12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Hugo
I knew I wasn’t supposed to call myself stupid. That if my students did that, I’d gently explain that putting oneself—or one’s classmate—down like that was bad for morale and for self-worth. Instead, one should strive to find the positive things and believe in oneself.
What a crock of shit .
I replayed the conversation with Principal Merkerson in my mind. The asshole. See? Sometimes saying something mean was completely legitimate. Like when Axel said Gavin was a douchebag.
“Have you talked to him yet?”
“No.”
“I gave you the time off work, knowing you wanted to go to Rocktoberfest, so that you could talk to him.”
“I didn’t even know if he would recognize me.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look, it’s barely six-thirty. It’s still dark here. This couldn’t have waited?”
“Just do it! Just talk to him. You can be very persuasive.”
Probably referring to the time I pled my case for more musical instruments. I shouldn’t have had to beg. But I had. For my students. Now he thought I’d beg for Axel’s help. “Look, this is a no. Even if I could ask him, which I can’t, he’s going to say no. He has…other obligations.”
“Go find him and convince him. You can be very convincing…”
Oh, fuck off. Well, apparently I had nothing to lose. “Look, I know you want me to get on my knees—”
A gasp drew my attention away from Merkerson. “I have to go.” I stabbed at my phone. After putting it into my back pocket, I held up my hands and slowly made my way toward Axel. “I don’t know what you think you heard—”
“What I think I heard?” He whispered the words, hurt writ large across his face. “Well, you certainly performed well for your teaching position. Just imagine if you had done it earlier?” He slashed his hand through the air. “I’ve heard enough. I’m outta here.” He spun and stomped away.
Of course, I chased after him.
As I headed back to my tent, I replayed the entire situation over and over again. Surely I could’ve done things differently. Like maybe not taking my boss’s call?
Yeah.
That.
By the time I got back to my tent, I was done in. Ready to crawl back into bed and sleep for a month. Except… I groaned inwardly at the thought of all the tissues spread about the space. We’d…certainly made a mess. My sleeping bag and blankets were also likely covered in dried spunk. I considered being clean important, but I wasn’t the fastidious neat-freak Gavin had been. Huh. Probably still was.
I’d slept in cum-covered sheets before. Gross, sure. But that’s what showers and laundry machines were for—to clean up the mess afterward. Which made me realize I was probably still covered in dried jizz. I grabbed my toiletry kit and a towel and headed to the showers.
A brief and bracing shower later, and I was ready to face my tent.
Or so I told myself.
Until I found Renee and Cope sitting outside the tent, munching away on bagels with peanut butter—my favorite.
And almost enough to send my stomach into revolt.
Renee eyed me. “You look a little green. Too much partying last night?”
“Uh…”
She grinned. “I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.”
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit . For reasons I couldn’t fathom, that hadn’t occurred to me.
“We’re not going to ask you who your companion was.” Cope eyed his bagel. “Oh, Renee woke me up so we could listen, briefly, to the fun you were having.”
“That might’ve made me frisky.” Renee grinned. “But I wanted my beauty sleep.”
I winced. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“We’re just thinking how awesome it is that you hooked up. Hell, did you bring condoms?”
“Uh…” Crap. Think faster for fuck’s sake. “We didn’t do anything that would’ve needed a condom.” Not that I wouldn’t have loved to make love to Axel—to go all the way. But we needed to work up to that. Slow and steady. Right. He’s not even fucking talking to you and you’re thinking that one day you might…have sex? Jesus, that’s bordering on delusional. Another word I would never accept my kids using—even in jest.
“Oh ho.” Renee giggled. “Well, TMI. Except I’m just so happy—”
“I want to go home.” I winced inwardly, but maintained a stone fa?ade. “Can you drive me to the airport in Reno? I can catch a flight back to Vancouver—”
“We’ll all go together.” Cope glanced at Renee. “We were really here to see Grindstone, and we did. Leaving a day early is no big—”
“I don’t want to ruin—”
“What’s going on, Hugo? Renee dropped her bagel onto her plate and looked like she was about to stand and, knowing Renee, get into my personal space.
