11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Axel
O h Christ.
I cleared my throat. “Not really.”
His hand, wrapped around my shoulder, tightened. “I would never call you out for lying—”
“But I’m lying.”
“Yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting. I just can’t figure out why.”
Because I wrote that song for you? About how you saved me? About how if I could just keep you in my life that everything would be okay?
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Axel, that’s one of the best songs any of my students have ever written. I’ll be honest…I love it.”
“Never tell anyone about it.” Please. Like fucking never, ever, ever.
“I…” Another one of his infuriating pauses. “I want to know why you don’t write more of the band’s songs. I mean, Ed’s fantastic, but I can tell you’re not the one coming up with them for the most part. Your style is more lyrical. More poetic.”
“Hey, we do poetic.” I scrambled for something to say in the face of something so deeply personal.
“Ed’s style is hard-hitting lyrics with a solid beat. But “Sunrise”…” He stroked his hand up and down my biceps. “Was that you?”
“Both of us.” There, I admitted it. But I wouldn’t tell him the song was about Kyesha. I’d never share that part of the pain layered into lyrics that had come from my heart. From my soul. “Please stop, Hugo. This isn’t helping.”
“Oh.” The words came out as surprised. “I just…wanted to talk to you about something, and this sort of…meanders into it.”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see. “Okay, so what is it you want to talk about? My lyrical lyrics? The music I rarely compose these days because Ed’s so freaking good at it? How I don’t mind the harder-hitting sound because that’s what sells?”
“Is that true?”
His question had me pausing. “Well, “Calling for Help” sold well. But the proceeds were all donated to a charity for kids needing help.”
“I’d read that. Incredibly generous.”
“A good tax write-off,” I countered.
“Axel.”
“Yes?”
“That flippant answer’s not what I’d expect from you. I think you can do better than that.”
I felt my cheeks heat. With my dark skin, others could rarely see me blush. As my chin rested against his shoulder, though, I worried at just how hot I was going to get. “Fine. Yes, we’re good people. Responsible citizens. Worried about our younger fans and making sure help is there if they reach out for it.”
“Was that so hard?”
“You have no idea.” I might’ve mumbled that under my breath.
“Did you say something?”
Oh God, in that authoritative voice that I love so much. I liked being bossed around—as Ed figured out years ago. Only I rarely listened. My ADHD craved calm, chaos, and anarchy all at the same time and in equal measure. Possibly why the diagnosis had been so challenging. “I didn’t say anything.” See? I could be reasonable.
“That came across as somewhat disrespectful.”
I pushed away from him a fraction. Looking toward his face didn’t help because we were shrouded in virtual darkness. “Are you reprimanding me?”
“Ouch. Uh, no.”
“Because that’s kind of sexy—”
“Seriously?” He spat out the question. “Because authoritative has never been my style.”
I laughed. “No, I remember you being quite egalitarian. Sometimes your students tried to walk all over you.”
“But they didn’t.”
“Uh, okay, if you say so.” I might’ve considered taking advantage of his kindness once or twice. But I never had. Because, deep down, I knew he had my best interests at heart. He earned my respect. And Ed’s—which was even harder to secure. But now? In this moment? Pushing boundaries was proving fun. “You think you might want to be bossy?”
“Axel.”
“What?” He wouldn’t be able to see my attempt at innocence…but he’d likely get the gist of it.
“Can we be serious?”
“Of course.” I attempted to put on my serious face. Knowing he couldn’t see me, though, I broke into a broad grin. I was in Hugo Threadgold’s arms. Only a dream of mine since I’d been a teenager. I’d known then it would’ve been wrong. But how could I have known it would turn out so right?
“I have a question.”
“I kind of figured that.” I chuckled. “I was trying to see how far I could get you off course before you gave up.”
“Did it ever occur to you this might be important? Or at least to me?”
That thought had me sobering. No, it hadn’t occurred to me. I thought we were playing games. Well, somewhat seriously. But if we got too intense, his chivalry—his need to do the right thing—might drive him to send me away forever. I’d only just found him. I wasn’t willing to give him up. “Okay…this is me being serious. What is it that you want to ask?”
He took a deep breath, his chest expanding under my hand, which lay on his sternum. “Those songs—”
“The ones you kept.”
“Yes.”
“Okay…” In no way could this be going to a good place. But I’d wait to see where he was going.
“I’m wondering if I can publish them? You obviously hold the copyright—”
“Okay, first. No. Hell no. Absolutely not. Second, I’m not certain I would hold the copyright. Doesn’t the school or something—”
“Even if they did, which I don’t believe they do, I wouldn’t consider publishing a student’s work without them receiving whatever compensation might be available.” He laid his hand over mine. “Hear me out.”
“Ugh.”
“Axel?”
“Yes.” I let out the word on an exasperated sigh. “I said I’d listen. I’m listening.”
“Okay.” He shifted a bit.
“You all right?”
“Yes.”
I decided not to argue. We were on a decent air mattress, but this was still camping pretty rough. I never camped. Not even glamping. We either took the tour bus or we didn’t leave the city.
