36. Kaitlyn
36
KAITLYN
T he elevator ride up to Bloom felt different this time.
After a little more prodding from Cassie, I realized there was no better time than now to connect with James—which meant I had to track him down at work. Even though he had a few offices in the city, I knew Bloom was his favorite location. He loved the view, the one we’d shared the night we met. I bit back a smile at the memory.
I wasn’t sure how things would go, though. We still had plenty of stuff to work through, hurts we still needed to address. I could be walking out of here holding the hand of the man I loved or walking out alone and feeling as dejected as I’d felt at the end of that first night.
But I had to try.
The minute the elevator doors opened, I realized my first mistake—my outfit. I hadn’t even bothered to change, so I was wearing a breezy skirt and tank top with my hair in a high ponytail. The same beautiful blonde that had been here the first time I came was standing guard at the host stand, looking devastating in a metallic black dress. She gave me a cool, disdainful look.
“Are you Uber for someone?” she asked me over the music.
I shook my head and leaned closer to her. “No, I’m actually here to see James.”
She gave me a blank look, and I realized she couldn’t compute that I meant her boss. I knew I could bypass her completely and just text him, but I wanted the element of surprise.
A little surprise was fair play, after the way he’d knocked me off my feet with that interview.
“I’m here to see James Morris,” I clarified.
The corners of her mouth tightened. “Oh, Mr. Morris isn’t here tonight.”
Did she mean that, or was she running interference to keep away unwanted admirers? Either way, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get past her, so I switched strategies.
“You know what? I’ll sit at the side bar for a bit if that’s okay.”
She frowned but nodded.
The small bar was an overflow area before the velvet rope of the main part of the club, a spot where I knew I could hang out even though I didn’t meet the dress code. I needed to figure out a way to get to James. The thumping baseline made concentration almost impossible, but I was on a mission.
I hugged the wall as I made my way through the crowd, and I was just about to snag an open seat at the end of the bar by the serving station when I felt a hand on my arm.
“Kaitlyn!” I turned and saw James’s assistant, Ella, grinning at me. We’d met a few times when she’d come by the house. I liked her—she was hardworking and efficient but also genuinely warm, and really sweet toward Harper, who idolized her. “You’re here!”
“Hi, Ella, yes! I was hoping to connect with James, is he around?”
“He is, and let me tell you, we are so happy you’re here.”
I frowned. “We who?”
Ella gestured around the room. “The staff. All of us. He’s been miserable, and it’s not fun. He’s taken his grumpiness to a whole new level.” She leaned closer. “I know it’s not my place to say anything, but I can tell he misses you like crazy. Come on.”
My heart picked up.
I followed Ella through the crowd to a door that was camouflaged by a wall of plants, where she placed her badge on a pad and the door slid open. We stopped at a door down the hall. The noise from the club was just a faint throb in the distance.
“Good luck,” Ella whispered then winked at me and walked away.
I took a deep breath before I raised my fist to pound on the door.
“I said no interruptions!” I heard James call out.
Frowning, I hovered my hand in front of it for a few seconds before knocking again.
“Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed, his heavy footfalls following.
The door opened with a woosh and then there was James, brow furrowed, mouth twisted in a scowl until it dropped open in shock at the sight of me. It seemed to take him a second to process what was going on.
“It’s you,” he said in a soft, disbelieving voice.
“Hi.” I gave him a little wave. “It’s me.”
He was the James I remembered, but his face bore the traces of sleepless nights, with dark hollows under his eyes.
“Kaitlyn,” he stepped back. “Please, come in.”
He sounded formal, like he wasn’t sure how to handle me. I walked past him and had to force myself to keep from jumping into his arms. There was no denying I was magnetically drawn to him, but we had so much to work through before I could let myself touch him.
Because I knew exactly what would happen if we connected physically.
The view was just as gorgeous in his workspace as in his penthouse, and I could see why he opted to spend so much of his time here. I scanned the twinkling lights out on the horizon and was brought back to our first night together. Confusion and hurt twisted inside of me when I was reminded of the way he’d thrown me out not once but twice .
James was staring at me, waiting for me to say something.
“You’ve been calling me.”
“I have.”
“I’ve been ignoring you.”
“I know.”
“I saw the interview. That was huge.”
He exhaled in a heavy sigh, but he didn’t respond.
“I know it wasn’t easy for you to be so open about your personal life like that, and it meant a lot to me.”
The furrow returned. “Okay. But did you?—?”
“There’s some stuff I want to say to you, stuff I need to say, but before I get to that I want you to know you really hurt me, James, more than you realize. A few times.”
