Achi draws a sharp breath when I insist that I’m really not in the mood for her garlic rice.
“He thought that it was easier if the news came from me.”
My sister’s still talking when all the memories from that day five years ago flood over me.
The moment Ma and I arrived at the condo, I rushed over to check if Pa was secretly waiting to surprise me.
By the time I got there, my sister was standing in front of Pa’s room, blocking me from entering, watching with the dead look in her eyes.
My sister tries to come nearer and I push her away. “What did you do?!” I yell, feeling the hot tears fall down my cheeks.
“Pa knew he only had forty days, Niks.” She pauses. “H-he didn’t want to go…”
Catching Achi’s voice breaking and seeing her barely hold it together makes me sob harder.
“But you wanted him to go!” I wipe my eyes and force myself to look away from her. “You barely talked to him; you said all that stuff about Dr. Derrick being good for Ma—”
“I lost a dad too, Nika!” she cries out. “‘Di mo ba gets ‘yun?”
For a moment, the two of us stand still in our bedroom, the only noises coming from me and my sister trying to hold back our tears.
“He didn’t want to tell us he was leaving before, either, Niks.” Achi wipes her eyes on her sleeve. “The doctor gave him the diagnosis months before … I only found out because I picked up the phone by accident.”
Snippets of their arguments from years ago suddenly get clearer then. Achi yelling at Pa for missing doctor appointments, Pa shouting that he’s doing his best to protect the family.
Achi doesn’t say anything when she grabs the tissue box and leaves it between us. Just as I’m considering grabbing one, she’s already gained back her composure, safely locked up her emotions in a box again. “We should talk about how we’re going to explain this to Ma.”
My heart’s still hammering when she keeps talking, moving at a pace that I can’t follow.
“Maybe we can say you weren’t feeling well so I had to bring you home early from prom?” she proposes. “I could say it was from something you ate at the buffet so she doesn’t worry too much…”
The thought of lying, downplaying things to Ma again, makes me want to throw the sofa against the wall. I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. My time with Pa isn’t over! I was able to get Pa back before, and I can do it a million times more if I have to. I’m not losing him again.
“Where are you going?” Achi calls while I storm out of the bedroom. You know what the problem was? Getting more people involved. I’ve never been a group-project person, and I’m going to solve this whole thing by doing what I do best.
Working solo.