Chapter Sixteen
The Games You Play
For a full five seconds my body froze so badly I couldn’t have moved if my life depended on it. Then, when I realized my life probably did depend on it, I managed to unlock my jaw.
“Move,” I gritted out.
He nodded once. “Okay.”
The grim flash of triumph his response gave me vanished when he surged forward and hauled me up and over his shoulder before I could even guess what he was going to do. I gasped as the point of his shoulder went into my stomach while his arms clamped around my legs in an unbreakable grip, telegraphing to me without words that I wasn’t going anywhere that he didn’t want me to go.
“I’ve got this,” I heard him tell the room at large even as he moved through the door. “Give me an hour.”
“It’s going to take more than an hour for you to convince me you’re not the lowest creep I’ve ever met,” I raged at him from my upside-down position. The showroom flew by as he stalked toward the office where I’d spent the morning thinking it would be mine for the next few weeks. The world suddenly whirled like a kaleidoscope only to find myself dropped into the desk chair. Half a second later Romeo had both doors that had access to the office locked, and the small window looking out onto the showroom covered with blinds. Then he turned to face me, and a jolt of fear shot through me at the terrible look in his eyes. I’d never seen the dangerous Gravedigger side of this man, but for the first time I wondered if I was about to.
“Go ahead. Let me have it.”
I blinked.
Wait, what?
“The only good thing about this coming out is now I don’t have any other secrets I need to keep hidden from you, so go ahead.” He made a beckoning gesture, his stance that of a man braced for a hurricane. “Let it all hang out, Shy. Let me have it so we can move the hell on from here.”
“Move on? Move on where?” I said faintly, while fear and rage and a terrible sense of bitter hurt nearly smothered me where I sat. “Seriously, where do you imagine we can possibly go from here? You act like this is some kind of joke, or a game you’ve been playing, Romeo, but it’s not a game. This is my life you’ve been toying with. You clearly don’t care how much damage you do when you use people and manipulate them, so long as you achieve whatever goal you have in mind. But you are single-handedly ruining every part of my life, from my job to my…” My heart “…my personal life, and everything in between.” I ran out of words, because an earthquake of horrified realization was moving through me so hard I was sure he could hear it. My heart? Why had I almost said that? Heaven knew I was hot for this man, hotter than I’d ever been for anyone. Thinking about Romeo had become my favorite pastime, and when I slept I even dreamed of him. But what did that have to do with my heart?
Everything, a small voice whispered.
Because…
I’d fallen in love with him.
I jerked out of the chair, an instinctive move to escape the truth. “Everything in my life has fallen to pieces from the moment you barreled your way into it, but I’m sure you don’t care about that. As long as you have my brother cooking poison for you, the last thing on your mind is how miserable you’ve made me.”
“Hades was already having you trailed when I was sent across your path,” he shot back, surprising me. “You think you were targeted at random? Word on the street was that your brother was looking to make a break for it, so we suspected Hades was going to nab you in order to keep Chef in line. Believe me, your life would’ve been a helluva lot worse if he’d gotten to you before we did.”
“So why not tell me that from the very beginning? Why have one of your so-called brothers pretend to attack me just so you could play the hero and make me fall in love with you?”
The silence that hit the tiny office was explosive. “You love me?”
“I’m in love with a man who doesn’t exist,” I raged, digging into the knot of pain in my chest so I could show him the depths of its raw ugliness. Not that he’d care, but I needed him to know just how much he’d damaged me. “I thought you were different. I thought you were a good man who understood what honor was. For God’s sake, I thought you were a man I could trust. But you’re not. You’re just another manipulative, selfish, crotch-rocket jockey who doesn’t give a shit about anyone except his brothers and his club. Everyone else around you are just… just casualties. But not me,” I added fiercely, not missing how his eyelids flinched ever so slightly at my words. “I am not going to be one of your casualties. I won’t.”
“You would have been more than a casualty if I hadn’t gotten you out of Hades’s crosshairs,” he reiterated, going toe-to-toe with me, but if he thought his act of big, tough biker was going to make me cower, he didn’t know me at all. “To me, this was always about keeping you out of Hades’s hands. That’s all that fucking mattered.”
“Then why did you come on to me so damn hard? Why have that man-bear, Ashtray—Jesus, what a stupid name—attack me so you could play the hero?”
