12 #2
“I’m so sorry for everything.” I perched myself on his lap, taking liberties I probably shouldn’t after betraying him. But I needed to be as close as possible. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “I will never do anything like this again.”
“I trusted you, y’know?” The hurt in his voice slashed through my heart. “After Storm, you’re the only other person I depended on.”
“And I’m so sorry I lost your trust. I will earn it back. And even if you never trust me again, I won’t give up on you.”
He didn’t reply, he just held me tightly for a long time. And then he said…
“I wanted to hurt you back when I was in The Cities. Even met someone.”
I slowly pulled back to look him in the eyes. “You did?”
“Yes, but nothing happened. It almost did. I sort of wanted it to, but I left.”
Relief washed over me, and then guilt for being relieved he hadn’t been with someone else. It was strange how I used to want my freedom. How I didn’t care if Landon was with someone else, so long as he treated me the same way.
But I’d changed a lot in the past year and felt a little possessive. He was mine, and I didn’t want to share him with anyone else, except for Toby.
“He was a bartender. A pretty hot one, actually. He made me feel things I hadn’t felt with anyone other than you and Toby.” His cheeks flamed red with embarrassment.
“I told you to be you while you were gone.”
“Yeah, and being me is being faithful to you.” He pinched my chin and lowered his lips to mine. Softly he kissed me. “My heart belongs to you, Libby. I could never betray you. Which brings me to Toby.”
“What about Toby?” Oh God, I hoped he wouldn’t deny himself. I wanted to be with both men, sort of like a throuple. The only difference was, Toby wanted to come and go as he pleased. He didn’t want to be tied down, and for awhile, I didn’t want to be either.
He rubbed my back and pressed his forehead against mine. “We kissed.”
“Wait. I’m confused. I thought you said you didn’t do anything with the bartender.”
“I didn’t. I meant, Toby and I kissed. Are you angry?”
“No, not at all.” I smiled and pecked his lips. “I’m actually happy for you. How was it?”
“Amazing and terrifying all at once. He dominated me. Held me against a wall. Jesus, it was the most incredible kiss I’d ever experienced with a man.”
“I knew you two were meant to be together!”
“No. We can’t be together.”
“What?” My heart plummeted into my stomach.
“We almost got caught. Lynx almost saw us. I reacted like a child. I’m so fucking embarrassed at how I freaked out and jumped into a bush.”
“You jumped into a bush? Like a little bush?” I held back the giggle in my throat.
“No, a huge, overgrown lilac bush. Of course it didn’t have blooms on it since it’s summer. I feel like such an idiot. How could I let him kiss me?”
“Aww, honey. It’s okay. If you’d just stop fighting your feelings and trust that your club brothers will support and accept you just as you are, none of this would be so hard.
” I was confident the guys would be okay with Landon being bisexual.
They all had a little freak inside them.
He needed to give them more credit, but I knew how damaged he was from his youth.
The scars never fully healed. Even with his foster parents dead, their teachings and words still haunted him.
“It’d be easier if I just kept things the way they are.”
“Sure, you could do that. But would you be happy without him?”
Landon sighed. “I don’t know.”
“It’s probably best to not make any hasty decisions.”
“Yeah, you’re right. We’re having church after supper. Storm has been working on a plan.”
“Then we should probably go downstairs. I need to find a baby to cuddle, anyway.” Babies were definitely a balm for my aching soul.
“That’s a good idea. They always chase away the storm clouds and bring in the sun.”
I smiled at his attempt to sound poetic. “Yes, exactly.”
“And when are you going to tell me why you were crying?”
“How about after church? I want Toby there, too.” I didn’t enjoy the topic of cancer. Getting it over with all at once would be better. Plus, I hoped I could steer the conversation afterward to something more pleasant, like the three of us being together.
“Sure.” He lightly kissed my lips, lifted me off his lap and led me by the hand downstairs.
Sophia was the first baby I snatched from her mother’s arms. I’d caught Tina holding her twins at the kitchen table, and nobody else was around to help her except me.
