12
LIBBY
Breast cancer, two words I feared the most, after my mother lost her battle with the bitch. And now they were in the written word of a text.
I couldn’t breathe as I stared at the message. My former life was roaring back uninvited. Every worry I’d kept locked inside me had suddenly become a reality. Not for me, though, for my sister. It still hit too freaking close to home.
For the past decade, I have lived my life to the fullest and never took a single day for granted. I hadn’t tempted the fates or challenged karma. I was a good person, kind and caring, and I prayed it would somehow work in my favor.
But I also dreaded turning thirty, and discovering all the good I’d done had been for nothing.
Mom’s oncologist had told my sister and me that we had a fifty percent chance of getting breast cancer because we were first-degree relatives, and our mother developed hers before she turned fifty.
We’d agreed to genetic testing, and both had been positive for the brCA1 variant, increasing our chances even more.
Still, the heartbreaking results hadn’t been a guarantee one of us or both would contract cancer. All hope hadn’t been lost… But it had felt like a curse, an evil prediction of our impending death.
Would we even make it to fifty?
Would my sister make it to forty? She was only thirty-four.
This vicious disease that took my mom at such a young age had been the primary reason why I’d rejected Bryan’s proposal.
He had so much promise as a defense attorney.
He wanted a family. He wanted to build an empire and generational wealth for his children, like his parents had done for him.
I couldn’t stand in his way of making all his dreams come true.
I remembered the day I broke his heart so vividly…
“Will you make me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?” Bryan dropped onto one knee and presented a diamond ring fit for a queen. The stone was larger than a blueberry. It was the most magnificent thing I’d ever seen, and he was offering it to me. Me.
I teared up, shaking my head no. As much as I wanted to scream, yes! I couldn’t.
“Please don’t ask me to marry you. I’m not the right girl for you.” I choked back my emotion. “You deserve someone elegant and educated. Not me.” Not someone who could die of cancer. He knew about my mom’s death and battle with cancer. But he didn’t know my chances of getting it, too.
“Are you joking right now?” He stared at me with confusion in his eyes. “You’re the perfect girl, Lydia. Beautiful and fun, sweet and kind. If you want to go to college, I’ll pay for it. Baby, I will give you your heart’s desire. Just say yes.”
“Do you want children?” I knew he wouldn’t say no. But I had to ask. I needed to confirm his position so I could destroy his dreams of marrying me and having a family. Not that I wanted to break his heart…
“Of course. But there’s no rush. I can wait three to five years. Any later than that, and my parents will get impatient.” He laughed nervously while kissing the top of my hand. “We will have a beautiful life, Lydia. I promise it will be everything. More than you ever dreamt of.”
I believed it would be, but how could I say yes, knowing what I knew about my cancer risks?
“Honey? Say something.”
“Bryan, I love you. I do. But I’m not in love with you.” I blinked away tears. I wasn’t lying. I loved him, but not how he was in love with me, or so I’d convinced myself. “I don’t want to hurt you, but—”
“You’re breaking my heart.” He got to his feet and tucked the ring into his pocket. “What have we been doing all this time?”
“Having fun when you come to Cleveland.” I forced a smile,but I knew those weren’t the words he wanted to hear.
“Look around.” He scanned the room. “You’ve become my woman.”
“No. I’m your Cleveland lover.”
“Bullshit! We’re a couple. You just refuse to see it.”
“No, you let your emotions get involved in our fucking!” I dried my tears and found the strength to fight with him. Usually, I let him have his way. It wasn’t easy to argue with a high-powered lawyer. But I had to this time.
“And yours didn’t? Am I only a good fuck to you?”
“Yes, that’s what I thought we were to each other.” Had I lost my mind? Had he?
Naturally, we’d gotten closer. How could we not after two years together? But not once had he alluded to anything changing between us. But he wasn’t the only one to blame. I should have seen this next step coming, and I probably did, and forced myself into ignoring it.
He stared at me aghast. “Wow. Don’t I feel like the woman in our relationship, totally blindsided, thinking everything was hunky dory.”
“We weren’t supposed to catch feelings for each other.”
“Well, I feel like a fool. Did you honestly believe I didn’t feel more for you? You met my parents and brothers. I took you to our annual family reunion in the Hamptons. We spent this last Christmas with my family.”
God, he was right. How could I be so blind?
