7. Kaitlyn
7
KAITLYN
“ D one!”
Harper threw her spoon into the empty cereal bowl with a clatter and stood up on her chair at the outdoor table, letting out a victorious shout that seemed entirely out of place in the quiet, peaceful house. It was yet another reminder that the little girl had lived a lawless life since the kidnapping. Everyone in the household was still tip-toeing around her, trying to keep from upsetting her and shaking her off of her foundation…and in the process had allowed Harper to occasionally veer into Lord of the Flies territory.
“Harper, please put your bum on the seat,” I said, gesturing to the omelet in front of me. “I’m not finished yet, and we still need to talk about what we’re going to do today.”
My first two weeks with Harper had been shockingly easy so far, minus the underlying permissiveness. She was a delightful child—clever, funny, and emotionally intelligent. But the very things that made her so special also played a role in making her more susceptible to her demons. She could see through some of the exposure therapy exercises I suggested, which made it difficult to stick to my plan. I was slowly learning her “tells,” the little behaviors that meant she was about to shut down. Today, though, I had a plan that would enable us to make some real progress.
Of course, the other thing that had made the first two weeks easy was the way James tended to avoid me as much as possible. If I needed to talk to him about Harper, he was immediately available, no matter how busy he was. But the rest of the time he was like an aloof, scowling, disturbingly sexy ghost.
Harper plopped down and frowned at me. “You’re bossy.”
“No, I’m polite . Besides, I like spending time with you at breakfast. It’s fun to plan out our day.”
It was one of the many rituals I was weaving into our time together, to make the disguised therapy I was attempting with her easier for her to anticipate. Children with anxiety liked predictability.
She propped her chin up on her palms. “I want to read books. That’s all.”
Translation—she didn’t want to play outside. Despite the progress Harper had made with the staff and her family, she was still at square one with me. We’d spent the first week exclusively inside the house. It was only in the past few days that she had become comfortable enough with me to eat outside in the shade of the veranda. Today, I wanted to stretch our borders a little further.
“That sounds good, we can definitely add that to our list,” I agreed as I scraped the last of my omelet up. “I thought we could try something really fun. Something you’ve never done before.”
Harper perked up. “Like what?”
I paused to add dramatic tension. “Like…a safari!”
She scrunched up her face, trying to recall what the word meant. “We’re going to find elephants and tigers?”
I laughed. “Not quite. The creatures we need to find are much smaller than that. But you’ve got the right idea—it is all about looking for animals and plants. Look at this.”
I tapped through a few screens on my tablet to the checklist I’d made the night before, featuring photos of flora and fauna native to this part of Florida.
“Wow,” Harper breathed as she scrolled through the images. “We’re going to find all of these frogs and turtles?”
“Maybe, if we try really hard. And don’t forget the butterflies. Flowers too.”
She looked up at me with her mouth wide. “Do we get to wear the outfits?”
I laughed again. The little girl was a fashionista through and through, and I’m sure if I’d told James we needed matching safari outfits, he would’ve seen to having them delivered in our sizes before the sun came up. “Maybe next time.”
Harper eyed my plate. “Are you done now? Can we start looking?”
“I am, and we can. But we need to map out our plan first.”
Harper jumped off her chair and ran toward the house.
“Excuse me,” I called to her from my spot next to the table. “Did you forget something?”
“My dishes!” she exclaimed, and ran back to the table. James had told me that even though his daughter was growing up amid immense privilege, he wanted to try to keep her grounded, and one way to do that was not relying on the staff for simple tasks.
Personally, I didn’t think any parenting choice James made could turn Harper’s childhood into anything resembling “normal.” But I was always in favor of helping kids develop responsibility and self-sufficiency, even if she’d accidentally broken four dishes this week.
Someone needed to talk to James about the merits of plastic.
I followed behind Harper to the kitchen and thanked Bernardo for yet another perfect meal.
“First, we need to get your shoes. Do you want flipflops or sneakers?” It was best to give Harper two choices rather than overwhelming her with options.
She froze, her eyes wide. “Why?”
There it was. The first sign. I hoped that I could use her excitement for the safari to cancel out what I could see was bubbling beneath the surface.
“Because people on a safari need to keep their feet safe! You wouldn’t want a centipede to crawl all over your toes, would you?”
I hoped she’d laugh, but her face remained a mask of worry.