“My students would love those songs, Axel. They’re softer than what you’re known for, but they’re no less powerful. And…I might even have a couple of students in mind to record them. The proceeds could be split with you. Or go to the school or another charity or whatever you want.” He word vomited out everything in a torrent. Like if he said it all super quick, I might not blow a gasket.
Calm down. Just because you think it’s the most stupid fucking idea ever, doesn’t mean you don’t owe him respect when you shut this down. “The answer’s no , Hugo. I told you to burn them. I’d really appreciate if you did.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that.”
“Oh.”
Just how much disappointment can you put into that one word? He probably wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty…but he was. How do I get tonight back on track?
The answer that presented itself was so simple and yet so complex at the same time.
Slowly, I eased my hand from his sternum to his abs and lower still. I liked that he wasn’t ripped. That was Ed. And guys who felt looks were important. Hugo put his students first—that appealed far more. Even as I had the flitting thought, I continued my trajectory.
“Axel.”
Which I read as part admonishment and part plea.
Down his happy trail I went, through his pubes, and to his soft cock.
The cock that leapt to life in my hand.
I chuckled. “Refractory period has passed.”
“Oh, yeah.” He thrust his shaft against my hand.
Encircling him was easy. Reveling as he grew in my hand was easy. Fighting my growing feelings from him wasn’t so easy. “Can I blow you again?”
“I suppose.” The grin in his voice rang through the small tent. “But I’d rather blow you.”
I’d been the recipient of plenty of blow jobs in my time. Anticipation had never been so great as it was in that moment in a little tent in Black Rock at Rocktoberfest 2023. I wasn’t Axel the rockstar. I wasn’t Axel the band member. I was Axel the man. The man who very badly wanted to be blown by the person resting against me. I gave his cock an experimental tug. “I suppose.”
He chuckled.
“But then I get to wank you off or something like that.”
“Deal.” He shuffled a bit. “You lie on your back.
“Okay…but I don’t want to get cold.” I might’ve whined that.
Slowly, he kissed his way down my body. He stopped only to whisper, “I’ll keep you warm. I’ll always keep you warm.” Then he took my cock in his mouth. My mind, which had stuttered on the always fell into chaos as he sucked me deep, swirling his tongue around my shaft. “Oh man, that feels so good.” I might’ve hissed the so .
“Mmm.” He hummed around me as he continued to suck.
Electricity shot through my veins as I struggled to calm my racing thoughts. I’d thought blowing him was the best thing ever. That it’d drawn us closer together. Increased our intimacy. And that was true. So was the fact I was ready to come after just a few minutes of his intense ministrations.
When he cupped my balls, and slowly worked them in his dexterous fingers, my mind blanked out with white-hot pleasure.
“I’m coming.”
“Hmm.” He sucked harder, even using a bit of teeth.
I came. Hard. Fast. Spectacularly. Like I’d never come before. Which made no sense because a blow job was a blow job.
Right?
Except being blown by a guy who obviously knew what he was doing. Had experience. Knew what would make his partner feel good.
My harsh breathing filled the silence
Eventually, when he’d sucked every last ounce of cum out of me, Hugo pulled off with a little pop .
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed.
“Don’t know if it’s a good thing that I’m being laughed at. First blow job I’ve given in a very long time. I’d like to think I’m still good at it.”
I continued to laugh. “It was awesome. What about you?”
“What about me?”
Gently, I nudged my knee to rub up against his very interested cock.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. So what’re you going to do? Can I give you a hand job or…Oh.”
“Oh what? I feel like we should pay a fine for every time we abuse that vowel.”
It took me a good fifteen seconds to figure out what the fuck he was talking about. “Okay, that’s cute. I meant…” I swallowed hard. “I’ve always wanted a guy to come on me. I mean, it would be better to see it but—”
The sound of flesh slapping flesh had my mind fixating on an image of him working his cock into a fury.
He moaned.
Moments later, hot cum hit my belly. My chest. Even a bit on my face.
Couldn’t blame the guy—he didn’t have a light.
This time, his harsh breaths filled the tent.
I laughed. “We definitely are going to need more tissues.”
Slowly, he crawled up my body. Then he proceeded to lick as much cum as he could locate which led to some more epic kisses and more caresses, touches, and general getting into mischief.
Time spun out and had little meaning. Eventually he did clean us up—as best he could—and we crawled under the covers together. Even though I was the taller of the two of us, he spooned me.
I fell asleep with my mind alternating between reveling in the best night of my life and dreading what would come tomorrow.
My alarm woke me at the butt crack of dawn, but I discovered I was alone. I was expecting multiple texts from Ed, and maybe the others, but I found my phone blissfully clear of clutter. Well, except the notifications of all the positive reviews of our performance. Much to my irritation, Pauletta handled our social media. I was allowed to send her stuff I wanted to post, but she vetted and vetoed everything before sending it out. Probably for the best, given my lack of judgement and impulse control sometimes, but also fucking irritating. I wanted to be as close to my fans as possible.
She wanted to ensure proper space existed.
Fuck, where’s Hugo?
