Chapter 18
Greta
THANKSGIVING WEEK
At first Greta thought the simple texts from Toni that Kaelee was safe and fine might be the end of it, but Toni—who was not a fan of phone calls at the best of times—called the office the following Monday. Before she took the call, Greta walked over and closed her door.
“How is the book going?” she tried.
“That’s not why I’m calling,” Toni countered bluntly and quickly. “And you know that.”
Greta sighed. “I know. I am in the office right now, and I can’t really t—”
“You don’t need to say anything that anyone will overhear.” Toni cleared her throat. “I honestly can’t decide which of you to lecture more. I already spoke to Kae since she was in my house after you sent me to fetch her.”
“I do appreciate that, you know. I realize it was probably awkward, but the situation was unplanned. It was a surprise to both of us,” Greta stressed, watching the world through the glass of her office windows. “When I found out who she was, that was the end of the rest.”
“Was it the end, Greta? I thought you both texted all the time, or was Kae lying to me about that? I sure as hell don’t get daily ‘good morning’ texts from my editor.
And no one I’ve met in the business so far gets them.
” Toni sighed, paused, and Greta could tell she was reining in her temper.
“This thing between you is very clearly not over, Greta. You and I can both see that.” Toni already sounded strained, like she would literally prefer any other topic.
“Kae’s a lot more fragile than she admits. ”
“I know.”
“She has feelings for you, and I heard the panic in your voice the other night. You have feelings, too. This could get messy. Trust me when I say you don’t want to get stuck in some media storm like Addie and I did.”
“I know,” Greta said again.
“Get in front of it, then.” Toni paused. “Tell Em. And then can we please never discuss it again? Both of you need to stop this. You cannot text all the time and then tell me you’re not getting all enmeshed. You should stop this before one of you gets hurt.”
“I’m meeting Emily for lunch today, just so you know.” Greta sounded small to herself, but she still added, “If you want to sell the new book to someone else—”
“I’m not stupid, Greta. I don’t think you suddenly stopped knowing how to edit because you … because you both … you know. You didn’t take advantage of her. I know that, and I know she didn’t take advantage of you either. She has feelings. You both do.”
“We agreed that was not the case,” Greta said tightly. “No feelings.”
“Right. That’s exactly how feelings work, isn’t it?
You just say, ‘No feelings here.’ You’re smarter than this.
I’m not an expert, but I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes running from how I felt about Addie.
” Toni made a grumbling noise. “You get that I’m not a fan of all this gooey talk, right?
” Instead of letting Greta answer, Toni carried on without pause, “What I’m trying to say is don’t fuck with my friend if you aren’t willing to be all in. You both have too much on the line.”
“I’m very much aware of the risks to her career and mine,” Greta countered in a low voice. “I offered her a new editor.”
“I’m not worried about your careers. Seriously, Greta? You’re both smart and talented, and you did nothing wrong because you weren’t aware of the business part.” Toni sighed loudly. “I’m worried about two people I like who will get hurt if they don’t get their heads out of their asses.”
“She is my friend. The other thing is over.” Greta didn’t add that she wanted more, but she wasn’t sure that was a secret right now.
“Sure. Friends. You both keep saying that, but I heard your feelings the other night, and Addie plucked Kae’s feelings right out of her while I sat there trying not to hear it.
I had to hear things about you that I would like to bleach from my memory.
Just … be careful. Be smarter than I was when I was falling in love and in denial,” Toni said, and then in her usual abrupt way, she added, “That’s it. Goodbye.”
Toni disconnected without waiting for a reply.
For several moments, Greta sat there rolling over the things that Toni was intimating.
Was Kaelee in this emotionally, too? That seemed to be the opinion Toni held.
Greta had also felt like Kaelee wasn’t as casual as she claimed to be, but Kaelee had repeatedly insisted that she didn’t date, that she didn’t want that.
Even if she did have feelings, Kaelee had made herself clear on the topic of relationships, and Greta had to respect that.
She couldn’t fathom risking everything with another woman who wasn’t ready for love.
It had taken her two years since Tasha to even want a friend with benefits.
Now, though, Greta was thinking about more.
I just want a home with a woman who loves me. I want to laugh and make love and share each other’s life.
The dream sounded so simple: true companionship, intimate connections, and lasting love.
The fantasy of finding that—or losing it—was the heart of an entire industry of music, film, books, advertisements, and journalism.
That hope of finding someone who made the load lighter and the miles shorter, the nights safer and the days brighter, drove billions of people to consume media telling them the impossible could happen.
Sometimes, Greta would admit, it seemed so statistically unlikely that finding and keeping love could happen.