“Never mind.”
She handed her plate to Cope and somehow managed to get out of the low-to-the-ground chair gracefully. “Spill.”
“I…” Words just wouldn’t come. I couldn’t share—even with my best friend and her awesome husband—how the best night of my life led to the worst morning ever.
And I’d seen the sunrise over the desert. Which had almost made it worse that I’d remembered Axel’s song.
As I share this thought with you
The sun rises, and damn, what a beautiful view
Renee snagged my beard, trimmed though it was, and yanked my face—and therefore my attention—to her. “Hooking up with some rando isn’t like you. Mooning over said rando afterward isn’t you either.”
That knocked me out of my funk. “How many rando hookups do you think I’ve had in the last ten years and, more importantly, how would you know if I did or did not moon over said mythical creatures?”
Cope snorted. “He’s got you there, sweetheart.”
“He tells me everything.” She met my gaze.
I held it for a moment before looking away.
She let go of my cheeks and took a step back. “Well then.”
“It’s not…” I met her gaze again. “You don’t tell me everything either. We still have some secrets—”
“I’m seven weeks’ pregnant.”
Cope sucked in a breath.
“What? How?” I wrinkled my nose. “Both dumb questions.”
She offered a small smile. “Yeah, maybe. We weren’t trying. I swear. We were focused on getting the money together for IVF. And then I peed on a stick.”
Cope pushed out of his chair—far less gracefully than Renee—and snagged her around the waist and pulled her into a hug. He met my gaze. “We haven’t told anyone. Not our parents or siblings. No one.” He enunciated that clearly.
“I…” Again, I couldn’t find the words. “Should you have told me?”
Renee kissed Cope’s cheek before meeting my gaze. “If I’m going to lose this baby as well, it won’t be because I did or did not tell you about the pregnancy. My doctor said everything looks good…but she said that the last two times as well. This is a wait-and-see pregnancy. IVF is off for now, obviously, but that might change if I lose—” Her breath hitched. “Or I might not have the strength to try again.”
With all my heart, I wanted to tell her that of course this would be the pregnancy that would take. Of course this baby would be fine. Or course the fates would give her what she so desperately wanted.
But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give her hope when she had every reason to be pessimistic. Plus, she had a psychologist husband. Doctor heal thyself might be the mantra, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t support his wife. Except he’d been just as gutted at both miscarriages.
Still, I put on my biggest smile and gently pulled her from Cope’s grasp into my arms. “I love you.”
“I know. And maybe someday you’ll tell me what really happened.”
That was a one-hundred percent hell fucking no , but she didn’t need to know that.
After a long moment, she pulled away. “You know, I’m feeling really tired. If we get on the road within an hour, then we can be to Eugene by nightfall. We could do sightseeing in Portland tomorrow and Monday, and Seattle the next two days after that. We’re not due back to school until Thursday.”
Wednesday night, Grindstone was playing in Portland. Somehow I’d hoped we could catch the concert and drive all night to get back to Vancouver for school on Thursday. Like we were twenty-year-olds and not hitting our forties full force.
“Portland and Seattle sound amazing.” Cope grabbed the plates and started to clear up.
“But Corvus Rising, Queen Anne’s Revenge, Maiden Voyage, and Midnight Hunt are playing—we came here to party.”
Renee placed a hand on my arm. “I had no idea I’d be pregnant when we booked this trip. I’m not going to pull the sleeping on a bedroll is bad for my back —”
“But it kind of is.”
“Well, it’s not helping my disposition. Anyway, I’m sure we can find a decent motel with two cheap rooms just outside Eugene.”
I snagged my phone. “I think we can do better than that. My treat.”
Both my friends appeared poised to argue, so I pivoted and headed away, going quite a clip. As soon as I knew I was safely out of grabbing range, I found a nice hotel in Eugene with a number of high ratings and good reviews. I booked two rooms. Even chose them next to each other. And prayed Renee’s snoring wouldn’t keep me awake through the wall.
Oh well…I brought earplugs.