“I’m going to wear my sneakers so I can move fast, in case I want to chase a butterfly,” I continued. “Want to come to my room with me and grab them, then we can get your shoes?”
She nodded, and I took her willingness to press on as a victory. After we had our shoe selections figured out, I used the list on the tablet to keep her busy as we made our way back out to the veranda.
“What’s the first critter we need to find? And keep in mind it’s okay if we go out of order.”
Harper scrolled. “Umm…first is a turtle.”
“A turtle, got it,” I nodded. “And where do you think turtles like to hang out?”
“Water?”
“Exactly! So let’s head to the water and see what we can find. I think a quiet spot is probably best, so not near the dock.” I took a few steps out into the grass and turned to her. “Ready?”
Harper stood frozen like the edge of the patio was a line in the sand, a demarcation point that she was unable to cross. Damn, this wasn’t going as I’d hoped. But there was still a chance I could turn things around. I shifted on the fly.
“You know what might be easier to start with? A butterfly. They like to be around pretty flowers, so let’s go to that bush with the pink ones in front, right by the driveway. We can walk through the house and go out the front door.”
The idea of going back in the house seemed to ground Harper, and she nodded. The fact that she wasn’t talking had me worried, but we pressed on.
“You two look like you’re going on an adventure,” Vida said as she hustled by us. I’d filled her in on my plans the night before. “Have fun, and don’t let the mosquitoes get you!”
“We don’t have them on our list, do we Harper?” I asked, hoping that recentering her on a task would keep her from worrying about what we were about to do.
She didn’t respond.
I placed my hand on the front door handle, pulled the massive thing open, and walked out onto the front step. “The pink flowers are in full bloom; let’s go see what we can find!”
The crash of the tablet hitting the marble floor jerked me back inside.
“Noooooo!”
Harper threw back her head and let out an otherworldly wail. She dropped onto the ground and started beating and kicking the floor.
I’d worried she was going to be resistant to going outside, but I’d never imagined that her fears would manifest like this . In the two weeks we’d been together, I’d seen her get quiet when she was scared, but a little patience and coaxing usually worked her through it, which was why I was ready to push her out of her comfort zone a little. But what I’d assumed was a baby step seemed to be much more.
“Harper!” I ran to her and dropped to my knees. “Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.”
I attempted to pick her up, but she pushed against me with surprising strength and writhed on the ground.
“Nooo!”
Her screams echoed through the foyer, drawing Vida back.
“Oh,” Vida pursed her lips and shook her head while I tried to gather Harper to me. “I’ll call Mr. Morris.”
“No,” I said, more sharply than I’d intended. I deliberately calmed my voice for what I said next, projecting as much authority as I could. “Let me handle it for now.” Vida looked uncertain, but she seemed to understand that I was about to do exactly what I’d been hired to do. Mentioning James again might make Harper fixate on him. Part of my job would be giving her the tools to self-soothe without James’s help.
Also, if he found out my treatment plan had triggered a meltdown, his trust in me might slip. I’d tell him later of course, when I gave him my daily update on Harper’s progress. But hearing that your daughter had struggled some today was different from seeing her sobbing on the floor.
I had a feeling James would want to jump in and save the day, even if it slowed Harper’s healing in the long run.
Vida accepted my instructions and retreated, leaving me to work with Harper on my own.
“Harper,” I said in a quiet voice. She paused and looked at me over her shoulder, still crying. The fact that she was responding was a good sign, and I gave her a little smile. “Remember those breathing exercises we’ve been doing? I’m going to go through the series now. You can do them with me if you want, it might make you feel a little better. It’s up to you.”
She let out a few more sobs while I crossed my legs and sat up straight next to her.
“Just like we’ve been doing,” I started in a calm voice. “I’m going to put my hand on my belly, like this.” I placed my palm flat on my stomach. “Then I’m going to take a deep breath while I count to three, which makes my belly go out. And after that, I’m going to let that breath flow out of my nose.”
I went through the sequence we’d been practicing in calm moments, hoping the groundwork we’d done would be enough to help center her in this moment of need. I closed my eyes and continued the process while Harper’s cries subsided to whimpers. After a few minutes of quiet, I finally peeked at her and wanted to shout for joy when I spotted her sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed and one hand on her belly. Her deep breaths were interrupted by hiccups, but I was thrilled she was attempting it. We kept at it until her breathing fully evened out.
