13
GRIZZLY
Being back at the clubhouse, I felt safe, and yet, I didn’t.
Nothing on the surface had changed. LGBTQ+ hadn’t magically appeared on my forehead.
It wasn’t like my hair turned into the colors of a rainbow now that the truth about me had been revealed.
In all my years in the club, nobody had ever questioned my orientation. So why was I so worried?
Church was about to begin. I was seated behind my computer in the corner, as always. I’d done this thousands of times, but today was the first time I felt exposed.
Storm knew about Toby.
Toby was standing off to the side to listen. Since he wasn’t a member, he couldn’t have a seat at the table. He could easily see me as I could see him. After our very hot kiss, we hadn’t spoken. I’d behaved like an immature teenager and avoided him. And he had given me the space I needed.
But now that we were back at the club, I knew I would have to talk to him. I just didn’t know what to say.
Storm hit the mallet on the table. “Let’s get started.”
The room quieted and all attention went to Storm.
He’d gone straight home when we arrived at the compound and hadn’t stepped foot into the clubhouse until now.
It was understandable after viewing the destruction at his dad’s club in South Dakota.
Prez had needed time with his wife and kids to center himself.
We all needed time to pull ourselves back together. The death of so many was painful, especially for the innocent like Megan and her friends.
Just because we were one percenters and never expected to live until we were eighty, didn’t mean death didn’t bother us.
Sure, we had a thirst for war and challenged fate.
Or more like my brothers did. A computer nerd like me preferred peace over violence.
But I’d known exactly what I’d signed up for, when I became a member, along with everyone else in the club.
But the children of members had no choices. They’d been born into the harsh and deadly MC world, and that made the loss of a child so much harder.
I hated thinking about Megan and her friends. It dragged up memories from my past, memories I wished could be deleted forever.
The things done to me.
The murder I’d committed.
The lies I’d told to preserve my mental well-being.
Everything was rising to the surface and I knew without a doubt that my whole world would blow up and all my secrets would no longer be secrets.
“I won’t drag this out. I know those of us who went to my dad’s needs some recovery time after what we saw.” He swooped his intense gray eyes around the room. “It hasn’t been long since we had our own war in our territory.” He was talking about last year with Dorian Adrienne.
We’d seen a lot of shit over the years. There were the Dirty Hunters. The kingpin, Casso Campbell. Rat Brotherhood. Twin City Vipers. But Dorian had been our most recent enemy.
“Just because the explosions weren’t here in Minnesota doesn’t mean we aren’t affected.
It doesn’t mean we’ll sit back and do nothing.
The Knight’s Legion MC is all of us, no matter where the chapter is.
We will do everything humanly possible to catch the fuckers who killed my sister, and make them pay!
” Storm’s loud voice rattled the walls and the vibration shook my spine.
Every member at the table pounded his fist on the solid wood to show his approval. We were a strong brotherhood devoted to each other. Hell, we loved each other like family because we were just that, family—a found family. DNA didn’t make us brothers—the Knight’s Legion MC did.
Except there was one person not pounding his fist and that was Toby. His fists were rolled tight at his sides but he couldn’t pound them like the others because he wasn’t a member. Still, he’d helped the club many times. He was liked and respected.
Our eyes connected in that moment. I couldn’t read his thoughts.
Wasn’t sure if I wanted to. What was the benefit of being together?
Wasn’t it purely selfishness? I had a wonderful woman who cared deeply for me.
Libby would make me happy for the rest of my life.
I didn’t need more than her. But I wanted more. I wanted Toby.
A throat cleared. “Grizz did you hear me?”
I tore my gaze off Toby and found my president and brothers staring at me. If the floor could open up and swallow me whole, I’d be ever so grateful.
“We’re still working on it,” Toby said. “Getting closer and should have something for you in the next day or so.”
What was he talking about?
“Good.” Storm gave me a short nod. “Time is of the essence. We don’t want these fuckers to go underground.”
I felt like an idiot. Far too often I got trapped in my thoughts. Probably, because I hadn’t properly dealt with all the shit in my past. My mind would wander a lot if I wasn’t hyperfixated on a task.
Maybe it was time I stopped hiding in my dark corner and stepped into the light. As scary as it sounded to take my mask off and reveal my true self, it also sounded liberating.