“Oh, bless you,” Tina said with an appreciative smile. “Raul is in a meeting with Storm and Maddox. I’m sure about the bombing,” she whispered. “And Valerie is at a friend’s house.”
“I’m at your service, dear. Anytime you need help, come find me.” I inhaled Sophia’s intoxicating baby scent and instantly felt a million times better.
“Have you been crying?” Tina studied my face. “You have. What’s going on?”
“Just family stuff.” I couldn’t hide anything from Tina and Sugar. They knew me too well.
“We’re family. How can I help you?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.” I snuggled Sophia against my chest and rubbed her back. “It’s nothing personal. It’s just that part of my past isn’t pleasant, y’know?”
“Do I. You were there for me during Raymond’s kidnapping and Brynne finding out I was alive. None of that was pleasant at all.”
Geez, now I felt a little bad for not sharing my horrible news after I’d been there to support Tina and her family. I’d even gotten shot. This was my opportunity to deepen our friendship, as I had with Maddy, except this was my own private business and not Landon’s.
“I got a text from my sister.”
“Sister? You have a sister?”
“Mhm. Please don’t tell anyone.”
“You can trust me.” She patted my hand to assure me. “Having a sister is huge.”
“I guess it is huge. We’ve been estranged for almost ten years. But we still have each other’s phone numbers.” Something I was now regretting. Stop it. She’s your sister.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you estranged? I’m an only child and dreamed of having a sister.”
“It’s a long story. Let’s just say the last time I saw her, she slammed the door in my face.”
Tina’s eyes widened with intrigue. “Really?”
“Yup, and quite literally.” I wasn’t sure how much to share with Tina.
We wouldn’t be alone for too much longer, before the other old ladies filed in for supper.
“Basically, my sister was a prostitute and I stole her favorite customer away from her. I left home to be with him and a couple of years later he proposed to me. I turned him down and had nowhere to go but back home.”
“Phew! If that’s the short story, you packed a lot into it.” She adjusted Izan in her arms when he started to fuss and put him to her breast to nurse.
“There’s so much more I could tell you, but the others will be here soon.”
“I understand, honey. But why did you turn down the proposal? Did you not love him?”
“That’s just it, I did love him.” I swallowed the emotional lump in my throat. “My mom had breast cancer and died when she was forty-two. My sister and I were screened for the genetic gene, which we both have.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t want to burden Bryan or pass on the gene to my child. He wanted a couple of kids.”
“I see.” The warmth and understanding flowing out of Tina was what made so many love her, including me.
“You let him go,” she said.
“Yes.”
“What about the text from your sister?”
“She has breast cancer and will be at the Mayo Clinic Friday. She thought I should know, but I think she wants me to be there.”
“Oh, wow. That’s not very much notice. What do you think you’ll do?”
“Honestly, I wish I hadn’t read the text. I have other stuff on my plate. Cancer and my sister would send me over.” Then again, I could probably convince Landon or Toby to go with me. Their strength and support would make seeing my sister a little easier.
“I get it. Do what you feel is right for you, because it sounds like she really hurt you.” Sadness crossed her pretty face. Tina wore her heart on her sleeve and never tried to hide her feelings. I appreciated that about her. She was so authentic and genuine.
“She did, but I think I hurt her more.” I turned my gaze to the suckling baby in her arms, to hide my regret. Maybe someday I could be more honest like Tina.
A pang stabbed me in the breast. I would probably never know what it felt like to feed my own child from my body. The thought made me want to cry, so I shifted my focus to the adorable Sophia. She had dark hair and eyes like her daddy, olive skin, and the sweetest chubby cheeks ever.
“Possibly, but she did text you out of the blue. Maybe she’s gotten over it.”
“Maybe.” I’d be shocked if Bridget forgave me. She had a long memory and had never been the forgiving type.
“Who texted you out of the blue?” Maddy took the chair next to me. She had Chase in a baby sling and hoisted Birdie onto the chair beside her. Coloring books and crayons were placed on the table in front of the toddler. But Maddy’s curious eyes were locked on me, waiting patiently for my answer.
