Chapter 24 Kaelee
Kaelee
START OF DECEMBER
Returning to her apartment after spending several days with Greta was the first time it had occurred to Kaelee how far away from a mere situationship she really was. She had never woken up with the same person in her bed more than twice. The idea of missing waking up with someone baffled her.
We are dating. For real dating.
Until Greta, Kaelee’s sleepover-after-sex policy was almost always akin to last call at the bar: “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
” She’d used that exact line on a lot of women when she first started having sex.
When a few of them were offended, Kaelee then instituted her current “I’ll go to their place” policy, which meant she could leave. Greta was different.
I miss her.
Kaelee: I wish we lived in the same place.
Greta: I can visit you.
Kaelee: You have a day job.
Greta: True, but weekends exist. Work on the train. Spend the weekend.
Kaelee: Maybe
Greta: May I officially assign Ian as your editor, Kaelee? I’d also like you to talk to Emily. Talk to legal. I can get that started. Can I do what I can to protect you and me both?
Kaelee: Ian’s great. I read his notes. You can tell who trained him to edit.;) Talk to whomever you need. I want to see more of you without risking either career.
Greta: See you next weekend?
Kaelee: Maybe? Probably.
Despite how much Kaelee guarded her privacy, the idea of letting Greta into her tiny apartment didn’t fill her with the usual fears. Instead, she thought about it with a smile she couldn’t erase.
A while later, Cherie popped into her shared office.
No one else was in the office but her and a TA who was grading with earbuds in.
Honestly, Kaelee ought to, by rights, no longer have an office since she wasn’t teaching or grading this term, but since she had every other term, no one had pulled her name or access from the office.
“You owe me answers, Cupcake,” Cherie said from just inside the door. She glanced at the other TA and kept her voice low.
“Cupcake?” Kaelee echoed.
“We need nicknames. It’s an upgrade on our friendship.” Cherie sat in one of the empty chairs and spun in circles, tucking her feet up like a small child. She finger waved at the other TA, who pulled her earbuds out and greeted, “Cher. Carpenter.”
“Hi,” Kaelee said because she had no idea of the woman’s name.
Once the other TA left the room, Cherie said, “Nicknames are a sign of increased closeness. You need one.”
“We aren’t dating, Cher.” Kaelee put her pen aside and gave her a bemused look. “I don’t need a pet name.”
“You call me Cher. Nickname. However, I have nothing good to call you when I want to whine. I lack a nearby sibling or cousin, and I missed you. It’s like not-quite blood sisters.” Cherie folded her arms. “Oh! I could start calling you Sissy.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it.” Kaelee stood up, glanced at the other TA’s grading stack. “She’s in here working, so we probably need to leave since I’m not going to get any peace unless I talk to you.”
“I was sad about the lack of yams, Sissy. Evander’s friend brought those soggy-bottomed ones with fluff on them.
I couldn’t even eat them. I like your yam and apple dish.
” Cherie pouted as she spun in another circle.
“Yam-less. You left me yam-less, and we both know that means that something happened.”
Cherie plopped her boots onto the floor with a thunk and stared at Kaelee expectantly. “Sissy!”
Kaelee rolled her eyes. “Coffee shop, brother?”
“Low blow.” Cherie jutted her chest out to accentuate her breasts. “Not a brother. Look at these!”
A laugh escaped Kaelee, and she felt lighter because Cherie was at her side. “Those are lovely, but I am not going to answer to Sissy.”
“Cupcake it is.” Cherie hopped up. “Whatcha going to call me?”
“Menace.”
“I like it. Cupcake and Menace, BFFs forever.” Cherie had the sort of chirpy joy that was either infectious or obnoxious. Luckily, Kaelee found it spirit-lifting.
As calmly as she could, Kaelee filled her in on the envelope and its contents, as well as the letter and Julia’s requests. While she spoke, they crossed campus.
By the time they were standing in line at the little coffee and pastry shop on campus, Cherie was vibrating with rage. “A fucking memorial? What coldhearted brand of monstrosity are these people?”
Kaelee shrugged. “I guess they find my lesbianosity too much to face. They are shamed by my existence, appalled by my literary successes, and generally being sourpusses, but they kindly suggested that we can all move on if I just return to the fold and marry a nice conservative man they will find for me.”
Cherie gaped at her. “You aren’t joking? They seriously said that?”
“Indeed. They lack any sense of humor, Cher.” Kaelee turned to the undergraduate now waiting to take their order.
She hadn’t been any older than this guy when she was on her own, counting the days to access her trust, and trying to figure out how to adult with no training or realistic preparation.
Her mother’s lessons on adulthood were more about charm, etiquette, and style.