“Because you wouldn’t let me close enough to take care of you,” he shot back so fast it seemed like the words had been waiting for a chance to get out. “Yeah, I had my mission from Tyr—keep an eye on you and make it look natural. At that time we didn’t know if you had any affiliation with the Chicago Gravediggers other than your brother, so we didn’t want to scare you into running into their camp for protection. If we had, we would’ve lost the chance at getting Chef over to our side so he could help us root out our spy.”
“Spy?” I repeated, upset and baffled. “What are you talking about? What spy?”
“Forget it,” he said, waving the word aside as unimportant. “The point I’m making is that I was chosen for this op because I’ve always had luck with the ladies, but by damn, you wouldn’t give me the time of day. If there’s one thing I’ve never been able to resist, it’s a challenge, and that’s you all over. By the end of the first week of working on you, I was ready to do anything to get past your defenses.”
“Oh, so it’s my fault you decided to troll my life.” I rolled my eyes and hoped he couldn’t see the tears trying to well in them. “Why am I not surprised? Sure, you had me mauled and terrorized, but that’s my fault because I wouldn’t fall onto my back with my legs spread the moment you turned on your Romeo charm. Uh-huh, got it.”
“No, I was ready to do anything to get past your defenses because you weren’t the only one falling, goddamn it,” he said, stunning me into stillness. “You’re right, okay? I didn’t have to play it the way I did with Ashtray. We could’ve kept you safe just by being a constant presence in your life. I didn’t even tell Tyr I was bringing Ash in to push you in my direction, because he would’ve vetoed it. Bringing Ash in had nothing to do with the mission of keeping you out of Hades’s hands, and everything to do with getting you into mine.”
I stared at him with equal fury and exhilaration, because I wanted to believe him so much it hurt. “You? Falling for me? Do you honestly expect me to believe that?”
“You’d better. I’ve never said that to any woman in my life, and I sure as hell don’t expect to ever say it to anyone else. Just you.”
Oh my God. “You’re saying you had the daylights scared out of me by siccing your fellow Gravedigger on me… because you’d fallen for me? Do I have to explain how utterly insane that sounds?”
“It wasn’t one of my better decisions, I’ll admit, but I’m not going to waste time regretting it. It got me through the worst of your defenses.”
“Trust me, pal, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”
“You and I make sense,” he went on, then shook his head sharply. “No, it’s bigger than that. The whole world makes sense when we’re together, and I know I’m not the only one feeling that. You feel it, too. I know you do.”
I locked my jaw so I wouldn’t admit how right he was. It was the only defense I had against the truth.
“And it doesn’t matter how we met, or how we got together,” he went on when the silence began to scream. “What matters is that every time we see each other, we choose each other. Over and over, we choose each other, Shiloh. You chose me when you let me inside you, and that had nothing to do with how we met.”
“I know,” I said, the admission dragging out of me. “But the games you play make me doubt everything between us—like it was all just a long con you played on me. Nothing feels real with you now. Nothing.” And the loss of what I thought we’d had gutted me.
“I don’t have any reason to con you now.” Slowly he reached out to curl his hands around my shoulders, his touch caressing down my arms to my elbows before he gently tugged me toward him. “You’re here. Your brother’s tucked away and out of Hades’s reach. My mission’s complete. If none of what we’ve shared is real, why am I still here?”
Good question. “I’m sure you have your ulterior motives. You always do.”
“If I thought that what we’ve got isn’t real, I wouldn’t be standing here before you, tying myself in knots trying to figure out how to prove to you that I’m a man you can believe in. That I’m your man, and that’s never going to change.”
My thoughts tangled in a ball of confusion, the hurt of knowing how he’d played me going to war with his words. Even now he could be playing another game with me, and I was so lost in his world I didn’t even know what the rules were. But just as much, I wanted to believe everything he said was real. If only I could believe in him.
If only.
“This doesn’t change anything,” I murmured, hating that weak part of me that melted whenever he was near. My body warmed against his, and the desire his hands kindled in my traitorous body was impossible to resist. In a kind of helpless fury I pressed a hand against his heart as he pulled me in, trying to hold him off. But the thunderous hammering of his heart against my palm told the story of the desperation and need I could see roiling in his eyes, and it made me weak in the knees. “I may want you, but I don’t trust you. After today, I never will.”
“Never’s a long time, and I know all about your trust issues. I’m not worried. You know why?”
“I don’t want to know.” Yes, I did.
