26. James
26
JAMES
K aitlyn and I had made plans to spend Sunday relaxing by the pool then screening a new James Bond movie in my home theater. Harper was having a sleepover with my mom, and Vida and Bernardo were off for the rest of the day, so all I could think about was getting naked with Kaitlyn in every square inch of my house. I felt myself growing hard at the thought of it.
I was rushing to plow through my few remaining weekend emails in the kitchen so I could focus on our time together when I heard the front door slam.
“Hey, you, I’m making mimosas, come to the kitchen,” I called out, smiling. “And take your clothes off now, please.”
I paused, waiting to hear her laughter echoing down the hallway.
“Kaitlyn?”
Silence.
I headed to the foyer expecting to find her peeling off her shorts and t-shirt, only to discover her sitting on the bottom step of the staircase with her head in her lap. My heart jumped into my throat when I realized she was crying.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”
I rushed to her side, collapsing next to her and pulling her close to me.
“Kaitlyn, talk to me. Are you okay? What happened?”
She finally pulled her head away from my chest and looked at me with swollen eyes. “Cassie...” she hiccupped. “Cassie disinvited me from her wedding! She fired me as her maid of honor!”
“What?”
It made absolutely no sense. Kaitlyn and her sister were as tight as twins. Before she could answer me, she dissolved into tears again. All I could do was hold her close as she cried.
“Come on,” I said, helping her to her feet. “Let’s go sit somewhere comfortable and figure this out.”
I led her back to the kitchen, to the window seat nook I knew was a favorite spot for both her and Harper. I’d grown to love the cozy place as well. Kaitlyn immediately curled up on the cushions and let out a shuddering sigh.
“Tea?” I asked her.
She shook her head. “No thank you. Can you come sit with me?”
Kaitlyn sounded like a scared little girl, something I was all too familiar with. I slid in next to her and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled against me and sniffled.
“Okay, now please explain what happened,” I said gently as her breathing evened out.
Kaitlyn haltingly told me the story of reconnecting with her mother and inviting her to Cassandra’s wedding. The high hopes she’d had for a happy reunion—a way forward after their rocky past. I watched her as she spoke and could see the hope and pain mingling on her face as she explained everything to me.
“Am I a terrible person for doing that, James? For inviting my mother without asking Cassie first?”
I could see the tears pooling in her eyes and her bottom lip trembling as she waited for me to answer, so I gentled her head back onto my shoulder and stroked her back.
“Of course not. Your heart was in the right place, Cassie will understand that soon enough. She just needs time to work through her emotions about everything, and know that, at the end of the day, you respect whatever she wants.”
“You don’t respect what Jess wants,” she pointed out.
“I do, I just…let’s not talk about me,” I decided.
“I…I just wanted what you have. Even with you and Jess fighting. It’s perfect .” Her voice was a whisper, and it took me a moment to understand what she meant.
“You mean my relationship with my family?”
She nodded.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I kissed the top of her head. “If you only knew what it took for us to get to this point. No family is perfect, no matter how good it looks from the outside.”
She pulled back to look up at my face. “But the way you all get along! You enjoy being together. We’ve never had that. And I want it. I want it so badly.”
She slumped against me, defeated by the ghosts of her past.
“Hey, hey, families go through tough times. That’s part of life. You guys will get through this.”
“She disinvited me from her wedding. She wants me to send my maid of honor dress back. That feels pretty final to me.”
“Stop,” I chided gently. “You want to talk about final? Try having your mom blame you for your father’s death. And we worked our way back from that , so…”
“Wait.” Kaitlyn sat up. “What?”
I nodded. “Remember how I told you my mom had a hard time when my father died and that we’d fought? Well, there was more to it. It’s not easy for me to talk about, but I think you should know just how bad it got for us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She grasped my arm and gave it a squeeze.
I took a deep breath. “Grief does strange things to people. I told you I was away and without cell reception when my dad had a heart attack. My mom actually told me that if I’d been able to be there at his bedside after it happened, he might have survived. She said it was my fault that he died.”
Kaitlyn’s eyes went wide with shock. “How awful.”
I managed a tight smile as the old memories and emotions flooded through me. “Yup. It sucked.”
Kaitlyn wrapped her arms around me, her problems seemingly forgotten so she could comfort me. “How long was she upset with you?”