Kaelee’s questions on practical matters when she started thinking about running had led nowhere.
Because girls don’t need to understand money, Brina. Your husband will manage that.
Insurance? I don’t know. Your father manages that.
Oil change? I think your father’s assistant has a nice young man pick up the car for things like that.
Kaelee ordered both drinks, paid, and looked at Cherie.
“Best sister I could want, Cupcake,” Cherie murmured. “Honestly. If we need new families, why not just … pick them?”
“But you already get on well with yours,” Kaelee pointed out.
“Exactly. So I’m an expert on this. I think you should be my honorary sibling. I bet my mom would totally adopt you, too.” Cherie flashed a wide smile at the barista and took her far too sugary drink.
“I swear you’re half hummingbird. Why not just drink sugar water?”
“I like caffeine in my sugar water, too.” Cherie grinned and led them to a table in the corner. She never remarked on Kaelee’s need to see the door and windows or explained her own. They both had their own reasons for a little hypervigilance.
The first few days after Philly, Kaelee was even more on high alert. No more half-unlocked doors, no envelopes or anything else, but every car that slowed when she was walking made Kaelee flinch. Every time someone got too close to her, she tensed.
And each time there was a phone notification, she hoped it was Greta. Seeing her had done the opposite of getting her out of Kaelee’s mind. The urge to be with her was more intense.
“Soooo … where did you go for the weekend?” Cherie slurped her sugar-and-coffee concoction.
“Saw Marie,” Kaelee confessed.
“For a date or…?”
“The whole time. I panicked when I got that envelope. Called. Told her. She met me.” Kaelee tried to downplay it, but from the wide-eyed look Cherie had, Kaelee was completely unsuccessful.
“So you went to the sexy woman from New York to lick your wounds by licking her…?” Cherie cackled, making a half shriek in the process.
“Cher.”
“Did you kiss everything and that made it better? Or did she?”
“Seriously? How old are you?” Kaelee cracked a smile, though, ruining her attempt at chastising Cherie.
They sat in comfortable silence for several moments. Then Kaelee blurted out, “I think I might be able to let her, though. I trust her. I don’t usually have that kind of ease, you know, being a lickee. I mean, I take care of my needs, and that’s enough.”
Cherie gave her an assessing look. “Is it, though?”
“It can be. Honestly. I know that might not make sense, but for me, it often is. I just … I think I want more with her. I feel safe enough with her to … try intimate things I don’t usually do.” Kaelee sipped her too-hot-still coffee. “I like her, Cher. I like her too much.”
Slowly, as she always did when reaching out to Kaelee, Cherie put a hand on Kaelee’s wrist. “She’s a lucky woman, then, but you need to know that if she hurts you, I will gut her with a fish knife.”
Kaelee blinked at her before erupting in laughter. “If you could handle even gutting a fish, I might find that more convincing. Do you remember that restaurant with the fish that still had a head? I thought you were going to puke every time you mentioned it.”
“Fine.” Cherie shook a finger at her. “If she hurts you, I’ll embarrass her, yell at her, whatever it takes. I want you to be happy, Cupcake. You deserve it.”
Kaelee shook her head. “I think I could be happy with her. It’s complicated, but I never even thought about trying dating until her.
I’ll suck at it, probably, but she makes me think about things …
stupid things, relationshippy things, when really I ought to be thinking about my career and what I’m going to do if my parents try to ruin it. ”
“Who says you can’t have it all?” Cherie caught and held her gaze.
“I’m going to find love and great sex even if I have to date everyone on all the apps.
I’ll find my person. I believe it, and I can believe it for you, too, if you want.
” She paused and gave Kaelee a silly look.
“All you have to do to enlist my optimism on your behalf is let me call you Cupcake or Sissy. Deal?”
“Fine. You have a deal.” Kaelee held out a hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Cupcake.”
“Yes!” Cherie pumped her fist in the air. “That was what I wanted to name this little Pekingese pug—is that a Peki-pug?—but my mom said I couldn’t get one because I’m allergic.”
“So I just agreed to you calling me by the name you picked for a dog?”
“I suggested it for my next sibling, too, when she was born, but apparently, they think Cupcake isn’t a ‘person name.’ Ha!” Cherie pulled out her phone. “I’m going to tell them I just had someone introduce herself as Cupcake.”
“You’re impossible. You do realize that, don’t you?
” Kaelee stared at her, smiling more than she had since leaving Philly.
Cherie was a spot of joy she didn’t want to lose, much like her career and her thing with Greta.
Kaelee liked her life. It was worth trying to keep. “I’m really glad you’re my friend.”
“Glad enough to make me yams and apples this weekend?”
Kaelee pushed the possibility of Greta visiting out of her mind and said, “Definitely.”