“Okay,” I said softly. “That was fantastic. Feel a little better?”
Harper nodded.
“I’m glad. I want you to know that I’ll never make you go somewhere you don’t want to go, okay? But I need to ask you a favor. When you’re feeling uncomfortable I’d like you to use your words to describe how you’re feeling. Because when you do this,” I gestured to where she’d been having her breakdown, “I can’t help you. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. Do you think you can do that?”
“Yes.”
“Great. The best thing to do now is to get Bernardo to fix you a snack, then I think we should head up to your room for a book then a nap.”
She thought about that.
I held my breath.
“Two books,” she said at last.
The little scamp. “Two books what ?” I prompted.
“Two books please!”
I smiled at her. “You got it. Off we go.”
She got up and dashed toward the kitchen. I passed Vida, and she gave me a surprised look.
“That was fast.”
“Thanks. We’ve been working on foundational stuff, and it really helped. She’s going to take a nap after she has a snack.”
Vida nodded. “I’m happy to see that she’s feeling like herself again so quickly. Those episodes usually last much longer. You’re wonderful with her.”
“Thanks,” I answered. “ She’s wonderful. And I know how much you all have done to help get her to this point.”
Vida reached out and squeezed my hand then hustled off.
I found Harper bossing Bernardo around in the kitchen. I reminded her of her manners, then once she finished her snack, I herded her off to her bedroom. I’d managed to help her feel comfortable napping in there as a precursor to transitioning her out of James’s bedroom.
Two books later and Harper was fighting to keep her eyes open. I slipped out of the room just as James texted me for his daily update.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” I responded, and a second later my phone was ringing.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded as his way of greeting me. “Is she okay?”
For a surreal second, I was back in that penthouse, hearing his voice say those exact same words.
I shook it off. “Nothing now, we’re fine,” I responded, trying to ignore his tone. “But Harper had her first episode with me. I tried to get her to go out on the driveway with me for a safari, and she broke down.”
“Why, though? She’s been on the driveway a million times since the kidnapping.”
“She’s done it with you, and other people she knows well, but she’s still figuring me out,” I explained. “I’m not surprised it happened, but I’ll admit that the intensity of her meltdown caught me off guard.”
“I’m coming home.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary–”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes–”
“James, no ,” I interrupted, more firmly than I normally did with parents. But he was harder headed than most parents. And I needed him to hear me, damnit. “She’s fine now. And I need her to start to trust me if we want this program to work. She needs to learn coping strategies on her own.”
I held my breath as I waited for him to answer. Wondering if he was going to lash out at me. There was no denying that James was a devoted father, but a part of me believed that James got something out of his daughter’s dependence on him. I’d seen it before—parents who liked being needed and therefore, consciously or unconsciously, encouraged their children to stay needy and clingy.
“Okay, fine. You know what’s best.” He huffed out a breath as though answering me that way hurt. But he didn’t argue.
At the end of the day, that was all I needed.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m going to revamp my initial treatment plans based on this new development. I can go over it when you get home. Or…” There were some evenings when James didn’t get back until well after I was in bed. I didn’t allow myself to wonder what he was up to. It wasn’t my business.
“I’ll be home in time for dinner tonight,” he said firmly. “We can discuss everything once Harper goes to bed. I hope you don’t mind working a little late.”
“Anything for Harper.”
I wouldn’t let myself admit that a tiny, reckless part of me was looking forward to spending time with James as well. As promised, our relationship had been perfectly professional since I had moved in, but there was just something about being around him that gave me a charge.
I knew it was all in my head. He wasn’t the kind of man who stayed interested in a woman once he’d had sex with her. But sometimes there were these moments. He’d be watching me intently as I explained something to him, and suddenly all I could see was the way he looked at me the night he’d made love to me.
I might have enjoyed those moments if they didn’t terrify me so much. I knew now he had a good reason for kicking me out of his apartment that night. But it had still made me feel like shit. I’d made it a point to structure my life so that I never felt shut out or unwanted, but James had sucked me back into that emotional space without even realizing it.
I needed to get over this schoolgirl interest in James. For the sake of my professional life, yes. But more importantly, for the sake of my heart.
Still, maybe I should add some discreet make-up, I thought. If I’m going to see him tonight...
“Argh. No.” I smacked myself in the forehead, and ordered myself to stop thinking horny thoughts about my demanding, arrogant, sinfully handsome boss.