Chapter 12 #2
“Let’s just agree that it’s a word because you understand what I mean.
I also get what Theo was trying to do for me, because he has things that he wants to atone for—not that he really needs to atone, because those things weren’t his fault.
” I was thinking of his sister. He’d told me that he hadn’t taken good care of her like Nicola had done for me, and then she’d died so young.
I thought of how he believed that he owed his grandfather, to the point that he’d been afraid to remodel the broken-down cabin that he’d inherited, and he’d also specialized in a branch of medicine that wasn’t his top choice.
“So he’s atoning and that’s a terrible way to have any kind of relationship. ”
“What relationship? I thought you weren’t together. Didn’t you just say that? I probably shouldn’t know so much about a guy I’m working for, anyway.” He took a step back, but I hadn’t told anyone about any of it and it felt better to talk. So I continued.
“You have to go in as equals. More or less. One person can’t always be the help-ee, whether or not that’s a real word and I’m going to say that it is, and if it isn’t it should be.
” Keon sidestepped and I walked forward, wanting to explain my newfound knowledge about equality in relationships.
I hadn’t understood before how important that was, whether in a friendship or in a sibling bond. Or, especially, in a marriage.
“My parents were not equals at all,” I stated.
“There was my mom, incredibly beautiful, and my dad fell head over heels in love and then became her doormat and let her run things, which was a bad idea because she’s bad at running them.
I guess that’s how he rolls, just falling in love without thinking things through.
” Because he seemed to have done it all over again with his assistant and now the consequences were terrible, at least for me.
“My parents are so different and it’s not in a good way to complement each other.
Like Dion, for example. Dion and Carrington. ”
“Grace, I’m going to get back to work,” Keon said. “Ok? Maybe call Nicola.” He turned and walked away.
“I’m sorry,” I said, but when I also moved to follow, that was when I discovered where they’d been pumping all the water away from the house.
“Oh, shit!”
No, he was wrong and it was just water, but it was still cold and it was fairly deep.
He helped pull me out and I refused all the offers of clothing from the guys there.
I went to sit in my car to warm up instead, but first I dumped out my boots and wrung out my hair, creating a small lake next to my door.
I wondered if it was big enough for a fish.
Once I was settled somewhere, I fully planned on getting an aquarium of my own.
Maybe I could get a portable one, and if Regina ever forgave me, I could bring my fish over to visit—
I watched a truck pull in, one I didn’t recognize and I knew most of the guys who were working on the various crews around the property. This car was new but had some mud splatter, as did all the other vehicles that traveled down the long driveway to get here. The door opened, and Theo got out.
Theo. I had been crying a little earlier, and I started again now.
He just looked so friendly! He was so clean and dry, not at all like he’d fallen into a puddle probably ever in his life.
I turned the key once and then again, and I sunk down in the seat to make myself less obvious.
But there was a reason that this car had been terrible for getaways.
He saw me almost immediately and so I stopped with the waterworks, because that was dumb.
I’d had a friend named Margery who cried all the time for any reason, but mostly for attention.
I’d ended up walking away instead of dealing with it. ..
In fact, that was a good idea. I got out of my car and started to leave.
“Grace, please stop,” he said. “Where are you going? Stop!”
The last word was a yell and I did, immediately, come to a halt.
“If you go any farther in that direction, you’re going to fall into a creek,” Theo said. “Can’t you see it?”
If I squinted, I could see it a little, and now that the jobsite was quiet after him yelling, I could also hear the gurgling water. “I stopped,” I yelled back. “Nobody else has to!” Gradually, everyone returned to work.
“Are you already wet?” he asked me. “Holy hell!”
“I’m not going to be the help-ee right now, Theo. Go and get into that nice new truck that I’m very glad you bought for yourself,” I told him. “Go on!” I pointed to it, in case he had forgotten.
“I did get a new car, specifically for coming here because this road is going to turn into a mud morass pretty soon. You’ll have to be very careful.”
“I won’t be here,” I reminded him. “I’m not really here now, not as far as you know. As far as you know, I left that rental house and you never saw me again.”
