14
LIBBY
The three hour drive to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester was very tense. After Landon had left our room the other night, Toby and I had agreed to give him time and space. Forcing our desires on him would only push him away, even if down deep he wanted the same thing.
So when he returned, Toby was gone, and Landon and I went right to sleep. The next couple of days were a blur. I had hardly seen either of them together. At night, I slept with Landon and in the morning and afternoon, I ate with Toby.
In the evenings, we met up in the bar for drinks. Of course, I knew they’d been busy searching for the bomber so I tried to stay out of the way and not burden them with my fears about getting cancer and seeing my sister.
I had to admit, it was comforting to be alone with them now, even though I wished this day had never arrived.
“The place is massive,” Toby said.
He wasn’t wrong. It was an impressive building and beautifully landscaped. We didn’t have anything like this in Bastion Township.
“It’s intimidating,” I muttered.
Landon took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as we entered the lobby. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. A rush of memories threatened to send me to my knees.
I hated hospitals. The cold energy. The smell. The medical staff.
I’d spent many days sitting with my mom during her treatments. Caring for her at home when she was throwing up and too weak to walk unassisted to the bathroom. I’d cooked and cleaned for her, helped her bathe.
By the time her hospice care began, she was ready to pass on to another dimension. She’d been done being sick and wanted to have some rest and peace. I’d wanted the same for her. I’d wanted her suffering to be over.
Memories of my own hospital stay last year added to my anxiety. I’d been told it would be difficult to conceive because I was missing a fallopian tube and I had internal scarring. Not at all the words I’d expected to hear.
My doctor had said it wasn’t impossible to have a baby, but thus far, I still wasn’t pregnant.
I’d stopped taking birth control pills, figuring if it happened I’d deal with the surprise later.
I knew better than to be afraid to tell Landon anything.
He had always supported me and my wishes, but I couldn’t tell him or Toby I wasn’t on birth control anymore.
Not telling the men in my life had been more for me.
If I never got pregnant, nobody would know I had been trying.
I could suffer with my heartbreak in silence, and not have to see Landon’s disappointment.
He played it well, being indifferent to children, but after I’d been shot, he’d confessed being open to having a baby if I wanted one.
I appreciated Landon tremendously. Nobody had loved me so completely as he had.
“I’ll wait over here.” Toby pointed at a sitting area in the corner. “If you need anything, I’m just a phone call away.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
Toby was equally good to me, just in a different way. He had no expectations. He liked his freedom and he was fine with me marrying Landon, if we got to that place in the future.
“Thanks. Hopefully, this will be an uneventful trip.” I exhaled a heavy breath, then went to the front desk.
Landon was right behind me. “Hello, my name is Lydia Larson. My sister is a patient and is expecting me.” I didn’t know for sure if Bridget had put me on the visitor’s list, but I imagined she had because she’d texted me about her appointment.
“Can I see your identification, please?” the receptionist asked.
“Of course.” I pulled out my old driver’s license with my birth name. I’d kept it just because, and as it turned out, I needed it all these years later. Hopefully, the gal behind the desk didn’t question it.
Nervously, I looked down at my dress and sandals.
They were plain and summery. Nothing flashy or sexy like I might wear at the club.
I didn’t want my sister to know I was a Kitten and connected to a motorcycle club.
No doubt she’d judge me harshly and I didn’t want to give her any ammo to use against me.
“Please sign here.” She pointed at the digital device, then handed me a name tag. “Your friend won’t be able to go in with you, but there’s a private waiting area on the floor near her room.”
“Okay, thank you.” That was a relief. I turned toward Landon and took his hand. He didn’t wear his cut and looked just like any other guy in a pair of faded jeans and a white T-shirt. His hair was down and he was wearing his glasses. Overall, Landon looked harmless.
We took the elevator up to the Breast Cancer Care floor. I literally felt like I might faint. What if Bridget didn’t want me here? What if she was married and had a child or two? What if she looked exactly like our mom in the hospital bed?
What if? What if? What if?
I could feel myself starting to spiral now that we were here.
“Hey, are you all right?” He asked as we exited the metal box. Leading me to the side, he shielded me from anyone in the area. “You don’t have to go in. Nobody is forcing you.”
