Chapter 5 Who killed Jesus Christ
“If you two are serious about getting married then we need to talk about these things,” Savannah said. “If you want to keep a Jewish home, conversion will make that so much easier. Not to mention, it will be less confusing for your children. Imagine taking your kids to Hebrew school and then having them find out their father believes they are ‘Christ-killers’!”
“Gabe does not think we are Christ-killers!” Leah retorted although that conversation had never come up before. They had never discussed Gabe’s views on who killed Jesus Christ, but from Leah’s Jewish perspective, there was only one obvious answer and it wasn’t the Jews. Leah looked at Gabe for confirmation, but he sat quietly sipping his tea, his eyes concentrating deeply on the mug.
“Have you ever discussed this?” Savannah asked as though reading Leah’s mind. “I think conversion is a very good option. It gives Gabe a wonderful opportunity to learn about Judaism so he can be a part of creating your Jewish home. Isn’t that what you want? A partner at home?”
“I don’t think this is any of your business,” Leah responded.
“It’s not?” Savannah said. “Who are you planning on having pay for this wedding? Who raised you? Who do you think will help you when you have children? I think this is every bit my business! In fact, I scheduled a meeting on Sunday with Rabbi Daniel to discuss.”
“You scheduled a meeting with the rabbi?” Leah stood up. “Don’t you think that’s a little presumptuous? I thought you were going to support me!”
“I am supporting you! That’s why I am trying to help you and Gabe figure this out!”
Leah shook her head and looked at Gabe. “I’m not having this conversation. Gabe, let’s go.” She left her tea on the table and stormed out of the kitchen, hearing Gabe gently put his tea down and thank her parents for their hospitality. So polite as always.
“Let’s go for a walk,” Gabe suggested when he met Leah in the foyer of the house. Leah nodded and the two of them stepped outside into the crisp air. They walked down the driveway and passed several houses before anyone said anything.
“I’m sorry about that,” Leah said first. “I didn’t know my mom was going to do that.”
“I understand,” he responded. “But she is right, we do need to talk about these things.”
Leah nodded. In truth, it would be nice for Gabe to convert. It would solve a lot of issues for everyone. And Savannah had been right, Leah did want a partner in creating a Jewish home. “Well, I guess it’s time we start talking,” she said as they walked side by side, holding hands. They glanced at each other while looking forward.
“I don’t want to convert,” Gabe said, his eyes pointing a few feet in front of his shoes. “I know it might be what your parents want, and maybe what you want, but I don’t want to convert simply because it’s what you want. I don’t think it’s right to convert if I don’t really believe.”
Leah nodded. “What don’t you believe?” She asked.
“Well, look,” Gabe said and then paused. “I appreciate your religion. I think the customs are beautiful, but they aren’t my customs. And I grew up with different ones that I don’t want to give up.”
“I thought you didn’t really care about religion,” Leah asked. They had spoken about their religious upbringings before. Raised an Italian Catholic, Gabe had grown up going to church until he was old enough to stay home by himself. His parents had continued to go for a few more years but eventually stopped. They still sometimes said Grace before meals, planned baptisms for Gabe’s nieces and nephews and celebrated the holidays in a way that felt completely secular to Leah.
“I don’t I guess,” Gabe rubbed his neck with his free hand. “But I also don’t feel ready to give it up like that. Especially to adopt a different religion solely for the sake of marriage.”
“What if you learned a little bit more about Judaism and then made a decision? Maybe if you started learning and felt connected to it, it might change your mind.”
“What if I asked you that same question?” Gabe responded. “Would you be willing to learn about Catholicism with an open mind to converting?”
“No,” Leah admitted. She would never ever consider converting. Judaism was too much a part of who she was. But was Catholicism as important to Gabe as Judaism was to her? It seemed they had avoided the topic of religion so successfully throughout their relationship, that she didn’t know. She didn’t think so, but maybe that was more wishful thinking than actual knowledge.
“You see?” Gabe looked at her as he said the words and Leah nodded. He was right. How could she ask him to do something she wasn’t willing to do?
“What kind of home do you see yourself creating after marriage?” Leah asked. Once they were already into the deep questions, it didn’t seem so hard to dig deeper. What Leah was really asking, was the other important issue that she and Gabe had never addressed: children. Two years ago, Gabe had confessed that he didn’t want children. And while Leah thought that was ridiculous—because who didn’t want to be a parent?—she just ignored that and figured they were too young to make dating decisions based on statements like that. But now, when engaged, this was another question that needed addressing.
“I don’t know,” he said. “One like what we have now. Cozy and comfortable.”
“But you don’t see us living in an apartment in Manhattan forever do you?” Leah asked. “Like in five, or ten years from now, where are we? Is it still just us?”
“Well, maybe we’d get a dog,” Gabe responded with a smile. “I honestly don’t know, Leah, I guess I didn’t think about these things. When I proposed, I just did it because I love you and want this relationship to last forever.”
“I do too, Gabe,” she responded and then took a deep breath. She needed to tell him what she was thinking. “But I also want children. And I do want a Jewish home with holidays and Hanukkah parties and all of those things.”
Gabe nodded but stayed silent. They continued to walk through the neighborhood Leah grew up in. There were houses she had friends in, ones she remembered walking to as a kid. She used to play Barbies with a girl who lived in the red brick house they just passed. An elderly couple who always bought the most boxes of Girl Scout cookies lived in the house with the green stained-glass window in the front door.
“Maybe we need to take time to think about things,” Gabe finally said. “Why don’t we try to enjoy the weekend? We can meet with your mom’s rabbi on Sunday to be polite. But then let’s take a break. I can stay with a friend for a few days and then we can meet up to discuss.”
Leah felt tears fill her eyelids. They weren’t from the cold air brushing around her face. She wiped them away as they continued walking through the neighborhood, turning left and right with no real aim.
“This was my elementary school,” Leah pointed out, motioning to the tall green fence that enclosed a huge blacktop and grass field in front of a large building.
Gabe looked at it and smiled. “Looks like a fun place.”
“It was,” Leah said. She remembered going to school there. Life was so easy then. All she cared about was getting to her friends quickly when the bell rang for recess.
By the time they got back to Leah’s parent’s house, Leah’s nose and fingers were frozen. The hall light was on, but the rest of the house was dark when they got home. Gabe went upstairs to get ready for bed and Leah went to the kitchen to get some water. She noticed a small light in the kitchen and when she flicked on the lights, there was Shira sitting at the island counter.
“You startled me,” Shira said when the lights shone on her. She looked up from her phone in front of her. “Everything OK?”
Leah filled a cup and sat next to her sister. She shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said. “But let’s talk about the real issue. Why are you here? You never just come home.”
Shira looked around the kitchen and then settled on Leah. “I don’t know,” she said. “Things in LA have been…”
“Is it that guy you were dating?” Leah asked. Shira was always dating someone new. But for the last month at least, she had been dating a specific person. A lawyer or doctor or something like that, Leah couldn’t remember. All the guys she dated had impressive jobs or something and it never felt important to remember because they would be replaced in a week.
Shira nodded. “Leah,” she whispered. “I’m pregnant.”
For the second time that evening, Leah almost choked on liquid. “What? Are you sure?”
Shira nodded. “Yup.”
“What are you going to do?”
Shira shrugged. “I don’t know. But I wanted to come home.”
Leah wrapped her arms around her sister’s shoulders. It might be selfish, but Leah was happy to have someone else’s problems to focus on. She might not be able to solve her own issues, but she could support her sister however she needed.