“I’m looking at you at this very moment.”
“But that wasn’t supposed to happen! Why aren’t you at work?”
“There was a huge power outage in Oakland County,” he said. “We lost the lights so Regina had to cancel all the appointments and everyone left—oh, no. I just remembered that the filter won’t be running for the fish! I never thought to get an emergency generator.”
“They should be ok for a while, but I can go get them.”
“How will you get in?” He drew back and his eyebrows lowered. “Have you been getting in? Is that why the aquarium has stayed so clean, even though Regina and Pinar swore they hadn’t touched it?”
“Just because I’m giving up on the two of us, it doesn’t mean that I have to give up on the fish,” I told him. “I wouldn’t do that to them.”
“But as you said, you were able to give up on me. You left the house that we were sharing without telling me anything. I got up to go to work, and you were gone.”
Because I’d had a long time to think that night, while he’d been over at Juliet and Beckett’s house confirming that what was wrong with my brother-in-law was only a bacterial infection and not a return of his cancer.
I’d lain in the comfortable bed that Theo had bought and considered what I was doing, and I’d realized that I couldn’t continue.
No matter how it seemed to him and to everyone else, my absence from his life was clearly better in the long run.
I had gotten out of bed, written him a letter, and then left.
I wasn’t supposed to see him, though, because it was too hard. “I move on a lot,” I excused myself. “You knew that. Everyone knows that!”
“I didn’t expect that you would move on and drop me, but you’re right. I should have realized that you didn’t care very much about me or anything else.” He paused. “No, because you’re crying again as you look at me. What are you doing, Grace?”
I was walking, that was what I was doing. I was leaving this construction site and I was going to have to put a tracker on his car and not rely on the electricity in Oakland County to keep him away from here.
“Watch out! Did you really not see that shovel on the ground?”
I squinted and took a careful step forward, and there it was. “I see it fine. It’s harder to make things out when it’s getting dark like this.”
“It’s not dark. Look at me.” I did and saw him raise his hand. “Can you tell how many fingers I’m holding up?”
“Yes, of course.” I walked towards where he was standing and away from the shovel. “Two.”
“Holy hell,” he said again. “We are going to my office, together, and we’ll get the fish and get you a damn vision test.”
“No, I’m leaving by myself, and I’ll deal with the fish later.” I could go after my shift at the party store, which technically had already started. Ok, then I could go during my shift at the party store which I wasn’t going to show up for. I avoided that dumb shovel and got into my car.
A moment later, he knocked on the driver’s side window. “Are you actually leaving?”
“Soon enough,” I answered, staring at my steering wheel.
“I’d like to hear you start this engine,” Theo told me, and I shook my head. “Is that because your car broke down?”
It was. The fluid leak, which was not oil or transmission stuff as far as I’d been able to tell, had turned into a fluid faucet and nothing I had done had solved the problem.
Despite that, my car had started and gotten me out here, but when I’d tried it again as he’d pulled in, I had found that it wasn’t going to take me back.
“Then at least let me drive you home to Detroit. You can’t stay for the night on the jobsite.”
I had already given that enough thought to decide that no, I definitely couldn’t.
That was why hitching a ride with one of the workmen would have been a good idea, but then I looked through the glass at Theo standing in the wind.
The guys on the crew had been cursing that as Keon had given me the tour but I was glad for it now.
It ruffled his thick, dark hair and made him look young and…
I got the urge that I’d had many times before, the one to hug him.
I opened the car door. “I would appreciate the ride.” I would appreciate being with him even if he was helping me again, which was something that I didn’t want at all.
I would let him help me this one, final time, just so I could see him a little, and then I would stop the helper/help-ee cycle for good.
Theo had come here for a reason, which was to check on the progress of his cabin in the waning daylight.
I told him I would wait while he did. The rising wind which had made him look so cute also made me feel very cold as it whipped through my wet clothing.
I had stopped actively dripping and my own seat had absorbed most of the excess water, but I stood next to his door for a while to let it blow me a little dryer. I didn’t want to mess up his new truck.