Chapter 39
Chapter
Thirty-Nine
MERRI
Iwoke with so much energy rushing through my veins, I felt like a live wire. It didn’t make sense, not really. I’d expended so much power in my dreamwalk to subdue Lucifer, feeding from him in real life shouldn’t have supercharged me. But here I was, practically glowing.
The word triggered a memory of Lucifer and I entwined, golden light swirling around us.
Oh.
Oh no.
I bolted upright, Lucifer sprawled in a very undignified, unLucifer-like manner beside me.
Shit.
Fuck.
Damn. Motherfucking cock ass.
The reality of my situation required every curse word possible.
Lucifer Morningstar was mated to me. He’d gone on and on about how we were fated to be together, and I hadn’t listened.
I’d seen it as an overconfident fuckboi telling his future conquest whatever he needed to get what he wanted.
But I hadn’t realized he’d been warning me of the truth.
My body knew, just like it had with the horsemen.
And when I wouldn’t give in, instinct took over, and the demon inside me helped fate along.
Shit. Fuck.
I slapped a hand to my forehead with a wince. How the hell was I supposed to explain this to the horsemen? They barely came around about the four of them being my mates, and now I was somehow supposed to tell them there was a fifth? And Lucifer, at that?
Oh, that was going to go over so well.
Not to mention the sleeping with him part.
Fuck my actual life.
Where was the apocalypse sinkhole when you needed one? It could swallow me right now and spare me from all of it.
Then another, far more terrifying thought took hold, my hands clutching my belly. Was I pregnant with his antichrist right now?
Oh noooooo.
Sonofabitch!
I couldn’t even fully blame my demon side for this, because I was attracted to Luc. I always had been, and I knew I was playing with fire every time I dreamwalked with him.
My emotions were such a tangled mess, I didn’t even know where to start with them. Guilt. Fear. Satisfaction. Relief. Affection.
Wait a damn minute, affection?
Gaze darting to Luc, I studied him for a second. He was a bloody, disheveled mess. The one-two punch of feeding on him in the dream and then again here had knocked him out cold.
At least the mission had been successful.
Apprehension streaked through me at that. The mission had been successful, which meant the horsemen were coming for me. Who knew how long Lucifer would be down? I had to get out while I could. If I didn’t leave now, I was one hundred percent certain I would never escape.
As silently as possible, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, pausing only long enough to steal a peek at myself in the full-length mirror.
Oh dear God. I was just as bloody as Luc.
The memory of purposefully marking myself with his blood had my cheeks burning red, and I quickly dropped my eyes to pull on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt I’d left on the floor.
With each movement, each noise I made, my heart pounded harder. He could wake at any moment. He was the fucking devil. So powerful he could do almost anything.
And he’s your mate.
Holding my breath, I pulled the door open wider, thankful he’d left it ajar when he’d come in and found me in my feral state. A soft creak made me wince, and I looked back to find him in the exact same position as I’d left him.
For the briefest second, something a whole lot like regret flickered through me. I didn’t want to leave him here, so vulnerable and alone. He would be so hurt that I left him.
And what about me? I’d left my mates behind before, and the pain had been nearly unbearable. Could I really do it again? To myself and him.
As soon as the doubt registered, I steeled myself and shook my head.
No. Bad girl, Merri. He’s still the bad guy, you have to get the fuck out of here.
Something that sounded a lot like a groan from the bedroom sent ice running through my veins, and without further hesitation, I sprinted for the front door.
Grim
I’d know hell from anywhere else, no matter the facade painted over its landscape. This was a corner of hell, to be sure. The lakeside cabin flickered in and out of existence, being replaced by the mouth of a dank cave cut into a volcanic mountain.
The second my horse’s hooves hit the ground, I was off its back and running.
Distantly, I heard my brothers arrive, but my attention was pinned on the cabin’s open door and the woman spilling out of it.
Merri.
She caught my gaze as she reached the edge of the porch, her expression frantic before she looked back into the house. Fuck, she was hurt. Blood stained her throat and the exposed skin of her chest. That bastard had harmed what was mine. I’d have his wings for trophies after this.
She pushed against an invisible barrier, glancing back again, panic flashing in her eyes as she returned her gaze to me.
The facade flickered once more, briefer this time, and just when the cabin started to reappear, Merri tumbled forward, whatever barrier had been keeping her in place giving way. She fell with a look of shock, and I bolted forward on pure instinct, my hands clutching her hips and holding her steady.
“Oh fuck,” Sin gasped.
“Merri, no!” Malice shouted immediately after.
“Grim, put her down.” Chaos’s words were so forceful they might as well have been shot from a gun.
It was then I realized my dire mistake. She was still in my arms, her fingers lifelessly falling from the bare skin at the nape of my neck.
A roar filled my ears as panic unlike anything I’d ever known took over.
Oh no. No no no no no.
I’d killed her.
I finally got her back, and I killed her.
Clenching my eyes shut, I swallowed back a wail of denial.
But then she moved, burying her face in my chest.
“You came for me.”
My knees nearly gave out as I opened my eyes and looked into her beautiful blue irises. She reached up and moved to touch my cheek, but I flinched away on instinct, grabbing her wrist with my gloved hand.
“It’s okay, Grim. You’re not going to hurt me. I promise.”
“How can you know that?”
She looked at me as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.
“Because you’re my mate.” Then she wrinkled her nose and held up a finger.