“All right. Church is over. Go home to your families. Or find your favorite Kitten.” He hit the mallet on the table.
Chairs scraped against the wooden floor as everyone left the meeting room. Storm and Toby stayed behind. I prayed it had nothing to do with me.
Storm closed the door, then turned around. He was between Toby and I, which felt strange. “I’m not supposed to say anything. But lately, I can’t seem to keep my fuckin’ mouth shut.”
Oh, shit! He was going to call me out on my feelings for Toby.
“Then let’s hear it,” Toby replied, while I tried to not have a panic attack.
“Whatever Libby tells you both, just be there for her. You have my permission to go with her,” Storm told us, sounding very cryptic. He pinched his face tight as if showing compassion physically made him ill.
“I’m confused.” Toby moved closer to Storm. “What’s going on with Libby?”
“I promised Angel I wouldn’t say anything.”
“But you already have, sort of.” Toby faced Storm in a formidable stance.
“And that’s all I’m saying.” Of course, Prez wouldn’t be easily intimidated.
“She was crying earlier. I caught her when I got back.” I shutdown my computers so I could go find Libby. If Storm knew what was going on with her, I should, too.
“Crying?” Toby asked. “Why?”
“She wouldn’t tell me, but now she has to. Prez can’t know what’s going on and not me.” I went to the door and Storm moved aside. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room.”
“Same,” Toby told him, as he followed me out of the meeting room.
The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck flared. It’d been almost twenty-four hours since I’d been so close to him. His cologne teased me. The heat radiating off his body tried to possess me. I hated and loved it, all at once.
“Do you think it’s serious?” Toby asked merely a step behind me as we went upstairs.
“Yes.”
“Really?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“Is that all you can say?” Annoyance was in his tone.
“Yes because I don’t know anything else.” I stopped at my door and knocked to alert Libby I was entering. Then I held my hand up to signal for Toby to wait.
“I’m not standing out in the hallway. I’m going inside.”
“No you’re not. It’s my suite.”
“Oh, please. I’ve been in here before.” He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Nothing is going to happen between us.”
“Will you keep your voice down?” My stomach churned and I felt like I might throw up, the same way I did when the old ladies cooked up walleye. I didn’t like seafood, especially the scent.
Why was Toby being so stubborn? He’d been in my room with Libby. But the two of us, or the three of us had never been inside all together. He should respect my request, but no. His alpha side was coming out, and just like that, he made me freak the fuck out.
“What’s going on?” Libby appeared at the door.
“We need to talk.” I slipped past her and went to sit on a chair. The bed was the last place I wanted to be when Toby was nearby.
“Me, too.” Toby entered my sanctuary.
“Okay. What’s this about?” Libby shut the door, then joined us.
My suite was in the counsel’s wing. I wasn’t high ranking or anything, just valuable, according to Storm. My computer skills had earned me a bigger room with a sitting area. Now I was glad to have more space because the air quickly got thick with all three of us in here.
“It’s about earlier when I caught you crying,” I replied.
“Oh.” She grimaced.
“Why were you crying, sweetheart?” Toby took the other chair and reached a hand out to Libby, but she didn’t take it. Her green eyes nervously ping-ponged between us.
“I thought I’d get to pick when I’d tell you both but I guess not.” She exhaled a deep sigh.
“Whatever it is, we’re here for you.” Good old, Toby. He always had a way with putting a person at ease and making them comfortable.
“Are you sick?” I asked, getting right to the point. My biggest fear had been losing her.
“I’m not sick. But my sister is.”
“You’ve heard from her?” Toby leaned forward and put his elbows on his thighs.
“I received a text from her earlier.” Libby glanced my way.
“When I found you crying?” I knew the answer to my own question. Of course, it had to be about her sister. The few times Libby had cried in front of me, it had been about Bridget. How could I have been so dumb and not figured it out before?
“Bridget has an appointment at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester on Friday. She thought I should know.”
Storm’s words made sense now. Maddy probably knew all about it, like she knew about me being gay. More and more I was learning how close Libby had gotten with the old ladies. I guess I knew on some level, but it really hadn’t registered.