“It’s the unknown. How can I be prepared for the unknown?” I teared up and looped my arms around his waist. “Just hold me a minute.”
And he did, not saying another word.
When I felt ready, I released him and nodded. Rip it off like a Band-Aid, popped into my head. My mom used to tell me the saying when I was afraid to do something. It helped me back then and it was helping me now.
The door to my sister’s room was partially open. I knocked and when I heard her say, come in, I took one more look at Landon. His presence calmed me and I felt like I could do anything with him by my side. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I went in.
“You came.” My sister sat straighter in bed and almost smiled. Naturally, she was guarded. I was too.
“Of course I came.” I moved to the foot of the bed. “It’s not every day that you text me. How are you feeling?”
“Scared but okay.” She looked me over. “I hate that you’re still gorgeous and I’m a hot mess with all these bandages and just my false eyelashes.”
I didn’t know how to reply. “Give yourself a break. You’ve been through surgery.”
“It wasn’t that bad.” She waved me off. “Are you just going to stand there or do you want to sit down?” She pointed to the chair beside her.
I sat since she mentioned it, then took in the private room. It was unassuming with pink accents.
“How’ve you been? Where have you been?” she asked.
“I’m good. I live in Minnesota, actually, with my boyfriend.” I’d already planned to call Landon my boyfriend and he was fine with it.
“Wow, that’s convenient. Where is he?” She was curious. Was that good or bad?
“Out in the waiting room. I was told only I could come in.”
“Yeah, I’d need to add him to the list. I’d like to meet him, but maybe tomorrow, if you’re staying in town.” She seemed hopeful I’d say yes, but was trying to hide it.
“We can stay.” Or rather I hoped we could. I didn’t want to get in the way of Storm and his crew finding the men who bombed his dad’s club.
“His name isn’t Bryan, is it?” She smirked like she used to, back home in Cleveland. Some things never changed.
Well, it was good to know she was still my bratty sister. “No. It’s Landon.”
“Sorry, I just had to ask since Bryan is the reason we’ve been estranged.” She laughed and shook her head.
“Right. Are you still in Cleveland? What have you been doing for the past decade?”
“I moved to South Dakota about six months after my arrest.”
“Really?” I was shocked. “I didn’t think there was much in South Dakota.”
“There’s not. Bryan made me promise to leave you alone. Said he could get my release reversed if I didn’t cause you anymore trouble. I was sure you’d gone back to him after I slammed the door in your face.”
“No, I didn’t go back to him. I left Ohio and drove west until I found a spot I liked.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “He shouldn’t have threatened you like that.”
“He loved you and thought he was protecting you. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine with me. Maybe we would have made up before now.”
“You didn’t exactly try to get in contact with me. I just figured you were living your best life and wanted nothing to do with me.” Her words were like a punch in the gut. And they were very true.
“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me.” I hadn’t reached out to her. I could have sent her a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas text. Even just, hi . But I’d been too wrapped up in my own life that I hardly thought about my sister.
“For years I didn’t give a shit about you.” She paused and wiped the emotion from her eyes. “But you’re the only family I have. There’s been a huge void in my life and I know it’s been you. Getting breast cancer like Mom, scares the tar out of me. I don’t want to go through this alone.”
Her words, the genuineness in her tone had me on my feet and taking her hand in mine. “You’re not going to be like Mom and die. Medicine has improved. You have a fighting chance and I will be by your side for the fight of your life.” I kissed her hand, then her cheek as tears rained down my face.
Nothing in this world would keep me from supporting my sister. She was right, we were the only family each of us had. The past needed to stay behind us so we could mend broken fences and look forward to the future.
After a good cry, and some generic pleasantries, I left her alone to rest. Tomorrow, we could get a little deeper and find out what we’d been up to for the last ten years.
But tonight, I wanted to hash out my relationship with my men. We finally had privacy where no one in the club could overhear. Landon wouldn’t get to put our talk off any longer.
Then maybe, just maybe, I could be with both of them, the way Toby and I had dreamed of.
The ball would be in Landon’s court. Would he join our love fest or would he continue to reject the three of us being together?
I’d find out very soon…