1
GRIZZLY
Present Day
The words blurred together on my computer screen. Storm’s voice faded into the walls of church and my MC brothers disappeared. Nothing mattered more to me than the words on the monitor, the words in the message, the words I’d finally received from him.
My stomach tightened as I scanned the email for the third time, trying to make sense of it all.
I read between the lines.
Outside the lines.
Hope expanded in my chest. Maybe just maybe I’d find a hidden meaning, something special and only meant for me. Or I was overthinking shit as usual.
Perhaps, there wasn’t an underlying message, and I should just take his words at face value for once.
But he said he was coming for a visit. A visit .
Not to help me on a project like the other times he’d come to the compound. Not to see me . Just for a visit.
Visit left a bitter taste on my tongue…
He never came for me. And why would he? We were only friends, nothing more than equals in the world of cybersecurity and computer hacking. Not total equals, though.
Toby Hamilton’s intelligence exceeded mine and he wasn’t a criminal like me. His hands were clean. He didn’t spend his days justifying his actions as I did. He was a respected and sought-after cybersecurity engineer who traveled around the world.
Toby was living his best life.
I envied his freedom.
While Toby bounced from country to country, answering to no one but himself, I remained glued to my little computer corner as I watched my MC brothers raise hell and save the day.
I was a nobody.
And only Toby’s friend.
Maddy, aka Angel, was Toby’s younger sister. He was her babies uncle and Storm’s brother-in-law. They were Toby’s family and the reason he came to town.
Part of me wished I’d never met Toby, that Storm hadn’t wanted him to give me a crash course in advanced security systems.
All of our worlds had changed the night Toby Hamilton stepped foot onto the compound.
It’d been the night Storm had realized Maddy was the little sister of his high school best friend, Toby .
I remembered it like it was yesterday. Prez had freaked out and took off on his Harley, guilt-ridden because he’d been behind the death of Tommy, Maddy’s and Toby’s other brother.
And she’d been the little girl who’d worshipped him. Track and Lynx had gone after him.
I’d sat back watching the entire scene and how Toby had taken control. I’d been in awe of him ever since.
I reread the final line in the email one more time… Also, I need to talk to you about something important, something life-changing.
After all the generic shit he’d mentioned, the last sentence grabbed me by the throat and choked me. What did he want to talk about that was life-changing?
I hit reply and typed out… Sure. See you when you get here. Then I hit send, and immediately regretted my cold, uncaring words.
Fuck!
Not much I could do about taking my words back.
The response had been sent and there was no canceling it.
Of course, Toby would never dissect my words.
They wouldn’t phase him. Everything rolled off him like water off a duck’s back.
I’d never known anyone like Toby—chill and carefree. Nothing ever bothered him.
Closing out my email and shutting down my computer, I vaulted off my chair in a huff to go find Libby.
“Is everything okay?” Storm asked in a gruff tone.
I froze mid-step and darted my gaze to his. He hiked his dark brow, showing his annoyance with my rude interruption.
“Yeah.” I slowly sat back down, feeling like a dumbass as I took in the half-dozen pairs of curious eyes fixed on me. How could I have forgotten I wasn’t alone in the meeting room?
“Maybe he needs to take a piss,” Hero said.
“Or a dump. Nobody jumps to their feet that fast unless they’re about to shit their pants or they saw scandalous images of them on social media.” Lynx snorted, and my face instantly heated. “Which is it, Grizz?”
Several other guys snorted and laughed.
I hated being the center of attention. Hated being made fun of, even though I knew it was just Lynx being Lynx. A long time ago, I had looked into his school files, and several teachers had called him the class clown. All these years later, he hadn’t outgrown that label.
“Enough,” Storm hissed through his gritted teeth, and the room fell silent. He considered me for a quick second, then hit the gavel on the table. “We’re done here. Boxer and Ire, I need you to stay behind.”
The two of them grunted and remained in their chairs. Prez was probably going to discuss Maddox’s progress at the gym. Boxer and Ire had recently started training the future president of our KLMC Minnesota chapter. Maddox would be able to kill with his bare hands once they were finished with him.