I gotta piss.
Huh. At least I’d had those thoughts in the correct order. In the semi-darkness, I managed to locate my jeans, T-shirt, and shoes. Had I worn socks yesterday? I couldn’t remember. Doesn’t fucking matter. Focus. I snagged my phone, gave myself a quick pass to ensure I hadn’t forgotten anything, then I headed out of the tent. I carefully secured it, then tried to orient myself as to where the johns were. Once I arrived, I was thrilled to find no line. I pissed, washed my hands, then stood for a moment.
Where the hell is Hugo? I guess I’d sort of figured I’d run into him at the johns. Was I supposed to go back to the tent and wait for him? Sneak back to my bus? Was this his way of kissing me off without actually having to do the dirty work?
Even as that thought invaded, I caught his voice coming from off to the side. I crept closer, super-curious who he was talking to at this unearthly hour of the morning.
“Fuck off, Merkerson.”
Okay, shock enough Hugo was speaking to someone at this insane hour. But swearing? Telling someone off? Color me super surprised. My mind raced at the name. Hugo’s ex was Gavin. Merkerson…. Merkerson… Mentally, I snapped my finger. He was the guy who’d recently been named principal of our old high school. Big fanfare because the guy used to head up some fancy prep school. Like, he should be lauded for taking a demotion to come work at an inner-city school. A school that was, admittedly, not doing great. But that, at least to me on the outside, seemed like a funding issue. Not a management issue. Ms. Kenall had been an amazing woman—principal there for my entire time as well as before and after. The school had a big celebration on her retirement. Ed and I would’ve gone, but we’d had a gig that night and that, as always, meant more.
“I said, fuck off.” A big sigh.
Why was the principal talking to Hugo on a Saturday morning? Before dawn no less? Vancouver was the same time as us. If I could barely see the sliver of sun, it certainly wasn’t cresting the sky back home either.
“I know you told me to track him down and get on my knees and blow him until he agrees, but I'm telling you now, Axel Townsend isn't going to do what you want. You need to find some other way to talk to him.” He let out another exasperated sigh. “I’m telling you—it’s not happening.”
Finally, I understood what the expression rooted to the spot meant. I couldn’t move. By all rights, I should’ve been able to. Just turn and head back to the bus. Climb into my bunk and pretend the last eight hours hadn’t happened. Wake up with everyone else. Have coffee and breakfast and pretend like last night had been the best of my life.
Only they’d think I mean the show and I’d think of the stolen few hours in Hugo’s tent. But all that was gone. The happiness. The warmth. Even the streaks of magenta and purple across the stunning sunrise—making the clouds turn a pink-silver—couldn’t warm my insides. Didn’t help I was only wearing a T-shirt, and we were nearing the end of October. Even in the desert, the nights could be frigid.
Still, I waited for his next words.
“Look, I know you suggested I get on my knees—”
Involuntarily, a gasp escaped me. I hadn’t meant to. I’d just planned… To what? Run away? Pretend like none of this had ever happened? Block out the most amazing night of my life?
Hugo spun. “I have to go.” He stabbed at his phone. Slowly, he advanced toward me. “I don’t know what you think you heard—”
“What I think I heard?” I whispered that because not only were there tents nearby, but a couple of people milled about. Whether early risers to catch the now-stunning sunrise or stragglers who hadn’t gone to bed yet, I wasn’t certain. I slashed my hand through the air. “Well, you certainly performed well for your teaching position. Just imagine if you’d done it earlier?” I slashed my hand, trying to erase what I’d seen. What I’d heard. “I’ve heard enough. I’m outta here.” I spun and headed back in the direction of the buses. Fortunately, I’d oriented myself on the way to the johns. I was able to stride back to safety quickly.
Hugo’s heavy footsteps followed me. “Axel.”
He might’ve hissed that. At least he has the sense not to yell. Right. Because causing a scene would be the worst part of this entire situation. I snorted. “Fuck off, Hugo.” I made a beeline for the perimeter of the band buses.
“Axel.” He seized me by the arm and spun me around. For an older—and shorter guy—he sure had strength. “We need to talk—”
I shook him off. “Yeah, like that’s going to fix anything.” I glared down at him. “I don’t need to hear anymore.”
“You don’t understand—”
“Yeah, I always was the dumbest one in the class. So slow to figure everything out.” I knew that wasn’t true…but it’d felt true enough in school. Especially because I hadn’t realized that not only was Mr. Threadgold gay, but that he’d been married.
To Douchebag.
“Is this man bothering you?” A security guard stepped out from between two buses. I’d waved to him when we’d arrived. Because that was the kind of guy I was. “Uh—”
The guy grabbed his radio.
Hugo backed away and held up his hands. “I’ll go. No trouble here, okay. I’ll go.” He met my gaze. “One day, you’ll let me explain. You’ll listen.”
“That sounds distinctly like a threat.”
“No…just a promise.” He blinked a couple of times. Then he turned and strode away, his red hair shining in the brilliant-pink light of the most-stunning sunrise I’d ever seen.
Even better than the song I’d written by the same name.