12. Chapter Twelve
I stand rooted in place as I watch one of my best friends be a complete dick to my Star. Heartbreak and confusion are written all over her face. It breaks an integral part of me seeing him like that. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.
Even though I was in a state of shock after realising the Scarlett we met in Australia is the same Scarlett who has owned my heart my entire life, it was impossible to not notice the impact she has had on each of us. I don’t know what the fuck Dawson’s deal is but it's clear that this isn’t the same person that stood beside me not even half an hour ago. The man I thought I knew.
After Star’s performance ended, we all sat down at the table we accompanied and remained in silence. All of us are too stunned to speak.
Shit, my tears had barely dried when Rippy came over explaining she had a surprise for us. It wasn’t half obvious just who that surprise was. I don’t think I have ever moved as quickly as I did when she came over. The anticipation of seeing my girl again.
After connecting the dots, I felt like a complete fucking idiot that I didn’t realise just who Scarlett was to me, back in Australia. It was near written on her fucking forehead in flashing lights. She told us all about her amnesia. Explained the scars covering her body. Fucking disgustingly ironic that her nickname is Scar. Yet, when she explained the accident to us, it was a car crash where she lost her brother and Dad. Our hearts all ached for her.
Clearly, it was a fabricated lie to ensure she never found out the truth. I understand their desperation in wanting to protect her better than anyone.
Losing Scarlett destroyed me. She was my light. My shining Star.
Even knee-high to a grasshopper, I followed her everywhere. She was my best friend. Sure, I had the guys but with Scarlett it was different. She saw me. Understood me. Supported me in a way that no one else ever has before. I was always the sensitive kid. She never held it against me. She cherished it, wise beyond her years.
I loved her before I knew what love really was. No one was ever able to amount to her. When the other guys started to show interest in other girls, I thought there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t interested in guys either. It was my imagination of a grown-up Scarlett that I imagined every time I thought about what I wanted.
What would she have looked like grown up?
What would her voice have sounded like?
Would she still be just as obsessed with Twilight as she was when she was younger? Would she still sing?
Her voice is like a fucking angel.
A part of me knew it was her the minute we pulled up out the front of Pinks’. Yet it only made sense when I finally saw her and heard that Paramore song spilling from her lips.
Life finally seemed to begin to make sense when I finally saw her again.
It always stunned me that she had the kind of power in her voice that she did when she was so young. Over the years, it's clear she was able to fine-tune it and control it even better.
The last ten years have been fucking hard. Nightmares have haunted me every single night since that day. The day I lost her.
I can hear myself screaming. Repeating ‘she’s gone.’ Over and over like a fucking broken record. The feeling of my heart being ripped out of my chest.
Being diagnosed with severe post-traumatic stress disorder at the young age of eight is no joke. Add that to also being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, it's been a fucking hoot. Depression has ruled my life for a long time. The black dog just never could fuck off.
My heart aches remembering the number of times when it all got a bit too much and the only thing stopping me from meeting my maker was the guys. If it wasn’t for them, I know I wouldn’t be here. I owe them my life.
The thing with depression and anxiety is it never just magically disappears. You learn coping mechanisms to help deal with the mess in your head. Medication dampens the feelings. Makes them just that little bit easier to survive. But they are never truly gone. Healing takes time and patience.
Music was a part of that healing for me. It was a language both Star and I understood and communicated through. When I found it again, I was able to slowly pull myself out of the pit that threatened to consume me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But now, they are much less frequent. The boys and Mom aren’t terrified that they will wake up each day and find me overdosed on pills or swinging from a fucking tree. That’s the one thing I regret the most. Even though it was mostly out of my control, the hurt I caused the people I love the most consumes me. While they were grieving the loss of Scarlett and Bonnie, they were also terrified for me.
I’m shaken out of my thoughts as Scarlett rips Rhodes’ keys out of his pocket and storms out of Pinks’ without a single care that she sat one of the bigger Bird’s members on his ass with her determination at getting the fuck out of here.
“Scarlett!” I yell as I take off after her. Before I get too far, a hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me back. I yank my arm out of their grasp and turn to the fuck wit trying to keep me from my girl.
“Dakes, just let her go. She’s not worth it.”
I see fucking red.
“Not fucking worth it?” I bellow at Dawson. By the look on his face, he knows he just fucked up. But he is one stubborn motherfucker.