Now I was confident Maddy had told Storm what was going on in Libby’s life, which was why he told us to be there for her and gave us permission to leave.
“Mayo Clinic? Sounds serious.” Concern swept across Toby’s face.
“She has breast cancer like our mother.” Libby wrapped her arms around her middle. “It’s genetic, y’know? I could be next.”
I wanted to pull her toward me, but refrained with Toby in the room. I wasn’t sure why, but I just couldn’t do it.
“You’re not going to be next, sweetheart. Just because something is genetic, it doesn’t mean you will absolutely contract it.” Toby sounded confident in his statement. Perfect, because he made me feel better. However, Libby didn’t appear convinced.
“Well, that’s the hope anyway.” She swayed, twisting her lips like she had more to say. “I don’t want to go alone.”
“We’ll go with you,” Toby said.
“I appreciate that, but I don’t know if Bridget should see me with both of you. It might look weird.” Her cheeks turned a little pink, showing her nervousness about her sister finding out she was with two men. “And it wouldn’t be the right time to explain our unique relationship.”
And there it was.
“No worries. We can all go but only Grizzly will go inside with you.”
I nodded in agreement. It was a solid plan and I was glad he’d thought of it.
“What a relief.” She smiled, then turned serious a second later. “There’s something else I need to tell you both.”
I braced myself for the next bomb to drop. The last six days had been hell on steroids. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
Toby and I exchanged glances, then he said, “Go ahead, sweetheart.”
“I’m just telling you this so you’re not caught off guard tomorrow. My name isn’t Libby. It’s Lydia Larson. I changed it after I moved to Minnesota.”
Well, this was information I already knew. I could breathe again, after holding my breath.
“Why’d you change it?” Toby asked.
“Because I wanted a fresh start and I never really liked Lydia. Libby sounded more fun and since I was hired to be a Kitten, I wanted a name that fit the image. It probably sounds silly and immature.”
“No, baby. It’s not silly.” I finally opened my arms to her and she didn’t hesitate, sitting on my lap. “I’m sorry about your sister.”
“Lydia Larson.” Toby seemed to be thinking hard about it. “No wonder I didn’t find you online when I searched you.”
“You searched me?”
“Of course I did. I mean, I didn’t dig deep. Figured you just weren’t on social media. Obviously, you don’t work for NASA.” Toby winked.
“I knew who you really were,” I confessed.
Libby’s green eyes bulged. “You did? And you never said anything?”
“Why would I? You obviously didn’t want anyone knowing your true identity.” I respected her wishes and could relate. “I’ve basically done the same thing.”
“You have?” Toby and Libby said in unison.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I looked you up, too, and found plenty of information.”
I glared at Toby. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I was curious about you.” He shrugged. “Sue me. But dude, you went above and beyond, building a whole new profile with supporting documents.”
“It needed to look legit in case someone looked into me as you apparently did.” I cocked my head at him.
“Who would be looking for you?” Libby asked. “I thought your parents were dead.”
“Like I said, I don’t want to talk about it.
” As far as I knew, my parents were dead, according to what Logan had told me.
I was afraid of the authorities finding me.
The murder of my foster parents was unsolved, thanks to Matt and Storm.
I couldn’t be too careful and had to make sure nobody knew my real identity.
Torching my old home had been awful and liberating all at once.
I’d almost not lit the match. It had taken me a half an hour of warring with myself before I went through with it.
Killing to people while they slept wasn’t easy even after everything they’d done to me and the other children.
But all these years later, I was glad I’d found the courage to end them.
“Well, if we’re all going to be together, we need to be honest with each other. Right, Libby?”
She nodded. “Toby’s right, Landon. We should know everything about each other.”
“Who said we’re going to be together? I don’t even know how that’ll work.” I lifted her off my lap and stalked to the door. I didn’t want to talk about this right now or maybe even ever.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I need a drink.”
And with that, I went downstairs to the bar. I could only manage to deal with one thing at a time, and being with both Libby and Toby, in a real relationship, was the furthest thing on my priority list.
There was a killer on the loose I needed to find.
And soon, I would be meeting Libby’s sister. Suddenly, it felt like our lives were going to be getting complicated and revealing my truth was a complication I could do without.