I’d been wrapped up in all the wonderful in my life, I hadn’t paid attention.
I’d gone from a poor nobody to Bryan Callahan’s Cleveland lover, all the while, believing nothing would ever change.
Or eventually, he’d end it and move on to someone else.
I had been blindly living in the moment.
I cradled his face in my hands. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”
“Is it my age?”
“What? No. No. Of course, not.” I caressed his cheeks. “Nothing like that.”
“Then what? You have to give me something, Lydia. After all this time, how can you not love me? Were you just using me for my money?”
“Sit down.” I led him to the leather sofa. I wanted to keep my demons locked away, but I would not let him think the worst of me. But after today, I would never allow another man to get so close to me.
Love, marriage, and children weren’t in the cards for me.
“I’m listening,” he said impatiently.
“You know my mom died at the young age of forty-two.”
“Yes, and?”
“Bridget and I have both tested positive for the genetic variant. We have a fifty percent chance of contracting it, and other types of cancers.”I teared up as the horrible words left my lips. Just telling him my secret seemed to make it all real.
“Oh, baby. Why didn’t you tell me?” He wrapped me in his embrace and held me tightly. “I’ll get you the best doctors in the world. You’ll be okay.”
“You can’t promise I won’t get cancer.” I reared back. “And what about children? I won’t burden my kid with the possibility of cancer. I won’t do it.”
Understanding crossed his face. “Oh…”
“You mentioned having a baby is a condition for receiving your inheritance. A biological child to carry on the Callahan name.”
“I don’t care what my parents’ say. I love you, and nothing else matters to me.”
I launched to my feet as the first tear fell. He was going to make me hurt him…
Another text chimed, pulling me back to the present. My face was wet, and I was breathing rapidly. Dammit, Bryan. The awful things I’d said to him still haunted me.
Bridget: I hope to see you there.
Libby: I’ll be there.
Bridget was only thirty-four, three years younger than my mom was when she’d been diagnosed. It was happening. My sister was part of the fifty percent. Did that mean I was too? Or maybe I was the lucky fifty percent.
I flung my phone on the bed and cried into my hands. This was why I had ended things with Bryan and never missed an annual appointment to get my ladies smooshed. I checked myself religiously as my doctor had recommended so I’d know what my breasts felt like while cancer free.
Then, hopefully, I’d noticed the slightest change or lump, well before my mom had. I also maintained a healthy diet and exercised.
A hand gripped my shoulder and startled me. “Lib, what’s wrong?”
I turned around and threw myself into Grizzly’s arms. “You’re back!”
“You’re freaking me out. What happened?”
“Don’t ask me questions. Just hold me.” And there I sobbed for what felt like hours. Grizzly hadn’t spoken a single word. He always respected my wishes. Never forced anything on me. And I loved him for it.
I was in love with Landon Graves.
But now I was reminded why I’d vowed never to get close to anyone. How could I become comfortable and let my guard down?
Dammit! I need to push him away.
Right, that would never happen. Landon might give me my space and not question me, but he would never let me walk away from him…. Unless someone else came into his life.
Hmm… I’d have to think about that notion. Meanwhile, how would I explain all the tears?
“I’m good now.” I sniffled and dried my eyes, slowly pulling away.
“Eventually, we’ll need to talk about this.” His dark brown eyes consumed me. I had never understood why he was given the road name Grizzly. To me, he was a teddy bear.
“I know.”
“I won’t forget. Feel this.” He took my hand and put it on his racing heart. “Whatever upset you, it affects me too. I’m here, and you are not alone.”
“I don’t deserve to have a friend like you.”
“Don’t give me that crap.” He gently pinched my chin. “We’re more than friends. More than lovers. We are more , and don’t you ever deny it.”
“I can’t do this with you right now. I’m too raw and emotional.” And when I did open up to him, what would the truth do to him? He might need support. A friend to lean on. He’d need Toby.
“Fine, but I won’t let you off the hook.”
“I know.” I gazed at him with so much love in my heart it might burst. “How are you? How’d it go in South Dakota?”
“Rough all around.” He exhaled a deep breath and sat on the bed. I sensed his troubled spirit, and suspected it had to do with Toby.
“I can’t imagine what Storm’s dad and stepmom are going through. To lose a child in such a violent way would break me.”
He took my hand. “You’re stronger than you think, baby.”