“Oh, months. And she wasn’t just upset. She was angry . Downright mean. So I was dealing with the pain of losing my father, the guilt of not being there for him, plus the hurt of my mother’s tirades. I knew on a rational level my being there wouldn’t have changed a thing. The doctors told me as much, that there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. And I knew that eventually, she’d see the truth as well. But in that moment, my mom needed an outlet for her anger and grief, and it was me.”
We both fell silent as we tallied our pain. I stroked Kaitlyn’s back, hoping my story put some perspective on what she was facing with her own family.
“Have you spoken to your mother since you told Cassandra?” I was eager to move on from my past and focus on her again.
Kaitlyn nodded. “I called her on the way home.”
My heart leapt at her using the word “home” to describe my place.
“She was so understanding,” Kaitlyn continued. “It felt like she was a different person. The mom I used to know would’ve thrown Cassie under the bus. But this time she said all the right things. She talked about patience and understanding. Forgiveness and time. I’m sure it was all twelve-step stuff, but it did feel like we were moving in the right direction. She said the two of us should meet for a mother-daughter spa day on Cassie’s wedding day, so we can focus on what we’re building instead of what we’re missing.”
I stroked her back. “That’s promising. See? Your mom is willing to wait for Cassie to be ready. That’s a great start.”
She nodded and pushed against me, hitching her leg over mine and causing the embers to stir inside of me despite the heavy topics we were discussing. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore my arousal. It wasn’t the time for that. I leaned slightly away.
“Tea?” I offered again. It was one of my mom’s rituals from when we were little, and one that I used with Harper during her darkest days. She used to feel grown up drinking the watered-down brown liquid that was more milk and sugar than actual tea.
Kaitlyn gave me a little smile. “Yes, that would be great. Thank you.”
I wasn’t handy in the kitchen, but there were a few things I was quite good at, and fixing tea was one of them. I moved away from her warmth, grateful to have something to focus on other than the way she felt nestled against me. I was proud that I knew exactly where Bernardo kept the kettle and stash of imported teas.
“What type?” I asked, holding the tray filled with colorful packets so she could see it. “We have everything.”
“You pick,” she yawned and curled into a tighter ball.
I settled on an English Breakfast. The champagne was still sweating on the counter, so I grabbed it along with the orange juice and put the bottles back into the refrigerator. There would be other days for mimosas.
Tea prepped, I placed the cup on the table beside where Kaitlyn was curled up and then slid next to her on the window seat. She nestled against me with a sigh as I drew her closer.
I wanted to keep talking, to try to figure out how to make things better for her, but after few minutes of silent contemplation I heard the most adorable sound.
A tiny snore.
Kaitlyn was emotionally exhausted, and it seemed a nap was exactly what she needed. I wrapped my arms around her and moved her gently so she could spread out on the cushion. The snores never stopped.
Why did it feel so good? To be wrapped up together, our legs entwined and her head on my chest? Sure, she was going through some tough times, but it was amazing being by her side to try to help her. And I felt like I’d actually managed to lighten her burden with the stories of my family. I was willing to spend the rest of the day in this quiet paradise with her. She could sleep against me until all my limbs went numb, as long as she was comfortable. If she felt content and happy, I was too. I closed my eyes and kissed the top of her head again, breathing in her delicious scent.
Paradise. This was paradise. I’d seen the sunset from the Eiffel Tower and the sunrise in Provence, but I’d never seen anything more beautiful than the woman in my arms. I loved that I could make her feel safe. I loved the way we seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces. I even loved her ridiculous little snores.
Then it hit me. I loved… her .
The realization flooded through me, causing my heart to gallop. I was in love with Kaitlyn Thorn. Deeply, head-over-heels, irrevocably, stupid in love with her.
I waited for panic to set in, because love wasn’t something I understood, and it definitely wasn’t something I trusted. I loved my daughter and family, of course, but love like this? Never. My heart was non-negotiable, yet here I was, ready to hand it over to the woman nestled next to me.
Could I do it?
I glanced down at her face. How could I not? Kaitlyn had come into my life and changed everything for the better. My daughter was transforming back into the wonderful, joy-filled child she’d been before her troubles. And I was happier than I’d ever been. I hadn’t stopped to take stock of my own emotions, it wasn’t something that I did, but reflecting on it now made it clear I’d never felt lighter.
How could I not love her?
I expected love like this to be scary, a beast to be tamed and eventually put down. I didn’t “do” love. But instead of feeling overwhelmed, all I felt was…peace. Because loving Kaitlyn was exactly what I was supposed to do. I ran my thumb down her soft cheek.
Yes, I loved this woman.
And I couldn’t wait to tell her.