“I don’t know if you were hit on the fucking head or drank a dose of fuckwit in the last few hours but you are kidding yourself if you think that girl isn’t worth it!”
I get angrier and angrier as I get up in his face. Over the years, we’ve gotten into our fair share of bullshit fights, but this is different. She is different.
“Did you miss the last ten fucking years of our lives? Did you miss that trip to Australia? I’m not fucking blind, Dawson. I know what she means to you. To all of us.” I gesture to the other guys who are just standing back not expecting my outrage. To be honest, I’m not either. But when it comes to her, I would go to war without question.
“For you to go and treat her the way you just did is unforgivable. To belittle her feelings. To make her think she isn’t the fucking air I breathe. The literal light in the dark that is my life. You can lie to yourself all you like, but don’t you dare speak for me. Not when it comes to her.”
I shove Dawson as I step past him, making him stumble away. He’s a big dude on a good day but with the amount of anger coursing through my body right now, he doesn’t stand a chance.
“I’m going to get my girl. Try to fucking stop me.”
I tear out of the club just as quickly as Star did. As I come out of the club, I see the taillights of Rhodes’ bike off in the distance, her gorgeous blonde hair floating out behind her.
I race over to my KX450 and jump on it, starting it as quickly as I can before taking off after her. There is nothing in this world that could even begin to stop me from being with my girl. Not heaven or hell and sure as fuck not Dawson.
I follow after her as quickly as I can, pushing the limits of my bike. I know that she can ride. She proved that back in Australia on the day we took the bikes to that beach spot she loves so much. I don’t think there is anything sexier than my Scarlett sitting on the back of her bike, the wind in her hair and the look of bliss on her face. The image is imprinted in my mind.
It's obvious that Scarlett hasn’t been back here for very long. It wouldn’t surprise me if she had only just got here. She turns up the street that leads up to the Crux house. Sailing through the gates, she doesn’t bother to slow for the guards. I slow down as I reach the gates and give the boys a nod as they usher me through.
I pull up at the front of the house, I find Scarlett still sitting on Rhodes’ bike with her head in her hands. Her shoulders are shaking slightly as she cries. My heartbreaks for her.
Dawson is so far out of line and seeing her heartbreak firsthand just makes me wild. A part of me wants to turn back around and rip his stupid fucking head off. To break him as badly as she is. Instead, I shove it down. Star needs me. My want to be here for her is more than my anger for Dawson. I kick down the stand on my bike and make my way over to Scarlett. Soft whimpers escape her chest, slowly getting louder the closer I get.
“Star,” I say quietly, my heart shattering knowing the cause of her tears.
She startles as she snaps her head towards mine. In her state, it's like she didn’t hear my bike pull up beside hers. I don’t blame her. I’ve felt this kind of all consuming hurt. A pain that just takes over. It's blinding.
I grab her off her bike and pull her into my arms. She fights me for a minute. I can’t blame her. I wouldn't want to see me either right now. Not when I am a part of this hurt she feels. Not when I broke her. Rhodes said as much. Fuck, if that didnt break me. Knowing that I did that to her. That I was so selfish in my want for her to be protected, to be safe, that I destroyed the only woman I have ever loved.
Eventually she gives in to the fight, her body sagging against mine. I lift her into my arms, supporting her like I know she so desperately needs right now. She can yell and scream at me later. Lord knows I deserve it. But right now she gives in. Allows me to comfort her. I don’t deserve this privilege that she has granted me but I take it anyway. I’ll take whatever scraps she feeds me. The anger that has been building up inside of me slowly fades to the back of my mind and is replaced with contentment and love for this girl even while she breaks. Her sobs get louder as I make my way over to the steps on the front porch and sit down, still holding her tight in my arms.
“It's okay baby. I’m here and I’m never letting you go. Fucking ever.”
“H-How can he be so f-fucking cruel?” Her sobs make her hiccup over her soft words.
“I don’t know, Star. But he is a fool. You are the best thing about this punishing world and if he is too stupid to see that, it's not you that is missing out. It's him.”
“It hurts.” I pull back and bring my hands up to hold her face in my hands, mimicking the way she held mine in hers back at Pinks’. I lean in and kiss away the salty tears that are streaming down her beautiful face. Her eyes are puffy and red but she is a masterpiece. A perfectly broken sculpture.