“My sister,” I mindlessly said. Truthfully, the more I opened up to my friends, the easier it got.
“Sister?” Maddy’s eyebrows shot up. “Did we know you had a sister?” She turned to Tina and then back to me.
“No.” Panic threatened to drown me. My life was spiraling out of control, and I couldn’t stop it. “I haven’t mentioned her before now, and sort of wishing I hadn’t let it slip.” Only Landon and Toby knew about Bridget. But I hadn’t told them everything, like my real name was Lydia.
“Oh, honey. This is a judgment-free zone. You know that. We all have things in our past we’re not thrilled about.” Tina glanced at Maddy. “Well, maybe not you, Angel.”
“True.” Maddy grimaced. “I had a good childhood, but I would never judge anyone on theirs.”
“We know, dear.” Tina smiled sweetly. “Libby, you can always share anything with us, but we’ll understand if you don’t.”
“Thank you, both. I just feel like a hot mess right now.” I kissed the top of Sophia’s head to distract myself for a couple of seconds. “My past is roaring back at a destructive speed, and I’m not prepared for the impending collision. It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen her.”
“We’re here to help you through anything and everything.” Tina reached her hand toward me, and I accepted her caring gesture.
I looked at Maddy and Tina. “I love our little tribe so much. You both and Sugar, and all the other old ladies are simply the best. I feel so lucky to be here.”
“I feel the same way,” Tina said.
“Me too.” Maddy nodded.
“You should talk to Grizzly. Let him be your support and rock.” Tina was right. I should depend on my guy more than I have.
“And maybe Toby, too.” Maddy winked. “He’s wonderful during stressful situations.”
Okay, I didn’t expect her to bring up Toby. It was like she knew about him, that he was bi, but I didn’t want to ask her in front of Tina.
All these secrets were really starting to stress me out. It would be freeing to just get everything out in the open once and for all.
“I appreciate you both so much,” I told them. “Please don’t mention this to anyone. I have no idea what kind of chaos is about to implode on me.”
“You have our word,” Maddy said with an assuring nod.
I believed her. Believed them.
And more than ever I needed to lock Landon and Toby in a room so we could talk everything out.
Maddy and Tina put their babies in the portable playpen to free up their hands so they could get the final touches on supper finished.
Relieved to have the spotlight off me, I reclined in the chair with Sophia sleeping peacefully in my arms, and recalled the day Bridget slammed the door in my face.
My sister answered the door in a long T-shirt and a tart expression. “You have some nerve showing up here.” One look at her and I knew she had a client inside. The scent of weed mixed with cum wafted off her.
“I know, sorry to bother you. I was hoping we could make amends.” I knew it would be risky dropping in on Bridget after two years, but I had nowhere else to go and we were sisters.
The only family we had left. Surely, enough time had passed and she’d want to repair our broken relationship.
“And you don’t need to worry about Bryan. We broke up. He won’t be a problem.”
“Not interested.” She slammed the door and bolted it.
Well, that was that. I tried and I wouldn’t beg her to give me a chance.
There was nothing left for me in Cleveland, nothing but horrible memories and heartache. I got into my beater car and headed for the interstate. I didn’t know where the road would lead me, but I knew I’d never looked back.
I felt slightly better after talking with Tina and Maddy.
But the weird niggling in my stomach told me things could get a lot worse before they got better. I needed Landon and Toby for moral support if I went to the Mayo Clinic. I couldn’t see Bridget alone. We didn’t know each other anymore. I’d changed, and she probably had too.
Somehow I knew she hadn’t turned things around and wasn’t living a normal life, whatever normal meant. But maybe she was.
I shouldn’t be so cynical. She’d always wanted a beautiful home and a picket fence. Kids and a dog in the yard. A doting husband that treated her like a queen. All the things that made up a traditional family.
Things I’d never have because I was a Kitten, a club girl in a motorcycle club.
I guess I’d find out soon if Bridget was finally living her dream life.