“Because when it comes to you, I’m an infinitely patient man. I’d wait for you until the stars burned out of the sky.”
God help me. “I think you’re underestimating just how pissed off I am.”
“I’m also a smart man, and a smart man never underestimates anything when it comes to his woman. And that’s what you are, Shiloh. You told me you were mine when you said you wouldn’t let me go, and I’m holding you to that. Come hell or high water, you and I are together for the long haul.”
I knew he could feel the heat rolling off my body, but I still kept my gaze steady on his. “Even if I don’t want anything to do with you?”
“Yes, you do.” He bent to skim his lips over mine. Tempting. Seducing. “You love me.”
“I love a man who doesn’t exist.”
“That man exists solely for you, and that’s the truth of it. The man I am when I’m with you… that’s the most real version of me. No one else in this world is allowed to see him. Just you. I trust you with the truest me.” With that, his mouth claimed mine.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
Like an idiot, I tilted my head back to invite a deeper kiss, while the hand pushing against his chest weakened. There was no way this man could be trusted. I could have been seriously injured when he’d had that clown Ashtray scare me straight into his arms, and according to him it hadn’t even been necessary to his mission. He’d done it for the sole purpose of getting closer to me, or technically, getting me closer to him. He’d put everything at risk, just to have a chance with me. That was just so…
Beautiful.
Manipulative, of course. Dangerous and stupid and rash and unforgivable.
And beautiful.
“This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven,” I said when his mouth left mine, and I realized the resisting hand I’d held at his chest had wound its way up to cup his nape. “I’m still furious with you.”
“Good. That’ll add spice to the make-up sex.”
I wanted to tell him that we weren’t making up, but his mouth was on mine again, and it was so hot it burned away all coherent thought. I’d be mad at him later, I rationalized, allowing myself to let go of everything but the delight I found in his arms. Life was too short to turn my back on feeling this delicious.
If that made me weak, then so be it.
With my mouth still a captive of his, Romeo walked me back a couple paces until the lower part of my butt hit the edge of the desk I’d been working at all morning long. His hands moved to grip my hips, and in one smooth move lifted me up and landed me squarely on the desk.
“Romeo.” When he moved between my knees with obvious intent, I finally managed to tear my mouth from his. “Just wait, okay? This is an office. We can’t—”
“I asked for an hour of privacy. I’ll get an hour of privacy.” He moved to pull my shoes off, then worked the fastenings of my jeans. “But truth be told, I wouldn’t care if we were in the middle of Millennium Park with thousands of tourists milling around. When we’re together, being inside you, becoming a part of you, is all I can think about. I’ve never felt more complete than when I’m inside you.”
Okay, even as upset as meeting Ashtray had made me, that was undeniably hot. So hot there was no way I could resist him now, so I found myself helping him peel off my jeans and panties before focusing on undoing his belt and jeans. As I did, he kissed me again, then dug into his wallet for a condom. I danced my tongue with his, reveling in his eager responsiveness, before I took the small packet from him and dived my hands into his boxer briefs.
“I love it when you get your hands on my cock.” His eyes closed and he groaned softly as I slid the protection in place. “Any way I can get your hands on me, I’m all for it. But I fucking hate having a barrier between us. When I’m inside you, I don’t want to have even a condom separating me from you. Either we use the rhythm method, or you get yourself on birth control.”
“I’ll make an appointment today to see someone about that.” My heart somersaulted at the passion in his voice, and while I knew I couldn’t trust him, I did trust that he just told me the truth. Whatever this man was, he loved being so close to me he needed to feel nothing between us. “I’m going to miss the fun of rolling the condom in place.”
“Baby, any time you feel like playing with my cock, feel free to reach over and go to town, yeah? I promise, you’re not going to hurt my feelings any.”
“Yay.” Because I really did enjoy the feel of his thick staff throbbing against my palm, I stroked him with one hand while arching back to give him access to the buttons of my shirt that he seemed intent on undoing. Getting naked in an office hadn’t been on my daily Bingo card, but now that it was happening, the naughty thrill of possibly getting caught had me so wet I was nearly panting.
Maybe I was a closet exhibitionist.
“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to have you, you know that?” He yanked the sides of my shirt aside, then pushed a bra strap off my shoulder and exposed a breast from its lacy cup so he could bring it to his mouth. “Just think what I did to get you. If anyone tries to take you from me, or if you try to hit the eject button and leave me, I’ll move heaven and earth to get you back. You understand that now, yeah? You’re not leaving me.”