“But if you need further proof, one: I just touched you without issue.” A second finger joined the first. “Two: I am also part horseperson, ergo if you can touch them, you can touch me. Three: We touch just fine in the dream realm, and that’s our core-most selves.
” She shrugged, dropping her hand. “So I really don’t see why it’s such—”
I kissed her.
I kissed her like I’d been dreaming of kissing her since the moment Lilith threw her at us.
Her lips were as soft and pillowy as they had been in our dreams, but this, having her with me while we were awake, was more powerful than anything we’d ever experienced. I could be with her like this whenever I wanted. I could have her skin on mine every waking moment.
If she would truly forgive me.
I pulled away, chest heaving as my eyes bore into hers. “I am so fucking sorry, wildflower. I never should have doubted you. I know different now. I know the truth. You were right. About everything.”
Her lips twitched with the barest hint of a smile. “Took you long enough.”
It was a teasing answer, but I knew it was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to making reparations for the damage I’d caused.
“Merri,” Sin whispered, agonized and desperate.
My fingers dug into her hips. Selfishly, I didn’t want to let her go, but this wasn’t only about me. My brothers needed the reassurance that she was safe and whole as much as I did. So I released her and stepped away.
She fell into each of their embraces in turn, taking precious seconds to kiss and be held by them.
I listened as each of my brothers took time to let her know how important she was to them.
Sin held her face in his hands and said, “I knew you’d be trouble, but I never expected to ride through hell to get you back.”
“To be fair, it was just supposed to be Chicago.”
He laughed and brushed her lips with his. “There’s nowhere I wouldn’t go to be with you, Merri.”
Malice tugged her out of his arms without apology. Kissing her hard before resting his forehead against hers. “Never leave me again.”
“I promise,” she whispered.
When Chaos finally got his turn, he seemed to have no words to give her. I knew my brother well, and the truth was, his emotions were so great he had no way to get them out. After a few ragged breaths, all he managed was, “Well done, Red.”
Realizing the facade hadn’t flickered in a while, I narrowed my eyes and studied it. Something had changed. If I had to guess, I’d say the illusion was growing stronger.
Clearing my throat, I looked back at Merri, still tangled up in Chaos. “I’m sorry to break this up, but we need to go.”
She pulled back from him, her face paling as she looked beyond me and to the cabin.
I followed her gaze, instantly understanding her reaction as my focus landed on the man standing in the doorway.
Lucifer
“Merri?” I rasped as consciousness finally found me again.
I was weakened, most assuredly, but it had been fucking worth it to bond with my mate. I’d do it a hundred times over if she asked it of me. Did this make me a simp?
I stood, legs as weak as a newborn fawn. Reaching out, I pressed my palm against the wall to steady myself.
“Where did you run off to, crabapple?” I murmured, listening for any hint of her whereabouts as I staggered out of the bedroom. Snagging my dressing gown off the back of the bathroom door, I continued down the hall.
Bloody hell, I couldn’t wait for my full power to restore itself. This being mostly human thing was exceedingly tedious. It was all I could do to make it to the living room without needing to stop and rest.
My stomach dropped at the sight of the open front door, revealing not the picturesque lake property I’d conjured for us, but hell.
“Bollocks,” I huffed. “You let your mate drain your power one time, and you lose your grip on the alternate reality you’re holding her captive in.”
Luckily I knew she wouldn’t get far. Not in my domain.
There was nowhere she’d ever be able to hide from me here. Or anywhere, for that matter.
I gave our bond a little tug, feeling the tether connecting us vibrating with awareness as I moved to the open door.
What I saw when I got there hit me like a cricket bat to the face.
Those pesky horsemen were here. Of bloody course they were.
Well, they were in for a surprise when she chose me, weren’t they?
Her mate.
Like the proverbial moth to a flame, Merri’s gaze turned to me.
That’s right, my darling.
But it wasn’t happiness on her face. It was horror.
A discordant note rippled through the bond connecting us, and unease spread through my chest like acid, eating away at any certainty I’d had.
The familiar ring of steel had my eyes moving to War, his overcompensatingly large sword in his meaty hand.
“Protect our mate at all cost,” he snarled.
I froze as everything I knew to be true crumbled before my eyes.
The last time I’d felt this lost, I’d just been shunned from heaven. That was the second time today I’d been brought back to that moment in my life, and I did not care for it one bit.
“Leave him be. Take me away from this place,” she said, looking to Death as though he was the love of her life.
I beg your finest pardon, madam, that is moi.
Anger swiftly replaced every other emotion until all I knew was glittering black rage. Around me, the facade of the cabin fell completely, the earth rumbling beneath my feet.
The horsemen tensed, waiting to see what I was going to do.
But before I could give them the ending they so clearly deserved, Merri’s eyes found mine. “Please,” she whispered.
The word landed like a dagger to my heart.
She was choosing them.
She wanted to leave me.
The truth stared me in the face as she stood there, surrounded by the four of them, asking me for mercy. She was never going to love me like she loved them. I was the monster she ran from. They were the monsters she chose.
Everything I thought we shared was nothing more than a lie.
Except the mate bond.
That voice in my mind stabbed at the wound Merri had already dealt to my chest. The mate bond was very real, even if she wouldn’t admit it.
I had to let her go.
For now.
But I would get her back. The devil always got his due.
Without a word, I spun on my heel and stalked into the cave, using what power I still had to seal it with a stone before leaving Merri and her horsemen behind.