Finding love was hard enough, but making it last? That was beyond impossible.
But it’s what I want.
That was what she’d wanted before Tasha, with Tasha, and now that she was healing, Greta’s desire for true love had returned.
She’d let Tasha’s cheating make her forget her own dreams and hopes, but now that her heart was recovering, she could move on.
Despite how it ended, there had been good times with Tasha.
The possibility of forever had not turned into reality for them, but maybe this time, maybe this woman could be different.
I could love Kaelee.
That was the truth that terrified Greta more than anything else.
The industry obstacles could be manageable for both of them if this were real, but Greta couldn’t stand the public humiliation of putting herself out there, letting her colleagues see that she was in this place emotionally, if Kaelee didn’t even want the same thing—and she had said repeatedly that she didn’t.
Her actions said otherwise, but her words mattered, too.
Being the only one trying to move forward wasn’t the path to making a relationship work. Greta had already learned that lesson. She’d had her heart broken as much by hope as by Tasha’s actions.
Kaelee is a friend. We are friends who text and don’t get naked. That’s all this can be.
That was the only option, no matter how much Greta wished they could be more.
She couldn’t move forward with her own life or in being a good friend to Kaelee without cutting this hope of more out of her heart.
First, she’d need to tell Emily about the mistakes with her author, explain it to Kaelee, and then …
try to date again, try to find someone who was emotionally available.
Resolved, and reeling from her far too raw conversation with Toni, Greta was vaguely mortified that she was in this situation.
Toni wasn’t her friend, not really. If anything she was Kaelee’s friend, and Greta had violated Toni’s trust by putting her in the awkward situation of keeping a secret from her agent.
Aside from how ragingly unprofessional it all was, Greta had failed at being a friend to Kaelee—or maybe she had just been an overbearing friend.
She wasn’t entirely sure if her choice to call Toni that night was an overreaction or not.
People died of alcohol poisoning, not to mention Kaelee’s absurd idea of crawling into the bathtub when she was barely awake.
Of course, none of that made today’s luncheon any less dreadful.
“Are we acquiring something new?” Ian asked, looking at the last-minute meeting with Emily on the schedule.
“We will be when Toni finishes her book,” Greta said, not lying but not really capable of admitting why she was meeting with Emily. “This isn’t about Toni.”
“Hmmm. Well, I like the second Carpenter book. I know your taste well enough to know you do, too.” Ian tapped his pen on his cheek absently as he pondered. “Are we talking numbers on one or both? I can get th—”
“Ian.” She met his gaze and smiled. “Emily and I are just having lunch. She’s delivered not one but two excellent books to me. With the early reviews, store buy-ins, and general buzz, I’m expecting Kaelee to be the second bestselling author whose books Emily has sold to me. So we’re having lunch.”
Ian gave her a look before saying, “I can tell when you’re nervous, boss. Wait.” He lowered his voice. “Is this a lunch date or a lunch date?”
“No!” Greta’s face burned with awkward embarrassment, which probably didn’t make her denial sound very convincing.
“I wouldn’t have clocked her as your type, but…” Ian shrugged. “Whatever. Go be social. I’ll see you at two for the note swap on the batch of pitches I flagged.”
Greta plucked her oversized sunglasses off the corner of her desk, wound a fuchsia scarf around her neck, and grabbed her coat.
Then she set out to meet the agent for two of her most promising authors to make a confession that could cause more drama in her life than anything since her breakup with Tasha.
At least that was semiprivate. Anything Emily decided here would be far from that.
Greta opted not to bring up the call from Toni, but she paused in the lobby and sent a text to Kaelee.
Greta: Talking to E today.
Kaelee: You don’t have to.
Greta: I do. She needs to know. Also Toni will tell her. Better to come from me.
Kaelee: I can call her …
Greta smiled. She wasn’t sure which “her” Kaelee had meant, but it could have been both or either. Kaelee was as protective a friend as Greta had ever had.
Greta: If you want to for YOU, fine. I will still talk to Emily, and I talked to Toni.
There was not much to say now. She and Kaelee had a past, a recent past but still, that was all over. They were friends now. The fact that Greta treasured each text—even silly memes and links to articles—was just friendly fondness. It had to be, for both their careers.
And the frequency needs to decrease. A lot.
I can’t try dating anyone else if my heart is tied up with Kaelee.
Greta ducked her head against the sharp November wind and set out to meet her judge and jury.
Emily was loyal, reasonable, and savvy. That gave Greta a reason to hope that they could figure out the best plan of action together.
The priority was making sure that Kaelee, who was at the start of a promising career, would be looked after, protected, and feel secure.
First, though, Greta would throw herself on Emily’s mercy.