“I know. But if it helps, I’m here. He will wake up to himself sooner or later. He is probably just shocked. Fuck Star, the last person I ever thought I would see in Pinks’ was you.”
I don’t know why I bother even trying to defend Dawson’s actions towards Scarlett. He doesn’t deserve it. But I can’t help but see reason amongst my anger.
“The last person I thought I would find here would be you too. After you guys left…” She trails off as she looks down at her hands that fidget in her lap. A small tear escapes her eye again.
“That has been one of the biggest regrets of my life, Scarlett. Ghosting you like that. You didn’t deserve it. When we got home, the club was in complete fucking chaos. We had to instantly jump in and fight. We had to protect you. These people that we are up against are fucked up. They will do anything to hurt the people that we love. Fuck...” I breathe out. “...they already hurt the one person that I love,” I say as I look at her. It takes a few seconds, but she eventually catches onto what I’m trying to say. Her eyes widen into massive saucers as tears still drip from them.
“Love?” She questions as she looks right into my eyes. I nod my head.
“I love you, Scarlett. I have loved you for a long time. I loved you as a beautiful little seven-year-old girl with pigtails that brightened any room she walked into. I love you now as the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. I loved you before your accident and I love you now.”
“No,” she says, shaking her head but I give her a sad smile, nodding.
“I do, Star. Desperately, I do. If you let me, I will treat you right. I will make you happy. I fucked up with the way I handled things after leaving you back in Yeppoon. I will regret that every day of my life. But I will make it up to you. You are it for me baby. You are the only woman I have ever seen. My whipper snapper self even knew it.” Her lips quirk and I take it as a win, needing to see that smile on her face. God, that beautiful smile. The one that is still the same even ten years later that seems to light up her face.
“Dacre, I…” She begins but I interrupt her before she can continue.
“No, Star,” I say, shaking my head, “I don’t deserve a single thing from you right now. Not with the way I have hurt you. I have a long way to go in earning your forgiveness.” I chuckle and pull my hand that isn’t wrapped around Scarlett through my hair, “This is irrevocably the worst time to confess my feelings for you but I never claimed to be smart. I just had to be honest with you. I need you to forget even for a moment the pain you have been through because that’s what you deserve.”
I move my hand to her face, caressing her cheek, “You deserve a love that consumes you. When you are ready; when I have proven myself to you, I hope that you will allow me to give that to you.”
“You are too good for me, Dacre,” she whispers. I can tell a part of her fights with that revelation. Like it hurts to admit it in the state she is in.
“No baby, I’m really not,” I say. How can she not see what I see? She is fucking perfection. There and then I vow to make sure she knows just how perfect she is for me every day for the rest of our lives. Call it what you will but she is end game.
She rolls her eyes at me, making me laugh.
“Come on. You should head inside and get an early night. We’ve got school tomorrow.”
“Ugh. I forgot about that,” she groans, running her hands through her hair. She slowly composes herself. I watch, feeling immense pride as she pulls herself together. This woman is stronger than I ever gave her credit for.
“Come on, you will love it. You will have the best study buddy in me,” I say as I wiggle my eyebrows at her, earning a little chuckle.
“I don’t know. I think you will be more of a distraction than anything.” She raises one eyebrow, that defiance slipping through slowly.
“No chance, Star. That would be the other pain in the ass, Sonny. ”
“Oh god, I’m already behind and I haven’t even started,” she groans, rubbing her hands over her face.
“Don’t stress. I’ll be here to pick you up at 8 tomorrow morning. I won’t let you go in there alone.”
“Okay,” she sighs in relief.
I stand up and let her legs fall down off my waist. I don’t let her go too far as I capture her soft lips in mine, even only for a moment. I know I’m stealing this from her. I’m unable to not be selfish. I want to take everything she has to offer me. I’m not too proud to get down on my knees for it either when the timing is right.
The Captain Morgan I taste on her lips might have been her choice of poison for the night but she is mine. And god, is it sweet. Exactly as I remember. There's a slight saltiness too from her tears but it just adds to her appeal. I force myself back before I get too carried away. She is way too easy to get lost in.
“See you tomorrow,” I say quietly.
“See you tomorrow, Dacre.”