I waited for the others to vacate the room before I bolted to find Libby. She would know what was up with Toby. They were close. Really. Close.
It had been six months since Toby’s last visit, during the holidays.
He’d spent Christmas with Storm and Angel, and their kids.
Angel’s parents had come to the compound, and I’d seen very little of Toby.
Libby had been with him though. She had a thing for him, which didn’t make sense to me.
He wasn’t a biker like the rest of us. He looked like a professional businessman, which I didn’t think was her type. Or mine.
But on New Year’s Eve, he’d partied with Libby and me. We’d gotten drunk. Passed around a joint in between all the booze, and had a great time. A fun time, and fun wasn’t a word I ever used.
I rarely let loose, always guarded and trying to be invisible.
But that night I had lowered my walls and almost…
almost revealed my hidden desire as I admired him in the black-collared shirt he’d worn.
His teasing glances and mouthwatering cologne had kept my dick painfully hard all night.
I would have given anything to have him relieve me.
I would have agreed to a threesome with Libby in my bedroom so it wouldn’t be weird for him.
Though I suspected Toby was bi-sexual, my suspicions had never been confirmed.
And then it happened… Our lips brushed against the other’s when we hugged, following the clock striking midnight.
The crowd was loud and wild in the clubhouse’s bar.
Everybody was cheering and hugging. We were pushed together.
Our bodies firmly against each other. Face to face, it was the perfect opportunity to speak my mind and heart.
But Toby acted oblivious to our close proximity.
Like our almost kiss was a harmless nothing.
A total drunken accident. Like it meant nothing to him.
The fleeting moment expired a second later, when he roughly patted my back and moved on to the next person to wish a happy New Year.
Naturally, I felt like a ridiculous, hopeful fool.
My confession of love had died on my lips and I’d gone to bed vowing to act like it never happened so things wouldn’t be weird between Toby and me.
But something had changed after Toby left. I had felt him withdrawing. His daily texts had been reduced to one per week, and he never called.
Of course, nothing had changed between Toby and Libby. Some nights she would stay up late talking to him while I lie beside her in bed, pretending to be asleep. I’d never been so jealous. Or furious at Toby for avoiding me. But I couldn’t show my feelings—never show my real feelings to anyone.
The only time I had let my guard down, since becoming a Knight, was last summer when I almost lost Libby.
That had been the scariest time of my life.
I’d cried so hard, praying for her life to be spared.
It’d been a purely selfish prayer. I couldn’t stand to be alone again.
I’d rather be dead than live without her.
I wished my memory of that day could be erased. It was possible for some people, if they had post traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as PTSD. Following the traumatic event, they could block out the ordeal.
But not me. I hadn’t been one of the lucky ones. I never forgot any of the awful things that had happened to me, dating all the way back to my early childhood.
I recalled everything from the moment Libby had convinced me to let her help Raul and Tina at the abandoned church to her getting shot.
Her job in the rescue mission was to impersonate Brynne, Tina’s oldest daughter.
I had been fiercely against her volunteering, fearing she might get hurt.
And I’d been right. Libby had been shot.
It all happened so fast. Gunshots rang from every direction. I panicked. Frozen in place, wondering what to do and how to rescue Libby as total chaos ensued.
Through my binoculars, I’d watched her body jolt as a bullet cut through her.
Her legs gave out next and she crumpled onto the cold, muddy ground.
The very sight of her lying there stunned and disoriented, staring up at the cloudy, gray sky.
had stolen my breath away. At that moment, I knew it was over. Dead at twenty-seven.
Long before the incident at the church, Libby had been the most precious person to me and the love of my life. Having almost lost her, there was no way I could ever let her go now.
Libby Larson was mine. Mine until I took my last breath. Naturally, in my perfect world, I would die before her and not the other way around. I didn’t want to live without her.
I wanted to claim Libby, but first, I had to get her approval. The sassy blonde had never wanted to belong to anyone. She was a free spirit down to the bottom of her soul.