“I hear you.” I certainly wasn’t going to leave him now when he had the fire of desire building to a fever pitch, and the man had barely even touched me.
As if reading my mind, he skimmed a hand down to my naked thigh, caressing its inner flesh for a few tantalizing moments as if delighted by its crushed-silk softness. Then he moved up to my hidden channel, and I felt more than saw his wicked smile.
“So wet,” he murmured against my skin. I shivered as his breath feathered over my breast. “Always so wet for me. Are you always like this, or is this what I do to you?”
A semblance of pride came to the fore. “Is that gloating I hear? Because gloating is so not sexy.”
“I’m gloating because my woman is sexy, and I want to know.” His finger gently flicked against my clit, making me gasp. “Are you always like this, or is it me? Tell me.”
Part of me didn’t want to say it out loud. “It’s… it’s you.”
Another flick. Another gasp. “Do you know why you’re like that with me?” Another flick. This time I moaned.
“No.”
“Because you love me, Shy girl. And you want the man you love.” He flicked, then circled, my slick heat making the friction almost unbearable. I whimpered his name, grinding feverishly against him as the pleasure became almost painful. “You want the man you love to be inside you, don’t you, Shy? Say it out loud.”
I was losing it, my will dissolving into that mindless, airless realm where only sweet rapture existed. “I want the man I love… Oh, God.”
He rewarded me with faster circling. “Who’s the man you love?”
I was close. So close. “I told you.”
“Who’s the man you love, Shiloh?”
For a heartbreaking moment his hand stilled, his message coming through loud and clear. If I didn’t say what he wanted me to say, he was officially hands-off. As far as I was concerned, that would be a tragedy.
“You are.” The words dragged out of me as need overpowered the cold logic telling me to stay away from him. I couldn’t, not when I needed his touch so badly it felt like I’d die without it. “You’re the man I love.”
“Damn right I am.” His smile was something I was sure I’d never forget even on my deathbed—a masterpiece of male triumph and vast relief all rolled into one. Then he moved, gripping my hands in one of his, laid me back on the desk after pushing the wireless keyboard out of the way, and thrust into me.
“Like coming home.” Dimly his words registered, because my brain had decided to tune everything out that wasn’t the feel of his cock being absorbed into the tight, wet confines of my body. “Every time I get inside you, it’s like coming home to the one place I belong. I never want to leave you.”
I knew that feeling—a feeling of rightness. Of completeness. It was what I felt whenever I was with him, and it was addictive as hell.
“Romeo.” I heard his name on my lips even as the pleasure that had been building suddenly began a dizzying, impossible climb. “Are you becoming addicted to me?”
“No.”
I nearly shattered with the rush of disappointment.
“I’m already addicted.” He surged into me, so powerfully the desk moved. “Thoroughly.” Another insane thrust, our bodies hitting, my world rocking. “Utterly.” Again he plunged, pushing me right up to the precipice of madness. “Addicted.”
The pleasure abruptly piled in on itself, imploding like a collapsed star before it went supernova. For a breathless moment I hung in euphoric oblivion before the explosion of pure ecstasy hit. I had just enough awareness to muffle my cries against his mouth even as his own climax hit him. In that moment of perfect shared bliss, I realized he wasn’t the only one who was addicted, and I was probably in serious trouble.
As he at last collapsed on to me, I couldn’t find it in me to care.
It took several minutes for me to come back down to earth. When I did, I realized my hands were caressing over his back in a soothing rhythm that calmed us both.
“As good as that was,” I said, not at all surprised that I sounded soft and shellshocked, “I’m not a fan of you wearing all these clothes.” I plucked at his shirt for emphasis. “I prefer feeling all of you with all of me.”
“Same.” At last he lifted his head, and the devilish little lights dancing in his eyes made my heart spin. “See how much we have in common? You just can’t fight chemistry like that.”
“We certainly have something, I’ll give you that.”
A faint frown dimmed his grin, but before he could open his mouth my phone went off. Gently I moved out from under him, took a moment to mourn the loss of his cock from my body, then plucked the phone out of my purse.
“Hello?”
“Hey, girl, it’s me,” came Heather’s voice, and I stiffened at the tension weighing down her every syllable. “Listen, I just got to work, and, um… I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Shiloh, but someone has completely totaled your truck.”