“Kaitlyn, I?—”
I held up my hand to stop him. “Please, just hear me out.” I took a deep breath. “You already know I’ve got some baggage from my family, but what you might not understand is that you poured salt into those old wounds when you threw me out. You did it twice .”
He frowned.
“Our first night together. Remember? When Harper had an episode. I mean, I get it now, but the way you turned so cold in an instant was shocking. And then you did it again, when you thought I’d betrayed you.”
“Kaitlyn, I’m so sorry,” he said in an agonized voice.
“I believe you, and I appreciate the apology,” I said, steeling myself to continue. “But here’s what I can’t stop thinking about: you wouldn’t hear me out. You didn’t give me a chance to try to figure out what happened. You made a decision and that was that. I was out on my ass.”
Pain flashed across his face at the memory, and a tiny part of me was happy for it.
“My mom threw me out. She treated me the exact same way, and I will always bear those scars. There’s no way I can give my heart to someone who would do that to me again.” My voice trembled a little.
“Kaitlyn,” James came toward me, but stopped short of actually touching me.
“The problem is,” I began, fighting back a sob. “The problem is I fell in love with you. And now I’m a mess because I want to be with you more than anything in the world, but there’s a part of me that worries you’ll hurt me like that again and that will destroy me.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer, so I bowed my head and surrendered to the tears.
The next thing I knew his strong arms were circling around me, drawing me close to his chest.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured, kissing the top of my head. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hate that I hurt you.”
He let me cry until the tears stopped then led me to a couch in front of the windows. When we sat down, he took both of my hands in his.
“I’m not good at this,” James began haltingly. “Relationships. Apologizing for my behavior. Both, really. I’m not trying to make excuses, I just want you to know why I am the way I am. I have a hard time letting people get close to me, and when I feel like someone is breaching that wall I keep up, I get defensive. The way I treated you was inexcusable, and I am heartbroken that I hurt you.”
I sniffed and he used his thumb to gently wipe away a stray tear.
“But I need you to know that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I want you to feel safe. I want you to trust me. To understand that I hear you.” He took a deep breath. “And most importantly, I want you to know that I will always love you.”
There was hope in his voice. He drew back to study my face.
I took a deep breath. “James… I love you too.”
The tears came again, and this time I could see them sparkling in his eyes as well. We’d been working toward this moment for too long, but now here we were, scared, joyful, and ready to admit just how much we meant to one another.
Our lips came together in a rush in the messiest, most beautiful kiss of my life. I’d been so caught up in my emotions I’d forgotten how badly I missed his touch. When we finally pulled away, we both laughed at our tangle of emotions.
“I’ve been dying for this,” James whispered, smoothing his palm along my cheek.
“It would’ve happened sooner if you hadn’t run away after the wedding,” I scolded.
“I didn’t want to ruin Scott and Cassandra’s big day. I wasn’t sure how you’d react to me, and I had visions of flying glassware.”
“Please,” I shoved him lightly. “You know me better than that.”
We kissed again, this time with more intention. James slid me a little closer. My body was already screaming for him, but I reminded myself that he was at work.
His phone went off and we jumped apart.
“Duty calls?” I asked.
James shook his head. “Nothing is more important than this.” He stared at me. “I’m still in shock. You’re really here. This is happening.”
“This is definitely happening,” I smiled back at him.
He dropped his head back onto the couch. “Harper is going to lose it! Wait till she finds out you’re coming back.” He picked his head up quickly and stared at me. “Wait…you are coming back, right?”
I had to laugh. “Yes! Of course I am.”
He let out a long exhale. “I’m still in shock.”
“Believe it, Mr. Morris. You’re stuck with me.” I threw my legs over his and he reached out to grab them.
“I’ve missed these,” he said, stroking my calf gently.
“Is that a fact?” I arched an eyebrow at him. “What else have you missed?”
“This perfect knee.” He leaned down to kiss it, and I was shocked that the chaste move set off a naughty tingle inside of me.
“Oh really? Did you miss anything else?” I asked in a whisper that sounded like pleading.
He nodded. “Definitely. So many things.” He stroked the inside of my thigh just under the hem of my skirt. I shifted closer to him, hoping his hand would push higher.
I started to relax back against the couch as he gently massaged the soft skin of my inner thighs. “You better stop now,” I breathed.
“Why would I ever do that?” James asked as he finally let his fingertip climb all the way up my leg to graze along the edge of my panties.
“You’re at work,” I said in a strangled voice as he cupped me gently.
“I’m the boss,” he murmured. “I do what I want.”
“And what do you want?” My breath hitched.
“This.”
James flipped up my skirt and dove between my legs.